Bad Kitty

Go away!

Now that the long winded photo countdown is over, I can once again start sharing some of the pictures I’ve taken over the last half year or so that I didn’t find a way to retroactively work into that series.  These photos aren’t even that old… they were all taken on New Years Eve in the early afternoon.  Above you see The Nest’s current feline food mooch, Gypsy.  If it seems like she’s not in a particularly happy mood, it’s because she isn’t.  And it has nothing to do with all the rain we had the last few days of the year.

No, she’s upset because of the intruder on her territory…

Yeah, you better turn away from me, beyotch!

That grayish/brownish cat with the thick black stripes is not a new feline to my turf.  He’s been hanging around The Nest periodically for a few months now.  To be fair, I don’t know its actual gender, but I’m one of those old school apparent misogynists who default to masculine pronouns… and since he acts like a jerk, he’s probably a male anyway.

Yeah, I thought you’d see things my way…

He has a collar and appears to be pretty well taken care of, so I assume he’s a neighbor’s cat… probably from across the ditch since he usually flees towards my backyard whenever he sees me.  These are the first photos I’ve gotten of him, though.  I don’t have a name for him yet, other than Asshole… which he deserves since he likes to bully Gypsy and chase her away from the food I give her.

Hey! Just who in the fuck are you calling an Asshole, asshole?

I’ve found tufts of Gypsy’s white fur in my yard after her scraps with this cat, so I’ve not been as welcoming with him at my front porch feline cafe.  Although when Gypsy isn’t around, I have managed to earn his trust just enough to get him to come onto my porch and let me pet him.  It’s too bad such a beautiful looking cat has to act like such a holy terror…

Look. I can be sweet when I want to…

Since there was no shooing him away when he showed up Monday, I decided to comfort the enemy by letting him have a bite to eat.  The only trouble was getting a skittish Gypsy to come back for her serving after he had his fill and left…

I can haz noms?

Goddamn cute little Asshole…

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Posted in Picture Day | Tagged , , , , , , , , | 23 Comments

Classy Girls

One of the ideas for a new feature I’ve been kicking round for the new year is based on last year’s Contest of Whatever theme where I challenged Nesters (A term Arlene coined in a recent comment!) to come up with something inspired in some way by a group of images I’d randomly selected off Google.  So this is my attempt to start something I call Random Image Inspiration as a new regular Wednesday series where I’ll pull up a random picture from the net and challenge myself to create something based on it.  Most random image generators I found have a small selection of generic stock images, and that wasn’t what I wanted.  I wanted the entire library of everything ever uploaded to the internet (or at least what Google has access to) at my disposal!  So I’ll use a modified version of the same method that selected the infamous CoW pictures…

Very inspiring indeed…

Each week at some time, I’ll pull four random numbers from the generator on Random.org.  One from between 1 and 20, and three more from between 1 and 100.  The first number will be used to determine which post from my WordPress Reader I’ll use to cull two search words from.  The second and third numbers will correspond to which words I’ll use from that post (I’ll wrap back to the beginning of that post if it doesn’t contain enough words for the count).  And the final number will determine which search result from Google Images I use as the inspiration image from typing those two words into the search.

Let’s try this out!  Here are the four random numbers I was given:

19, 90, 80, 65

The 19th post in my Reader at the time was this one by ghostmmnc.

Word #90 in that post is “what”

Word #80 in that post is “them”

Typing “what them” into Google Images turned up this as the 65th result….

MRS. WARTNOSE: Now class!  Who can tell me who is buried in Grant’s Tomb?

ASHLEY: (Furiously waving her hand) Ooh!  Ooh!  I know Miss Wartnose!

MRS. WARTNOSE: Mary!  Do you know the answer?

MARY: (Barely looking up at the teacher as she pulls her earbud full of emo music out of her ear) Sigh.  Grant?

ASHLEY: That’s our 18th President General Ulysses S. Grant, Mrs. Wartnose!!!!

MRS. WARTNOSE: Very good, Ashley.  It’s always refreshing to see some people in this class actually read their assignments.  Mary, you should follow the example of your deskmate.

Ashley turns towards Mary, closing her eyes and beaming the most smugly superior smile her mouth full of expensive juvenile dental implants can muster.  Mary just sneers and flips Ashley off behind her back.

MRS. WARTNOSE: Mary.  You seem to always have such a terrible attitude towards learning in this class.  Is everything alright at home?

MARY: This class is a joke Mrs. Wartnose!

MRS. WARTNOSE: MARY!

MARY: I’m serious!  This is third fucking grade and Einstein’s energy equation and the Pythagorean theorem are on the blackboard!  Just because Miss Goody Two Shoes here knows all this shit doesn’t mean the rest of us eight year olds are ready to learn it.

ASHLEY: Mrs. Wartnose!!!!!  (pointing) Mary said a wordy durdy!!!!

MRS. WARTNOSE: I heard it as well, Ashley, and will summon the P.E. teacher and his boat oar to deal with this appalling behavior after class.  Now Mary.  Let’s see if you can somewhat redeem yourself and point to the country of Lesotho on the globe.

MARY: Point to what on the what?

ASHLEY: I know where it is, Mrs. Wartnose!!!  (Ashley spins the globe around and points to a small, landlocked country in South Africa)  There’s Lesotho, Mrs. Wartnose!!!

MRS. WARTNOSE: Very good, Ashley.  I’ll add another gold star by your name on the honor roll.  Mary!  Why could you not point out Lesotho on the globe?

MARY: Mrs. Wartnose, I was born in 2010.  I don’t know what a fucking globe even is!

MRS. WARTNOSE: If you don’t pay attention and succeed in class, Miss Mary, you’re going to end up working on the streets as a prostitute.

MARY: (Rolls her eyes and blows her bangs back with a puff)  Big deal.  My mother’s a prostitute and my gramma’s a stripper.  At least they make more than minimum wage.

ASHLEY: Mrs. Wartnose!!!  My mother is the CEO of Ragtime Sanitary Napkins, Incorporated and my grandmother is a former First Lady and Duchess of Massengill!

MARY: (Muttering under her breath) Yeah, and your father was a rabid pit bull/doberman mutt who escaped from the pound.

ASHLEY: Mrs. Wartnose!!!  Mary is bullying me!!!

MARY: I’m going to string you upside down by that long hair in the boys restroom and let them use your mouth as a cootie urinal.

MRS. WARTNOSE: I’ve heard just about enough…

The snarly looking P.E. instructor opens the door with a boat oar in hand…

MRS. WARTNOSE: (Pointing towards Mary’s desk) Right over there, Mr. Armpit!  That young lady needs some butt time with the board of education!

Mr. Armpit drags the naughty schoolgirl out of the class by the hair.  She kicks and screams and protests and begs and pleads the whole way to the gymnasium where five loud swatting sounds suddenly echo throughout the schoolhouse, each followed by agonizing screams of pain.

MARY: Thanks for doing me that solid, Mrs. Wartnose.

MRS. WARTNOSE: No problem, Mary.  I can’t stand that snotty little bitch either…

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The 2018 Sandy Awards!

Welcome one and all to the most anticipated awards show on all of WordPress!  It’s time for Evil Squirrel’s Nest’s seventh annual presentation of The Sandy Awards!  The Sandys are a New Years tradition here at The Nest in which we honor the best, funniest and most fucked up search terms that brought real internet users like you and me to the welcome mat of my blog!  If you’d like to read up on the fascinating history behind this overbloated awards show, or just want even more laughs than you’ll get today by checking out past search term roasts, then check out this page dedicated to the only awards show that honors Google users who need to remain anonymous for their own good!

We have another most excellent show for you this year!  Along with the presentation of the 2018 Sandys, we’ve also rounded up some of the best F-list entertainment chump change can buy!  River Girl will showcase a wonderful ten billion photo slide show of her most recent vacation, Ghostmmnc will search for historic relics among family keepsake boxes, and Draliman will team up with Zeeba to spin off the Buster Death Advent Calendar into a 2019 Page-A-Day!  Fun for the whole family!

Alrighty then!  Boring intro out of the way, now we’re just a brief explanation of the rules away from all that glorious search term goodness you came out of your champagne induced coma to partake in!  Over the past 365 days, I’ve recorded the most interesting search terms from my stats page that apparently led people to my blog.  I divided those terms into the usual nine categories, and will present all of the runners up along with my usual snarky commentary and canned laughter.  At the end of each category, I’ll award a Sandy trophy to the winning search string from that group.  For the grand finale, I’ve saved what I think is the bestest of the bestest search term, which will live on in infamy as the Best Search Sandy of 2018.  Clear as Mississippi mud?

All of the bolded terms below were really, truly, honest to freaking goodness entered into a search engine somewhere in the world and somehow brought that person to a page on The Nest.  No matter what some world leaders might say, there are no #FakeSearchTerms to be found here.  You really couldn’t make some of these up with even the most demented of imaginations!  OK, let’s kick this thing off so we can hopefully finish before the 2019 Sandy Awards show starts.  As usual, we’ll start with the things that 24/7/365 access to smartphones sometimes cause us to ponder at random moments…

There are burning questions, and then there are just dumpster fires like these questionable queries…

is soloflex still in business? – Sure.  But like the expensive exercise equipment they sold to insomniacs on late night TV, they’ve since been reduced to a place to hang your laundry.

1 800 collect can you find it in your heart? – Nope, you can only find it in the part of your brain that still remembers a time when there used to be payphones.

Operator? I’d like to make a collect call to The 90’s!

who is responsible for building a drey for squirrells? – Under the Land Rights Act of 1869, all US property owners are responsible for housing squirrels on their land.

Lazy humans always subcontract the work out to the squatters, though.

is coke bad for squirrels? – It didn’t do Charlie Sheen any harm, so why not let your squirrels snort a few lines…

why is labor day evil? – Because it literally translates into Working Day and nobody fucking works that day!!!

Well…. almost nobody.

are squirrels active near sundown? – Hmmmmm, let’s see.

Nope.  They all seem to have fallen asleep…

is the rice a roni commercial evil? – Only if The San Francisco Treat® is made up of real San Franciscans…

what is the term for when you only survey one profession? – Professional discrimination

does florida have a night squirrel? – I don’t know, but I know just who we need to look into this…

The original CSI: Miami is on the case.

And the award goes to…

what does a mother squirrell nipple look like? – It looks the same as a father squirrell’s nipple, only full of milk instead of full of fat…

Here, I took off my four bras just for you!

I’d show you mine, but I’ve had “work” done…

Now that we’ve wet your whistle for absurdity, let’s move on to the late, great Robin Leach’s favorite category…

Time for more proof that fame does indeed have its downside…

weird al yankovic squirrels – After what he did to weasels, I want Al to stay the hell away from squirrels!

george costanza zuiikin english – I knew I couldn’t be the only one who thought that was Jason Alexander moonlighting on shitty Japanese TV programs

Even Kramer never tied a pair of panties around his head….. I think.

telly savalas lake tahoe – Not unless he’s auditioning for the remake of Weekend At Bernie’s.

john candy wearing chaps – For anyone out there who doubts that the internet’s Rule 34 is valid, here is evidence that somebody out there was searching for a picture of John Candy wearing fucking chaps…

john candy girl – I can only hope that 25 years after I die, there will still be enough searches with my name in it for two of them to somehow stumble upon the same crappy squirrel blog…

The man, the myth, the legend…. wearing chaps!

And the award goes to…

jimmie walker is a douche – Sounds like someone can’t handle all that DY-NO-MITE!!!

You go with your bad self, douchebag!

Let the Good Times roll…

Now it’s time for the category that will have all grammar nazis on high alert…

The Sandys staff never gets sick of these word crimes…

selsun blue left a cooling deeling – No, I just think you left it on your scalp too long and it seeped into your brain…

is squirrel lucky if wander into house

Confucius say: Squirrel who go through airport turnstile sideways going to Bangkok.

squerel at night
are sguirreks out at night – Only to prey on bad spellers in their sleep…

squirrel with utters – The only big boob around here is the one who can’t spell.

are finger links evil? – Fingerlings are absolutely evil… and for once, I’ll overlook the misspelling of a stupid overpriced toy.

For $15 a pop, you’d think they’d give you a handjob too.

And the award goes to…

who made a potatoe that glows when it needs water – I can now die a happy squirrel.  Former Vice President Dan Quayle paid a visit to my blog in 2018!

Ah, the good old days when our politicians’ stupidity was actually funny.

You, Senator, are no Sandy Squirrel!

It’s time to put on our blinders as we take a tour through these scenic virtual eyesores…

The mental picture these search terms will be painting will not be a happy little Bob Ross work…

beer commercial gave him a six pack – Nobody has ever gotten a six pack from sitting on the couch watching beer commercials…

fat elvis sweating – Who wouldn’t have wanted to lick the back of this stamp had it been the winning design in that infamous 1993 contest?

Though had it existed then, I would have wrote this image in…

toilet eating photos – See, not everyone would want this image banned from The Nest…

Toilet Cereal Man rules!

japanese armpit

Who am I to judge?

michigan squirrel poop toffee – Dammit!  “squirrel poop toffee” won the Sandy for this same category in last year’s awards show, and now we apparently know where to find this atrocity.  Sometimes ignorance really is bliss…

Though if the auto industry completely fails, maybe this can be Detroit’s new industry.

And the award goes to…

the nest throne room – No.  Really, you don’t want to see the place I go to do my business and think up new ideas for this blog…

It’s even dirtier than my mind is… and both get clogged up.

Please remain back at least 100 feet from The Nest throne room.

Let’s move on and look at the sciurine inquiries that amazingly were redirected to a squirrel blog…

These squirrel related searches are all just a little bit nuts…

are squirrels late night active – Sure.  You can even find them in the Taco Bell drive thru at 1 AM seeking out fourth meal…

why squirrels getting bald – Hey, even squirrels get old and start losing their hair…

Sy Sperling, not only the president of The Hair Club For Squirrels, but also a client.

are squirrels awake at night – Yes, just like the rest of the neighborhood because your fucking dog won’t stop barking its head off!!!!!!

squirrels are lucky or not – Have you ever heard of a squirrel claiming a nine figure Powerball jackpot?  No, they’re not particularly lucky…

if a squirrells teats are black is she nursing – If they’ve turned black, then she must have given birth to a litter of Hoovers…

squirrel nuts big green

Big, yep! Green, hell no!

30 squirrel songs – Let me know when this compilation album gets made…

squirrel walks into a bar – What is this, some kind of joke?

I’m gonna eat all the beer nuts if you don’t mind.

why do squirrels tails stay fluffy even when wet

Does my tail look fucking fluffy to you, moron?

And the award goes to…

are squirrels ok with being wet – Well, Mr. Squirrel?

No fucking comment!

When I say I refuse to do shower scenes, I have a damn good reason for it!

Signs, signs, everywhere a sign!  Even in the Sandy Awards…

Thanks to The Nest’s look into the zodiac four years ago, we can still witness the fault in our searchers’ stars…

libra fucking in 2018 – There are already more Libras among us than any other zodiac sign.  Do we really need to make more of them?

libra women are evil – Only because they’re not fucking you in 2018, loser.

pisces kraken?

Yeah, that’s me. I’m seeking a Scorpio Mermaid, or someone who is into tentacles.

taurs men asholes – They’re not being assholes.  You deserve to be ridiculed for your lousy spelling.

honey badger aries

You think I care about my damn horoscope? I go out and fuck shit up regardless of what Sydney Omarr says!

And the award goes to…

why is capricorn fucked up – Because nobody ever buys Capricorn anything for their birthday since they were born too close to Christmas…

Beat it, Capricorn! There’s nothing extra in my bag for your greedy ass!

This award is both your Christmas and birthday gift. Enjoy!

Predictably, the show is unexpectedly running way over schedule, so we’ll have to scrap the planned speech by Mr. Fox and get right on to the next category…

Like everyone associated with this blog, there’s something about these searches that’s not quite right in the head…

downy bear

snuggle bear's playing for the wrong team!

Dude! It’s Snuggle! See, Snugg… wait, what the fuck is this shit!?!?

caddyshack squirrel

Take it easy, pal! I know you’re a gopher even if some idiot with a cellphone didn’t.

picture of squirrel with a middle finger – Good luck since squirrels only have four fingers on each paw…

squirrels nest and white stuff from tree – I really don’t want to know what your squirrel is doing up there…

i hate big butts – You’ll never have a hit song with that attitude…

Kiss it, hater!

i am trying to spare my kids

Mama Squirrel understands how your frustration.

will mentos kill squirrels – I don’t know, but they might die laughing if you show them an old Mentos commercial.

gato microwave – Take Sylvester out of the microwave right this very minute, Speedy Gonzalez…

Thufferin’ thuccotash!!!

And the award goes to…

im a fucking possum – Hey, that’s great.  Way to wear your possum pride on your pouch there, marsupial.  Don’t be ashamed of your heritage just because your species is nasty, ugly and smeared all over the road…

Yay for fucking possums!

I’m a fucking statue!

Before we get on to the final two categories of the night, let’s take a moment to recognize these search terms that didn’t quite fit in with any of the cool categories…

the twilight xone answering machine – I think most voicemails already end up getting banished to another dimension…

test it make sure it’s alright – If only the builders of the Titanic and the Hindenberg had considered this sage advice…

It’s alri…. oh shit!

possum face – I love that Lady Gaga song!

Can’t read my, can’t read my, no you can’t read my possum face!

christmas song sung by the wolf and the mouse – Whatever it is, it can’t be worse than the one sung by those chipmunks…

Now that that’s out of the way… it’s time for The Sandys to get their freak on!

Let’s see what fine, upstanding internet users were searching for this year with their one free hand…

how many tits does a gray squirrel have – A lot.

And they’re 100% real, baby!

squirrel dick – Probably larger than your boyfriend’s…

horny pikachu – Hey, he just wants to catch ’em all, too…

kool aid man porn – I dunno… there’s something about crashing through the girl’s bedroom wall that just kills the mood.

Thankfully, Mitzi’s mood is unkillable…

ducktales webby pantsless – Cartoon ducks are already pantsless!  Only the mice have to wear britches…

suppository girl – I don’t want to know how she got this nickname…

And the award goes to…

fucking a miss piggy plush – For Christ’s sake, have some goddamn self respect and just get a blow up doll if you need to get off that bad!  Stop porking piggy plushes!

Isn’t it wonderful to know you have fanboys out there, Miss Piggy? Um, Miss Piggy? Something wrong?

If there’s someone out there into screwing gold statues, please don’t let me know.

Hopefully you’ve stayed awake this long, because it’s time for our final category!  And always a crowd pleaser…

These searches make about as much sense as Kim Kardashian giving a quantum physics lecture.  As always, if you have any idea what these people were actually looking for, please keep it to yourself!

look at his actions and decide – This sounds like the title of Donald Trump’s autobiography…

roadkill drawn incest toons – The family that plays in the road together gets run over together…

mr. sewer rat

I don’t think they were looking for this guy.

mad bomber huts – These are easy to find… just look for the exploding tiki torches.

i want a squirrel without a porno condom

wtf

wolf dog in montana – Check with the lion cat in Wyoming.

dust squirrels nest – Make the squirrels dust their own nests… they’re not that lazy!

And the award goes to…

medical mystories evil apples – I wouldn’t get too upset about that health issue since the last time an evil apple put someone into a coma, that story ended happily ever after…

I don’t know, ma’am. Let me check with WebMD before I eat that.

Always consort with your doctor before eating evil apples.

And now ladies and gentlecritters, it’s that time!  We’re going to make some poor schmuck’s careless web search go viral!  It’s time to honor The Nest’s best search term of the year!

Yes, someone’s hard work and diligence in creating a supremely fucked up search term is going to pay off handsomely by going down in Sandy Awards lore!  This is it, folks… the search string that The Nest’s esteemed panel of judges and other assorted idiots deemed to be the most awesome of the entire year!  It’s the Best Search Sandy of 2018!

And the winner is………..

drum roll

Drum roll please, Hottie…

is grimace always fucking? – Look, we know what you’re thinking.  A giant purple monster shaped like a buttplug has got to be such a freaking studmuffin that he’s probably getting laid more often than McDonald’s actually gets an order correct.  That seems obvious given Birdie’s noticeable limp and the mystery behind where all those weird Fry Guys came from.  But even a sex machine like Grimace needs to take a break every once in a while from adding his tartar sauce to every Filet O’Fish that comes strutting his way… especially so he can enjoy his secondary hobby, eating small children.

Plus, it helps cut back on the amount of child support that gets garnished from his paycheck.

Sorry Grimace, not interested. It’s Hamburglar that makes me go robble robble!

And…. that’s a wrap!  Yes, the show is finally over.  You can all stop pretending to watch while looking at your Facebook feeds and politely applaud now.  We hope you enjoyed The Nest’s annual look into the weirdness that shows up on our stats page, and look forward to seeing you again next New Years Day with a whole new batch of internet insanity!  Let’s hope 2019 is another banner year for fucked up search terms at The Nest!

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A Nut Flush

What could this photo of a girl holding a glob of slime possibly have to do with my #1 novelty song?

We’ve reached the end of the month… the end of the year… the end of the countdown.  But you know The Nest isn’t going to just give you the same old Auld Lang Syne.  No… on this final Monday of 2018, we’re going to give you the best, the greatest, the weirdest and the absolute funniest song of all time!  It’s time to present numero uno in our Top 30 Novelty Songs of All Time countdown!  DJ Scratchy’s got her best backless ballgown on, while the Sponkies are busy spiking the booze with punch.  And as is our favorite New Years Eve tradition in America, it’s time for the big ball drop…

#1. “Big Balls” – AC/DC

All three music countdowns I’ve presented on this blog have had something in common.  For each of them, I knew going in what song was going to be my #1… and built the rest of the countdown around that chart topper.  “Big Balls” is one of the best loved popular novelty songs in rock and roll… but that alone isn’t the reason I made it my top choice.  I am a born contrarian after all.  No, it is my favorite novelty song because it is a literal work of comedic genius.  Bon Scott may look like a lower lower class society dumbass and sound like a wounded hawk that flew into a windmill… but he knew how to milk a song full of nothing but testicle double entendres for all it was worth to create a song that will never fail to make people laugh when they hear it…

I hope he at least wore a shirt to those fancy balls he attended.

Bon and the boys recorded their magnum opus for their 1976 album Dirty Deeds Done Dirt Cheap.  That album wasn’t released in the US until 1981 in the aftermath of Back in Black‘s success, after which “Big Balls” became a rock station favorite and is still a staple on most classic rock formats.  And believe me, I’m just itching to play “Big Balls” for you, but there’s just one problem that is even bigger than Bon Scott’s balls…

Ja! I vant those videos removed at vonce! Or you will all be shot in the balls!!!

At some point in the past few years, YouTube was apparently forced to remove all uploads of Bon Scott era AC/DC songs… leaving only what is on the band’s official account, and there are no Big Balls to be found there.  Yes… my number one novelty song of all time, and I can’t even embed a video of it for your enjoyment unless you want to listen to a shitty cover version like by…… oh, say Alvin and the fucking Chipmunks.

This is a travesty.  Well, yeah, that squeaky version was a travesty too…. but the fact that people can’t listen to the original version of “Big Balls” on YouTube is an even bigger travesty.  That song is a worldwide treasure, and should be available for all humor loving people on this earth to enjoy at their leisure.  Whatever evil entity is behind the castration removal of AC/DC’s Balls from free services like YouTube has a nice, warm spot at the end of the highway to hell waiting for them!

I’m going to go ahead and blame Trump  and his Big Ball Wallfor this…

And….. well, that wasn’t quite the way I wanted to end this countdown.  I am pissed beyond belief at discovering that YouTube quite literally has no Balls.  What a kick to the nuts this development is.  Well, anyway I do hope you enjoyed The Nest’s novelty song countdown!  DJ Scratchy and the Sponkies will be bringing the Dusty Vinyl Archive back to its regular Monday morning slot starting next week.  This is Evil Squirrel’s Nest signing off for 2018…. Happy New Year everyone!

Can we change the name of this song to Big Nuts?

Posted in Novelty Song Countdown | Tagged , , , , , , , | 15 Comments

#1 – Lightning Strikes

One thing all 199 previous entries in this countdown had in common was that the photos were all taken at some point in the past nine years on one of the two digital cameras I’ve owned.  When I was a kid, I had a 35mm camera that I was occasionally allowed to have a roll of film for.  The last time I ever used that camera was on Photo Night at Busch Stadium in 1995, where the Cardinals players came out on the field for fans to take close ups of prior to the game.  I took my roll’s worth of player pictures… and then after the fourth inning of the game that evening, a typical summer thunderstorm moved through causing a rain delay.  As I was waiting it out on the concourse with lightning crashing all around us, I decided to take the ultimate no-risk gamble….

If you remember film photography, you might recall there was a twilight zone near the end of each roll where you might be able to take a couple of extra pictures than what the packaging on the film says you’d be able to.  The counter on my camera was one or two over the 24 slots I was guaranteed to have on the roll, so there was a chance there may be one more bullet left in the camera.  I wandered up to the railing where I had a view outside the stadium and aimed for the skyline.  I reflexively flinched when I saw the sky light up and hit the button.  It turned out to be the last photo on the roll…

Another aspect of film photography that the digital age has made us all forget is the fact that we really had no idea what we captured until the prints were developed.  And the package of prints that came back with this roll had lots of posing ballplayers, but no nighttime shot.  Not that I was too surprised…

It was a year later, the following summer, when I was going through those pictures again and remembered trying to take the photo during the rain delay.  I decided to take a peek at the negatives and noticed that the very last frame had a very vague discoloration like it could be a photo and most notably a very thin crack-shaped line of black going vertically down it.  It seemed like there was something there, but the processors apparently skipped over it thinking it was just a blank image.  I showed it to my Mom, and she took the negative to the Mecca where I’d start working two years later and left instructions to print the very last frame, regardless of whether there was actually anything there or not.

There was something there alright….

Photo taken: August 19, 1995

On July 18, 1996… eleven months after I’d taken it, I found out that in one try, with one shot, with the final photo I ever took with a film camera, that I had captured a bolt of lightning!  It just happened to strike in the direction I was pointing, I just happened to hit the button at the right time, and somehow managed to keep the camera steady enough to get the bolt in crystal clear focus!  I’ve taken many amazing photos that I’ve shared in this countdown that I am extremely proud of… but THIS is my ultimate once in a lifetime photo.  The best photo I’ve ever taken and likely ever will take….

I hope you all enjoyed the look at the top end of my photo archive over the past six and a half months!!!

Posted in My Top 200 Photos | Tagged , , , , , | 13 Comments