Carve ‘Em Up!

hooly witch (2)

Halloween has rolled around again, and here at Nest HQ, that means it’s time to create this year’s squirrel o’lantern!  It’s been an annual tradition that dates back before this blog even came into existence.  The first squirrel o’lantern design in 2009 was a rather simple, but certainly unique carving of the outline of a squirrel…

squirrel pumpkin 2009

There’s something to be said for this glowing squirrel.

In 2010, I reversed the basic design and carved out the negative space instead…

Glowing squirrel

Didn’t Pink Floyd talk about the squirrel eclipsing the moon?

In 2011…. well, let’s forget that October even happened….

Squirrels are hereby banned from wandering onto ball fields.

Squirrels are hereby banned from wandering onto ball fields.

The squirrel o’lantern was back in 2012, and this time with my blog as a vehicle for my artwork, I was inspired to try a much more intricate design.  And behold the awesomeness…

halloween squirrel

Is he holding an acorn or a martini? Either way, it’s pretty cool!

Last year, Rainbow Donkey was the hottest thing going on my blog, so I found a way to incorporate him into the squirrel o’lantern along with witchy MBRS…

Maybe the only unicorn pumpkin carving ever.

Maybe the only unicorn pumpkin carving ever.

And now for this year’s squirrel o’lantern!  I did not pick out the greatest of pumpkins, and doing this was more of an afterthought since bowling will prevent me from being home for Halloween evening, although I salvaged this shitty pumpkin with a pretty nifty design, and I’m gonna have this out on the porch tonight regardless!

Off with Buster's head!!!

Off with Buster’s head!!!

Yeah, my possum can’t even catch a break in my pumpkin carving artwork!

Have a happy Halloween everybody!

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Evil Squirrel’s Nest Comic #131 — 10/30/14

comic103014

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Feel The Tingle

Don't try this with your squirrels at home.

Don’t try this with your squirrels at home.

tuesday tvYou have a product that you believe is the best of its kind on the market.  That’s great!  Too bad it’s getting slaughtered in the stores by the big brand name competitor whose popularity with the masses keeps it in the carts of shoppers while your wonder product gets shipped to the clearance aisle.  Nobody wants to even try what you have to offer because Brand X has built up years and years of loyalty with customers to its ®egistered trademarked brand name.  What can a small fish in the big pond of consumerism do to steal some market share from the big boys?

If only you could think of a creative way to trick people into trying your product…

I have no idea what teh fuck I'm drinking.

I have no idea what the fuck I’m drinking.

Some genius marketing guy eventually came up with the idea for the blind taste test.  Have random people try both your product and that of your fiercest rival, only conceal the brand identities and have your guinea pig come to the startling realization that they like what you have to offer a lot better than the brand that made somebody else a billionaire.  What a brilliant concept!  What could possibly go wrong?

Must be from the South...

Must be from the South…

While this secretive one on one product testing is generally the domain of the food and beverage industry, occasionally other products use this formula to try and break through the glass ceiling of blind brand loyalty.  Perhaps one of the most bizarre examples of this technique was pulled off by Denorex dandruff shampoo in the early 80’s.  While the Denorex narrator didn’t have their subjects drink the shampoo, they wouldn’t have looked any more ridiculous doing that than they actually appeared in these ads…

Randy Zimnowski: Mom!  I finally hit the big time!  I’m the star of a television commercial!

Mrs. Zimnowski: Oh, I’m so proud of you, son!  When can I see it?

Randy Zimnowksi: It’s coming on Channel 69 now!  Look at meeee!!!

Next stop.... Depends® model!

Next stop…. Depends® undergarment model!

Mrs. Zimnowski:  Son.  I’ve got to run.  Your father and I need to hurry out and have our names legally changed.  As well as our phone number.  And the will….

Thirty years ago, Denorex took on its biggest competitors Head & Shoulders and Selsun Blue by embarrassing the hell out of unsuspecting men on national television.  It’s awkward enough to admit to the world that you have a dandruff problem.  To compound that uncomfortable feeling by having half of your hair lathered up by one colorful shampoo, and the other half with an even gayer color shampoo… you either have to possess some sperm whale sized balls or be really desperate for money.

What the hell was I thinking when I agreed to do this!?!?  I look like a damn hermaphrodite peg in The Game of Life!

What the hell was I thinking when I agreed to do this!?!? I look like a damn hermaphrodite peg in The Game of Life!

Randy is undaunted by the fact that he may have to eat his man card for lunch once this travesty airs down at the sports bar his friends hang out in.  He decides right away that the pink shampoo on the left side of his head must be the superior formula.  While most of us would wait until we’d actually rinsed the shampoo out of our hair and looked at the results in the mirror to decide if Vidal Sassoon looked good that day or not, Randy’s already made his decision in the Great Dandruff Shampoo showdown of 1982 by declaring that the goop on his left must be better because it TINGLES!

T-t-t-t-t-t-tingling!!!!!

T-t-t-t-t-t-tingling!!!!!

Nevermind that the stress of being the center of this horrific experiment in advertising science may just be giving him a mild stroke, or perhaps the stylist who was in charge of the Denorex side of Randy’s head may have accidentally infested him with lice.  He’s positive that because the port side of his head is giving him the happies, that must mean it’s working to obliterate those nasty flakes that have perpetually kept him from getting a date.  He’ll be a hot commodity with the babes now that he’s flake free… not to mention he’s picked up the perfect trick to make the ladies feel that pleasurable tingle on just the left side of their….. um…..

Thanks MBRS for bailing me out there!

Thanks MBRS for bailing me out there!

Once Randy finds out his old standby Selsun Blue is sadly tingle free, Denorex goes into the complicated science behind why it makes your hair feel like you were taking a leak on an electric fence.

Scientific fact:  Extra anti-itch medicine is incredibly buoyant... but only if it's green or pink.

Scientific fact: Extra anti-itch medicine is incredibly buoyant… but only if it’s green or pink.

Actually the narrator, who sounds more like he’s describing war footage from the Western Front in an old newsreel rather than doing the play by play of a dandruff shampoo commercial, doesn’t mention why Denorex tingles.  All he says is that Denorex has an “extra anti-itch medicine” that “many dermatologists recommend.”  Maybe Denorex’s tingling formula is some kind of closely guarded industry secret, or perhaps Randy was just having an acid flashback… but only on the left side of his brain.

angel mbrs stoned

My left buttcheek seems to be tingling… or maybe it’s just gone numb.

One thing’s for certain…. Denorex is not candy, it’s very clearly medicine.  And like every other over the counter pharmaceutical ever advertised on daytime TV, it came with that famous four word disclaimer…

Use only as directed... or you may end up with gnarly 80's hair!

Use only as directed… or you may end up with gnarly 80’s hair!

And of course, we were directed in this commercial to use the product only on the left side of our scalps.  Applying Denorex to the right side of your head may result in hair loss, blurry vision, dry mouth, bleeding ulcers, diarrhea, liver failure, genital warts, appearing in a bad comic strip, and even death.  Always consult a your doctor and a lawyer before using Denorex.

You might also want to consult your agent before agreeing to take the Denorex Challenge.

You might also want to consult your agent before agreeing to take the Denorex Challenge.

Into everyone’s life, a little snow must fall.  But thanks to that miracle of modern medicine Denorex, you can have exactly one half of your hair be completely flake free!  For making advertising history one hemisphere at a time, The Nest would like to salute the makers of Denorex as well as the courageous patsies actors who were willing to brave looking like a two-faced fool for just a cheap tingle.  Thanks for teaching us that shampoo isn’t working if it doesn’t feel like a billion crabs are running through your hair, and that guys don’t have to swipe their gal’s Herbal Essences to have an O moment in the shower…

But at least you can use this on your whole head...... Ohhhhh, YESSSSS!!!!

But at least you can use Herbal Essences on your whole head…… Ohhhhh, YESSSSS!!!!

Posted in TV Commercials | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , | 22 Comments

Hold Your Horses

The result of Photoshopping six random people into a pastoral scene.

The result of Photoshopping six random people into a pastoral scene.

It’s six o’clock already, and DJ Scratchy is your alarm clock on this manic Monday.  meccamuzakmondaysWelcome to another scary good edition of Mecca Muzak Monday where we will once again serve up another musical masterpiece straight from the official soundtrack of shopping.  You can save the receipt, but MMM has a strict no returns policy…

Since this is Halloween week, I thought it would be the perfect time to feature a song from one of the most constant bands to land on the Mecca CD, having had exactly one song on six of the seven discs that have echoed down the aisles in the past two years.  From that tropical island paradise known as Iceland, let’s give it up for Of Monsters and Men!

I'd clap if my paws weren't iced to my armpits!

I’d clap if my paws weren’t iced to my armpits!

You probably only know of Iceland as being part of the bizarre false advertising scheme cooked up by Lief Eriksson to try and get his viking brethren to settle on the giant iceberg known as Greenland.  The only reason Iceland isn’t frozen over as well is because it’s essentially the world’s largest hot springs.  If you’re from my generation, you’ve probably heard of its capital city of Rejkjavik for one of two reasons…

The famous 1986 nuclear arms summit held there between the US and the USSR…

This was your crazy idea, wasn't it Ronnie?  My birthmark is frozen solid!

This was your crazy idea, wasn’t it Ronnie? My birthmark is frozen solid!

Or from the classic version of the 80’s computer game in every grade school worth its public funding, “Where in the World is Carmen Sandiego?”, since Reykjavik apparently has an INTERPOL substation…

9 AM, and it's dark as hell.  You gotta love winter at the Arctic Circle...

9 AM, and it’s dark as hell. You gotta love winter at the Arctic Circle…

Back to the band, Of Monsters and Men quickly burst onto the white hot Icelandic music scene in 2010 after winning a battle of the bands competition, and soon signed a recording deal with the prestigious label (I am NOT making this up) Record Records.  Within a year, they had put together their debut album “My Head Is An Animal”, which featured their biggest US hit (and also a Mecca CD alum) “Little Talks“… as well as this lesser hit that has made the CD three times and is my fave from the band.  Here is today’s featured MMM song, “Mountain Sound”…

You can see where I came up with the title for this post now…

Hold your unicorns now!

Hold your unicorns now!

As much as I’d like to go deep into the mountain sound, I’m too afraid that it will end up sounding like this…

Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiicola!!!

Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiicola!!!

Yeah, I’ll just stick with this awesome song, thanks…

That’s all for this week’s edition of Mecca Muzak Monday.  Come back next week for more sweet sounding tunes… and whatever you do, don’t overdose on this stuff…

This shit is the most evil thing about Halloween.

This shit is the most evil thing about Halloween.

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Black Beauty

xxx

Once you go black, you never go back.

This week’s Saturday Squirrel comes to us from longtime Nest follower Jennifer at the blog Jenn’s Midlife Crisis.  Jenn is an avid photographer who often shows off her work on her blog, and she was kind enough to get some sqturday squirrel logopictures of one of the awesome ebony sciurines in her neighborhood just for The Nest!  Above is my favorite picture from the set she sent for me to use on my much-beloved Saturday feature… and that dark furred little guy is just too cute sitting there eating his nut!  I have never seen a black squirrel in person before, which is a shame since they are such beautiful creatures!

Black squirrels are actually a genetic subset of the common grey squirrels you see on my blog all the time.  They are most commonly found in the northern U.S. and especially in Canada, where Jenn lives.  I’ve only featured a black squirrel once before, which one of my co-workers took a photo of on a trip to Canada and which inspired one of the few paintings I have done.

xxx

I don’t have to pose in the nude, do I? (This photo also taken by Jenn)

Thank you so much Jennifer for allowing me to feature these blacked furred cuties on an episode of Saturday Squirrel!  If you have a camera and know of a squirrel who needs a little SS exposure, feel free to send your photos to me, and both your squirrel and your blog will get a Saturday shoutout!

Have a great October weekend, and smile if a black squirrel crosses your path this Halloween!

Posted in Saturday Squirrel | Tagged , , , , , , , , | 27 Comments