Just Say No

EVIL SQUIRREL: Do you want something Shadow, or are you volunteering to be included in my next donation to Goodwill?

SHADOW: Nothing of the sort.  As always, I am here on important business!

SCRATCHY: Dude, don’t you know you’re supposed to keep your pets on a leash?

SHADOW: This is not my pet.  This is the subject of this year’s official Contest of Whatever, and we are here to promote…

SCRATCHY: Why not let the pink thing promote its own contest?

SHADOW: Right now, I have barred this critter from speaking so that it remains a blank slate for potential contestants… (turns towards the fourth wall) that’s all of you out there reading this… to use their own imaginations to give it it’s defining characteristics!  Incidentally, lowly squirrel, I’m in need of another prop advertising sign because….. well…

SHADOW: Sigh, here we go again.

ES: HEY!  Why is that thing eating my prized Now That’s What I Call Disco album!?!?

SCRATCHY: (Petting the critter) Good boy!  If you’re still hungry, I can fetch Evil’s hair metal collection….

ES: That record was irreplaceable!  Shadow, this is coming out of your paycheck AND your ass!

SHADOW: I’m sure I could duct tape your vinyl disc back together once it reaches the other end…

ES: Sponkies!  Get this week’s countdown entry going before I have a complete nervous breakdown!

SPONKIE 2: And for the penultimate critter…

SPONKIE 1: Where did you learn a word like pentult… pennalt… whatever that was?

SPONKIE 2: You should try paying attention in school, bro!  Number two is Fuzzywig!!!

CHIP: That’s you, Fuzzy!  You must have really impressed the judges to get the number two song, while I somehow only got #22.  Fuzzy?


FUZZYWIG: Huh?  Oh, is it 4:20 already?  Just one hit for me, thanks!

CHIP: Your song’s up!  Walk up to the podium!

FUZZYWIG: Ummmm….. which podium?  I see four of them…..

Chip gives Fuzzywig a huge shove in the right direction…

ES: It took you long enough to make it up here!

FUZZYWIG: Well, I was hoping to play this from my couch.

SCRATCHY: So out of all the drug songs out there, which one did your wasted ass pick?

FUZZYWIG: Drug songs?  Oh no, I wouldn’t listen to any songs with explicit drug references!

ES: Bullshit!  You’re constantly stoned out of your gourd!

FUZZYWIG: No way, man!  I’ve turned over a new leaf!


ES: This is ridiculous!

FUZZYWIG: Say, do either of you have a light so I can smoke this new leaf?

SCRATCHY: (Pulls Fuzzy’s selection from the envelope) May as well have that pink critter eat this one too…

John Lennon.  Paul McCartney.  George Harrison…..

Ringo Starr.

I got by with a little help from my friends!

The Beatles are rightly revered as one of the greatest and most influential rock bands of all time.  And while Paul, John and George are considered to be legends in their own right, Ringo always seemed to be the guy who was just along for the ride.  Not that he wasn’t a very talented drummer, he just didn’t seem to have the all around musical genius that his other bandmates had.  And when the group split up in 1970, he had the least successful solo career of the quartet….

Well, at least he was better than Yoko.

While the others all had their weird moments during their post-Beatle careers, Ringo embraced the weirdness and made it one of the defining qualities of his solo music.  And there may not be a better example than his 1975 take on this Hoyt Axton song about kicking the habit…

“No-No Song” was a #3 hit in the US and is the most fun you can possibly have without the benefit of using intoxicating drugs…

Awww, come on! Just a sniff?

So which Shelf critter’s requested song did I like the best?  Come back next Monday to find out!  Unless you wake up on the floor…


About evilsquirrel13

Bored former 30-something who has nothing better to do with his life than draw cartoon squirrels.
This entry was posted in SCT Request Countdown and tagged , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

13 Responses to Just Say No

  1. it’s the perfect song for that…..absolutely…. ;O)

  2. That really was a hilarious song….I wonder if he was saying yes yes yes yes when he wrote this one???


  3. ghostmmnc says:

    haha that is a funny song! 🙂

  4. Juliette says:

    Oh my goodness, it has been years since I’ve heard this one. So much fun. Good choice Fuzzy!

  5. That was a No. 3 song?? Yikes. Sounds as if Ringo spent too much time alone in the Yellow Submarine.

  6. draliman says:

    Quite a quirky song, fun lyrics! To be fair you don’t usually expect the drummer to have any sort of solo career…

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