Happy Labor Day!


This is the first time I’ve actually reblogged one of my own posts… but I wrote this before anyone was following me and thought it deserved an audience since it’s a view you rarely see… some thoughts on Labor Day from someone who frequently works holidays, and thinks that’s perfectly OK. While I linked to it in my MMM post today, most people (me included) often skip over links in blog posts. While the last paragraph doesn’t hold true this year (that’s OK, I have a four day weekend next week!), the message is still true to me today…

Originally posted on Evil Squirrel's Nest:

stocker squirrel

On the first Monday every September, we celebrate the most ironic holiday on the American calendar.  It is a day every year where we honor those who work for a living by…. taking the day off.  Uhhhh… errr…..

Riddle me this…

Of course, that’s just the privileged few who observe the holiday this way.  Many of those lucky ones work in a sector of society that gives the middle finger to the convenience of the 24/7/365 world we actually live in.  The bank isn’t going to cash your check today.  If you call your doctor’s office, you’ll get a friendly recording.  And God forbid you visit any institution associated with the government today.  They have a list of several hundred federal holidays they observe, and they’re absolutely not going to be available for you!

Yeah, don’t visit any of these same places at night either….

You’ll go mad trying to…

View original 527 more words

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Under The Sea

All available in the seafood department at Mecca.

All available in the seafood department at Mecca.

In the US, today is Labor Day.  But I don’t get the day off, so neither does our in-house DJ meccamuzakmondaysScratchy.  That means it’s time to roll out another nifty tune for the working class stiffs out there pulled straight from the melodious muzak that fills my nights with such ecstacy and agony.  Welcome to the Labor Day edition of Mecca Muzak Monday!

Many of the prior songs I have featured on MMM have come from lesser known acts that tend to avoid the mainstream pop spotlight.  But that won’t be the case today, since the featured band is Train, and unless you’ve been living in the Batcave for the past 15 years, chances are you’ve heard of them before…

They don't give awards like that to nobodies... Milli Vanilli notwithstanding.

They don’t give awards like that to nobodies… Milli Vanilli notwithstanding.

Train has put a steady stream of hits on the charts ever since the late 90’s when they broke into the spotlight with “Meet Virginia.”  “Drops of Jupiter” is a song that literally takes me back in time to the turn of the millennium… enough to actually give me chills when it first comes on.  Unfortunately, a lot of what Train released post-Jupiter is a steaming load of crap.  “Hey Soul Sister” is the song that plays on loop in Hell’s waiting room.  “Drive By” is a song that doesn’t live up to its name since it won’t ever leave town.  “50 Ways To Say Goodbye” is another recurring Mecca Muzak song that just doesn’t do anything for me.  I wouldn’t go as far as to say Train sucks, but they would certainly vie for the “honor” of being to the 00’s what Hootie & the Blowfish were to the 90’s…

A Darius Rucker/Pat Monahan duet might be the death of rock and roll music.

A Darius Rucker/Pat Monahan duet might be the death of rock and roll music.

But not everything Train has done in the last few years is a wreck (See what I did there?).  It was about this time last year that the Fall 2013 Mecca CD debuted, and on the 8th hour of that disc was a totally corny song that managed to quickly become my absolute favorite thing Train ever did.  From their 2012 album “California 37″, here is the awesome “Mermaid”…

The lyrics to this song are pretty much classic Train, only with much better music backing it and a lot more fun to listen to.  Monahan loves to insert specific pop culture references into Train’s songs, and “Mermaid” is no exception with mentions of Ecco sandals and Johnny Depp…

Who knew there were remote islands in the Puget Sound?

Who knew there were remote islands in the Puget Sound?

Train performed this song at halftime of the 2013 NFL Pro Bowl in Honolulu, and the official video for “Mermaid” was shot during their trip to the Aloha State, and includes footage from the concert and the pregame.

I would blur out the gaudy Hawaiian shirts too.

I would blur out the gaudy Hawaiian shirts too.

Two legs or a tailfin, laboring or not, have a great Monday!

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Best Day Ever!

Oh, what a glorious day to be furry and naked!

Oh, what a glorious day to be furry and naked!

Friday August 29, 2014 is a day that will go down in history at Evil Squirrel’s Nest!  Not only did we finally get to the game show part of my Millionaire story that you’ve been waiting ever so long for…. not only did I dredge up out of the warped crevices of my brain sqturday squirrel logothe fun and funny entry for Bacon’s Elf on a Shelf giveaway that proved very popular…. not only did I gain my 750th follower, of which maybe 50 or so might even be real people…. but The Nest also hit a nice round number in a category that means so very much to bloggers who want to be seen and heard….

Sometime yesterday evening, I got my 50,000th hit on this blog!

Yes, I know the numbers aren’t always what they seem… and my blog pales in comparison to many others out there who cheat use those other social media platforms to gain a wider audience…. but I still think that’s something to celebrate!  50,000 views of my blog since I started it on Christmas Eve 2011!  I’d like to take this time to thank each and every one of you who read my blog… especially my loyal, regular readers for whom so many of that 50K belongs to you!

This week’s Saturday Squirrel is a picture I’ve been saving for just such a happy occasion.  It’s one of the photos I took when I visited our local park back on June 13th, and damned, if that isn’t one of the happiest looking squirrels I’ve ever managed to capture on film a digital card!  I can’t wait to see how he reacts when I get my 100,000th hit….

He’s happy, I’m happy, and I hope you all have a very happy weekend!

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Who Needs An Elf?


My friend Bacon is running a contest to try and find a worthy home for one of his friends.  That friend just happens to be an elf… and at that, a possible conspirator with the infamous evil Elf on a Shelf of the Hotel Thompson, Don Juan!  As you can see, my shelf is already bursting with friends of my own.  But that never stops me from trying to pick up a new companion to watch me type all these crappy posts on my blog, so I am officially entering Bacon’s contest with this post!  Since I’m lazy I thought it would only be fair to let the current denizens of my shelf make their own case for wanting to welcome Don Juan’s friend into their lives… so I’ll let them take it away from here!


It’s the tire swing squirrel here.  Hanging around on my Goodyear perch makes me the Eye in the Sky over this merry band of misfits on Evil Squirrel’s shelf.  There seems to be a lot of dissension among the natives over the decision to campaign for the elf due to the fact that he might be up to no good.  Ha!  Don’t let these mangy critters fool you.  I’ve seen plenty of naughty things in all my years watching over this flock.  Things that would make your eyes bleed, your heart turn black, and your soul rot.  And who knows how much goes on that I don’t see!  Heck, someone tried cutting the rope that’s keeping me suspended on this tire just last week.  I got a brief glimpse of the culprit, and while the perp had long ears… let’s just say I could tell it wasn’t no elf.  Yeah, evil… it’s already plentiful around these parts, man.  Tire Swing Squirrel over and out…


Hello, my friends.  I’m the Rain Gauge Skunk.  I just quietly go about my business here on the shelf, very patiently waiting for some precipitation to fall into my gauge.  Alas, it never seems to rain indoors.  But last month, I was so excited to see I’d finally had something to measure…. until I saw my tube had been filled full of yellow liquid that was most definitely NOT rain!  Oh, I know the squirrel who did it… and I hope he enjoyed that whiff of my wonderful all natural scent I sprayed his way.  With creeps like him on this shelf, we sure don’t need another troublemaker around like that elf I keep hearing about!


Hello, Buster Possum here!  Let me just say that I’m really pumped up over the opportunity to enter this contest for an elf on the shelf!  I think he’ll be a whole lot of fun, and bring excitement and joy to everyone, and….




Yeah, that was me, Snuggle Bear, driving the car (hic!).  I had to shut that possum up… we don’t need no steenking evil elf to cut in on my action.  I’m the (hic!) naughty one around here… sniffing all of the freshly washed unmentionables, cutting off all the soft and fluffy squirrel tails, stealing the hooch from ES’s (hic!) secret stash!  I’m the Godursine of this corner of the computer room, and anybody who dares to challenge my stranglehold on this turf is gonna be sleeping with the Downy balls in the washer, capiche? (hic!)


I am outraged that ES would even think about wanting to bring such a horrible influence as that elf into our quiet little group.  I have impressionable young Sponkies to watch out for, you know?  They’re good little children, even if they still don’t have names, and I wouldn’t want them to be corrupted by a mischievous little elf who…

SPONKEY BOY: Oops Mom, gotta run!

SPONKEY GIRL: Yep, me too Mommy!  See ya!

Kids!?!?  Hmmm, I wonder what their hurry was….




¡Hola, amigos!  My name’s Fausto Carmona!


Sigh, OK, my name isn’t really Fausto Carmona.  That’s just the name that was on the birth certificate I borrowed when I first signed with the Cleveland Indians to make my age legal.  I’m really Roberto Hernandez, but that’s not important.  What’s important is that we be fair and honest with each other, and it’s because of those values that were instilled in me by my agent mother that compels me to voice my concern over this supposedly “good” elf that ES wants to bring aboard.  I urge everyone… check this elf’s ID, check out his references, see if he has any warrants out for his arrest.  Never trust an elf!  Take it from your buddy Fausto um… Roberto!  You’ll thank me later.


APPLEJACK: Howdy thar, Sugarcubes!

TWILIGHT SPARKLE: Say, AJ!  Did you hear the latest about whose den Scratchy was seen coming out of last night?

AJ: Naw, Princess!  Tell me!

TWILIGHT: You know that ugly skunk two shelves down that looks like he used to work as a chew toy?

AJ: No way!  She hit that!?!?

TWILIGHT:  Yes way!  Man, that mare is such a little hussy!  I’m telling you….


SCRATCHY: You two little gossip queens do know I can hear your vicious rumors, don’t you?

TWILIGHT:  Well… it looks like our little horsie hussy is also an eavesdropper!  With naughty ponehs like Scratchy around, we certainly don’t need to be adding an evil elf to the cast!

AJ: An’ how long before she’d invite herself up to the elf’s North Pole cabin under the pretense of playin’ some Burl Ives records?

SCRATCHY: Grrrrrrrrrrr…..


Hello, I’m the Golden Squirrel.  I’m not a big fan of pranksters, and let me tell you, there are plenty of these jokers hanging around the shelf already!  Just look at what one of them did to me!


They thought it would be funny to give me an exploding acorn.  See what it did?  That’s not funny at all!  That’s a scar that isn’t going to heal, and forever ruins the aesthetic value of my shiny good looks!  You think I wanna see an elf move in on my shelf?  Have you heard about what elves do when nobody’s looking?  I’ll ask to be transferred back to the museum under that lovely safety glass if that little imp were to come ES’s way!


Hello!  We’re the squirrel twins, and we would just like to refute the preposterous notion that there are any wicked shenanigans that go on around here.  I personally would look forward to getting to meet a new neighbor, and I don’t think he would be a bad influence at all on….


SHRIEK!  Someone stole my acorn right out from under my nose!  Did you see who did it?

No, Sis… I don’t know who would think of doing such a thing!  Are you sure it didn’t just roll away while…


LOOK!!!!  They got yours too!!!

Well, this is certainly quite unexpected.  Maybe it would be wise to offer up a recommendation against bringing new blood into our little community until we figure out what is amiss in our….

Dammit, Bro!  I’m going to kick someone’s ass for this!

Oh….. um, you tell ‘em, Sis!


Ladies and gentlecritters, as the leader of the gang here on ES’s shelf, I would just ask that you take the advice of our members who have so graciously taken time out of their busy lives just sitting around collect dust, and PLEASE, do NOT support ES’s attempt to connive that pesky little elf from Bacon’s clutches!  I say, let him become someone else’s problem, not ours!  We are a well behaved, good mannered bunch, and we do not need any pointy eared hooligans messing up our friendly atmosphere with their naughty pranks, nor do we need our good-natured furry citizens to come under the malevolent influence of such a despicable elf.

We thank you for your non-support!  Goodbye…



Well, there you have it, everyone!  What do ya say?  I think my group of shelf-dwelling critters more than deserve to be introduced to Don Juan’s elven friend!  If things are this interesting without an elf’s sneaky touch, just think what kinds of adventures would await with him around!  Make a bunch of squirrels, skunks, ponies and baseball players happy… and please vote to bring Don Juan’s smooth and sophisticated friend to Evil Squirrel’s Nest!

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Let’s Play!

The consummate professional, Regis can even work with creepy people lingering over his shoulder.

The consummate professional, Regis can even work with creepy people lingering over his shoulder.

The audience is pumped, the contestants have made their way on stage, the applause sign is flashing… and that very familiar Who Wants To Be A Millionaire intro music is now blaring in the studio.  Entering stage center are carryover contestant Ed Toutant along with everyone’s favorite game show host, Regis Philbin.  They each take their respective seats, the music fades out, and Regis looks into his camera and says, “Hello, and welcome to Wednesday night on Who Wants To Be A Millionaire……..”



Welcome back to Part Whatever and Change of my Millionaire Journey.  It’s approximately 12:30 PM on Thursday January 18, 2001, and as you can see, the cameras have finally started to roll, and the action is now 100 percent real… but it takes Regis not even 30 seconds to fuck up by flubbing his introduction.  So guess what… the whole walk-on scene has to be reshot once again.  That forces Regis and Ed to vacate their impossible to get into chairs and go back under the tunnel with the promise of trying harder the second time.

I'm sorry!  I may make $14,000,000 an episode, but I'm not perfect, ya know!

I’m sorry! I may make about a billion dollars an episode, but I’m not perfect, ya know!

So, as they say in Hollywood, we take it from the top.  Regis and Ed once again re-seat themselves, and this time Regis’ introductory words come out smoothly.  He correctly mentions that the phone-in game is currently open (Actually, it will be when the show finally airs in 13 days) and offers up the tidbit that in the show’s history covering some 150+ episodes, every state in the union has had at least one contestant reach the Hot Seat with two exceptions…

Potatoes are obviously not brain food.

Potatoes are obviously not brain food.

By the time you read the sign, you've already come to the Thank You For Visiting Rhode Island sign.

By the time you finish reading the sign, you’ve already come to the Thank You For Visiting Rhode Island sign.

And that won’t be changing today, since nobody in my group hails from either Idaho or Rhode Island.

Regis mentions that Ed Toutant is the 18th Texan to occupy the Hot Seat…

Which shows how little Regis knows about Texas' history of capital punishment.

Which shows how little Regis knows about Texas’ reputation for capital punishment.

Regis then goes over Ed’s past history as a wannabe contestant on Millionaire.  Ed had already made it to New York once as an alternate contestant in 1999 without ever getting a chance to play in the Ring of Fire, and got on a second time as a finalist without making it into the Hot Seat the following January.  When Regis asks him, Ed mentions this is his third time on the show, and….



Nope, the powers that be on stage don’t want that comment getting on the air, especially since it was in the rules that there was a lifetime limit of two appearances as a “finalist” on Millionaire.  Fortunately, this goof doesn’t require yet another restart… they just pick up from where Regis began interviewing Ed.  Though Ed alters his answer to it being his second appearance this time around, it turns out in the finished product that this whole interview question got left on the cutting room floor along with all the nude clips.

Not that the frigid temperatures in the studio would have accommodated nudity.

Not that the frigid temperatures in the studio would have accommodated nudity.

Ed is a “product planner for a large computer company,” which must be a mouthful to include on any resume.  Ed then goes into a Dilbert-like explanation about what his job entails that is far from the comprehension of this lifetime product shelf replenisher for a large retail company.  Ed’s cheering section consists of a pair of his brother in laws brothers in law, Ed and Kevin.  Say hello to my readers, guys!

Howdy, folks!

Howdy, folks!

Since Ed is single (YAY for us single guys!), these two are the husbands of two of Ed’s sisters.  Ed initially calls them his sisters’ brothers, which would make for an interesting blue card tidbit on its own, but corrects himself without drawing another re-take.  Ed mentions that he has five sisters along with a pair of brothers, which pretty much cuts down one of my blue card tidbits right there.  What’s the shock value of four younger sisters, when Ed’s family could say “eight was enough”?

Five girls, three boys... this could totally be the Toutant family.

Five girls, three boys… this could totally be the Toutant family.

Ed is an adventurous guy!  He has run with the bulls in Spain!



OK, the talk show time is over and it’s time to start getting down to the lucrative game show business.  Regis always took this time at the beginning of each show to go over the game’s basic rules.  Since it’s been so long since Millionaire has aired in its classic format thanks to twelve years of bastardization in syndication, this would be a good time to stall some more give you all a quick rundown of how this popular game show worked…

The ladder of success!

The ladder of success, sweetened by that $860,000 jackpot!

Each Hot Seat contestant would be asked 15 multiple choice questions of increasing difficulty, each correct answer bringing the contestant’s winnings level up to the value of that question.  Once the $1,000 and $32,000 levels were reached, the contestant was guaranteed to leave with at least that much money (and an invaluable experience to blog about later).  Answer a question incorrectly, and your run was over with your winnings falling to the last safe haven level you had reached.  You could walk away at any time and keep what you had already won.

You also had three lifelines available to use at any time you wished.  You could ask the audience for their collective opinion…

100% of the audience thinks the answer is ZZZZZZ...

100% of the audience thinks the answer is ZZZZZZ…

You could phone a friend to see if they knew the answer…

With friends like this, who needs Phone An Enemies?

With friends like this, who needs Phone An Enemies?

Or you could use the allegedly, maybe, possibly, could be, we’re not sure if it’s really random 50/50, which would take away two of the incorrect answers.

OK…. are you all ready out there?

We've been ready for about four months now, dumbass!!!!

We’ve been ready for about four months now, dumbass!!!!

Let’s do it!  Let’s play Who Wants To Be A Millionaire with Ed Toutant!!!

Fire away, Regis!

Fire away, Regis!

And here is Ed’s first question!

$300 – What word means both “to silence” and “a silly trick”?

A. Wiggle
B. Goose
C. Gag
D. Gallagher

And already, the show is off to a smashing start!

And already, the show is off to a smashing start!

This is a piece of cake for Ed, as well as for me.  As silly as this whole question was, it will always be in my heart as the first question I got to watch live, and play along with from one of the closest seats in the house.  As neat as it was to get to watch this trivia showdown up close and personal, as I was getting to do, a good chunk of my time was spent looking to my left at the monitor where the live feed was being shown.  I was as transfixed with this television screen as I was with the live action going on in front of me… yeah, I guess that’s how I roll…

Yes, that's me in the shadows back there looking to the left... like I was all damn day!

Yes, that’s me in the shadows back there looking to the left at the nearby monitor… like I was all damn day!

A couple other interesting things I pick up on are the fact that there is no music playing in the background during this first question!  There was fast paced music that would play during the $100-$1,000 questions for each contestant, but it apparently did not play in the studio.  I would guess it had something to do with the fact that the lower tier questions were so heavily edited to allow for more time to ask the really challenging questions.  Regis’ trademark line where he always asked the contestant if that was their “final answer” was almost always edited out for these early questions, yet it was asked each and every time during taping.  Every action that was made by a contestant during the course of the game had to be verified by asking if it was their final decision to keep things on the up and up…

lawyer squirrel

We don’t want to have to get the lawyers involved, and that is our final decision!

Oh yeah, the answer to the $300 question…. it’s C. Gag, of course!

Those of you who said "Goose" will now leave the story with just parting gifts...

Those of you who said “Goose” will now have to leave the story with just parting gifts…

$500 – By definition, an abridged dictionary differs from an unabridged one in what way?

A. More entries
B. Fewer entries
C. Larger type
D. Paperback

Well, you know by how I’ve treated my tale here that I’m an expert on the word “abridged” (I’ll pause now while you unroll your eyes).  Even though it’s easy, with one mistake meaning the boot, it’s always wise to talk out the question anyway.  Ed does just that, and he knows that abridged means B. Fewer entries

This one is likely unabridged (or eaten by termites), but I'll bet its got all the cool cuss words in it!

This one is likely unabridged (or eaten by termites), but I’ll bet it’s got all the cool cuss words in it!

$1,000 – In January 2001, the U.S. Postal Service raised the price of a first class letter from 33 cents to what?

A. 34 cents
B. 35 cents
C. 40 cents
D. 43 cents

I’ll pause once again while all of my fellow Americans grumble about how cheap it used to be to send a letter just 13 short years ago…

buster possum mail

This is why I use possum mail… the letter might not make it without getting run over by a truck, but at least the postage is cheap.

Being the first month of the rate increase, this was still pretty fresh on my mind.  Ed apparently got inside information from his brother who collects stamps, so this was an easy one grand for him.  A U.S. first class stamp now costs forty-nine fucking cents, but back in January 2001, only A. 34 cents was required…

Look at all of the efficiency our 49 cents stamps can afford our postal service....

Look at all of the efficiency our 49 cents stamps can afford the postal service….

And with that correct answer, Ed has reached the $1,000 level, locking in at least a modest payday.

Almost as much as you'd get paid working the pole...

Almost as much as you’d get paid working the pole…

The triumphant music sounds, and the lights get dimmer!  The music starts playing for all to hear, and we’re ready to roll with Ed’s middle tier of questions…

$2,000 – In the U.S., which of these everyday objects frequently bears the name “Otis”?

A. Fluorescent lamp
B. Elevator
C. Icebox Refrigerator
D. Typewriter

Jail cell!  Final answer!

Jail cell! Final answer!

I know Otis is an elevator, but more importantly, so does Ed.  He makes B. Elevator his final answer, and continues to chug along to the big prize…

love in an elevator

Going up?

$4,000 – Since 1995, who has been the permanent bandleader for “The Tonight Show”?

A. Max Weinberg
B. Paul Schaffer
C. Doc Severensen
D. Kevin Eubanks

How convenient that the first bandleader under Jay Leno, Branford Marsalis, is absent as a distractor.  I know haters are gonna hate, but I loved the Jay Leno era of The Tonight Show… at least when I could watch it before I started working at Mecca in 1998.  Leno’s my kind of comedian… he’s not afraid to poke fun at anyone, particularly those who are just asking for it, yet at the same time he doesn’t take himself seriously at all and offers up plenty of self-inflicted barbs as well.  Heck, Headlines alone was enough reason to watch Jay every Monday night back in the 90’s…

Betcha can't read just one.

Betcha can’t read just one.

Of course, the lack of a Marsalis choice wouldn’t have slowed down Ed… he mentions that he knows that D. Kevin Eubanks took over for Branford around the time mentioned in the question, and that’s his final answer…

I was given this fine album on cassette as a gag gift about 20 years ago.  Please don't laugh at me...

I was given this fine album on cassette as a gag gift about 20 years ago. Please don’t laugh at me…

$8,000 – In the late 19th Century, who were the Mugwumps?

A. Baseball team
B. Political faction
C. Army cavalry
D. Journalists

This question almost made me choke on my ham sandwich...

This question almost made me choke on my ham sandwich…

Shit!  This is the first question they’ve asked Ed that I don’t know myself.  In the situation I’m in as a hopeful contestant-in-waiting, I can’t help but try to play through my mind what I would have done had I gotten this question in the Hot Seat.  Do I trust the audience with a not-exactly basic American history question?  Do I go ahead and burn the phone a friend lifeline since I do have someone for whom history is a strength?  It’s impossible not to squirm a but in my swiveling, Bendy Side Out, ninth seat over the agonizing decisions I might have to make playing these questions for real rather than just for living room bragging rights…

I wanna go cry in the corner!

I wanna go cry in the corner!

Ed doesn’t need to put himself through the wringer like I am currently doing in Regis’ large shadow.  He knows right away that the Mugwumps were a B. Political faction, although he doesn’t know exactly what their political ideals were.  Since I can cheat now and bring up Wikipedia, I can inform you that the Mugwumps were Republicans who split from the party during the Presidential Election of 1884 to support Democrat Grover Cleveland rather than their own party’s candidate James G. Blaine (of Maine, as my history teacher would often add after his name….)

I believe Mr. Blaine was the only important person to come from the great state of Maine.... unless you count lobsters.

I believe Mr. Blaine was the only important person to come from the great state of Maine…. unless you count lobsters.

And with that question, Ed has knocked down six in a row, and eight in all, without the need for a steenking lifeline.  This could be a looooooong wait to get that first crack at a Fastest Finger question.

Instant karma, you're snickering to yourself....

Instant karma, you’re snickering to yourself….

But we still haven’t even reached the first of the five commercial breaks… but we have reached the first in-taping break in my story.  While they did go straight on to Ed’s $16,000 question……. I’m going to leave that for next time.  To find out why, tune in next Friday as we will all be witness to one of the most infamous questions that was ever asked in the history of the US version of Who Wants To Be A Millionaire….

It promises to be just as infamous as El Guapo.

It promises to be just as infamous as El Guapo.

I’ll see you….. in September!

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