The Second Annual Contest Of Whatever!

Part of last year's winning entry!

Part of last year’s winning entry!

Those of you who hung around these parts a year ago may recall last February that I held The Nest’s very first contest with actual prizes… a somewhat free for all game I hastily dubbed The Contest of Whatever.  The only thing I asked for was some sort of creation that contained a squirrel, a possum, and a unicorn… and I got 13 brilliant entries that came straight from the hearts of my readers!  In the end, it was YoungAtFifty (see Buster above) and Goldfish who came out winners!

The whole thing was rigged, we tell you...

The whole thing was rigged, we tell you…

And so off the success of that first contest, we’re going to do it all over again this February!  Just like in the first edition of the contest, I want you to create something using whatever kind of art form you wish.  It can be drawing, painting, sculpting, writing, a diorama, opera, mime…. if it involves creativity, and is some original idea of your own, it’s fair game!

Sure, Barth, even cooking is an art form....

Sure, Barth, even cooking is an art form….

Of course, it’s not quite that open-ended of a contest.  There are a few stipulations… just like the squirrel, possum, and unicorn requirement last year.  But to mix things up, we’re going to make the requirements a bit different this year….

Time for the legal crap...

Time for the legal crap…

1. The theme this year is games.  I want some form of a game to be involved in your creation.  Anything that involves competition between two or more participants is allowed… board games, sports, multiplayer video games, children’s activities… etc.

2. Since we don’t want any solo gaming, your creation must include at least two characters… and they must be at least two different species of animals (and while your entry may contain humans, they do not count towards this two species requirement.  Fictional animals, such as unicorns, do count towards this requirement).  Note that your creation may have as many characters as you wish, just so long as there’s at least two different animal species represented.

draw four!

A sample valid entry…

And that’s it!  Somewhat more complicated than last year, but still… the possibilities are almost endless for you all!

Your entry should be posted on your blog with a link somewhere in your submission post to THIS post, so that I can easily keep track of each entry (Don’t be alarmed if a pingback doesn’t show up right away, they always end up in moderation).  You have the entire month to ponder an idea and get to creating it!  The deadline for contest entries is 7:00 AM Central Standard Time (-6 UTC) on Sunday March 1, 2015.  I will post the entries I have received that morning, and announce the winners the very next day (Or whenever I get time that week).

Like last year, there will be two prizes up for grabs… each being any one (1) item of your choosing from my Cafepress store valued at $20USD or less (I can also put any original image I own of your choosing on any qualifying item if you wish).  The first winner will be the entry that I consider to be my favorite.  The second winner will be determined by a random drawing of all of the remaining entries… meaning that even if you don’t think you’re creative enough to come up with a winning entry (And you’d be wrong if you believed that… even people who claim to have no creativity or talent have impressed me at times), you still have a shot at one of the prizes… all you gotta do is ENTER!

The Nest is not responsible for lost or stolen prizes...

The Nest is not responsible for lost or stolen prizes…

So what are you waiting for?  Get in on the fun and start creating something!  I can’t wait to see all the fun and interesting things you all come up with this year!

Posted in Squirrel Droppings | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , | 9 Comments

Keep Your Chin Up

One...... two...... ugh.... three....

One…… two…… ugh…. three….

While searching through my archives for photos for my squirrel love letter post Thursday, sqturday squirrel logoI came across some other interesting pictures I’d forgotten about from the past year that never got their own Saturday post.  Here’s a somewhat out of focus image of a squirrel who appears to be doing some chin ups.  Hey, nothing wrong with a little exercise to add on to the usual running around at 10,000 miles per hour and leaping through trees.  Perhaps this squirrel saw the fellow in this post, and was inspired to not become that squirrel….

Feel the burn, buddy!  Your commitment to sweating it out just to get nuts of steel has made you this week’s Saturday Squirrel… in focus or not!

Have a high energy weekend, everyone!

Posted in Saturday Squirrel | Tagged , , , , , , , , | 14 Comments

Leo

leo hooly

es zodiacOh yeah, it’s Friday again!  That means it’s time for me to go back to work… but for you, it means you get treated to the next exciting chapter in my zodiac series!  After wallowing in the oversensitive misery that is the crab, we’re gonna do a 180 this week and look at one of the fiercest signs of the zodiac, Leo!  But even those dangerous lions out there won’t escape The Nest’s sarcastic wrath!

The Nest has only one resident Leo… but with a Leo like my perky little skunkette Hooly (August 11), there’s no need for another.  Hooly is one of my characters based on [Gotye]somebody that I used to know[/Gotye], and if ever anyone was practically a caricature of their astrological sign, it was the real Hooly.  It’s a sign I have learned to respect…. and fear.

Wuss!

I’ve unleashed a lion….

Naturally, Hooly was also my Leo in the 2010 zodiac art project I did…

leo

It’s time to bring out our foremost experts in everything starry, trippy, and far out, man… those stoner astrologers!  Let’s see what they have to say about Leo, beginning with the basics…

Leo comes during the dog days of summer, about July 23rd – August 22nd, right around the time all those cold weather hating people remember that heat and humidity suck just as bad as a polar vortex.

A perfect weekend for the beach!  If it hasn't turned into glass yet...

A perfect weekend for the beach! If it hasn’t turned into glass yet…

Leo is represented by the lion, who as Disney reminded us with Kimba Simba, is also known as the king of the jungle…

If troublemaking little possums don't drop them off a cliff first...

If troublemaking little possums don’t drop them off a cliff first…

The symbol for Leo is a little circle with a curly upside down U protruding from it to make a tail.  How cute, right?

Leo will get to the egg first...

Leo will get to the egg first…

Like Aries, Leo is a fire sign.  Get the two together, and, well…

Now you know why these two work so well in my comics...

Now you know why Skunkbitch and Oddball work so well together in my comics…

One thing you can say for Leo, is they’ve always got your back…. literally.  That’s where Leo is represented on the human body.

Lower, Leo!  Lower!

Lower, Leo! Lower!

Let’s take a glimpse at that dazzling Leo personality now, shall we?

Like the lion, Leo is the supreme ruler of their kingdom.  They give the orders to their adoring subjects… not the other way around.  Leo is always one people’s revolt away from the guillotine…

Keep letting them eat cake, Leo, and you might find your head on the next platter.

Keep letting them eat cake, Leo, and you might find your head on the next platter.

There is nothing Leo loves more than being flattered and told how awesome Leo is.  No sign of the zodiac has a bigger ego to stroke than Leo, making them the perfect Hollywood celebrity or politician…

Tell me how beautiful I am again, peasant!

Tell me how beautiful I am again, peasant!

Leo craves attention like your kitty cat craves Crave.  You would be wise not to ignore a nearby Leo, lest you be flattened by Leo’s intense gravitational pull and spoiled brat attitude.  It is a proven astrological fact that the universe does in fact revolve around Leo, forget what that hack Galileo thought…

Leo is probably responsible for the WordPress upgrades as well...

Leo is probably responsible for the WordPress “upgrades” as well…

Leo is highly charismatic, and often attracts a huge following of sheep admirers.  Everyone loves a Leo… at least until the first time they get caught up in the constant drama that Leo enjoys stirring up.  Still, it’s hard to resist Leo’s fiery charms…

skunk dragging squirrel

Face it… you are Leo’s bitch.

Leo’s regal and self-important makeup also contribute to a lust for the finer things in life.  No sign appreciates its luxuries quite like Leo… and sometimes even the best is not good enough for Leo.

skunk unicorn

Surely I can find a better companion than this plain, dull Rainbow Donkey…

Looking for a little lionlike Leo love?  Well, our stoner astrologers say that flattery is the key to winning Leo’s heart, and you’d best bring your A game if you want more than just a dinner date.  Leo wants a lover who will only have eyes for them… but that sure isn’t going to stop Leo from being the life of the party with others of the opposite sex.  While you’re trying to calculate how much of your life savings you’ll have to spend to keep Leo satisfied on Valentine’s Day, Leo’s probably preoccupied sleeping with your more attractive best friend…

Leo will gladly scratch your back, and also put a knife in the middle of it.

Leo will gladly scratch your back, and also put a knife in the middle of it.

And just in case you aren’t speaking with your BFF anymore to ask them, here’s what Leo is like between the sheets…

Sex With Leo:  First impressions would tell you that Leo is all about the kinky and novelty, but that is not so. They are deeply sensual and passionate and enjoy posh surroundings, such as candles and scented oils and lots of affectionate physical contact such as massages and rubbing. They like sex to be familiar, not necessarily routine, but they like to know what’s going on. This is because Leo always has to be the best and if there is a suggestion or something offered that they have never done before, they would rather pass on the chance then attempt it and be only satisfactory. Leo has mastered the moves by know, so do not be disappointed with the lack of novelty and variety, because Leo is very good at what they can do, they are the best.

That sound you hear is the air seeping out from Leo’s overinflated big head.  All of that bubbly, fascinating personality… and we find out Leo’s into boring sex because it’s all they can do well.  Check your ego at the door to the bedroom, Leo… you’re probably not as good as you think you are.

So, I hear you're not into buttplugs...

So, I hear you’re not into buttplugs…

Now that we’ve got all of those Leos out there ready to tear me into shreds like a helpless gazelle, let’s see where we can find Leo in the world around us!

Leo can be found regularly stinking up the Motor City gridiron…

Ouch.

Ouch.

Leo is coming soon to a theater near you…

We prefer the MTM logo better...

We prefer the MTM logo better…

In the jungle, the mighty jungle, Leo sleeps tonight…

Leo can be found drowning on a sinking ship…

The lead actor should always go down with the ship...

The lead actor should always go down with the ship…

And of course, you can find Leo on the Yellow Brick Road…

Don't cry, Leo.  it's only a sarcastic post.  Besides, your mascara is gonna run...

Don’t cry, Leo. it’s only a sarcastic post. Besides, your mascara is gonna run…

Well, if Leo only deserves the very best, then I’m gonna sure give it my all in this special horoscope just for you lions out there!

Today will be another super magnificent wonderful glorious day in the kingdom of Leo.  But if it isn’t, don’t blame us, we’re just trying to blow smoke up your ass flatter you so you don’t quit reading our blog.  You will find yourself in competition with Gemini for a promotion at work… yes, the same Gemini who insulted your regalness by only getting you some cheap ass gift card to Subway in the office gift exchange.  Show Gemini who’s boss by seducing their spouse.  You will be ignored once again by your public when you step out of your castle.  Draw attention by walking into a McDonalds and demanding breakfast after 10:30.  Leo gets what Leo wants, after all, and only Cancers and Virgos work in fast food, and they’re easy to intimidate.  Expect an important phone call from Capricorn wanting to sell you a prepaid funeral plan.  Listen to their pitch, but demand they refer to you as Your Highness rather than sir or madam.  Your lucky numbers: 8, 12, 23, 29, 2000-zero-zero, and infinity… not that even infinity is good enough for you, Leo!

Leo's going to bluntly assert their authority over me once this post goes live...

Leo’s going to bluntly assert their authority over me once this post goes live…

Next week I’ll feature the sixth post in my zodiac series…. but it’ll feel like the first time.

Posted in The Zodiac | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , | 25 Comments

To The Squirrel I Love

012415squirrel013

To my beloved Agnes,

I still remember every little detail about the instant in time when I first glanced upon your sciurine splendor.  You didn’t see me above you, my dear, but there was no way I could miss the furry goddess whose sparkly black eyes and bristly, fuzzy tail was making my tiny heart go all nutty.  You were the portrait of an exotic arboreal princess.  I didn’t have the courage to approach you… at least not upon my first sighting of your ravishing beauty.  But from that moment on, it was my only mission in life to make you mine.

031314squirrel009

The next day, I stealthily perched above the branch on which you were sunning your exquisite physique.  I watched in awe as you delicately and sensually groomed your flowing locks of fur.  I thought of jumping down there to help you pick for fleas and ticks that had the audacity to defile your siren’s skin… but the moment was still too soon for this shy squirrel to act.  You were still only within the realm of my dreams… but the object of my desire would not elude me for much longer…

031314squirrel020

I kept returning day after day to the grounds upon which you would frolic, the trees in which you would leap about, the birdfeeder where you would eat.  Had you known how quietly and persistently I had followed you like a vampire would an unsuspecting virgin, you would have no doubt considered me to be some creepy stalker.  But no, I was just a hunter in the game of love, and you my dear Agnes, were the only prey I was after.

123114squirrel040

Finally, I saw my moment to strike.  My hunger for you could no longer be hidden in the lurking shadows… I emerged from my shell and introduced myself to the most beautiful squirrel I had ever laid my beady eyes on…

061114squirrel020

My heart sank when you responded to my genuine affections for you by dashing away.  I knew, deep inside my mangy soul, that I was not a worthy enough squirrel to have such an adorable little furball as you to call my own… but my appetite for you, my lovely Agnes, was not going to be properly sated by simple rejection….

061114squirrel013

So I gave pursuit of my dream squirrel.  The best things in life are worth chasing, and as it turned out, you very much enjoyed being chased.  You played so incredibly hard to get, that there were times I almost felt like giving up… but the reward of the treasure at the end of the prism’s rainbow was more than worth all of the physical and emotional pain I had to endure to get there… and at last, I had caught you in my amorous trap!

031314squirrel016

When I finally broke down your walls and was able to look into your shimmering ebony eyes, I could see that you were just as enraptured with me as I had long been for you.  I had finally won the heart of the only squirrel I have ever loved.  From that day on, we were two souls who had now become one.

031314squirrel017

There was no stopping us now, Agnes.  All of the energy we had wasted in the silly courtship game was now being put to better use experiencing the carnal benefits that come with being an animal.  Our passion for each other could not be tamed.  Our furry whoopie went on day and night, anywhere, any way, any time.  We drove the dog fucking nuts…

071314squirrel013

Sure, we’ve had our ups and downs over the years, my love.  You’ve kicked me out of the nest several times after a nasty skirmish where our angry jabbering would wake up the whole backyard.  But every time you ostracized me, I realized in my loneliness just how much you meant to me.  My stubbornness was no match for the fact that I could never go on without you.  I always came back, and I always apologized.  I’d rather lose face than lose the only critter who completes me.

050914squirrel010

And so, Agnes, on this occasion, our 20th anniversary together, I wrote this letter to let you know in indelible ink just how much you have always meant to me.  I covet you more than I do all of the acorns on earth, and I would cut off my bushy tail if it was the only way to ensure you happiness.  Thank you for making my life worth living, and for being the best partner any squirrel could ever ask for.

Agnes, I love you more than any silly love letter could ever say.

Faithfully yours,

Ralph


What is this, you’re saying to yourself?  Have I gone truly mad?  No… well, not any more than usual.  This is my official entry in Juliette’s Love Letter Writing Contest on her Vampire Maman blog!  I’ve never even had a real love before, and I was still able to come up with this schlock above… so you can certainly write up your own love letter for this fun little game!  There’s still two weeks to enter!  Just remember to include the words “vampire”, “prism”, and “portrait” in your letter (Which I’d forgotten to do until I went to grab the link!)…

Vampire Possum says, "Do it!"

Vampire Possum says, “Do it!”

 

Posted in Squirrel Droppings | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , | 35 Comments

Evil Squirrel’s Nest Comic #144 — 1/29/15

comic12915

Image | Posted on by | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 55 Comments