All Time Sandy Awards – WTF!?

wtf

We share your sentiment, Buster.

Like that Academy Awards afterparty at Charlie Sheen’s, The Nest’s tribute to its 10th anniversary on WordPress continues on long past the time most of the guests have either left or passed out over the toilet.  We’re finishing up our tribute to The Sandy Awards, one of my very favorite features to present over the years, but which I can no longer host due to search engines that (cough, hack!) care about user privacy.  It’s the All Time Sandy Awards, dedicated to the very best search terms that have generated traffic here over our entire first decade!

We’re up to the final category now that we always saved for last because these are some of the most head scratching search terms of them all, which I’ve dubbed the ‘WTF?’ category!  These strings of words defy most rational and irrational explanation, and you will likely pull a muscle in your cerebrum trying to figure out what their purpose could possibly be.  Yes folks, all of the bolded terms below were really entered by a living, breathing human during the past ten years, leading them to a visit on The Nest!

If you have any idea what these people were searching for, you might just want to keep that to yourself…

clorox kickball – It’s all fun and games until the ball explodes and showers everyone with bleach…

freaky baseball stadiums – What makes a baseball stadium freaky?  100 foot high walls?  Dragons on the concourse?  Man eating plants in the outfield?

rain gauge in action

Exciting, isn’t it?

squirrel defogger – Where in the world is squirrels fogging up a problem?

why raisins are evil – Because they look like giant ugly turds wearing mascara and singing Motown songs!

I could see this creepy shit working in the creepy 70’s, but we had taste in the 80’s!

bushy tampoon – Well, that’s gonna tickle…

funny comics about periods – I imagine they would include a bushy tampoon…

does the nest beep – Only when it’s backing up…

Beep! Beep! Beep!

why is there a squirrel in the throat – Because it was the frog’s day off?

atomic udders – Straight from Chernobyl to your breakfast table!

100% of the recommended daily allowance of plutonium!

cant drive 55 porn – And you thought texting while driving was a problem…

aspirin squirrels

Not tonight, honey! I have a headache!

ninja cupcakes cartoon – Ninjas are always hiding where you least expect them…

furry porn smell – There’s a scented candle I really hope we never sell at Mecca…

trigonometry nest – You’ll probably find it out on a tangent somewhere…

Ba-dum Crash!

why did the squirrel artist cross the road? – To get to Michael’s because it was Sunday and Hobby Lobby was closed?

squirrel safe drawing – Drawings that are safe for squirrels?  A squirrel cracking a safe?  A squirrel sliding safely into second base????

i can’t nest – Phil Collins, is that you?

evil nest at my door – Call the police!  Never attempt to apprehend an evil nest on your own…

cancan pet food – It’s a pain in the ass when you have to open it up twice…

squirrel nest glue – Please don’t!  The glue will probably just kill the squirrels…

Not to mention super glue doesn’t work…… fortunately.

dust squirrels nest – Forget that!  The squirrels can hire a maid if they’re lazy…

legs foot – I really hope this wasn’t a doctor who failed anatomy class trying to Google this….

Oops! I fucked up again!

images of funny squirrels with guns in their hands with quotes – Sorry, but I’m all for strict quote control…

is it possible to apart two pieces of duct tape stuck sticky side in apart – Hooboy, I’m gonna need to ask an expert for this one!

Mmmph! Mmm Mmmppphh!!!

squirrel blowtorch – From the best seller “1001 Really Fucked Up Taxidermy Ideas”

sandy the squirrel inside hurricane sandy – One of the few times someone was searching for Spongebob’s Sandy that didn’t involve porn…

sandy

The awards were named after the squirrel, not the hurricane.

someone push you on hill – Yeah, it was Jill and she’s a bitch!

possible possum squirrel trouble – IMpossible!  Possums never get into trouble around here!

Right Buster?

alligator looking into a microscope – This has got to be the most random search my blog’s ever gotten…

my only desire is you to emerge from within my shell

Be careful what you wish for…

his accounts full to the brim – Maybe he should just buy another filing cabinet…

temples of squirrels – Not even Indiana Jones is brave enough to explore these…

MBRS will do more than just rip out your heart…

bimbo christmas ghost future – Yeah, in Ebeneezer Scrooge’s dreams…

yeah g’day mate whos your mate mate if i change my name to mate i’ll let you know mate – Whoa!  Looks like someone needs to lay off the Foster’s!

Joey! Have you been drinking again!?!?

animal sax jackal fucked to bitch – That sounds kinda kinky if you just squint a bit…

mad bomber huts – If they were that easy to find, it wouldn’t have taken ten years to get Osama bin Laden!

mr. sewer rat

cocoa unicorn rainbow – Yeah, you didn’t really think unicorn poop was rainbow flavored, did you?

my little pony cpr – Friendship is magic, and it also saves lives…

fucked up monkey bars toys – They’re not fucked up, your kid is just uncoordinated!

Dumbass.

amator in toilet – This is probably what started my plumbing problems…

evil hell squirrels from the future – Sounds like a great name for a new cartoon series!

And it wouldn’t even be the most random ever.

roadkill drawn incest toons – Roadkill can’t draw, or have sex with their family.

stoned rabbit foot – So that’s how they get them…

I blacked out after the party last night, and THIS HAPPENED!!!

the donkey rainbow position – The cutest yoga pose ever!

the best of lame comic skunk – Not everyone is worthy of a “Best of” series…

This album’s just one song long…

i want a squirrel without a porno condom – You want….. what???

trash power – Now you’re thinking green!

You’re just mad you didn’t think of it first, Al.

baby burn – Not if you keep an eye on the oven…

I think my buns are getting crispy…

And finally, some terms I just didn’t know how the hell to respond to…..

message talk about capples between mini and lame

’43 isn’t 2043 or even gregorian

what is the video clip that the horse die and come back to life – black lady singer

show about son of sam ‘bark bark bark bark bark’

claudia ebel siers define evil to someone who doesnt believe in trumped up deities?

the squirrels the mangy thing betheham

wtf

Dafuq is wrong with these people!?!?

Wow, that was some pretty fucked up shit, wasn’t it?  Somehow, none of those was even declared the winner of this category!  And now that we’re done with all ten regular categories, we can finally move on to the post unveiling the category winners, and also the absolute best search term string of all time!!!!  Be sure to tune in for the All Time Sandys finale next Tuesday!

About evilsquirrel13

Bored former 30-something who has nothing better to do with his life than draw cartoon squirrels.
This entry was posted in 10th Anniversary Squirrels and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

19 Responses to All Time Sandy Awards – WTF!?

  1. I can hardly wait! I have to worry a bit about humanity after seeing these WTF searches but I expect a whole lot of people have that same worry these days! Love “I Can’t Dance”…..LOL I needed a good giggle this morning.

    Pam

  2. It’s no wonder Google decide to ‘protect’ the privacy of knuckleheads who search for these topics. There are some very strange people out there on the ‘Net.

  3. Kismet says:

    Freaky baseball stadiums should bring up the Polo Grounds in 1962. The first year of the Mets was entertaining,, like how many could occupy second base at one time.

  4. O.M.G. An amatour in the toilet? Amateur toilets – who’s using them, who’s falling in and why. 😉
    Can’t wait for next week. 🙂

  5. This was by far the absolutely funniest thing I’ve read in a long time. I have just been howling with laughter. Who comes up with these bizarre ideas? Are you closing your blog or just the Sandy’s post stuff? I hope you aren’t leaving. I think I’ve probably been at the party too long, but so many people are gone now. I’d hate to lose one more.

    • Just the Sandys are leaving. The search terms have stopped, completely. Haven’t had one show up in four months after getting one or two a day for years. The Sandys have been ruined by Google…

      • Everything has been ruined by one form or another of social media. If I could make something in our lives disappear — other than our entire government (every last one of them, top to bottom, ALL parties, races, religions, AND ethnicities) — it would be social media. I don’t think it has added to our lives. Not an enrichment!

  6. draliman says:

    I would quite like to see a rain gauge in action, seeing as how I have rain gauge fetish…

  7. we would love such a stadium… it has something from gladiator movie ;O)

  8. Tis I, your Merby. I am not hanging over a toilet seat, maybe later though…sorry I missed your contest of whatever this year!

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