SHADOW: Greetings all of you lowl… I mean, wonderful people out there in Blogland! It is I, Shadow the Umbreon, the most vastly intelligent being in this universe and the Official Spokescritter for the Contest of Whatever, reminding you once again to participate in this glorious think tank of imagination before it expires on March 3rd! That’s a mere two weeks away which gives you only….. um……. (starts counting on his fingers and toes) oh yes, just 14 days to submit an entry! The Contest of Whatever post can he found using this handy link, and all you need to do is give my handsome pink companion here a real personality! You know, unlike most of the dull and insipid critters I’m forced to tolerate on this Shelf. To demonstrate how easy this contest is to play, I’ll stop a random critter on the street and ask them to play along!
SHADOW: Pardon me, random critter, but could you spare a small portion of your valuable time for me today?
BUSTER: Certainly! I voted for Uncle Sam because he promised to make this Shelf great ag….
SHADOW: No, random critter, this isn’t a political poll. I just need you to show the audience watching this completely not paid advertisement at home how easy it is to play this year’s Contest of Whatever!
BUSTER: Oh, that sounds like fun! What do I need to do?
SHADOW: I just need you to inspect this critter here at my side and tell me what you think its personality would be!
BUSTER: Hmmmm, that’s quite a specimen you have there! Let me just take a closer look at them…
SHADOW: Yes female and male critters out there, it really is this easy! Who is this critter? What is its name? Where did it come from? What does it do? How does it act? What does it think about the theory of relativity? All you have to do is free your creativity to bring this critter to life before our very eyes!
SHADOW: And I am confident you can do it! If even an incredible imbecile like Evil Squirrel can somehow milk intricate and eccentric personalities from inanimate objects that should have been disposed of a long time ago, then you most certainly can do it as well! Notice how my vastly intelligent and strikingly superior personality was fleshed out just from my handsomely good looks and charming smile! It didn’t take a rocket scientist to tell that I was a rocket scientist! You can do the same favor for the virgin personality of this here pink critter, and win fabulous and valuable prizes just for the effort! How can you possibly say no to this proposition? So, random critter…. what do you see in this critter’s personality?
SHADOW: Random critter? Where did he go? Sigh, I told that idiot squirrel that we should have compensated these mandatory volunteers for their time. Oh well, hopefully another random critter will come along soon….. but until then, remember good people in the audience! Play the Ninth Annual Contest of Whatever! Because a mindless critter is a terrible thing to waste!
TROLL: Dammit!!! This is the third time today already! You guys really need to be more careful when you’re drinking Kool Aid!