Tis the season for giving, so The Nest is going to treat you to another bad case of heartburn with the next entry in our Shelf Critter Secret Santa series. Who will be the next critter who will have to find a crappy gift for someone who won’t appreciate it?
Looks like it will be The Shelf’s resident random noise generator, Scratchy!
SCRATCHY: Don’t be parroting that parrot, dude! It’s a well known fact birds have no sense of musical taste. “Fly Robin Fly,” “Mockingbird,” “Disco Duck,”….. need I go on?
Whatever. Just draw a name so we can get back to T.G.I.F…..
SCRATCHY: No way, man! This is like Fonzie having to buy a gift for Urkel. I don’t shop at uncool stores. Can I pick again?
Sorry, you’re stuck with Chip. Let’s see what Scratchy comes up with for everyone’s favorite straight critter…
SCRATCHY: So I had no clue what you might want…. so I just made this mix tape off the radio.
CHIP: Hey, that’s cool! And I just happen to have a cassette player on my Walkman here….
SCRATCHY: Of course you do.
Chip presses Play….
You won’t want to miss Mattress Warehouse’s Iben Browning Day sale this weekend! Take up to 99% off our overly inflated prices on a new box springs….
CHIP: I think you accidentally recorded….
SCRATCHY: Naw, I had no idea what kind of music a flake like you listens to….
Side effects of taking Fukitol® include nausea, headache, cold sores, hardening of the arteries, stretch marks, hairballs, spleen rupture, bad hair, and death….
SCRATCHY: So I just made up a mix tape of radio commercials.
Join KRAP deejay Dick Vinyl as he broadcasts live from Big Bertha’s Brothel this Saturday afternoon from 2 to 4:20. Bring the whole family, as there’ll be games, prizes and free samples…
CHIP: It’s official. The argyle socks and matching underwear my Aunt Madge got me for Christmas when I was nine are no longer the worst Christmas gift I’ve ever gotten….