The Undisputed Truth

One of my followers made a most excellent post about the lack of truth and trust we often find in people with positions of power.  I made a joking comment that we need more squirrels in power positions, because you can always trust a squirrel!  Fransi replied that she looked forward to a post about an honest squirrel soon…..

Well, I shouldn’t have read that before I planned on going to bed, because it got the wheels of my demented mind turning.  I now present to you a few examples of some famous squirrels who knew how to handle the truth, and who could always be trusted to never conceal their nuts or their mangy laundry….

George Scurrington

I can not tell a lie, these breeches are itchy!

George Scurrington was the first President of the United States, and one of the founding fathers of our great country.  George was a squirrel of exceptional honesty, and when confronted by his neighbor Annie Adams about whether or not he had in fact threw cherries at her from the top of his cherry tree, Scurrington did the honest and noble thing.  He blamed it on red squirrel loyalists to King George III.  No wonder he has been immortalized on our one dollar bill, and had that center of honesty and integrity Washington, DC named in his honor.

Abraham Nutcoln

Let’s not fight, children. I have vampires to slay…

Abraham Nutcoln was such a bastion of truth that his nickname was Honest Abe.  Nutcoln grew up in the attic of a log cabin in Kentucky and made a name for himself as the most honest lawyer in the Midwest.  He successfully debated Stephen A. Dugnuts by being the loudest and most obnoxious squawker, and soon went on to become our 16th President.  During his term, he presided over the Civil War between the red and the grey squirrels, bringing peace to the land by blowing a bunch of crap up and sending the rebel greys chasing their tails.  He met an untimely demise when he was shot during a showing of the play Funny Squirrel after he pegged actor John Wilkes Bucktooth with an apple while panning his performance.  This led many future leaders to adopt a policy that honesty maybe wasn’t always the best policy.

Bubba Squirrel

Never seen her before in my life!

Bubba Squirrel is one of the most honest rodents to ever sit in the Oval Office, depending on what your definition of “is” is.  Bubba rose from the Whitewater backwoods of Arkansas to become the leader of the Free World thanks to his reputation for integrity and keeping those evil squirrel girls from his past from telling vicious lies about what he was doing behind his wife Hillaseed’s tail.  Bubba is best remembered for his forceful denial that he had the Presidential Seal polished by proclaiming that he did not have sex with that squirrel, while secretly pointing to Al Gourd.  Yes, Bubba’s ethics were truly unimpeachable, and that is no lie.

If these three examples don’t prove to the world why we need to Vote Sciurine more often, I don’t know what I can do to convince you.  But just in case, I have an acorn with your forehead’s name on it….