Allow The Nest to both warm your heart and rot your brain with the next random act of dumbness from the Shelf Critter Secret Santa exchange! Let’s see what the possum dragged in today…
Oh boy. Just how did you randomly land in front of the cup full of names?
BROTHER BEAR: I’m sorry, but I can’t reveal the behind-the-scenes secrets of my Shelf Critter trade like that! Well, plus I don’t really know myself how I get around so much…
Well, are you going to draw a name, or….. no wait. Can you even reach it with your disability?
BROTHER: It’s a manufacturing defect, NOT a disabilty! As a millennial, I have a very fragile self esteem, you know…. as well as a very good discrimination lawyer. Don’t worry, for I have brought along my own reasonable accommodation to help me accomplish my Secret Santa task!
MARY: I only agreed to help you because my invitation to participate SOMEHOW got lost in the mail, and I really need the face time because I’m so goddamn adorable!
OK look, one whiny critter is bad enough, but TWO? Just pick a name!!!!
MARY: Yeah, yeah… keep your wool hat on!
BROTHER: Aw, thanks Mary! You’re such a sweetie!
MARY: Yeah, and I just may park my tuchus on your face when you least expect it, buddy! (Blows a kiss) See ya!
BROTHER: Alrighty then! Now to make this a truly merry Christmas for a fellow ursine!
SNUGGLE: Hey, I hear you got my name in the Santa drawing! Well, show me all the cool shit you bought for Uncle Snuggie!
BROTHER: Absolutely, Mr. Bear! Hold on, I have it in my front pocket here….
BROTHER: It’s a can of green beans!
SNUGGLE: I see that. Now where the hell is my brand new XXXBox? Or do you still have it on layaway?
BROTHER: Oh, there must be a misunderstanding. This IS your gift from me!
SNUGGLE: A can of fucking green beans!?!?
BROTHER: Well, I am limited to shopping from the bottom shelf. And it was either this or a moth-eaten bag of puffed rice cereal….
SNUGGLE: It’s a good thing you can’t get up and run, because I’m KICKING YOUR PATHETIC ASS!!!!!!!!!
BROTHER: And a Merry Christmas to you too, sir…… OW!!!!