There’s only 16 more shopping days left until Christmas, and unfortunately for you, that means there’s also that many days left in this year’s Shelf Critter Advent Calendar.  It’s the Secret Santa exchange that nobody wants to be a part of.  Let’s see who our next unlucky schmuck is….

Yoooooooooooooooooohooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

MITZI: Mitzi’s, like, totally ready to deck the balls with bouncy boobies!!!!!!

Whoa, down girl!  This is a family holiday, after all.

MITZI: Well, looks like Mitzi will have to totally use her teef for once!

Mitzi dunks her head down in the cup and orally draws a name…

Silly Mitzi, you’ve got the name upside down!  it looks like “mopayS”

MITZI: Lulz!  Like, silly announcer guy!  Mitzi has it totally right side up!  It says…. (bends her head down to look at the card) Shadow!  Mitzi’s not always a unitard, you know!

Oh…. whatever!  Just get this over with….

MITZI: Like, Hai Umby Wumby!

SHADOW: I sense a mass dumbification in The Force…..

MITZI: Mitzi, like, totally drew your name in the Secret Santy game, and she totally got you the bestest, greatest, most Mitziriffic present in the whole wide world series!

SHADOW: The greatest gift for me?  Well, of course, if anyone would deserve the very best, it is I, the most intelligent being in the entire multiverse.  It must be a brand new 996 volume set of The Encyclopedia Galactica!

MITZI: Ummm…. no!  Like, guess again!

SHADOW: Perhaps that four dimensional chess set I always wanted as a kid… I can’t believe my Sylveon sister got a pony for Christmas and all I ever got was Speed Racer Underoos….

MITZI: Mitzi will, like, totally give you hintsies!!!!!

MITZI: (Splayed out like a ho) Like, surprise!!!!!!

SHADOW: Or maybe it’s a isothermal heat map of Sirius the Dog Star!  No, wait… you got me a lifetime subscription to Astrophysics Illustrated!

MITZI: No!  it, like, totally starts with a V!

SHADOW: Venusian rocks!  How fortunate, as then I’d only need some soil from Uranus to complete my planetary collection!

SHADOW: Maybe it’s the periodic table bathroom wallpaper!  Or could it be that bunsen burner/centrifuge combo set I saw at Mecca last week?

MITZI: Like, nevermind.  You’re giving Mitzi a totally strange feeling inside her vajayjay….

Mitzi walks off and flings the bow across the stage, causing three male critters to run wildly after it….

SHADOW: The Compiled Research papers of Albert Einstein? A pet black hole?  A shiny new fountain pen that writes under whipped cream?  Stephen Hawking’s computer synthesized autograph……..