The Shelf critters are in a giving mood this December, and they all pitched in to give you a whopping case of indigestion. Here’s some more of their sadistic generosity in another edition of the Shelf Critter Secret Santa exchange. Bring on the next fool…
TROLL: Hey, I finally get to pick a name! Wait, I don’t have to spend any money, do I?
Gee, we’d hate for you to blow through your unemployment check to get someone near and dear to you a token of your appreciation…
TROLL: Damn straight! I barely got enough left from this month for another bottle of booze and the cheap ciggies! Oh well, I guess I can go back to smoking discarded butts and swigging from the recycling bin for a while…
TROLL: So you know, I’m kinda dirt poor from being an overeducated and underemployed troll, and there aren’t any payphones left for me to find quarters in… so I had to just pick something up off the street for you. Literally. I know you won’t enjoy this bottlecap I found, but I still wish you a Merry…
ZAC: A bottlecap!!! OMG! It’s like totally sweet! My very own bottlecap!!! I’m not worthy! I’m not worthy!
ZAC: I’m gonna take it home and play with it and spin it around and take it to the movies and wear it on my head and use it as a urinal and play Frisbee and….
TROLL: Damn, I’m a kickass gift giver after all!
ZAC: ….throw it at the wasps and itch my back with it and use it as a flotation device and paint it henna color and run it over with my tricycle and roll it down the stairs and balance it on my nose and skip it down the river and stick it in my mouth and….
ZAC: Gack! Gag! Gurgle! Gasp!
TROLL: You know, you aren’t supposed to stick bottlecaps in your mouth. Zac? Are you there? Oh shit, I think he choked to death. You know, with how annoying he was, I’ll bet I get a raise now! And maybe even a date with Rainy! This is the best Christmas ever!
Evil Squirrel's Nest 
Your imagination is something great. Zac was so happy, but no happy end for him.
Such is life as a Shelf critter. Even more unfair than the real world…
Well happiness is in short supply these days – I hope Troll performs CPR – oh wait – I think maybe he would NOT be the best one to do that……quick – call Rainy – if anyone can bring Zac back it’s her!
Pam
OOPS – I meant to say MITZI – MITZI is the one who can breathe life into a corpse!
Imagining Mitzi running in slow motion towards the victim while wearing a Baywatch swimsuit is much more pleasing to the eyes than it being Rainy….
There really is something to say about perspective.
And karma. I can think of a few other motormouths I wish would stick a bottlecap in there…
Awww, poor Zac. I really wasn’t expecting any critters to be killed by their Secret Santas, except for Buster, of course.
Just about every critter is in mortal danger on the Shelf. But none make such an art form out of kicking the bucket like Buster does…
Poor Zac. I can’t believe you killed a non-Buster critter at Christmas. I suppose in a cruel twist of fate, Buster’s gonna make it through the Christmas period unscathed…
Buster already perished giving his gift, and he has yet to have his name drawn. And I think he might sneak his carcass into a few other gift exchanges before all is said and done (says the creator who’s already snapped all the photos ahead of time)….