Not Necessarily The News

CHIP: Good afternoon viewers out there in Nestville… this is the 4:00 News on SCNN.  My name’s Chip Squirrel.

FUZZYWIG: And my name’s…… um….. I can’t read the TelePrompTer.

CHIP: My co-anchor’s name is Fuzzywig.  Our top story today…

CHIP: Police are investigating a suspected incident involving animal abuse that happened around dinnertime yesterday evening near a seedy looking Chinese buffet.  The alleged perpetrator of this crime against canines is believed to be this man…

CHIP: Belly Hung Lo, Age 64, from Chinashelf.  According to investigators, Mr. Lo bit into a dog who wandered onto the premises sometime that evening.  When asked why he committed this heinous crime, Mr. Lo responded, “Dog tasted good.  Here, have fortune cookie!”  The name of the victim of this crime has not been released yet pending the results of microchip analysis, however it is believed to be this mutt who is 77 in dog years…

FLEABAG: BARK! BARK! BARK! BARK! BARK! BARK! LOOK MA!  I’M ON TV! BARK! BARK! BARK! BARK! BARK! BARK!

CHIP: The pitiful pooch will be up for adoption after he fully recovers from his injuries, or whenever his insurance maximum is reached, whichever comes first.

CHIP: He looks an awful lot like your dog, Fuzzy.

FUZZYWIG: Can’t be.  I sold my mutt to the Chinese buff…. er, to some guy who runs a dogfighting ring last week.

FUZZYWIG: An impromptu protest brought traffic to a halt during rush hour this morning as a critter laid down in the middle of the road on Highway 13 and refused to get up.  SCNN’s Mary Mutton is live on the scene with complete details of this situation as it unfolds.  Mary?

MARY: Well Fuzzy, it looks like the rogue protester is still sprawled out in the road tying up traffic and forcing me to walk fifty blocks in my high heels to get down to the scene!  Let’s see if I can find the cause of this chaos… excuse me, sir!  Mind if I ask you what cause this act of defiance is intending to draw attention to?

BROTHER BEAR: Huh?

MARY: What issue is so important to you that you’re laying out here in the street blocking progress?

BROTHER BEAR: Oh, that!  I fell off the truck that moves me around the soundstage and I can’t get up.

MARY: Come again?

BROTHER BEAR: I can’t walk, I can’t stand.  I just kinda lay around… it’s all I can do.

MARY: So this isn’t some political action?  You’re just lazy?

BROTHER BEAR: It’s a manufacturing defect.  All I can do is lie here until someone calls a tow truck or moves me…

UNCLE SAM: (Driving a tank and holding a general’s rank) Son, you’ve got exactly five seconds to get your pathetic anti-American ass out of the road, or I’m gonna go all Tiananmen Square over your rabblerousing carcass!  Is that clear?

BROTHER BEAR: Sorry, Mr. President, I just can’t…

SAM: Time’s up!

MARY: Well, it looks like this situation has ended peacefully, and just in time for the PM rush!  This is Mary Mutton reporting live downtown for SCNN, back to you guys in the studio.  (Turning to the bystanders) Anyone know a one hour dry cleaner who does wool?

FUZZYWIG: Good to see there’s something more exciting than cornholing going on downtown.

CHIP: Mooooooving right along….

CHIP: The Critter Mafia has been inflicting its power and influence on The Shelf for over a century and eluding conviction for their crimes due to a strict code of silence within the gang.  Well, a member of the infamous Lasagna family has apparently turned informant, and in an SCNN exclusive has agreed to be interviewed by our own investigative reporter Shadow.  The informant’s face and voice have been distorted to protect his identity…

SHADOW: You’ve spent some 25 years working as the muscle for the Lasagna family, one of the more tight lipped crime organizations in the country.  Tell me why you chose to come forward and provide information that may bring these thugs down.

MR. FOX (Garbled) ………………………………..

SHADOW: Fascinating.  Tell me something else, “Mr. Fox”…

MR. FOX: ……………………………….

SHADOW: Yes, of course your face is being blotted out for this interview.  We handle things in a very professional manner at the Shelf Critter News Network.  Our production team is very diligent when it comes to the fine details of a newscast…

TROLL: Yeah, come on…. fit in there!  I gotta beat my high score this time!  Then I can go back to working on those stupid graphics they want for the news today.  C’mon blocks!!!

FUZZYWIG: Should we go ahead and assign Mary to Mr. Fox’s “accidental” murder tomorrow?

CHIP: I hope she can put all those wool cleanings on the expense budget.

FUZZYWIG: I think it’s time for a report on the war in Shelfganistan.

CHIP: Yes, and SCNN has our best war correspondent embedded with the troops on the front lines.  Let’s hear from him now…

CHIP: Hello Buster!  How is the battle going halfway across the globe today?

BUSTER: Well Chip, it’s gotten pretty intense these last few days.  Bombs going off everywhere!  Snipers picking off anything that moves.  Suicide camels running amok.

FUZZYWIG: So…. just like back at home, right?

CHIP: I can hear explosions and gunfire all around you, Buster.  Are you sure it’s safe where you’re reporting from now?

BUSTER: Absolutely, Chip!  I’ve never felt more secure in my life!  No chance of anything happening to me here….

CHIP: Hello, Buster?  Can you hear us?

FUZZYWIG: Probably not, I think I saw one of his ears fly off camera.

CHIP: We’ll get back to Buster later in the broadcast…

CHIP: Our next segment delves into the debate over corporal punishment in our school system.  Is it child abuse, or does sparing the rod spoil the child?

FUZZYWIG: I remember getting paddled by all of my teachers when I was in school.   And by the principal…. my guidance counselor… the lunch lady when I made fun of her mustache….

CHIP: Well, we can see in your case physical punishments didn’t work.  But here to debate this sensitive issue are a group of children from Evil Squirrel Grade School and SCNN’s own opinionated reporter Val Unicorn…

SQUIRREL CHILD 1: Look, we’re on TV!

Child 2 gives the Littlest rabbit ears…

LITTLEST: (Elbowing Child 2 in the knee) I’m telling Mommy!!!

VAL: Damn, I’m not even going to have to open my big mouth to win this debate.  You little bastards need beat from one end of this studio to the other…

CHILD 3: You can’t hit us!!!

CHILD 4: Yeah, that’s critter abuse!

LITTLEST: I’ll tell Mommy if you do!

VAL: Let me tell you something you little twerps!  You know why I’m a crotchety old unicorn in my golden years?  Because of little assholes like yourselves who can’t respect authority and who have no fear of acting out because of pussified adults who stick up for bratty behavior.  I’ll bet your father doesn’t even use the belt on you little demons!

CHILD 1: He can’t!!!!

CHILD 2: Yeah, Mommy won’t let him!

CHILD 3: He’s, like, kittywhipped or something like that.

CHILD 4: Mommy hits us with the rolling pin, though!

LITTLEST: And she’ll use it on you if you don’t leave her little angels alone!!!\

VAL: Please.  Go away kids, you bother me…

VAL: I win, again.  Back to you, Chip.  You know, that nastyass checkered suit coat you’re wearing makes you look fat and old…

CHIP: The opinions expressed by Val are not necessarily those of this station… or any other sensible critter for that matter.  Now it’s….

CHIP: I’m pretty sure that isn’t allowed on the air, Fuzzy.

FUZZYWIG: Why not?  It’s 4:20.  (Inhales) Blame the scheduling department…

CHIP: (Sigh) And since it’s twenty after the hour, that means it’s time for the weather report.  Let’s bring in SCNN’s chief meteorologist Rainy Skunk to tell us what to expect for the weekend… Rainy?

RAINY: Before I begin the weather segment, I’d like to mention I visited Miss Twilight’s third grade class at Evil Squirrel Grade School this morning to show them some neat weather experiments.

CHIP: That sounds lovely, Rainy!  Do we have video of that?

RAINY: No.  They were acting like little jerks and kept throwing spitwads at me, so I sprayed their asses!  Now let’s check on the current conditions.  As you can see from my EMPTY rain gauge, there was officially no precipitation recorded at Shelf Critter International Airport today.  That brings our precipitation total for the year up to a robust ZERO POINT ZERO inches.

RAINY: Taking a look at the forecast map, it’s going to be sunny everywhere tomorrow.  Sunny in Boring, Oregon.  Sunny in Hell, Michigan.  It’s even going to be sunny in Spunky Puddle, Ohio!  And now for the five day forecast….

RAINY: This is really depressing.  It has to rain on this god forsaken Shelf someday.  You know what I think about the weather around here?

RAINY: Back to you, Chip! (Stomps off in a huff back to her dressing room)

CHIP: Well, that release of toxic air might spur the climate change Rainy is hoping for.

Awkward pause

CHIP: Fuzzy?  You’re up…

FUZZY: What, man?  I’m floating higher than our traffic copter now…

CHIP: Nevermind.  It’s time to bump it over to the sports desk where Snuggle Bear is… (fidgets with his earpiece) no wait, he’s live at the championship game?  What sport has their championship now?  Snuggle, where are you?

SNUGGLE: Dude!  I’m live on location at the Lingerie Bowl!  Man, the babes are out and about and wearing not much of nothing!  Hey, here comes the Most Valuable Bitch of the Lingerie Bowl right now!

SNUGGLE: Yo, Mitzi!  Wazzup, honey?

MITZI: Hiyaz, Snuggie Wuggie Teddy Bear!  Like, Mitzi’s totally kicking boo-tays out on the pigiron today!

SNUGGLE: Damn, girl!  You ain’t wearing nothing at all!  Is this another wardrobe malfunction?

MITZI: Mitzi’s, like, wearing something so sheer you totally can’t see it at all!  Oooh, the game’s started!  I, like, gotta get to the line of cribbage and bend over!

MITZI: Yaysies!  Mitzi totally made a tackle!

SPARKLEPONY: Dammit, Mitzi!  I’m on your team!  And this is touch football!

MITZI: Mitzi is, like, totally going to do plenty of touching while we’re in this position!

SNUGGLE: Damn, I’d love to stick around and see where this goes… but they won’t let the reporters on the field.  Guess I’ll go check out the cheerleaders instead!

BIG SCRAT: Rah rah rah rah, sis boom bah!

SNUGGLE: No!  There can’t be male cheerleaders!  That isn’t right!

BIG SCRAT: Why not?  I’m wearing my lingerie.  What do you think of my mankini?

SNUGGLE: No comment!

BIG SCRAT: Better yet, let’s go back to the locker room so you can see what’s under it!

SNUGGLE: (Being dragged under the stadium tunnel) Noooooo!!!  Someone send help!  Alert the media!  CHIP!!!!!

FUZZYWIG: I see nothing, man!

CHIP: For once, I’m with you.  And we won’t be filing a freedom of information request on that locker room footage.

CHIP: Finally, to balance out all of the shitty, fucked up news we reported on today… we’re going to end our program with our token good news story of the day.

FUZZYWIG: Yeah, this story involves a wild unicorn that broke loose from the zoo this afternoon and it’s magical encounters it had with the public while on the lam…

CHIP: Yes, this unicorn named George happily walked up to awestruck citizens and allowed them to pet him and rub his horn for good luck.

FUZZYWIG: D’awwwwww…

CHIP: The gentle unicorn made a particular impression on a young…. ummmm, why are the cameramen all snickering?

CHIP: Oh my Dog!!!  This clearly isn’t the footage that goes with this story!!!  That’s awful!!!

FUZZYWIG: I wonder if I should get a navel piercing?

CHIP: Troll!!!  What’s going on here!!!  You’ve queued up the wrong video!!!  (Makes a throat slashing sign at the camera) Troll!!!  Can you hear me!?!?  Get this carnage off the screen!!!  TROLL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ZEEBA: (Jumping up and down on the control panel) If it BLEEDS, it LEADS!!!!  Blood!Blood!Blood!Blood!Blood!Blood!Blood!Blood!Blood!Blood!!!!

BEARCAT: Silly Zeeba!

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The Huntress

Wednesday is the day every week that The Nest sorts through the internet’s virtual photo album to pick out an unsuspecting picture that will inspire greatness…. or maybe mehness.  It’s time for the next thrilling edition of Random Image Inspiration!  RII finally has its own dedicated page under my blog’s header, where the secret and stupid formula we use to find the featured image can now be found!  Let’s see this week’s set of random numbers…

3, 94, 70, 40

The third post in my Reader was this one by Jenn’s Midlife Crisis

Since that post contained a whopping 43 words, I had to wrap around once and then twice to find my key words.  But boy did they turn out random…

The 94th word in that post is “takes”

The 70th word in that post is “we’ll”

Putting “takes we’ll” into Google Images turned this up as the 40th result….

Under cover of the night, a lone Army assassin made her way through the brush to a mansion hidden deep within the jungles of Belize.  Intelligence believed it to be the current hideout of Dr. Nope, the mastermind behind some of the world’s most deadly terrorist attacks of the past decade.  All four branches of the military had sent their finest, bravest, and most elite top secret commandos into the Central American wild to put an end to Dr. Nope’s reign of terror.  None of those soldiers were ever heard from again.  Mankind’s last hope against the evil genius set out on taking over the world was a young woman barely in her 20’s who’d earned a reputation as one of the Army’s most berzerk fighters… known now only by the code name Agent Z.

Few top secret missions are done by the book… but even what constituted the book for such a daring undercover operation was going to be thrown out by Agent Z.  She didn’t follow orders well.  She was a wildcard’s wildcard.  None of her superiors quite knew what to do with Agent Z’s unpredictable behavior and were about ready to get her off her hands with a dishonorable discharge before the commander over Special Ops volunteered to take her in.  Where the Army brass saw a problem soldier, the commander saw a lpure, unbridled killing machine…

And kill Agent Z did.  She didn’t bother trying to sneak into the compound.  Where was the fun in that when it was so much easier to just come storming through the front gate, machine gun blazing, laying waste to the pathetic guards Dr. Nope had entrusted with his safety.  Outnumbered 20 to 1, Agent Z hit each sentry with a blast of bullets before they even knew what was going on.  When the last guard fell from atop the tower and split his head wide open on a rock below… Agent Z took a moment to survey the carnage she had left behind.  With a satisfied smile, she kicked in the front door to the residence and went seeking her target…

Just because the guards on the front line had been taken out didn’t mean Agent Z’s mission was completed, or that she was even out of danger.  Two guards at the kitchen table saw her pass by and reached for their weapons.  But they never stood a chance.  Agent Z made both of their heads explode into a goopy mess just like the TV dinner one of them had heating up in the microwave.

Agent Z encountered four more guards armed with cue sticks playing a friendly game of pool.  I don’t know if the blood will ever come out of that felt…

Another guard in the hallway.  BLAM!

Two more guards standing on a ladder trying to screw in a light bulb in the chandelier.  “Now I know the answer to that eternal question!” Agent Z shouted as the riddled the two full of holes and shot up the chandelier just for the hell of it.

Another guard in the bathroom with a plunger!  Agent Z mowed him down like the dog her was.  Actually, he may have just been the Roto Rooter man… but he picked the wrong day to not call in sick, dammit!

As Agent Z made her way deeper into the compound, she spotted a possum who was trying to flee the scene through a heating vent… but had gotten stuck ass end out.  She shot it in the butt just because it was a damned possum…

Agent Z finally came to a door with a nameplate that read “Super Secret Office Of Dr. Nope.”  This must have been the place!  The two guards in front of the door were no match for Agent Z by this time… the bullet holes behind where they’d been standing oozed blood as Agent Z kicked in the door.

There was the most feared man in all of the world… the infamous Dr. Nope.  Sitting at his desk playing Candy Crush.  The evil doctor immediately pointed his phone at the intruder which was rigged with a deadly laser he could fire by just clicking the app… but the day belonged to our heroine Agent Z, who spent the remainder of her infinite ammo blasting the scourge of mankind into a pile of bloody sinew.

Upon exhausting her firepower, Agent Z finally dropped her gun and removed her helmet…. shaking out her sweaty, purple hair.  Mission accomplished.

Agent Z would be recognized as a hero for what she had done.  Tales of her bravery would dominate every documentary on The History Channel for years to come.  But Agent Z didn’t care about the recognition she would get.  Nor did she particularly care that she’d just effectively saved the world.  No, she looked around at the bloody aftermath of what she had wrought upon what had once been a bastion of global terror with a very satisfying smirk… almost bordering on giddiness.

Agent Z got out her phone.  She had to call her mom and tell her about this!  And her sister, the one who always thought she was silly.  How proud they’d both be of a girl they honestly didn’t think would amount to anything given her natural tendencies…

After all these years, Agent Z had found her calling.  She could have been a dentist, but rogue army assassin worked out quite well for her.  She couldn’t wait for the next mission where she got to totally kill everyone!

Well done, Agent Z!

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Share Your World – Week 9

Happy 274th birthday tomorrow to Casimir Pulaski, the father of the most fucked up holiday Illinois schoolkids ever got a day off for!

It’s time for everyone to get to know a little bit more about each other with the help of a quartet of quite queer questions from Melanie B. Cee.  Make that Reigning Contest of Whatever Winner Melanie B. Cee.  It’s the weekly Share Your World TMI-fest!  Let’s get a look at those pretty earths…

I wouldn’t want to be a member of any club that would have me as a member.

What’s the first thing you notice about a person?

What they’re wearing on their feet…. or sometimes, lack thereof.  I hate making eye contact with people, and always feel uncomfortable when I know I’m getting the staredown.  I’m generally looking downward when I approach people… and since I work the night shift at Mecca, this is what I often see….

Dammit! I said I hate making eye contact!

What three habits do you feel would improve someone’s life?

First, take this….

And SHOVE IT UP YOUR ASS!!!!

Second…

Learn to LIGHTEN THE FUCK UP!!!

And lastly…

Laugh at The GOOD, THE BAD, AND THE UGLY in life.  If you need any help with the laughter, try reading The Nest more often…

What takes up too much of your time?   Would you stop that if you could?

Work takes up too much of my time.  When you count lunch breaks and commute, about 48 hours a week.  Obviously, I can’t stop working since I really need the money to feed myself and these two furball sponges that live in the same house as I do.  I also can’t stop working because it’s become almost my exclusive form of physical activity.  It only takes about four or five days off work to start feeling like Jabba the Hutt just lying around like a beached blob and feeling like a giant puddle of puke…

It might not be so bad if I got my own pleasure slave…

Cookies, pastries, pie or cake?   If not, what does your sweet tooth crave?

There is nothing quite like burnt, homemade chocolate chip cookies (No, I’m not being sarcastic).  Brownies are nice too…

No, Fuzzywig… not those kind.

I generally load up on chocolate bars with nuts… especially Hershey with almonds.  Kit Kats work too.

Diabeetus, here I come!

Gratitude?  Are You Happy?  If so, why?  If not, why not?

I have many reasons to not be happy this past week… but that’s not how I roll.  I’ll settle for being thankful that the Contest of Whatever is finally over and was a huge success this year.  I’m especially thankful to have such an awesome group of people following little old me!

Pretend these people are all you… and that it’s OK to be blue sometimes.

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Hall Of Dreams

Your Monday muzak is late because I was sleeping on the job again.

It’s Monday, and that means it’s time for The Nest to skip writing a really lame intro and just dig right in to that giant vault of lost dreams we like to call the Dusty Vinyl Archive!  DJ Scratchy was happy to get to sleep in this morning since she was up all night playing for a rave again, and The Sponkies…… well, the bus already picked them up for school today.  This week’s DVA comes live from Daryl’s house…

Daryl Hall and John Oates are, believe it or not, the most commercially successful pop duo in rock history.  That’s not half bad considering one half of the group was useless and had a really bad porn mustache.  So what would you get if you removed the filler and only kept the guy with musical talent?

A better looking duo, for one thing.

After a very successful run together from the late 70’s through the mid 80’s, the band briefly went its separate ways in 1986.  While John Oates worked on his facial hair, Daryl Hall put together the album Three Hearts in the Happy Ending Machine, which spit out a single hit that proved Daryl should have gone solo a loooooong time ago…

“Dreamtime” went to #5 in the summer of 1986, but you’d never guess that given how it’s become one of the many victims of the selective memory of radio these days.  The likely reason for that being that people want to fondly hang on to the “Maneater” days of H2O… and have blocked pretty much everything else out the group did…

Except for that godawful fucking mustache… which you can’t possibly unsee.

I like a lot of the classic Hall and Oates hits…. and that said, I still think “Dreamtime” is better than all of the songs Daryl did with John combined!  Really this is awesome!  And now that I’ve fulfilled my Monday muzak obligation, I’m hitting the sack for a little dreamtime of my own.  Join me next Monday for another song that will be more fondly remembered than John Oates’ porn stache…

Huh huh huh! Huh huh huh! He said porn stash! Huh huh huh!!!

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A Toast For The Winners

Just be lucky we aren’t serving everyone O’Douls.

This is it, ladies and gentlemen!  The moment you’ve been waiting over a month for.  We had a veritable flood of entries this year, and now it’s time to reward two of those creative souls for their hard work and ability to follow simple instructions.  This is where I shall reveal the winners of the Sixth Annual Contest of Whatever!

Some of you may wish to remain anonymous. I understand…

First of all, I want to thank all eleven bloggers out there who played along!  After four straight years of single digit player pools, I was very pleased that we at least tied the participation record from the inaugural Contest in 2014.  That includes three people who played the CoW for the very first time.  Taking the time to show off your creative skills and humoring me with your weird and wonderful imaginations is greatly appreciated by this squirrel… and from the looks of the comments everyone left on each others’ entries, by all of your fellow players as well.  You guys and gals all rock!

These Alyans fans salute your efforts!

I say this every year, and I mean it every year.  Picking a winner was not easy.  But this year…. it was damn near impossible.  In all five previous Contests, I’ve either had a pretty good idea who I was going to choose by the time I created the post of all entries, or at least had two or possibly three I was debating on.  Until I sat down this morning to begin the arduous task of picking a winner, I still had no clue who I was going to choose, or had even eliminated any of the entries.  So I read them all again and put a star next to the name ONLY if I seriously thought it might be a worthy winner among the entire bunch.  That narrowed my choices down to……. six.

OK, eeny meeny miney moe….

I hemmed and I hawed and I did all kinds of other indecisive things.  If I were rich, I could simply let everyone win a prize, but such isn’t the case.  I had to choose one… and I finally did it.  For better or for worse, I picked my victim winner of the best overall entry in the 2019 Contest of Whatever.  And that winner is…………………….

drum roll

Drum roll please, Hottie…

Melanie!!!!!

Mama! Does this mean you won’t have to sell yourself to the slime factory now for my college fund?

It is always cool to come across someone else in this vast wasteland of WordPress who has an imagination as sick and twisted as mine is… and I was laughing myself silly as Melanie used the bar theme to introduce me (and the world) to some of the strange and wonderful critters who inhabit her home.  This would have been a major contender for the Shelf Critter Theatre theme of the 2017 CoW!  The weird and colorful background she worked in to the pictures was one of the touches that put this one over the top.  Congrats Melanie on being the first rookie to win the overall CoW award since everyone was a rookie in the first game!

You’re a winner! yes, YOU!!!

Don’t go ripping up your entries and saying the contest was rigged just yet!  We still have a second winner to find… and that’s the random drawing that awards just showing up!  I’ll assign everyone a number based on the order I presented the entries in on Friday…

1 – Merby
2 – Jenn
3 – Juliette
4 – Ally Bean
5 – Melanie
6 – Draliman
7 – Ghost
8 – Mandy
9 – Pam
10 – Ruth
11 (Jack) – Cat On My Head

Using the same deck of cards I have used to choose every past CoW random winner… I picked out the Ace through Jack of spades, removing the five for Melanie.

MITZI: Oooooooooooh!  Are we, like, gonna play strip poker?

Ummm, no, Mitzi.  I just need you to supervise the drawing.  Please just watch as I shuffle the cards long enough to have no idea where any card might be.  Besides, you’re already naked anyway.

MITZI: (Looking at herself) Wowsies!  I, like, totally am all nakies!  So…….. wanna do it instead?

Sighhhhh…… no, Mitzi.  Really, that would be extremely weird.  And possibly illegal in some states.  Would you just please pick the top card off the deck?

MITZI: Can Mitzi at least have a smoochie before…

You can bug Draliman for smoochies later!  Just.  Pick.  The.  Card!!!

MITZI: You’re, like, totally no fun!!!

And the winner of the random drawing is……………….

MITZI: Like, does this mean we can have a threesome?

Congratulations to Juliette…. the 2017 overall winner who finally breaks the jinx of nobody having ever won a CoW prize twice!!!!

Nuts and vampires are cute.

So Melanie and Juliette may visit my Cafepress shop and choose one item valued at $20 USD or less as their prize for being the 2019 CoW winners.  Send your prize request as well as mailing address to my email (which can be found here) and I will have your goodies ordered and on their way as soon as possible!  You are both also entitled to display the winner badge for this year’s contest on your blog for perpetuity….

And of course nobody ever leaves the Contest of Whatever completely empty handed.  Besides the smoochie from Mitzi, you also get the customary and totally cool loser badge to show off to everyone!

Once again, a HUGE THANK YOU to everyone who played this year’s contest!  It was, in my estimation, a very big success… not only in quantity, but most importantly in quality!  The creativity of my readers never ceases to amaze me!  Be sure to join me next February for the Seventh Annual Contest of Whatever, where the theme will be….. well, who knows!

Must contain Blood!Blood!Blood!!!!

Posted in Squirrel Droppings | Tagged , , | 20 Comments