You can keep the receipt, but you’ll never be able to return the experience you’ll get from another edition of the Shelf Critter Secret Santa exchange. Let’s see which critter will get a lesson in how much Christmas sucks today….
SQUIRREL CHILD 1: We’re back!
And ready to start more trouble, no doubt. Well, choose a name, kids…
LITTLEST: I get to pick or I’m telling Mommy!
CHILD 3: You can’t even reach the top, Pipsqueak!
LITTLEST: Can TOO!!! Watch this…
Oh, I can’t wait to see this….
FUZZYWIG: What do you kids want? Can’t you see I’m busy (zips fly) watering the lawn?
CHILD 1: We’re your Secret Santas!
CHILD 3: We had to get you something under twenty dollars!
CHILD 2: Which is easy for us since we don’t even get an allowance!
CHILD 4: So we pulled this up out of Rainy’s garden!
LITTLEST; Just for YOU, Uncle Fuzzywig!!!!
FUZZYWIG: And this is supposed to be…..?
CHILD 3: We asked Uncle Chip what you might like for Christmas…
CHILD 1: And he said you’d only want weed.
CHILD 2: So that’s what we got you!
FUZZYWIG: This is not how it works…. oh, heck with it. It’s almost 4:20 anyway. You kids got a match?
FUZZYWIG: (Exhaling) Eh, it ain’t the finest in the land… but it’s better than what my usual dealer sells.
CHILD 4: Can we try…..
FUZZYWIG: Don’t be an Indian giver, dude. You boys gets me some more of this weed, and you just might start getting an “allowance”…..
The preceding post is NOT endorsed by Nancy Reagan, William S. Sessions, or McGruff the Crime Dog.