Bite Worse Than Its Bark

Nom nom.

Is this what happens when nuts are in short supply?  Do squirrels really resort to eating tree bark?  Come on, man, that can’t possibly be that tasty.  And just think what it’ll do to your teeth… do you even have a toothpick?  How many of the dogs who get walked in the park every morning have peed there?  For that matter, how many of the local pigeons have pooed there?  I find your taste in…. well, taste to be rather disgusting.  There’s gotta be some treat lying around that is more fitting for a squirrel of your stature…

Hey, don’t judge me! I’m on a high fiber diet.

My apologies.  How about I make it up to you with the honor of being this week’s Saturday Squirrel?  Chew on that for a bit, buddy…

Have a great weekend everyone!

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Share Your World – Week 30

I kinda wish this squirrel would have bitten my finger off as well.

After dealing with an infected finger all week (one of the banes of having a lifelong nail chewing habit), I skimped out on my world sharing duties again Tuesday.  But hey, it’s not like I ever post anything on Thursdays anymore like I used to… so let’s get my fashionably late response to Melanie’s Share Your World questions for this week going!  And I’ll try very hard not to get pus all over this post….

I would have dropped the world this week and broken it like I did a lot of merchandise at work…

Is it wrong to sell store-bought pastries at a bake sale?

Of course it’s wrong!  I mean, how are you going to get the “good stuff” in them if you don’t make the treats from scratch?

And congrats to Fuzzywig for having the most successful table at the Shelf bake sale for the 13th straight year!

Have you ever interacted with the police?

Only twice that I can think of, and both on the complainant side of things.  A couple weeks ago, I shared the story of how my best friend decided to pilfer some of my Dad’s most valuable baseball cards… and since he got his opportunity by sending me on a fetch quest to another room, I got to answer some questions.  Then there was the time five years ago when my AC got vandalized in a copper-theft-gone-wrong attempt and again got to answer some questions.  I’ve been fortunate not to have ever been pulled over, but despite the fact that my Mom thinks (perhaps justifiably so) that I tend towards road rage, I’m one of the more lawful drivers out there and can at least use my turn signal…

And it helps that I don’t have any warrants out for my arrest. Yet…

What will you remember most about this past year?

Well, for now it would be the fact that some punk of a kid tried to set the store I work at on fire back in June.  Not to jinx myself, but it’ll be hard for anything in the final five months to top that…

Unless Snuggle Bear finally ambushes me…

Is it better to have fungus on your toes, your tongue, or your pizza?

That is disgusting!  Who in the hell would want fungus on their pizza!?!?

Not these ponies. Just pile on the meat, please…

What is one slang word that makes your skin crawl?

I hate most of the newer words that enter our language…. particularly in this age of social media.  I’m not a big fan of “viral,” as it tends to be used in a positive connotation rather than as the horrific hipster way that it should.  Sheep like things that are viral, and if there’s one thing the internet has proven is that there is a lot of baa-aaa-aaaaing people out there…

Apparently not all farm animals like doggy style.

Aren’t You Glad?

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A Dog’s Life

a box full of junk

It’s time to open up that hermetically sealed mayonnaise jar on Funk and Wagnall’s porch and hold the image contained within to our heads so we can divine our next post from it in another crazy edition of Random Image Inspiration!  Let’s see if the Randomator can find us something truly worthy of RII glory this week…

29, 79, 16, 14

The 29th post in my Reader was this one by Marilyn (Her SYW response.  Mine will come tomorrow)

The 79th word in that post is “just”

The 16th word in that post is “can”

Putting “just can” into Google Images brought this up as the 14th result…

Well, since I can’t seem to be bothered to actually come up with a proper Shelf Critter Theatre episode on Fridays most weeks, let’s try another RII mini SCT today!

FLEABAG: BARK! BARK! BARK! BARK! BARK! BARK! ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ BARK! BARK! BARK! BARK! BARK! BARK!

FUZZYWIG: Alright, mutt.  Both hands are almost on the four, and you know what that means.  It’s mellow time.  (Claps paws together) Go on, scram!

FLEABAG: BARK! BARK! BARK! BARK! BARK! BARK! I WAS HERE FIRST! BARK! BARK! BARK! BARK! BARK!

FUZZYWIG: I would end up with the only dog to flunk out of remedial obedience school.  Alright, since you refuse to obey your master, I guess I’m going to have to resort to drastic measures to keep you in line…

FLEABAG: BARK! BARK! BARK! BARK! BARK! BARK! BARK! NOOOOOOOOO!!!! BARK! BARK! BARK! BARK! BARK!

FUZZYWIG: That’s right, you’re getting the belt!  Now, take this you mangy mongrel!!!

SLIDER: Excuse me, sir…

FUZZYWIG: Well, shit.  I must have left the front door open again.  Go away, we don’t want any.

SLIDER: Were you going to use that belt to beat your dog?

FUZZYWIG: No, I was going to see if it matched his tuxedo for the pound prom.  Uhhh, yeah, I was going to beat his ass with it.

SLIDER: That is NOT acceptable treatment of a beloved pet!

FUZZYWIG: Fleabag isn’t beloved by anyone.  Even his own mother dumped him out of a moving van when he was young.

SLIDER: I’ve already informed PETA of the barbaric conditions this poor animal has to suffer with, and they have sent a protester on the way to deal with you!

FUZZYWIG: A PETA protester, you say?

SAGE: Naked protester chick reporting for duty!  (Points at Fuzzywig) You, sir, are a cruel critter!

SLIDER: See all of the trouble you’ve got coming now?

FUZZYWIG: I’m thinking about all of the trouble I can get into with my new visitor.

FLEABAG: BARK! BARK! BARK! BARK! BARK! BARK! BARK! IS THAT A BONG IN YOUR PANTS, OR ARE YOU JUST HAPPY TO SEE HER? BARK! BARK! BARK! BARK!

SAGE: Don’t worry, beautiful creature.  I will protect you from this evil, evil tyrant!

FUZZYWIG: Damn.  If I knew all I had to do to get a naked chick to visit me was to beat my dog, I’d have done it sooner.

SAGE: I will NOT let you harm this little furbaby!  You will NOT touch him with your violent paws….

SAGE: Dafuq!?!?

FLEABAG: BARK! BARK! BARK! BARK! BARK! BARK! BARK! YOU AND ME BABY AIN’T NOTHING BUT MAMMALS! BARK! BARK! BARK! BARK! BARK!

SAGE: Get off of me, you beast!!!  Stop….. what is that poking at my…..!?!?!?!?

SAGE: BAD DOG!!!!  BAD!!!!!

FLEABAG: BARK! BARK! BARK! BARK! BARK! BARK! BARK! PUPPY ABUSE! BARK! BARK! BARK! BARK! BARK! BARK!

FUZZYWIG: If you can’t beat ’em, beat ’em.

SLIDER: Well, this is a revolting turn of events.

FUZZYWIG: So, can I sell him off to the Chinese buffet now?

SLIDER: No, you can’t sell him off to…. ummmm, hey, that’s got me hungry now.

FUZZYWIG:  Off we go to Hung Lo’s, mutt, so you can be someone’s cause for indigestion tonight.

FLEABAG: BARK! BARK! BARK! BARK! BARK! BARK! BARK! I TASTE LIKE SHIT! BARK! BARK! BARK! BARK! BARK!

SLIDER: Care to put some clothes on and join me for dinner, miss?

SAGE: I dunno….. is Chinese vegan?

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A Fine Fine Song

“Fine” may be a weak word, but not if you use it twice.

Need to put a little fun day into your Monday?  That’s what The Nest tries to accomplish through the power of lost muzak!  It’s time for us to pull the string on another party popper out of that giant grab bag of fun we like to call the Dusty Vinyl Archive!  DJ Scratchy’s always in party mode every day that ends with a Y, while the Sponkies take a sip from the spiked Kool Aid.  Everybody have fun tonight…

Once upon a time you didn’t need to be a perky, primped and overly pimped pop singer to make music that landed on a popular radio station near you.  Anyone could do it as long as they had a halfway decent voice and some music.  And it helped if you were formerly with another band that the people liked.  Like Rainbow.

Ritchie Blackmore’s inspiration, no doubt.

Tony Carey played the keyboard in that outfit in the 70’s, and by the early 80’s was on his own making solo albums.  His most successful was 1984’s Some Tough City, which spawned two Top 40 hits… both of which are seldom heard in these primped and pimped days.  I personally love the biggest of those two songs, which hit #22, and had an interesting music video that got a lot of play on MTV back in the day.  It’s “A Fine, Fine Day”…

The song tells the tale of a man named Sonny, who in the video looks like a petty mobster who just got out of the joint.  Alas, it’s ironically not a fine, fine day for ol’ Sonny as some old “friends” come calling for him and eventually gun him down, where he heroically falls into the arms of Carey just as the ambulance nobody had time to call shows up.  The guy who plays Sonny in this video reminds me a lot of someone I can’t quite put my finger on…

Anyone?

I’ll return next week with another fine, fine earworm…

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Plank’s Constant

This is the life.

A body in motion doesn’t always remain in motion.  Sometimes it needs to rest… and even the most hyperactive squirrel occasionally has to turn off the rocket thrusters and just chill out.  Check out this super relaxed guy I ran into at the park a couple weeks ago!  On a warm (but not hot) summer morning, what could possibly be better than relaxing on the porch?  This guy’s deck is actually one of those memorial bricks that dedicates the tree to someone who I’d assume is dead… but the squirrel cares nothing about respect for past humans.  He just needs a place to lay down and recharge the batteries for a while.

Or perhaps he was hoping for a massage…

I wonder how much I have to tip for the “happy ending” here?

It’s Saturday Squirrel and chill today!

Have a great and relaxing weekend everyone!

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