Adsurdity II

The spirit of Joe Isuzu is alive and well!

Not to be confused with Synchronicity II, here’s The Nest’s take on some more of those insane ads that pop up on the bottom of the website I play fantasy baseball on….

They sure are…. their face is going to appear on Evil Squirrel’s Nest!  Smile, Granny!  I’m sure you earned every single one of those wrinkles on your mug…

Ever been stuck behind a gigantic SUV going 30 miles per hour in a 45 zone while their left turn blinker is on the entire time?  Neither have I.  But just in case there’s any septuagenarian soccer moms out there reading my blog…. well, here you go!

That doesn’t look like dry food Fifi is munching on there.  And besides, most dog owners know that kibble they buy in the 80 pound bag is made out of chopped up unicorns and whatever meat McDonald’s rejected first…

There’s nothing like admiring the hardcore six pack hiding underneath Grandpa’s hairy chest and battle scars from World War II.  And maybe it’s just personal preference, but I prefer to take the advice of immature trainers.

Just looking at that goop is making me clench my bowels.  Since when are heart surgeons such experts on the colon?  I know people with their head up their ass, but not their heart.

Don’t think of it as taking a step back in technology…. think of it as retro cool!  Remember, your grandchildren have never seen one of these flip phones before.  They’ll think it’s the latest trend!

5G phones?  How 2021!  No wonder Medicaid is wasting my tax money giving them away.  All of the cool seniors these days have a trendy flip phone…

There you go, officially endorsed by Tom.  Tom knows these shoes will last for years, just like the manufacturers of those fancy LED light bulbs know they’ll last for 50 years… he has a time machine.  Where do you think he got all those flip phones he’s selling from 2005?

Yeah, whatever.  Let me know how the manhunt goes for that serial killer that just struck again and murdered a family of six possums, Chief.  Don’t let the emotional side of the job get to you….

Do you have excellent credit like these perky young twenty-somethings who have probably already racked up more debt than their parents ever had in their lives?  Then this ad is for you!  And don’t just stop at one card…. get all six!  Think of all the material things you could buy before you had to file for bankruptcy!

Ooooh, light up socks!  Neat!  No, Genius!  My neuropathy is gone!  Totally worth getting foot cancer for…

That doesn’t look like my governor.  Illinois is famous for sending its governors to jail after they leave office, and it looks like we’ll be doing it again once this secret solar panel installation scam the governor’s operating is exposed…

And finally…. seven discounts for seniors!  Note how they stress these are LEGAL discounts.  As opposed to illegal discounts like getting thousands of flip phones for almost free or having the governor pay to install solar paneling on your roof.  BTW, you’d think these professional looking ads would go the extra mile to dress up their food to look more appetizing than that crappy little double cheeseburger some fat guy sat on.  Oh, and what’s up with all these ads being directed at me for SENIORS?  Do I look that old!?!?

Quiet down there, you whippersnappers! It’s my 7 PM bedtime!

About evilsquirrel13

Bored former 30-something who has nothing better to do with his life than draw cartoon squirrels.
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12 Responses to Adsurdity II

  1. we grinned at the snail suv… that was our grampy we are sure… was the driver in the middle of the road so no one could pass by? yes? ok, it was grampy….

  2. That squirrel has lived a lucky life, don’t most become predator chow if they’re around at all? He looks tired, so keeping down the noise is only compassionate. I routinely get behind the oversized SUV or Jeep and discover some old lump of flesh peering over the steering wheel. Since they did away with those forest destroying HUGE phone books those of us over a certain age remember well, in part because grandma/grandpa/old auntie Edna or uncle Ed had to sit on two or three of the damned things to see out the windshield properly; what do they use now? Scary to think they’re out there on the road doing 30 in a 50 mph zone. I know that more than my fair share have seen the American Bird flying as I pass them scowling!

    • I love that squirrel because he looks so ancient. He may be the wise old one who knows all the secrets to squirrel life and how to stay out of the jaws of the enemy…

  3. There’s a LOT of absurdity in progress right now. An awful lot.

  4. Yep – well seeing as how I’m on my way to being one of those old people (or maybe at almost 75 I AM a moldy oldie already?) I have to say that most of the ads aimed at my generation are totally absurd. If I see one more knee brace or incontinent pad commercial I think I’m going to scream. Oh I absolutely love my flip phone – maybe that DOES mean I’m over that incredibly high hill people speak of?????????????????????????

    Pam

    • Ha! I’d clipped a knee brace ad for this post, but cut it because I already had enough “senior focused” ads. That’s something I probably could use, though, after many years of getting down to stock those bottom shelves!

  5. Never trust a spokesman named Tom. For anything! You have the bevy of weirdo ads. Makes you wonder if those people are among us or if the Google algorithm is responsible.

  6. draliman says:

    I’ve worked out why you’re getting so many “seniors” ads. At the bottom of your post I’m getting “Pensioners born before 1962 are now eligible for…”. (We call them “pensioners” rather than “seniors”). If you were born in 1962, you’d be 59/60 – that’s nowhere near being a pensioner…

  7. Kismet says:

    Be careful making fun of old farts. Parrots live forever and I’ll haunt you in your old age.

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