Oh boy! I’ve been waiting for this post and it’s finally here! YAY!!!

In honor of The Nest’s recent tenth anniversary, I’ve been posting a series looking back at the very best search terms that have ever led someone to my blog in the past decade.  I did this every year and called it the Sandy Awards, but now that there’s little to nothing to work with anymore, this All Time Sandy Awards presentation is helping to put a nice, but really fucked up bow on one of my most beloved features.

This Tuesday’s installment is the fifth in the series, and this time the subject is one that The Nest really is an expert on…… SQUIRRELS!  The sciurine species is a fascinating one, and I’ve shared many interesting and fun things about them over the years…. but apparently the overly curious/weird/fucking nuts people out there want to know more, thus, all of today’s interesting Sandy entries…

As always, all of the bolded terms below were really entered into a search engine by somebody, and were directed to The Nest!

Did you ever want to know more about squirrels, but were afraid to ask?  Don’t worry, these people did the hard part for you…

are squirrels ok with being wet – Get out the garden hose and see for yourself, if you dare…

I’m NOT OK, and you’re DEAD when I get down there!!!

are black squirrels evil? – One day, we will live in a world where a squirrel will not be judged by the color of its fur…

overreacting squirrel – Is there any other kind?

I’m not overreacting! I said I’M NOT OVERREACTING!!!!

how to get a squirrel out of an icebox – You could just open the door.  And don’t forget to ask him if the light goes out when you close it or not…

squirrel screaming on my roof – Tell him to quiet down, the neighbors are trying to sleep…

do squirrels work at night? – They gotta earn their nuts somehow…

I need fifty dollas to make you holla!

squirrel nest out of old tires – You capture a picture of a squirrel hauling a tire up a tree, and I’ll pay to use it on my blog!

squirrel how to save its life – If all else fails, try mouth to mouth resuscitation…

Help me, Pamela Anderson! I’m drowning here!

squirrel’s nest temperature – Check the thermostat, duh!

squirrel walks into a bar
two squirrels walk into a bar – What is this, some kind of joke?

Hey bartender! We need a refill on the beer nuts!

why do squirrels squeak – Sounds like your squirrels need to be oiled…

One more squeak out of you, and you’re being broken down for hubcaps!

are squirrels susceptible to freezing rain? – You try standing out in freezing rain and see how susceptible you are to it!

how old is my squirrel – Squirrels are notorious fibbers, so be sure to ask for some ID…

No booze for you, ES…

most dangerous squirrel – Always the one you’re not looking out for…

He’s coming straight for your nuts!

big squirrels don’t cry – Only when they have to listen to crappy Frankie Valli songs…

are squirrels active near sundown? – Well, let’s test this out!

Nope, they all fell asleep…

what squirrels don’t like – People who ask so many stupid questions about them.

will mentos kill squirrels – A little fresh breath never hurt anyone…

how to draw redd squirrel at birth – This is tricky since Redd Squirrel was born with his scraggly gray beard…

Oh, this is the Big One! You heard that Elizabeth? I’m coming to join ya honey!

how to get rid of squirrels eating cushions – Ummm… get rid of the cushions?  Remove the food source, and you remove the pest!

squirrel is making a nest in ac and my ac is not working what to do – Call the repairman?  Sheesh, what’s with all these dumb homeowners?

do squirrels hang out together? – Of course they do!

BFF’s!

october squirrel awareness month is really dumb – That’s fine, squirrels don’t think much of August Human Appreciation Month either…

a squirrel pooped on my car – Rub his nose in it!  That’ll teach him a lesson…

Or sell him to the Chinese buffet.

squirrel nest is leaking brown stuff all over my deck – I know some plumbers who can take care of that problem for $12,000…

is it safe to give a squirrel pepto bismol – Well, if you want that brown stuff to stop leaking on your deck…

how to see if a squirrel is dead or alive – Well, you could ask him…

Or you could seek out an expert opinion…

evil squirrels are after my nuts –

Yes, of course they are! A few shock therapy treatments will get rid of your paranoid thoughts…

what time do squirrels go in for the night? – As soon as they hear their mothers calling that dreaded middle name…

capybara squirrel – Imagine a squirrel the size of a St. Bernard…

Awwww, isn’t it cute?

how a squirrel acts after drinking soda – Let’s find out…

Stand back…. like, maybe in the next county.

will energy drinks kill a squirrel – No, but it might destroy most of the surrounding area…

a squirrel is flip flopping in my yard, what’s going on – You were warned…

Red Bull gave me wings!!!

blood pressure of a squirrel – Entirely too high…

squirrel is good luck for home – Sure, invite one inside and see just how lucky you’ve become…

squirrels are lucky or not – They’re pretty adept at drawing a nut flush…

Read ’em and weep, Mangeface!

why squirrels getting bald – Because even squirrels show the signs of aging…

image of squirrel throwing a nut –

And it’s coming right for your face!

squirrel nuts big green – Not unless that squirrel has a serious problem…

why do squirrels hang dead squirrel tails on branch? – Errr, you must on the turf of a squirrel gang.

are squirrels awake at night – Yes, because YOUR DOG won’t stop barking!

why do squirrels tails stay fluffy even when wet –

Does my tail look fucking fluffy to you, moron?

dec where are the golden tailed squirrels coming from – From their golden tail mothers?

if a squirrells teats are black is she nursing – Only if she gave birth to a litter of Hoovers…

what does a mother squirrell nipple look like? –

Squirrel MILF is only too happy to show off her assets.

Wow, those sure were some really squirrely squirrel related search terms!  But none of them even won this category!  To find out which search term did, as well as all of the other big winners, you’ll have to wait for the March 22nd post to find out.  Until then, join me next Tuesday for yet another category full of what people just like you and me have searched for in the last ten years!