Digging For Mold

Getting down and dirty

I have always been a hoarder, I can’t and won’t deny that.  Since I was a kid, I always flashback fridayattached strange sentimental value to the stupidest shit and kept random crap from around the house, or even stuff I found on the street tucked away in a drawer.  Naturally, all this crap I have collected over the past three decades is still with me, and while brainstorming ideas for this week’s Flashback Friday this morning, I thought I might try something a bit different that I may do from time to time.  For this week’s installment, I’ll showcase a few of the odds and ends I’ve pulled from my own private Smithsonian.

squirrel trash can

One critter’s trash is another critter’s treasure.

It occurred to me as I came across two different blog posts this past week that referenced My Little Pony that despite my unnatural knowledge of 1980’s girls toys, I have yet to actually dedicate a Flashback Friday post to any of the things my sisters played with yet. (Note to Alice:  No, this obviously isn’t my entry in the Sparklepony contest, just consider this another free plug for my pal Sparky!)  So with that theme in mind, I went searching through my treasure trove of junk relics and found some things that used to belong to my sisters that made it into the official Evil Squirrel Collection….

Stop, you thieving possum!

At least Buster steals stuff worth stealing…

First up, most children of the 80’s should recognize what this is…

I was once in The Village Little People.

I was once in The Village Little People.

Fisher Price’s Little People toys have been around since most of our parents were kids, and like all toys with that kind of longevity, have changed quite drastically over the years.  Back in the 80’s when this little round workman was busy building plastic houses and repairing cracks in backyard sidewalks, Little People were still actually little.  This was a day and age when Darwinism was still all the rage, and nobody cared that a lot of our toys we were given to play with were choking hazards.  The Little People you can buy in stores today are big enough to crack your little sister’s skull with, and require two or more kids to lift to prevent back problems.

Maybe it's time to start blaming Fisher Price for our child obesity epidemic and not McDonalds...

Maybe it’s time to start blaming Fisher Price for our child obesity epidemic and not McDonalds…

________________________________________

Continuing on through the vault, we come across this relic from one of the greatest cartoon series of the late 80’s…

I'm a duck named Webby... yeah, my parents were complete jackasses...

I’m a duck named Webby… yeah, my parents were complete jackasses…

If you were a fan of the cartoon series Duck Tales, you probably remember Webby as one of the show’s second-tier characters.  She was no doubt introduced to the series to break up the largely male-dominated universe of Donald Duck that existed long before it ever spawned the Duck Tales cartoon. (Fun fact: Disney’s most famous pantsless duck not only wasn’t a star of Duck Tales, he very rarely ever appeared).  I have no idea where she came from or how she came into my possession, but looking at the inscription under the figurine shows both “DISNEY” and “KELLOGGS”, so I’m guessing this was a toy freebie from a cereal box.

Speaking of freebies…. enjoy the nostalgia trip with one of the greatest cartoon theme intros ever…

____________________________

Next stop, the 80’s music wing!  Here’s a guitar that’s truly outrageous….

jemguitar

It also has five strings, so it’s either a broken guitar or a mutated bass…

MTV got kids of the 80’s dreaming of becoming rock stars, and at the same time bands like Bananarama and The Bangles were becoming popular, Hasbro decided to cater to little girls dreams by creating Jem and the Holograms.  Jem and friends not only became a rocking set of dolls, but they even spawned a reasonably successful cartoon series.  And the commercials were unavoidable during kids programming in the mid 80’s…

If you have an eagle eye that can withstand glittery, sparkly girls stuff, you may have noticed our guitar in the picture above belongs to one of the members of the Holograms, Shana…

Hair that was only physically possible in the 80's.

Hair that was only physically possible in the 80’s.

Jem was so popular and truly outrageous in the 80’s, that it had the executives at Mattel squirming in the plush sofas of their pink Malibu dream houses, so they had to turn that ditz Barbie into a rock star to compete with this brazen newcomer.  So we got the line that most Barbie fans probably wish was purged from the doll’s history, Barbie and the Rockers.  As it was, when more serious hair metal and hip hop took a baseball bat to the glamour boys and girls of the stage in the late 80’s, both the Holograms and the Rockers wound up confined to dusty attics never to be seen again…

As for The Misfits, they went on to a lucrative career in prostitution...

As for The Misfits, they went on to a lucrative career in prostitution…

_________________

The music of the 80’s not only sounded good, but it also smelled like shit good!

Who wouldn't want to smell like Debbie Gibson?

Who wouldn’t want to smell like Debbie Gibson?

Yes, among my stash of crap is this perfume bottle that once belonged to my oldest sister.  Debbie Gibson hit the scene in the late 80’s as a teenage musical prodigy who actually wrote her own songs rather than just singing stuff she heard on the radio like her contemporary Tiffany.  Alas, Debbie could never shake the association with the fake mallbrat Tiffany, and despite putting out a number of great hits that were actually original creations, she was quickly tossed into the ashcan of musical history and her songs don’t make the playlists of nostalgia radio stations to this day.  This shows she was at one time popular enough to have her own scent, named after her 1989 sophomore album “Electric Youth” and distributed by Revlon along with other assorted makeup essentials.

Wave your flag proudly, Debbie!  We still love you, even if your perfume did make us gag...

Wave your flag proudly, Debbie! We still love you, even if your perfume did make us gag…

_______________________

Our last stop takes us to this relic of the same musical era, only this time we’re gonna hang tough with Marky Mark’s brother!

He's either asking some groupie to call him maybe, or palming his pot stash.

He’s either asking some groupie to call him maybe, or palming his pot stash.

Donnie Wahlberg hit it big as a member of New Kids on the Block before anyone had any clue who his soon-to-be superstar brother even was.  This NKOTB trading card somehow wound up in my possession, and even through all of the creases and terrible fashion choices, we can still see the badass Wahlberg attitude in full display.  Since it’s only possible to stare at Donnie for so long before wanting to take an SOS pad to your eyeballs, let’s see what fun stuff is on the back of this card….

Information that might win you big bucks on some horrible future game show...

Information that might win you big bucks on some horrible future game show…

Ooh, the NKOTB quiz!  Count me in!  What qualities could Donnie possibly want in a girlfriend that would make her the Right Stuff?  Given Mr. Wahlberg’s tastes, I’d take a guess that the first two qualities are a right boob and a left boob.  Quality three is an orifice somewhere on the body…. any will do, Donnie’s not picky.  Maybe a willingness to play with matches would be a plus as well.  Of course, we’ll never find out since the assholes who made up this sadistic card put the answers to the quizzes on different cards in a blatant attempt to force tween girls to spend all their allowance money buying more packs.  At least we’ve learned that Danny Wood’s nickname is Puff McCloud, so I can kind of sleep at night now…

Apparently one of Danny's friends had already taken the nickname Dork McDouchebag.

Apparently one of Danny’s friends had already taken the nickname Dork McDouchebag.

I’ll be sure to do another Flashback Friday post in the future featuring more crap from my impromptu museum of the random and ridiculous.  What other deep dark pop culture secrets society wanted to keep hidden lie deep within my secret vault?  Join us next time, when we’ll bring along an expert to help us dig through the hidden ruins that lie buried in my junk boxes….

All we've found so far is a half eaten McDLT and Stretch Armstrong's severed head!

All we’ve found so far is a half eaten McDLT and Stretch Armstrong’s severed head!

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About evilsquirrel13

Bored former 30-something who has nothing better to do with his life than draw cartoon squirrels.
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18 Responses to Digging For Mold

  1. PigLove says:

    OMP (oh my pig) – I can’t breathe! These are so hilarious! Debbie Gibson – what a blast from the past. See, I know who she is, are you surprised? I know because I saw her in a b rated movie on the Sci-Fi channel not too long ago. I think it was about alligators or snakes – something like that – snorts.
    Then Duck Tales – I’ve watched them on my television. Mommy had some VHS tapes – shows how old she is, huh? I’ve asked mommy this question and now I’m going to ask you. Why do they dress those ducks but always forget their pants? Even the white gloved mouse has pants. Can you riddle me that one? XOXO – Bacon

    • That’s great that you’ve been exposed to some 80’s culture, Bacon! It was an awesome decade! I can’t answer the question about why ducks never wear any pants, it must be some kind of Duck Actor’s Guild requirement that they are allowed wander about trouser-free. I know Aunt Sharon (Gentlestitches) is an expert on Donald Duck and the gang, so maybe she’ll know!

      • PigLove says:

        I hope she has the answer. It bothers me when I watch the show Duck Tales and see them running around pantless. I ask mommy why. She tells me to ask daddy. Daddy tells me to ask Hemi. Hemi tells me to ask Mouse Girl. Mouse Girl tells me to ask Bashful. Bashful tells me to ask mommy. You get the drift – it all links over and over. Rolls piggy eyes. XOXO – Bacon

      • Ducks do not wear pants but that does not explain why they feel the need to wrap a towel around their waist when they exit the shower. LOL! Little known fact, Steven Spielberg openly gives credit to Carl Barks (the duck man) for the rolling boulder scene in Indiana Jones “Lost Ark”. Osamu Tezuka, who wrote astro boy and greatly influenced all manga also acknowledged Carl Barks. Not only a great cartoon artist but a brilliant writer as well. You can also see his influence in Lara Croft Tomb Raider too. Pants hmmmm. 🙂

  2. C.K. Hope says:

    I have a Little People person hiding in a box in the attic. I know this because I was up there looking through boxes for something recently.

    Gem. LOL! The fact I heard the theme song as soon as I saw the guitar means I watched that show way too much. My sister LOVED New Kids. I hated them. I accidently lost her record. And it’s not in the box in the attic with the Little People person!

    • Only the Little People get stuffed in boxes and locked in the attic. That’s great that you thought of the Jem theme song right away, perhaps there’s a chance she could re-emerge on the state fair and casino concert circuit one day! Congrats on “accidentally” losing the New Kids album as well!

  3. Juliette says:

    This post was too much Friday fun! OMG I dressed like that Barbie back then – except with brown or maybe blonde hair, and like the Misfits girl with the blue hair (and mine was could have been auburn or blonde or brown). This was so much fun. And yes, I too remembered Debbie Gibson but I have no idea where that tidbit of trivia came from.

  4. merbear74 says:

    “Gem is truly outrageous, truly TRULY TRULY outrageous!!”

    Debbie Gibson’s Electric Youth was by far the most wretched smelling perfume ever created by a pop star.

  5. I love this. How scary that I owned almost all of it although I didn’t realize Debbie had a perfume. I had all her tapes, yup, cassette tapes, omg. And the my little ponies, and the Barbie and the Rockers, watched Gem who was truly truly TRULY amazing, etc. Wow, having sisters taught you a lot. Thanks for the shout out, btw. You are becoming my favorite squirrel I do believe. 😀

  6. You sound like you have a really interesting collection of “stuff” 🙂

  7. My son is a brony…I’m so ashamed. Love the flashbacks!

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