All Time Sandy Awards – The Zodiac!

The Stoner Astrologers probably think these search terms make sense.

Evil Squirrel’s Nest’s big tenth birthday bash rolls on each and every Tuesday with our look back at that virtual evidence book of human curiosity, The Sandy Awards!  We couldn’t run an awards show for 2021, but that’s OK, because this series is showcasing the best of the worst of all search terms in this blog’s history!  Is someone searched for something stupid between 2012 and 2021 and it got recorded, you’ll find it here!

The search term silliness is being divided into our classic Sandys categories, and for Part VI of The All Time Sandy Awards, we’re going to get all mystical and look at our favorite zodiac related searches!  The Nest led off 2015 with its own fucked up take on our Western zodiac, and for years after, we found out that many people take this shit way more seriously than they should.  The proof isn’t in the tea leaves, you’ll find it below…

I’ve said it once, I’ve said it a thousand times… all of the bolded terms below were really entered into a search engine sometime in the last decade, with those people ending up at The Nest!

These people let the stars and Google be their guide… but that next signpost up ahead only led them to The Nest and future Sandys ridicule…

evil scorpio bookmark – Who knew there were Scorpio bookmarks, let alone that some of those Scorpio bookmarks lacked morals?

librans are fat? – Yeah, I heard they’re replacing Libra’s symbol with a truck scale.

libras are some lazy ass people – Which would explain why they’re so fat…

Libra at work.

scorpio is bored with me – Scorpio would find Charlie Sheen to be boring.  Find yourself a new partner…

taurus season coming just wait on it

Do I look like a bull, Doc?

why scorpio is a fucking sign – Because even people born in November like to read their horoscope…

why is capricorn fucked up – Just look at their symbol!  What the fuck is that thing supposed to be anyway?

Capricorn could have had a V8.

scorpio men adore sex fantasies – I think you could replace that first word with just about any other word in the dictionary and it would still be true.

taurus said my way or highway

I fought the bull and the bull won…

outdoor sex and sagittarius – Why not?  That’s how the ancient centaurs did it…

sagittarius and squirrels

Speaking of outdoor sex…

virgos being cute

Awww, a box full of Virgos!

libra boss ass kissing – A Libra always makes sure to kiss both cheeks equally.

how to sexually please a scorpio man – You could always try a BJ…

12 out of 12 signs agree.

capricorns are cute – Awwww, now I wanna find a Capric…

a capricorn will fuck you up – AAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!

And Gemini thought it had the market cornered on bipolar.

why taurus cuts messages – So what?  At least they’re not cutting the cheese…

honey badger aries – Honey badger don’t care what his horoscope says…

I don’t know what my birthday is and I don’t fucking care!!!

scorpio male stoner

4/20 isn’t just for Taurus anymore.

geminis that squirrel things away – The only thing more scary than a hoarder is twin hoarders!

sagittarius next sex encounter
next sex encounter for sagittarians – Keep typing it in however you want, the only result that’s going to come up is this…

Hi, my name’s Rosie Palm! And these are my five sisters!

libra lady too busy will she ever contact me again – No.  You can hook up with Rosie once Sag is done with him… uh, her.

aquarius man freaked out

You must have missed with his water.

merciless scorpio boyfriend – Ah, another success story!

libras lower back – What do you think?

Real classy, Libra…

why are capricorns so fucked in 2015 – The same reason they’re fucked every year… nobody wants to buy you Christmas AND birthday presents at the same time!

sagittarius woman born november 24 – Will Katherine Heigl do?

Yes, I think she will.

libra fucking in 2018 – I really hope this has nothing to do with their boss ass kissing…

are squirrels associated to gemini? – Sure!  Squirrels are like Yin and Yang…

I dunno, looks more like Cancer’s symbol to me.

why scorpio man is so nasty with me we are not dating – I think you just answered your own question there, Toots…

libra women are evil – Only because you’re so nasty to them, Scorpio Man…

pisces kraken?

You know it! I’d sure like to meet a fine Aquarius mermaid to help release this Kraken!

taurus men assholes -Probably just as nasty as the assholes of men born under any other sign.

aries full of shit – Nothing a good laxative can’t take care of…

why do people think aries is evil? – Because people already think that red squirrels are evil, The Fray is evil, and the Rice a Roni commercial is evil.  So why not Aries as well?

pisces stinky feet and body – Pisces may be a water sign, but a little soap wouldn’t hurt as well…

Doesn’t taste stinky to me!

sagittarius in a zombie apocalypse – Given their love of adventure and excellent bow and arrow skills, my money would be on the Sag.

what does a 50 year old scorpio man look for in a woman? – Firm breasts, giant ta-tas, large melons, huge jugs and bouncy udders.

Did I mention big boobs?

Well, that was a heck of a lot more fun than reading the horoscope page!  And amazingly, none of those search terms was declared the winner of this category!  To find out all of the winning terms of the All Time Sandys, you’ll have to wait until Aries rolls around (March 22nd) to read the grand finale!  Until then, join me next Tuesday for yet another fucked up journey through search terms past!


About evilsquirrel13

Bored former 30-something who has nothing better to do with his life than draw cartoon squirrels.
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10 Responses to All Time Sandy Awards – The Zodiac!

  1. we agree about the capricorns… we had this for years in our family with the gifts…. I think it was better for my cousin to have her birthday february 29th… there are some years between the nuclear meltdowns….

    • I have a sister who shares my birthday, so it’s a good thing I didn’t expect to get everything for my birthday. I’d have loved to have been born on February 29. You can legally say you are only one fourth of your age….

  2. Willow Croft says:

    Ha, I love the “box of Virgos” (Possums are so cool!)…

  3. Kismet says:

    What do Scorpio men look for in a woman? Horniness.

  4. Yes, the box of Virgos are extremely cute. 🙂

  5. draliman says:

    I like how people are searching for why somebody from some particular zodiac sign has been nasty to them, when it’s far more likely that it’s because they’re an asshole rather than a Taurus…

  6. Ahhh…more proof that the human mind is a veritable trash can of creativity – what happened to all these burning questions BEFORE there were computers? Scary isn’t it.


  7. Yikes…there are some truly weird people on the ‘Net.

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