Treet Time!

I’ll bet your mouth is watering right now…

Thanks to Mona at Wayward Sparkles, I had to dig through my blog’s spam folder yesterday to fish out a comment that didn’t belong there… and that made me realize that it’s been a while since I’d written a Treet post.  Treet is what I call all those highly suspect and illogical spam comments that end up in your blog’s Akismet folder, named after Spam’s slightly lesser known cousin on the rectangular solid luncheon meat market.  I’ve compiled some of my favorites six times in the past (which can now all be accessed from my handy dandy page I created dedicated to Treet), and the time has come to publish more evidence of the fall of mankind!

We already knew Mankind was nuts.

Let’s get the show started and see what our favorite Treeters have tried to leave in my comments lately…

Hazel wrote:

Eveery weekend i used to payy a visit this website, because i wish for enjoyment, as thiis this
site conations inn fact fastidious funny stuiff too.

Thainkss Hazzel.  Eveery weekend my blorgg fetures a neew Satrdaiy Squirerel, andd Im happpy for yor enjoymeint.  Ill make surre too kep conationsing the fact fastidious funny stuiff as welll!

Hazel must bee this youang man’s tattto artiest.

Jason Lawrence wrote:

Hey there! We absolutely love reading people’s blogs and the inspiring content that creators like you publish. Your unique experiences enhances the vibrant online community that we all cherish . Keep creating and inspiring your audience, because your words can make a lasting impact on the world. We can’t wait to discover what you’ll produce next!

Thanks – pomeranianpoppa

You bet I’ll keep creating that inspiring content!  Given that you posted this same thing on just about every post I’ve made the past few weeks under several different dog themed aliases, I know you can’t wait to discover what I’ll produce next so you can try to spam the shit out of it!

Woof!

septic tanks near me wrote:

Amazingness can help you ultimately get arranged as well as be much more efficient. Say goodbye to tension and hi to a far better life.

I feel like I am always living a far better life full of amazingness when there are septic tanks near me…

Living the dream…

Jeremynok wrote:

Ever wondered how the party keeps going, long after the bars have called last orders? Dive into the intriguing world of after-hours alcohol delivery. Discover [url to website redacted] after hours liquor near me

Now I know who to call when I’m craving a 4 AM beer!  Since this operation sounds so legal and above-board, I’m sure I could also get a few rocks of cocaine and some crystal meth to go with that delivery of after hours alcohol, right?

Don’t worry, I tip well when I’m loaded.

TheDogGod wrote:

Loved this post – heress my feedback –

Thanks for reading , Love The Blog !!

Wow.  Thanks for that feedback Jason…. er, pomeranian…. er, TheDogGod.  I’m definitely going to take that advice to heart when I produce my next post.  Could you maybe pretend to be a shih tzu this time, though…. that’s so funny to say.  Shih Tzu!!!!

Never ask for the feedback of an ankle biter…

Charlesidots wrote:

The truth is a person accused in a crime will probably create a half-baked bargain, with no assistance of a qualified attorney. Therefore, if you or a member of family happens to be charged of committing a crime, do not forget to get hold of one of our Orange county criminal defense attorney experts. Our associates We sole load our very own positions aided by the great reliable intellects in the neighborhood. All of us of professional specialists have become familiar with what the law states while the bureaucratic procedure that complicates a range of criminal arrest scenarios. Our criminal defense law firms are true gurus. These attorneys should never pass personal judgment on a customer faced with heinous offenses such as for example murder, rape and even child molestation.

That’s good to know, because if I ever rape or murder someone, I sure don’t want to create a half-baked bargain that will likely get me thrown in a prison cell with Big Bubba.  Do you happen to represent clients who don’t live in the OC?  Asking for a friend….

Even non-guru lawyers should never judge a child molester.

Terry wrote:

We are a group of volunteers and opening a new scheme
in our community. Your site provided us with valuable information to work on. You’ve done a formidable job and our entire community
will be grateful to you.

Opening a new scheme?  That sounds kinda shady.  Look, I don’t really want to be the inspiration for some kind of Ponzi scheme that might get me thrown in jail once they trace its origins back to me…

Hold on! Let me call my Orange County guru attorney…

Robert Taylor wrote:

Hello,

Don’t have time for content creation? Let AI save you up to 90% of your writing time.

Try the award-winning solution at [link redacted]

Regards

Michael Williams
Lead Consultant

To stop receiving any further communication,
please opt out at [I opted to redact this link too]

Sorry, your comment must have wound up in my Treet folder because I was opted out of your communication.  Don’t blame me, the AI did it…

At least your AI does a great job of handling the artwork on my blog…

Sussan Crawford wrote:

Do you need help with your social media marketing? We are a professional social media Expert that can help you grow your online presence and reach more customers.
Whether you need Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, TikTok, or any other platform, we can help.
We helped hundreds of clients achieve amazing results with their online marketing, and I can do the same for you.
I look forward to hearing from you soon..

[Contact info redacted]

I could desperately use the help of a social media Expert to help promote my most excellent contents since my biggest fans like Jason Pomeranian DogGod keep getting their attempts to praise my content stuck in Akismet purgatory.  Oh wait, your solicitation wound up in my spam folder as well.  Some social media Expert you are, Sussan…

Sussan helped make my Twitter feed YUGE!

commercial forklift for sale wrote:

Nothing can be just as good as this!

You said it!  Fuck after hours alcohol delivery and AI technology!  Give me a commercial forklift any day!

Now I live a life full of Amazingness!

And finally……….

Camper Van Rental Nyc wrote:

Breathing in and out numerous times a day boosts your life exceptionally.

Well……. yeah, it does.  I’ve found that breathing in and out numerous times a day definitely boosts my life more than not breathing at all.  Unless there’s a septic tank near me….

Or Rainy gets upset again…

Alrighty then!  Before the cops show up and I have to make a half-baked bargain, let’s scratch out the expiration date on the can and put the Treet back in the pantry to enjoy another time.  But don’t worry, if you haven’t had enough yet, I know a guy who delivers after hours Treet right to your door!

Gotta keep the party going all night long for my friend Jason!

Advertisement

About evilsquirrel13

Bored former 30-something who has nothing better to do with his life than draw cartoon squirrels.
This entry was posted in Squirrel Droppings and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

11 Responses to Treet Time!

  1. Artem Melnyk says:

    This post was hilarious! I couldn’t stop laughing at your witty commentary on all the spam comments. Thanks for brightening my day!

  2. LoL I agree with some of these! Your blog is having an impact on the world! Keep up the good work. And don’t forget to breathe in and out numerous times a day. I cannot recommend that enough 😊👍

  3. omg… you made my day…

  4. draliman says:

    As a septic tank near you, I am dismayed to be featured in your rather irreverent post of so-called “spam/Treet” comments. I maintain that I am indeed a legitimate septic tank near you and will be taking legal action forthwith via that crowd of Orange County legal Experts you so helpfully advertised above…

  5. Just seeing that open can made me throw up in my mouth a little≥

  6. defaultsim says:

    Haha I never knew there was an off-brand spam, spam is bad enough to me hah. I love how you made a post out of this! Hilarious.

    • I actually think I knew of Treet before I ever knew Spam existed, as there must have been a can of it at home sometime while I was growing up. Spam comments are easy to mock, but what I really miss are the search term logs that used to be a part of our blog stats before all the search engines started encrypting them. I made an annual awards show out of my favorite WTF searches people used to find my blog!

Jabber Away...

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s