I have plenty of time to think about stupid stuff, both while I’m busy slacking off at home and while I’m doing my tedious tasks at work.  Here are three things that were going through my mind recently that i find to be puzzling….

1. What happened to the other Cinnamon Toast Crunch Bakers?

He’s happy because he got away with cold blooded murder.

I wound up “zoning” (retail speak for straightening up) the cereal aisle this morning, and when I hit the Cinnamon Toast Crunch, I began singing the little jingle I remember from the commercials that ran constantly during all the cartoons I watched as a kid in the 80’s.

There used to be three Cinnamon Toast Crunch bakers….

Too many cooks ruin the profits…

But for quite a while now, there’s only been Wendell, the old guy who spends his Decembers working as a mall Santa.  What the hell happened to his two partners?  And why does he seem so damn happy about being by himself?

He does look pretty creepy… I wonder what ever became of all those kids in the commercials now…..

There can be no doubt we’re dealing with a real, honest to God cereal killer here.  This guy should be locked up where men who shake cinnamon and sugar all day long usually end up on the wrong end of a Bubba sandwich.  Let’s hope this is just an isolated incident and not anything that becomes a trend in the breakfast world….

I’d hate to be the other two the day Snap finally snaps….

2. Why is there no festive toilet paper?

HO! HO! HO!!! You have corn stuck in your buns!

I stock the household chemicals and paper goods aisles at the store I work at.  During the holiday season, almost everything in the paper goods side of the department goes decorative for Christmas (or whatever your December holiday of choice is).  Paper plates, cups, and plasticware go red and green, napkins get pretty cheery designs, as do the paper towels.  Kleenex and Puffs boxes come in shiny ornamental prints and shapes.  Even the baggie counter gets in on the act with holiday slider bags and red Saran wrap!

But the toilet paper…..

The Ebeneezer Scrooge of paper products.

It never gets invited to the big Christmas parties.  No eggnog, no presents, no mistletoe for Mr. Double Roll.  It just gets to sit in the bathroom and hang out while everyone and their in-laws are in the living room whooping it up.  The closest TP will ever get to the Christmas spirit is if Santa gets the runs from too much cookies and milk and has to make a run for the facilities.

My sense of humor, but obviously not my artwork since neither subject has a tail….

#3. How did playground chants spread in the days before the internet?

Who didn’t love recess?

Every parent tries to protect their poor, innocent little children from all the dirty, naughty, and nasty things they might encounter on TV, at the movies, or on blogs like mine.  But they couldn’t do a damn thing about what their kids learned at recess.  If you had a normal childhood and attended school, you probably heard and likely chanted yourself countless rhymes that sounded like kids stuff, unless you actually paid attention to the words.

On top of old smokey
all covered with blood
I shot my poor teacher
with a 44 slug
I went to her funeral
I went to her grave
everybody threw flowers
I threw hand grenades

Another favorite of mine….

Miss Suzy had a steamboat
the steamboat had a bell
Miss Suzy went to heaven
the steamboat went to
hello operator
please give me number nine
and if you disconnect me,
I’ll kick in your
behind the ‘frigerator
there was a piece of glass
Miss Suzy sat upon it
and bust her silly
ask me no more questions
I’ll tell you no more lies
Miss Suzy’s in the kitchen
Making chocolate pies
The boys are in the bathroom
Zipping up their flies.

I remember one night while me and some of the others from my message board were in chat, the alternate singing of On Top of Old Smokey came up and I got to thinking about the first little childhood chant I posted here.  So I hit Google, and I found much to my surprise and delight that many of these songs were quite fondly remembered and documented by others out there… and from all over the country!

Eeney meenie, miney, moe. Catch a ni….um, tiger by the toe….

Now, there were many local variations in a lot of these old playground chants, and some were more popular in certain areas than others….. but it boggles my mind how these songs spread the way they did across the country back in the days when social media consisted of a telephone that had a cord, and probably a rotary dial as well!  For most kids, the world wasn’t any bigger than their own town and the surrounding area…. yet there seem to be so many universal playground chants, particularly those that are parodies of other more well known songs.  And just where did kids pick these up from back in the 80’s and before?

The things I think about when there’s nothing better to occupy my mind with…..

OK, one quick ES drawing as I end this rambling post with one of my all-time favorite playground chants of my day…..

I pledge allegiance to the flag
Michael Jackson is a fag
Pepsi Cola burned him up
Now he’s drinking 7-UP!