Shelf Critter Theatre is a regular Friday feature on The Nest that officially began in October 2016. SCT features my ridiculous collection of figurines, stuffies and other assorted treasures of mine (A number of whom were made and/or sent to me by blog readers and are credited here) acting out small plays in my computer room with minimal props and even more minimal scenery. While the potential of my collectibles in live “action” features using my beyond-warped sense of humor wasn’t fully realized until Bacon sent Bashful the pet rock to stay with me for a while… requiring me to come up with some kind of adventures for him, the roots of SCT can be traced back at least several years prior…
Some of the posts that inspired Shelf Critter Theatre include…
Along Came Scratchy from 2014
Who Needs An Elf? from 2014
Mystery Pony Theater 3000 from 2015
Preparation H from 2016
Most of Bashful’s Adventures (see below) in the Fall of 2016
Some of Shelf Critter Theatre’s more popular characters are….
Fuzzywig, the rather shifty looking raccoon with an affinity for a certain recreational drug. He generally acts like a sleazeball and almost always gets in some reference to the time “4:20” in each appearance.
Mitzi the Bimbocorn, who is as truly unique and one of a kind as any unicorn you’ll find out there. She’s ditzy, floofy, talks like a teenage girl, and is perpetually horny and looking for a good time. Few can resist her silicone charms, including many of SCT’s biggest fans.
Rainy the skunk carries a rain gauge around with her at all times in a futile and frustrating attempt to collect rain that never seems to fall on the Shelf. Her gauge is always coming under attack by thieves who try to put it to some bizarre alternative use, or who fill it up with what Rainy would describe as “NOT Rain!” Easily angered, she has the traditional skunk defense mechanism, and isn’t afraid to use it!
Snuggle Bear is a much creepier (if that’s possible) and much more sinister (ditto) version of the fabled fabric softener mascot. He likes to wreak havoc with the plow attached to his race car, which he also tries to pass off as a pedo van.
Scratchy (aka Vinyl Scratch/DJ Pon 3 from the MLP world) is the hip and cool pony of the collection with an obvious affinity for music and her prizes Kevin Eubanks “In The Heat Of Heat” cassette.
Tina is the sassy and spunky little unicornlet niece of Scratchy who is streetwise well beyond her years. She fearlessly stands up to the much bigger villains, jerk and preverts in the cast who wish to do her harm. Don’t mess with a pony who smells like Disney Princesses bubble bath…
Buster the unlucky possum carries with him the same burden as his comic strip alter ego, in that he usually ends up dying in some bizarre and grisly way each time he appears. The one main difference between comic Buster and SCT Buster is that the crocheted character is a generally pleasant and cheerful critter before meeting his end.
The Sponkies are half-unicorn, half-pony twin children with a bit of an Aussie flavor due to their creator. They are tagged as Sponkie 1 (The boy, blue eyes) and Sponkie 2 (The girl, red eyes) in each play. The Sponkie boy has a huge “Stacy’s Mom” type crush on Mitzi while his sister struggles to keep him in check.
Rainbow Donkey (at least in the SCT universe) is the husband of Sparklepony and the father of The Sponkies. He is much more laid back and easy going than his comic inspiration, which often gets him in trouble with his more wound up better half.
Troll is an overeducated, underemployed ne’er do well who has to fight and claw to survive the mean streets of the Shelf. Other than the occasional fling with Mitzi, poor Troll never can seem to catch a break… even losing his hold on main SCT villain to Snuggle Bear!
Chip is a squirrel/chipmunk hybrid who has been cast into the host/emcee role in any kind of TV show parodies the SCT gang puts on. He’s a straight man with deadpan humor all the way, which makes him a great match for…. well, just about any of the other out of control critters in the troupe.
Fleabag is Fuzzywig’s pet mutt who has a propensity for constantly barking and piddling in the most inappropriate places. Completely disobedient yet absolutely adorable, he’ll one day end up on the buffet at the local Chinese restaurant if Fuzzywig has his way.
The Squirrel Children are five totally cute little sciurine figures who need every bit of their good looks to get themselves out of all the trouble they cause. They are referred to by numbers, with the exception of the “Littlest” who is always the one getting blamed by the others for all their misdeeds.
Other recurring Shelf Critter Theatre characters include…..
Shadow the Umbreon Bad Santa
Seymour the Elf Princess Luna
Shelf President Uncle Sam Applejack and Twilight
Mr. Fox Scrat
And a cast of thousands of bit players!
Links to all of Bashful’s Adventures:
What’s In The Box? (9/7/16) – The ponies officially welcome Bashful to The Nest
Bowling For Critters (9/9/16) – Fuzzywig and Scrat take Bashful bowling
Of Mice And Rocks (9/11/16) – Rich Mouse, Poor Mouse
I Love It When A Drawing Comes Together (9/13/16) – Bashful can’t draw
Commercial Rock (9/16/16) – The Most Interesting Rock in the World
Meet The Star (9/18/16) – Buster’s dirty secret
Make A Wish (9/23/16) – Bashful’s three wishes go awry
Make It Rain (9/25/16) – Bashful messes with the wrong skunk
Pub Rock (9/30/16) – Bashful hits on a reluctant Sparklepony
Laundry Day (10/7/16) – Snuggle Bear helps to de-skunkify Bashful
Pros At Cons (10/9/16) – Fuzzy recruits Bashful for his crooked game
The Great Debate (10/12/16) – Bashful debates Uncle Sam
Tales From The Rock (10/14/16) – Fucked Up Fairy Tale #1 – The Three Billy Goats Gruff
Gotta Catch ‘Em All (10/17/16) – Bashful encounters a cunning Pokecritter
Leaving The Nest (10/21/16) – The ensemble bids Bashful adieu
Links to every episode of Shelf Critter Theatre:
#1 – A Very Sponkie Halloween (10/28/16) – The Sponkies go trick or treating
#2 – I Approve This Post (11/4/16) – Dueling political ads from Sam and Luna
#3 – Just The Facts, Ma’am (11/11/16) – The unusual suspects get questioned
#4 – Bad Santa (11/18/16) – The world’s worst mall Santa
#5 – Square Pegs (11/25/16) – Let’s play The Shelf Critter Squares
#6 – Up Up And Away (12/2/16) – Sammy drops by the Shelf on his was to the Rainbow Bridge
#7 – Seasons In The Snow (12/9/16) – Creating a wintry scene out of styrofoam peanuts
#8 – Humblebragging (12/16/16) – Our fucked up holiday newsletter to you!
#9 – The Big Night (12/23/16) – A Visit From Bad Santa
#10 – Year End Clearance (12/30/16) – No plot and no script leads to SCT’s most iconic image
#11 – Who’s Your Daddy? (1/6/17) – Maury Povich meets Mitzi
#12 – Superstition Ain’t The Way (1/13/17) – The most fucked up Friday the 13th ever
#13 – I Missed The Bus (1/20/17) – Tina’s adventures walking uphill to school
#14 – Rain In Vain (1/27/17) – Fleabag leads Rainy on the scent of precipitation
#15 – Mystic Unicorn (2/3/17) – Madame Mitzi, like, knows all!
#16 – Who’s Afraid Of The Big Bad Critter? (2/10/17) – Fucked Up Fairy Tale #2 – Little Red Riding Hood
#17 – More Than Happy (2/17/17) – The dangers of too much Prozac
#18 – Called On The Carpet (2/24/17) – The pre-SCT Oscars red “carpet” show!
#19 – Amateur Crittermatography (3/3/17) – A show almost as fucked up as the real Academy Awards
#20 – The Squirrel Upstairs (3/10/17) – Troll dares to confront THE Evil Squirrel over his roles
#21 – I’m The Pied Piper (3/17/17) – Fucked Up Fairy Tale #3 – The Pied Piper of Hamelin
#22 – The Great Pretender (9/22/17) – Skunk girls can’t get any respect
#23 – A Doggone Shame (10/6/17) – Fuzzywig tries to sell his dog to the Chinese buffet
#24 – Hard Time (10/13/17) – Snuggle Bear gets sent up the river!
#25 – Talentless Show (10/27/17) – Shelf Critter Idol brings out never before seen critters from my collection!
#26 – Expect The Unexpected (11/10/17) – Mitzi has the world’s most expected surprise
#27 – Children Of The Unicorn (11/17/17) – Hide the children… Mitzi’s in charge of the day care
#28 – Even Badder Santa (12/1/17) – Our terrible mall Santa returns with a vengeance
#29 – Mitzi Baby (12/8/17) – You can’t always get what you want, especially from Bad Santa
#30 – The Most Horrible Story Ever Told (12/15/17) – Desecrating the classic tale of a virgin birth
#31 – Shower Power (12/22/17) – Not your grandmother’s baby shower…
#32 – Happy Birth Day (12/29/17) – The little Mitzis are hatching!
#33 – Too Drool For School (1/5/18) – Zeeba and Bearcat’s first day of school
#34 – Rage Against The Machine (1/12/18) – A robotic fox bent on taking over the shelf!
#35 – The Cutting Room Floor (1/26/18) – Fucked up outtakes from Shelf Critter Theatre
#36 – Dark Shadows (2/2/18) – Groundpossum Day doesn’t go too well for poor Buster
#37 – Imagination At Work (2/9/18) – How to create a fucked up Contest of Whatever entry
#38 – Ain’t Too Proud To Beg (2/16/18) – The Shelf Critter Theatre telethon
#39 – A Date With Density (2/23/18) – Troll gets set up on a blind date with Rainy
#40 – Viewer Mail (3/16/18) – Chip and Fuzzywig answer fake reader questions
#41 – The Chop Shop (3/23/18) – Neutering gone horribly wrong
#42 – Bad Eggs (3/30/18) – Santa has to fill in for the Easter Bunny
#43 – Submitted For Your Approval (4/13/18) – Buster enters The Shelf Critter Zone
#44 – The Big Day (4/20/18) – Fuzzywig wants to celebrate 4/20 with everyone
#45 – There Goes The Neighborhood (4/27/18) – The Shelf is so much different than Sesame Street
#46 – Rhyme Time (5/4/18) – Fucked up nursery rhymes for deranged children
#47 – The Mother Of All Episodes (5/11/18) – SCT’s fucked up tribute to Mothers Day
#48 – Recipe For Disaster (5/23/18) – Snuggle Bear cooks up something truly awful for a contest
#49 – Net Brutality (6/1/18) – Warning: This episode contains tracking cookies
#50 – Million Dollar Bear (6/22/18) – Snuggle Bear takes on The Shelf’s most fucked up game show
#51 – A Shelf Of Sin (7/6/18) – Temptation times seven on The Shelf
#52 – Boy Meets Girls (11/9/18) – A first love story like you’ll only find on The Shelf.
#53 – Poetry In Commotion (11/16/18) – The critters can even make poetry recital a fucked up mess
#54 – Pardon Me (11/22/18) – Stupid Presidential tradition meets stupid Shelf Critter Theatre episode
#55 – A December To Remember (11/30/18) – Creating the world’s most fucked up Advent calendar
#56 – Two Thousand Zero Zero (12/28/18) – Celebrating The Nest’s 2,000th post in millennial fashion
#57 – Flight Risk (1/4/19) – The shit really hits the fan
#58 – Lowering The Bar (2/8/19) – Another messed up Contest of Whatever entry
#59 – An Oscar Worthy Performance (2/15/19) – Val the unwanted Valentines unicorn takes the Shelf critters down a peg
#60 – Not Necessarily The News (3/8/19) – The real Fake News
#61 – Enter The Dragon (3/15/19) – It’s not everyday a dragon wanders into your crib
#62 – Tax Day (4/12/19) – Uncle Sam squeezes blood from the turnip critters
#63 – To The Moon (4/19/19) – Mitzi’s adventures on “The Moon”
#64 – The Jenius (4/26/19) – Nobody likes a game show know-it-all
#65 – Astrologer To The Critters (5/10/19) – Madame Mitzi returns, this time with her own psychic show!
Special SCT movie presentation – The Gizzard Of Blahs:
Part I (7/20/18) – Farm livin’ is the life for Mitzi
Part II (7/27/18) – Riding the storm out
Part III (8/3/18) – Meet the buttmunchkins
Part IV (8/10/18) – The Wicked Bitch lives up to her name
Part V (8/17/18) – Meet our Scarecrow
Part VI (8/24/18) – The unfunny Tin Man
Part VII (8/31/18) – I’d be lyin’ if I said you’d meet a Lion
Part VIII (9/7/18) – Almost out-foxed by the Bitch
Part IX (9/14/18) – Inside The Cubic Zirconia City
Part X (9/21/18) – Meeting The Gizzard
Part XI (9/28/18) – Journey to the Bitch’s castle
Part XII (10/5/18) – Wasted on the way…
Part XIII (10/12/18) – Rescuing Mitzi and battling the wicked bitch
Part XIV (10/19/18) – Back to The Gizzard
Part XV (10/26/18) – We’ve ruined their exit
Part XVI (11/2/18) – The utterly insane conclusion to this messterpiece
Look for more Shelf Critter Theatre episodes to come on Fridays….