Allow The Nest to both warm your heart and rot your brain with the next random act of dumbness from the Shelf Critter Secret Santa exchange! Let’s see what the possum dragged in today…
Oh boy. Just how did you randomly land in front of the cup full of names?
BROTHER BEAR: I’m sorry, but I can’t reveal the behind-the-scenes secrets of my Shelf Critter trade like that! Well, plus I don’t really know myself how I get around so much…
Well, are you going to draw a name, or….. no wait. Can you even reach it with your disability?
BROTHER: It’s a manufacturing defect, NOT a disabilty! As a millennial, I have a very fragile self esteem, you know…. as well as a very good discrimination lawyer. Don’t worry, for I have brought along my own reasonable accommodation to help me accomplish my Secret Santa task!
MARY: I only agreed to help you because my invitation to participate SOMEHOW got lost in the mail, and I really need the face time because I’m so goddamn adorable!
OK look, one whiny critter is bad enough, but TWO? Just pick a name!!!!
MARY: Yeah, yeah… keep your wool hat on!
BROTHER: Aw, thanks Mary! You’re such a sweetie!
MARY: Yeah, and I just may park my tuchus on your face when you least expect it, buddy! (Blows a kiss) See ya!
BROTHER: Alrighty then! Now to make this a truly merry Christmas for a fellow ursine!
SNUGGLE: Hey, I hear you got my name in the Santa drawing! Well, show me all the cool shit you bought for Uncle Snuggie!
BROTHER: Absolutely, Mr. Bear! Hold on, I have it in my front pocket here….
SNUGGLE: Dafuq!?!?
BROTHER: It’s a can of green beans!
SNUGGLE: I see that. Now where the hell is my brand new XXXBox? Or do you still have it on layaway?
BROTHER: Oh, there must be a misunderstanding. This IS your gift from me!
SNUGGLE: A can of fucking green beans!?!?
BROTHER: Well, I am limited to shopping from the bottom shelf. And it was either this or a moth-eaten bag of puffed rice cereal….
SNUGGLE: It’s a good thing you can’t get up and run, because I’m KICKING YOUR PATHETIC ASS!!!!!!!!!
BROTHER: And a Merry Christmas to you too, sir…… OW!!!!
Evil Squirrel's Nest 
eat the beans and kill him with the exhaust gases……
I’m guessing Snuggle thinks XXXBox is the name of a movie of questionable rating. Doesn’t he know it’s the thought that counts?? And we all know what Snuggle is thinking.
Pam
I’m not sure there was much thought put into this gift, but he should be thankful his Secret Santa didn’t turn out to be Big Scrat…
Snuggle’s right to be annoyed – it’s one of those rare and annoying tins which doesn’t have a ring pull! “Dafuq” indeed…
It’s funny, those Mecca brand green beans seem to come in alternately in the regular lids and the ring pulls. The name brand stuff that’s more expensive NEVER comes with the pull rings! The can opener lobby is a powerful one in the US…
It’s completely opposite here. I had to buy a tin opener just recently because I accidentally bought something with no ring pull…
I’ll bet if it were a can of spinach instead of green beans, it might remediate that manufacturer’s defect.