Share Your World – Week 70

Nothing says you’re the World’s Best Mom like a pretty dandelion.

So, how can The Nest possibly top our Week 69 session of Share Your World?  We can’t.  Nothing’s better than 69, other than maybe 6969… and it’ll take us 133 more years to reach that week.  So, let’s just accept that we’ve peaked and carry on with the next exciting round of questions from Melanie.

Flashback to 2019!

What can you break even if you don’t touch it?

Oh, but it badly, badly needs to be broken…

These stupid ass things go haywire around me.  Since smartphones have become everyone’s personal photo album, I occasionally have one handed to me by someone who seriously thinks I want to look at their shitty pictures of whatever.  As soon as the evil device is handed off to me, the photos disappear, the phone locks up, and the user can’t bring them up again.  It’s too bad I can’t harness this power of mine to turn all such devices into mush and bring everyone back to a much simpler time when people actually looked where they were going and even interacted with one another…

Remember when 2000 seemed like the technologically advanced future rather than the stone age past?

What’s the most useful thing you own?

OK…. that’s, uh, useful.

Flashing back to my SCT series I did two years ago, this wooden message thingie my Mom picked up from some shop God only knows where is by far the most versatile prop in my collection of crapola.  In the Theatre, this has been used as a counter…

A desk…

A door…

A fence…

A podium…

And who knows what else in the multitude of SCT related skits I’ve created for this blog.

What’s The Silliest Reason You’ve Ever Gotten Into A Fight With Someone Over?

If you have conviction in what you’re fighting for, there are never any silly reasons.  And yes, for me to say something that profound means that I couldn’t come up with a real answer for this question…

Ody and Spilly used to fight for no reason at all… and probably enjoyed it.

If You Were A Snake, How Long Would You Want To Be?

SNUGGLE: Ooh, I got this one!!!  Let’s see, I’d be…

CHIP: Hold up!  STOP!!!

SNUGGLE: Dafuq, dude!?!?

CHIP: I’m not going to stand around here and allow you to desecrate a fine feature like Share Your World with your tasteless and preverted humor!

SNUGGLE: Dude! I was gonna say…

CHIP: I know what you were going to say!  That you’d be a foot long snake, and then you’d gyrate your hips around and run your paw back and forth in front of you groin like this (Chip demonstrates the lewd action)

SNUGGLE: Come on man, I…

CHIP: Then being the creepy sicko you are, you’d no doubt make some tasteless joke about your snake being venomous and needing the poison sucked out of it!

SLIDER: (TWEET!) Alright, that’s enough of this disgusting talk in the Share Your World post!  SYW has a reputation to uphold, you know!

SNUGGLE: But I didn’t…

CHIP: There’s the culprit, Officer Slider!  He needs to be properly punished for introducing his filthy imagination into Share Your World!

SLIDER: The only filthy talk I heard was coming out of your disgusting sewer mouth, mister!

CHIP: What?  But I didn’t….. I mean, I was just explaining what Snuggle would have….. I didn’t actually mean…..

SLIDER: I don’t want to hear your excuses for your lack of common decency!  I’m referring this case to my partner for proper punishment!  Partner!!!

BIG SCRAT: So, you wanna talk about how long your snake is, huh?  Well, I think I’ll give you a real life demonstration of how a long snake hides in a tunnel!

CHIP: No, wait!!!  You’ve got this all wrong!!!  I’m innocent….

SNUGGLE: Ha!  Instant karma’s gonna bite you in the ass like a snake, mofo!!!

SLIDER: I love seeing justice served!

SNUGGLE: Dude, check that out!  Big Scrat found another use for that sign prop!

CHIP: HELP! (OUCH!) MEEEEEEEEE!!!!!

Gratitude and/or uplifting?   Please share.

Well, this is certainly uplifting….

Like, bimbocorns totally have more funsies!!!

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Last Words

a box full of junk

It’s the most fun you’re legally allowed to have on a humpday!  It’s time to spin the wheel of misfortune to come up with the next poignant photo to challenge my demented mind on another Random Image Inspiration.  Let’s see what allegedly random numbers the Randomator has for us today…

32, 3, 24, 62

The 32nd post in my Reader contained only four words, which was too short for this game.  Normally, I would move on to the next post… but since River Girl gets picked for about every other RII, I decided to go back to the 31st post instead, which was this one by Ally Bean

The 3rd word in that post is “longtime”

The 24th word in that post is “when”

Putting “longtime when” into Google Images brought this up as the 62nd result…

This photo was used in an obituary.  So that’s what I’ll use it for as well….

Harold “Harry” Sachs of Bumfuck, Montana passed away on Monday at the age of 69 due to complications from an infected skin tag on his left butt cheek.  Mr. Sachs worked for 35 years as a thingamajig operator at Nutz Ball Bearing plant before the entire plant moved to Bangladesh in 2008.  Rather than retire, Mr. Sachs worked for the last 12 years as a door greeter at the Bumfuck Mecca Stupidcenter, where he enjoyed handing out stickers and questionable candy to unsuspecting children and telling perverted jokes to the cashiers.

In his spare time, Mr. Sachs enjoyed fishing at the local lake, and telling lies to everyone about what he caught.  Other hobbies included drinking beer, collecting stuffed unicorns, passing gas, poisoning squirrels and sniping the neighbor’s kids with his trusty BB gun.

Mr. Sachs married Eileen Dover on some date in 1975 that he could never remember while serving in the US Army, where he reached the rank of Private Last Class and specialized in cleaning latrines for his country.  Upon return to civilian life after a dishonorable discharge for mooning a corporal, Harry and Eileen raised a family of three children.  Huey, Dewey and Louie Sachs are all currently serving fifteen to life sentences in the federal penitentiary for attempting to burglarize a cannabis dispensary, making their father quite proud of their accomplishments.

Besides his wife and three sons, Mr. Sachs is survived by several other family members who would like to remain anonymous in case anyone they know is reading this obituary.  Mr. Sachs was preceded in death by Ethel Kuntz, his longtime mistress who died in 1988 under mysterious circumstances shortly after Dorothy caught the two of them playing a game of strip poker.

A Celebration of Death will be held in Mr. Sachs honor on Friday at the M. Balm Funeral Home and Meat Packing Facility in downtown Bumfuck.  In lieu of flowers, donations may be made to the Dorothy Sachs Bingo Night Fund.

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Don’t Tell, Don’t Ask

DJ Scratchy and the DVA are back! Well, minus the Santa hat….

Lost hit legends can once again rejoice from wherever the heck they’ve been hiding for several decades.  It’s Monday, and with the Countdown of Whatever now in the uncracked rearview mirror, that means it’s once again time for The Nest to dig up the combination to the vault and pull another lost platter that matters out of that treasure trove of oldies we like to call the Dusty Vinyl Archive!  I wanted to start off with something a bit mellow…. but after 30 weeks of being put on the back burner, DJ Scratchy wasn’t having any of that shit.  And the Sponkies approve…. here’s some classic early 80’s arena rock for your ears!

Among the many popular rock bands that emerged in the early MTV era to blow out the speakers in our 50 pound boomboxes was the group Night Ranger.  They may not have been the best known rockers to come out of the Bay Area at that time, but they certainly carved their niche in 80’s lore with…… one of the sappiest rock ballads of the entire decade.  “Sister Christian” was Night Ranger’s breakout hit in 1984, climbing all the way up to #5, and you still have to listen to that piece of crap on the radio if you listen to a station that plays something other than Justin Bieber…

MOTORING! WHAT’S YOUR PRICE FOR FLIGHT?

Argh!  I hate when halfway decent bands get saddled with such a shitty song as their lone calling card.  Luckily, I listened to rock radio before that shit came out… so I already knew who Night Ranger was, and was loving them for the song that got a lot of play in 1983 and demonstrated that these guys actually knew how to rock.  Released in 1982 off their debut album Dawn Patrol, here’s Night Ranger’s air guitar masterpiece, “Don’t Tell Me You Love Me”…

“Don’t Tell Me” was a Mainstream Rock hit, reaching #4 on that chart.  But it was an official Top 40 hit by the skin of its teeth, topping out at #40… meaning poor Casey Kasum probably only got to play this one time on Sunday morning, while he had to play that Sister Christian shit for weeks on end…

Just like his pal Shaggy, Casey got all the crap assignments. I’ll bet Fred liked Sister Christian…

Come back next Monday for another forgotten song that rocks!  Well, unless I sneak in that mellow one….

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Don’t Fence Me In

Damned people and the property they think they own!

They say good fences make good neighbors…. but don’t tell that to the wildlife that co-habitates on your grounds.  What’s a critter gotta do to not feel like they’re in jail around here?  No doubt, this guy’s coveting all those delicious pine cones that are lying around on the other side of the barrier.  Poor fella looks a little despondent over the situation…

Oh, who am I kidding?  Squirrels have about as many problems scaling fences as they do the trees they make into their personal playgrounds.  If this squirrel wanted to get at those yummy pine cones, he could cross the border in a heartbeat.  But you gotta admit that this photo does seem to tell a story of one poor Saturday Squirrel being thwarted by mankind’s desire to keep others out of their yards…

Have a great weekend everyone!

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Share Your World – Week 69

Thanks to kolytyi for showing me this comic that perfectly demonstrates why we are not the superior species we like to think we are.

It was inevitable that if I stuck with this feature long enough, my Share Your World responses would eventually reach this milestone week.  And what better way to share worlds than with a good old number like 69?  Well, maybe not the two idiots in the comic up there who think the earth’s atmosphere suddenly turned into an unbreathable toxic sludge a couple months ago…

Ah well, onward with Melanie’s SYW questions for this wonderful 69th week!

I guess I won’t be able to reuse this logo…

Do guns protect people or kill people?  Or both?

Guns don’t kill people.  Squirrels kill people…

Yeah, just go ahead and try to put up another squirrelproof birdfeeder, lousy humans!

Is it more important to be respected or liked?

I would much rather be liked.  There is no Respect button at the bottom of my posts…

If there was, I’d be even less popular than this guy…

Is having a big ego a negative or  positive trait?

I paradoxically have both a big ego and am very self depreciating.  Neither, nor any state in between is a negative characteristic to have so long as you don’t take yourself too seriously.  That’s the reason that both egomaniacs and self-loathers get on people’s nerves, because it’s all about THEM…

The unserious guys get all the babes.

Depending on your point of view, is death a new beginning?

Well, it’s certainly the beginning of a permanent weight loss diet that’s guaranteed to work…

Well, if you don’t count the weight of all of the bugs and worms…

It’s …. something positive or uplifting …  Do share!  Thanks!

What week is it?

If you don’t find this positive or uplifting, you may need to readjust your stick…

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