Another year, another horrible Shelf Critter Advent calendar series.  For this fifth edition, The Nest took the names of 24 of your favorite Shelf critters and put them in a cup to have them draw another critter to buy a gift for.  As with most Secret Santa exchanges, we encouraged the critters to spend no more than $20 on their gifts, but we don’t expect them to actually follow that rule since most of them don’t know math and are currently in bankruptcy….

Let’s see who the first critter is to get to draw a name from the hat!

Seriously, the stupid dog gets to go first?

FLEABAG: BARK! BARK! BARK! BARK! BARK! BARK! BARK! BARK! I DON’T HAVE TWENTY BUCKS! BARK! BARK! BARK! BARK! BARK! BARK!

That’s too bad.  Maybe you can sell yourself to the Chinese buffet to raise the money then.  Well, nevermind that…. just draw a name.  And please, try not to drool in the container.  That cup needs to go back in the commissary soda fountain on December 26th…

FLEABAG: BARK! BARK! BARK! BARK! BARK! BARK! BARK! I’M GOOD WITH KIDS! BARK! BARK! BARK! BARK! BARK! BARK!

Yeah, sure you are…. just like John Wayne Gacy was.  Well, let’s see what Fleabag gives the Squirrel Children for the Shelf holiday party…..

SQUIRREL CHILD 1: Oh boy!  Tootsie Rolls!!!!!!!!

FLEABAG: BARK! BARK! BARK! BARK! BARK! BARK! BARK! 100% ORGANIC! BARK! BARK! BARK! BARK! BARK! BARK! BARK!

CHILD 2: I get first pick!!!

CHILD 3: Wait a minute!  There’s only four Tootsie Rolls for five kids!

CHILD 4: Looks like Pipsqueak gets to watch us eat our candy!

LITTLEST: I’m telling Mommy you won’t share!!!!!!

FLEABAG: BARK! BARK! BARK! BARK! BARK! BARK! BARK! DON’T WORRY, I GOT ANOTHER ONE COMING BARK! BARK! BARK! BARK! BARK! BARK! ………. PLOP!