American Pie

Lard Ass loves pie….

Still trying to use those fancy math skills to figure out how your weekend came up an hour short?  Well, put that slide rule back in your pocket protector because it’s Monday!  That’s the day The Nest isn’t afraid to show its work by digging up another irrational number from that inverted parabola full of low frequency lost hits we like to call the Dusty Vinyl Archive!  DJ Scratchy’s added some white tape to her ultra cool glasses on this Pi Day, while the Sponkies use their solar powered calculator to enter numbers that make naughty words.  You won’t need the quadratic equation to solve for X on this song…

Two of the biggest rock crazes of the 70’s, heavy metal and glam rock, crashed together like two people in a Reese’s commercial in the 1980’s to form one of the decade’s most outrageous and identifiable genres, known today as hair metal.  Emerging from the music scene in LA were bands who played really loud music, grew really long hair, and wore really bad makeup.

Awwww, don’t you ladies look pretty?

While groups like Motley Crue, Poison and Twisted Sister had already broken out as stars by the mid 80’s, it took a little longer for a Hollywood quintet by the name of Warrant to achieve similar success.  By the time their breakout hit “Heaven” made its way to #2 on the pop charts, groups like Winger were already bursting the bubble of the hair metal movement that would be long forgotten by the time Nirvana made grunge a thing.  But Warrant made sure the hair metal age went out with a bang, producing one of its more popular anthems…

“Cherry Pie” was released as a single in September 1990 and went to #10 at a time when most teenage girls were already replacing the Brett Michaels posters on their bedroom wall with pinups of Marky Mark’s droopy drawers.  Yet it summed up and unintentionally mocked the hair metal age so well that three decades later, it still stands as one of the signature songs of the time.  And as with many uber-popular songs that put bands on the map, you’d likely expect the band was happy to come up with it….. and you’d be wrong.

Yeah, that smile’s fake…

After the success of “Heaven” and the album Dirty Rotten Filthy Stinking Rich, their label wasn’t satisfied with the material on their next album and asked the band to come up with a real hair metal anthem to put on it.  As the story goes, lead singer Jani Lane quickly scribbled the lyrics to “Cherry Pie” on the back of a pizza box in fifteen minutes… and the rest is history.  Much to the group’s chagrin, their label changed the name of the album to Cherry Pie, and heavily promoted the album around that one hastily written song rather than what the members thought were much better songs that were already there.  Which just goes to show you that in show business, you can’t be a success without selling out for what the people want…

What the people want.

If you could tell the boys from the girls in that video, congratulations!

I’ll have another slice of very humble pie for you next Monday…


About evilsquirrel13

Bored former 30-something who has nothing better to do with his life than draw cartoon squirrels.
This entry was posted in Dusty Vinyl Archive and tagged , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

14 Responses to American Pie

  1. the first pic is from the stephen king movie right? … love the song… it fits perfectly to my next visit at the gas station… when I swing a hammer to smash this place what emptied my wallet faster than a gucci store…oh man…

  2. Hmm….I’ll take the “minority” position on this one and say I like their hair more than the song and even that’s not saying much. OOPS….my age is showing again!


  3. ghostmmnc says:

    haha! I loved all the hair bands and their music! And MTV actually played music videos! 🙂

    • Yeah, I miss that! They started up a channel in 2001 or so called VH-1 Classic that did the old MTV thing of playing ONLY videos (and only ones from pre-1990!)… and I watched that a lot for a few years until it became just like MTV did and hardly played videos at all! No lessons learned…

  4. What…I can’t hear you…that song was too loud. LOL My daughter was totally into Warrant and Winger while I mostly sighed with ear muffs on. Happy Monday.

  5. I apparently missed a lot by not being in the U.S. during the late 70s and 80s.

  6. draliman says:

    Quite a catchy chorus. I expect the video caused some confusion for the youth back in the day, though…
    “Seen that new video, mate? The drummer’s a babe!” “Um, that’s a bloke, mate.” “Whaaaaaa?”

Jabber Away...

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s