Critter Winners!

I can’t wait to find out who won!

The Ninth Annual Contest of Whatever is over, and after the usual verbal diarrhea from our highly unqualified judges, it’s time for the management of The Nest to actually pick the two lucky winners!

Sadly, participation was at a low point as a few regular players didn’t play this year, several other regulars have gone missing entirely, and most of the newer folks to my blog continue to avoid the CoW like the plague.  But there was still greatness in the seven entries my wonderful readers did take the time to create for the contest!  Even after all this time, I continue to be amazed at all of the different and unique directions and interpretations you all can come up with on my simple prompts!

My decision on the overall winner is never an easy one because of all of the really clever things everyone who plays brings to the table.  I’ve always broken ties and given the benefit of the doubt to those who had never won before… which is part of the reason the CoW has had eight different overall winners in its eight years of existence.  That streak was always destined to come to an end at some point, and so it shall come to pass in 2022 because one of you provided an entry I just couldn’t refuse!

The overall winner of the 2022 Contest of Whatever is……………..

drum roll

Drum roll please, Hottie!


Let’s celebrate with Moofoo sandwiches!

There are always entries that so bowl me over with their genius and creativity that I’m sure they’ll end up being the winner (only for me to end up liking a later entry better)…. but never before in nine years did I think in my mind after reading a submission “OK, the contest is officially OVER!” until Mandy’s most excellent Moofoo post was published!  Words can’t describe how much I loved this absolutely zany idea and the perfectly executed advertisement it was presented as!  Congratulations, Mandy, for what is one of my favorite submissions in the CoW’s legendary history!  The Shelf Critter Theatre team would hire you as a writer if we, you know, had a budget….

Time to get out those Ginsus!

Now before you all get on my case for playing favorites, there’s still another prize to be won… and everyone remaining has an equal chance of winning it!  It’s time to draw for the random winner of the 2022 Contest of Whatever!  The order will be the same as what I drew for Friday’s judges post…

1. Pam
2. Mandy
3. Melanie
4. Willow
5. Phenny
6. Draliman
7. Juliette

Using the very same deck of cards that has chosen all eight past random winners, I took out the ace through seven of spades, pitching the two for Mandy….

Mitzi, that’s your cue!

MITZI: Like, Mitzi’s always happy to make someone’s day!

I see you brought along a friend…

MITZI: Totallies!  Like, Mitzi and Biggy Wiggy Piggy have totally been getting to know each other since….

OK, stop right there!  Please, what happens off camera on the Shelf needs to stay there!  That’s fine that Biggy’s here to supervise the drawing, I mean, he was the star of the contest anyway.

So I’m going to mix up the cards until I have absolutely no idea what card could possibly be where….

SNUGGLE: Whoa!  Hold the phone!  Someone’s got a debt to pay to society first!

EVIL SQUIRREL: (Shoved onstage by Snuggle) Dammit!  I told you I’m not…

SNUGGLE: You’re gonna cry like a little bitch in front of everyone like you said you would if we didn’t get eight players, and we only got seven!  Come on, be a man, bitch!

ES: If you think for one minute I’m going to shed any tears in public just because of some offhand comment…

SNUGGLE: OK, fine!  I’ll have to resort to desperate measures to get you to honor your commitments!

SNUGGLE: It’s a good thing I got this iPud hacked to pick up Disney for free!

ES: Is that…….. NO!!!!!  Not……….. Ol’ Yeller!!!!

ES: (Fighting back sniffles) Oh no…… it’s the part where they……. they…………… sell Ol’ Yeller to the Chinese buffet!!!!  No, you can’t do that!!!!!  Dammit, it’s gonna make me….


VOICE FROM ON SCREEN: Zeeba, where did you get that rifle from?


SNUGGLE: Dafuq!?!?

ES: Oh yes, it was the unauthorized version!!!  I just LOVE that ending!!!  I gotta sign that kid up for SCT!!!

Evil Squirrel leaves the stage without any water works while Snuggle throws his iPud in the gutter…

Ooooooooooooookay, getting back to the business at hand!

The cards are shuffled!  Mitzi, if you’ll do the honor….

MITZI: Mitzi totally thinks her new BFF furever should pick the card!

Whatever, I don’t care…. just get it over with, this post is really running over now!

And the random winner of the 2022 Contest of Whatever is…………..

Yes, for the second straight year it’s Phenny!!!!

And so Mandy and Phenny and Nelly’s Mama are free to choose any item they wish valued at $20 USD or less from my Cafepress shop!  Just send your request and mailing information to my email address which can be found here!

And as is Contest of Whatever tradition, everyone who played is entitled to show off one of our spiffy participation badges…. if you can even get the sidebar widgets on your blog to work.  For the two winners:

And for those who tried their best but got unlucky:

Will the Contest of Whatever make it to its landmark tenth edition?  I guess we’ll all find out next February!  Thanks for playing everyone!!!!!


About evilsquirrel13

Bored former 30-something who has nothing better to do with his life than draw cartoon squirrels.
This entry was posted in Squirrel Droppings and tagged , . Bookmark the permalink.

22 Responses to Critter Winners!

  1. I really enjoyed Mandy’s entry – perfectly written and hilarious (yet practical at the same time – square meat on square bread…brillliant!). You may not have had as many entries as last year but minus me you REALLY had some incredibly creative writing happening for the contest.


    • Don’t sell yourself short…. you never know when one of your humble entries might strike my fancy! I’ve passed over more creative efforts for ones I really enjoyed before…

  2. mydangblog says:

    Congrats to the winners–this was a lot of fun to follow!

  3. Woohoo…we enjoyed all the stories about the latest addition to Shelf Theatre. Well done, participants!

  4. Juliette says:

    Congratulations Mandy. Your entry was brilliant. Bravo. You’re going to keep me laughing for a long long time. Congratulations Evil Squirrel for all of the wonderful entries. You know how much I love this contest. 2022 was so much fun. All of the entries were fabulous and so creative. See you all next year for the 10th Annual Contest of Whatever.

  5. Mandy White says:

    Well holy crap! This was unexpected. I will celebrate with a nice square sandwich while I browse your fabulous merchandise!

  6. Kismet says:

    Phenny? The phix was in.

  7. draliman says:

    Yay, as soon as I read Mandy’s entry I thought, surely that’s the winner. It was funny and so clever!

  8. concats concats concats!!!! and we decided to add da moofoo sandwiches to our menu card… no idea what the mama will make, but with a f-signature it will look fantabulous!

  9. Willow Croft says:

    Congrats Mandy and Phenny! Woot! (Will the celebration party have moofoo sandwiches for all?)

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