Almost every Tuesday since April 2013, The Nest has put the spotlight on some of my favorite forgotten TV ads of yesteryear. We have come not just to praise these ads, but also to mercilessly mock them. Using my signature style of twisted humor and sarcasm, I take a rather unconventional look at some of these commercials that didn’t seem so odd at the time… but often can only be seen as totally fucked up these days. Most of the featured spots are from the 1980’s and 1990’s, though an occasional ad from the new millennium will get the honor of a Nest roasting.
Starting in August of 2015, I have (at least temporarily) moved my Retro TV Ad feature to Fridays in order to move it to a day where I have more time to work on them. Beginning in 2016, new RTVA posts appear infrequently when the mood strikes me…
What follows are some of my favorite Retro TV Ad posts that should provide plenty of cheap laughs for you at the expense of a classic fucked up commercial:
Highly recommended posts are in BOLD
A Breakfast Mess (5/14/13) – Fred and Barney, prehistoric assholes
Oh Yeah!!! (5/21/13) – Kool Aid Man, the pitcher of mass destruction
A Toast To Dick (5/28/13) – Dick, Miller Lite advertising genius
Wait For The Beep! (6/17/13) – Let Crazy Calls entertain your telemarketers
You Will… Maybe (6/25/13) – AT&T epically fails predicting the future in 1993
Performance Enhancing Candy (7/9/13) – M&M’s provides PED’s for Little Leaguers
Medical Mysteries (7/16/13) – Here’s our product! Take a guess what it does!
Gonna Make You Sweat (7/23/13) – Richard Simmons, ladies and gentlemen.
The Agony Of Defeat (7/30/13) – The Olympics Triplecast, the New Coke of TV
Unsolved Mysteries (8/6/13) – Time/Life books, Google in the days before Al Gore
Je Suis La Jeune Fille (8/13/13) – Learn a new language with mumbling Muzzy!
The Night Is Yours (8/20/13) – Why you should avoid supermodels at parties
G’day Mate! (8/27/13) – Foster’s enters the American stereotype of Australians
Come Together (9/3/13) – The totally fucked up story of where Reese’s came from
Silly Rabbit (9/17/13) – A Retro TV Ad play involving the Trix Rabbit.
Got Milk? (9/24/13) – It does a body good……. allegedly
Raisin Hell (10/1/13) – The incomprehensible story of how The California Raisins took over pop culture
Zomething Zhitty (10/8/13) – Zima, an embarrassing artifact of the 90’s
Happy Days Are Here Again! (10/15/13) – Heartland Records makes the 50’s look so lame
Saving Money The 90’s Way (10/22/13) – Collect calls weren’t just a thing, they were big business!
Phonic Boom (10/29/13) – Hooked on Retro TV Ads worked for me!
Soft And Creepy (11/5/13) – The sadistic world of Snuggle Bear
Stuck Like Glue (11/13/13) – The only time super glue ever worked properly
The Bald And The Beautiful (11/19/13) – President Sy Sperling
My Buddy (11/26/13) – You wanna be like Buddy Lee
Monkeying Around (12/3/13) – Cocoa Krispies and the most annoying cereal mascot of all time
Dinnah! (12/10/13) – Has anyone ever seen Mac Tonite and Max Headroom in the same room?
Your Move (12/17/13) – How to build your own Civil War chess set in three short years
A Brand New Car!!!! (12/24/13) – Lexus makes it a December to Remember for the filthy rich
Champagne Wishes (12/31/13) – This Retro TV Ad is Korbel!
Let It Whip (1/14/14) – How Tampax made a mockery of the Grambling band and dance squad
Squirrels Selling Out (1/21/14) – A collection of commercials with squirrels in honor of their special day
Home Schooling (2/4/14) – Go to school with Sally Struthers, featuring the infamous xxxxxxxxxxxl Man!
It’s So Money (2/18/14) – The US Mint tries and fails to push the new dollar coin
Being Dr. Galazkiewicz (3/4/14) – Madison Avenue’s most famous limo driver and con man
Kill It Before It Grows (3/18/14) – Watch an agonizing, torturous, gruesome death before your very eyes!
Panning For Gold (3/25/14) – Legendary international recording artist Zamfir
Top Secret! (4/1/14) – Beautiful bean footage
Who Clubs Ya Baby? (4/8/14) – Kojak does Vegas, baby!
Shhhhhhh!!!! (4/15/14) – Remember EF Hutton? We do…
HeadOn Collision (4/22/14) – This post will give you a headache
Cute And Crispy (4/29/14) – Kids love cereal and animal crackers, but not at the same time
Minds In The Gutter (5/6/14) – Super Bowling Saturday with Mary Lou Retton!
Just Dew It (5/21/14) – YOLO fuel before YOLO was cool
Throw It Back! (5/27/14) – Why was Norman Bigfish killed off by his own creators?
Toker’s Delight (6/3/14) – The drug talk was never this cool
I Am The Walrus (6/10/14) – Diabeetus, it’s the right thing to do
Refreshing Violence (6/25/14) – Yet another violent fruit juice mascot
Shake It Up (7/1/14) – Losing weight with Tommy Lasorda
The D List (7/8/14) – Tennis with the semi-stars
Mint Condition (7/15/14) – Mentos, and the world’s most insane ads ever
Live For Today (7/23/14) – The life and times of Danger Kitty
I Heartily Endorse This Chair (8/12/14) – Late Night TV tries to sell you the darndest things
Lie To Me (8/27/14) – You can trust Joe Isuzu
Bad Animals (9/10/14) – The absolutely fucked up world of Sweet Pickles
Full To The Brim (9/30/14) – The coffee ads that changed the definition of a word
Seventh Heaven (10/7/14) – Geoffrey Holder makes the Uncola cool again
Feel The Tingle (10/29/14) – Brave men take the Denorex challenge
It’s Not Easy Being Cheesy (11/18/14) – The adventures of Chester Cheetah
Hamm It Up (12/23/14) – The most inept beer bear on TV
You Can Look It Up (4/8/15) – Your old school key to the information age
For Whom The Beltones (5/5/15) – Can you hear me now?
The Unreal Seal (6/9/15) – The world’s most fucked up imitation brand name
That 70’s Post (6/16/15) – Preserving the 70’s Preservation Society
Did I Eat That? (8/14/15) – Three shitty licensed cereals you’ve long forgotten about
The Eagle Has Landed (8/21/15) – How to kill off a brand with one fucked up commercial
A Tight Seal (8/28/15) – Selling baggies
Toejam Football (9/4/15) – The wonderful world of anthropomorphic toenail fungus!
Surprise Inside! (9/11/15) – The only place you can legally see a girl stick her hand up a dog’s vagina
Trumped Up Kicks (9/25/15) – Donald Trump the Board Game. Seriously…
Gym Dandy (10/23/15) – Soloflex will pump you up!
Cuts Like a Knife (11/13/15) – A fucked up look at pop culture’s most famous “Japanese” knife
Like A Surgeon (12/11/15) – Let’s play medical malpractice!
Throwing In The Towel (2/9/16) – The unbelievable world of the Quicker Picker Upper
Mr. R.O.B.oto (6/7/16) – The 80’s most useless robot remembered
Diddly Squat (6/28/16) – You will never look at rainbow unicorns the same way ever again
The Sound Of Blue Balls (1/3/17) – Smurf music. No, seriously, fucking Smurf music!