More Beatlemania

angeles1

ANGEL: So, how’s your entry for Merby’s Beatles Contest coming, Evil?

ES: Not good… I’m so totally stumped.  This is nowhere near as easy as last year’s contest was.  I can’t come up with anything worth sending in!

ANGEL: How can you not be inspired by lyrics from some of the greatest songwriters of all time?  It seems like unless it involves being a smartass, a prevert, or gratuitously killing possums, your muse is absolutely useless.

ES: Give me a break, Angel!  Have you looked at any of these lyrics yet?  None of them make a goddamn bit of sense unless you’re stoned…. and MBRS took the last of my good stuff last night.

angel mbrs stoned

ANGEL:  Oooooh…. no wonder I feel so weird today.  Well, here, let me see if I can help you out.  Let’s look at the first set of lyrics…

Across The Universe

Words are flowing out like
Endless rain into a paper cup
They slither wildly as they slip away across the universe.
Pools of sorrow waves of joy
Are drifting through my opened mind
Possessing and caressing me

ANGEL: That’s so beautiful!  If you could write poetry like that for me, Evil, you wouldn’t have to get your jollies when I least expected it…

goose

ES: I don’t know what any of that even means!  Endless rain in a paper cup!?!?  How is that even possible?

endless rain

ANGEL: It’s a metaphor, dumbass!  How did you ever get to be an artist, anyway?

ES: Hey, don’t make fun of us Matchbook Cover University grads!

matchbook pirate

ES: Go Fighting Flints!

ANGEL:  Here, try the next set of lyrics!

Baby You’re A Rich Man

Baby you’re a rich man
Baby you’re a rich man
Baby you’re a rich man, too
You keep all your money in a big brown bag
Inside a zoo, what a thing to do
Baby you’re a rich man
Baby you’re a rich man
Baby you’re a rich man, too

EVIL:  Hey, I always liked that song!  If I was a rich squirrel, na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na!  See I’d have all the money in the world, if I was a wealthy squirrel!

angel04

ANGEL:  Not THAT song, you moron!  Read the words!  This was written long before Gwen Stefani was even born!

ES:  Oh… ummmm, wait a minute!  What kind of moron keeps their money in a big brown bag inside a zoo?

moneybag

ES: What would you do if you needed money and the zoo was closed?  Or if the baboons used it to wipe their butts?  Why not just put it in the bank or invest it in chileh futures?

ANGEL:  You’re about hopeless, Evil!  Try this one…

Good Day Sunshine

Good day sunshine,
Good day sunshine,
Good day sunshine.
I need to laugh, and when the sun is out
I’ve got something I can laugh about,
I feel good, in a special way.
I’m in love and it’s a sunny day.

ANGEL:  Now how can you not draw a pleasant picture of a nice sunny day?

ES:  Hey, you’re right!  Even Jeremy from that Pearl Jam song could do that…

impaled

ANGEL:  OMG!!!  Were you dropped out of the tree when you were a baby squirrel!?!?  Where is your sense of humanity?

ES:  Humanity?  Eh, I’ve never cared much for drawing humans.  Maybe the next song’s better…

Hey Bulldog

Childlike no one understands
Jackknife in your sweaty hands
Some kind of innocence is
Measured out in years
You don’t know what it’s like
To listen to your fears
You can talk to me
You can talk to me
You can talk to me
If you’re lonely, you can talk to me

angel02

ANGEL:  Don’t you DARE draw some poor critter getting jackknifed!!!

ES:  Man, you’re taking all of the fun out of this for me!  I was just starting to get on a roll!  OK, fine, I have a nice idea…

talk to me

ES:  Not bad….

angel05

ANGEL:  NO!!!!!  That’s horrible!!!  That’s not what that song’s about at all!!!  I don’t know why I expected you to come up with anything decent to submit… Merby must’ve been stoned when she made you the winner last year!

ES:  Well, I could always try the last one to see if I can come up with something that meets with your delicate sensibilities…

Lovely Rita

Lovely Rita meter maid,
Nothing can come between us,
When it gets dark I tow your heart away.
Standing by a parking meter,
When I caught a glimpse of Rita,
Filling in a ticket in her little white book.
In a cap she looked much older,
And the bag across her shoulder
Made her look a little like a military man.

ANGEL:  Just forget about it, Evil!  I don’t even want to know what deviant thoughts you have in mind for poor Rita!

es07

ES:  Who me!?!?

lovely rita

angelandes

ANGEL:  You are sooooo not gonna win this year!  And even if you do, I’m still gonna kick your ass!

Posted in Squirrel Droppings | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , | 13 Comments

Evil Squirrel’s Nest Comic #152 — 3/26/15

comic32615

Image | Posted on by | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 21 Comments

Walk This Way

The Fab Four don't jaywalk, and neither should you.

The Fab Four don’t jaywalk, and neither should you.

Welcome to the first Monday of Spring!  I’ll bet you were in too big of a hurry to see the next song in my Top 30 Cover Songs Countdown to even stop and smell the roses today…. or brush the snow off of them.  Did you know it will be Fall when I finally reveal the #1 song.  Yep, this is gonna be a long and winding road… but you know I’m gonna try to make that adventure as fun as possible for you all.  Let’s look at this week’s awesome cover song so you can all proceed to mock my peculiar musical tastes!

top30covers

#28. “Come Together” – Aerosmith

You won’t find much argument from anyone that The Beatles were the greatest rock band of all time, at least unless you ask Kanye West.  The Fab Four pumped out #1 song after #1 song for most of the 1960’s.  Even after they broke up the band for good in 1970, all four members picked up right where they left off and became very successful solo musicians.  It’s no wonder they are still adored by legions of fans half a century after they first burst onto the scene and made rock history.

Ed Sullivan would have been proud!

Ed Sullivan would have been proud!

In 1969, The Beatles released one of their best known albums containing one of the most iconic jacket covers in pop music history.  The first cut from that album is “Come Together,” which is a completely fucked up and nonsensical song… much like everything else the band released during the latter half of their time together.  But between it being the 60’s and them being the fucking Beatles, they could get away with slopping any old crap together and turning it into a classic hit…

Especially if it contains drug references...

Especially if it contains drug references…

In 1978, someone had the insane idea to film a movie built almost entirely around Beatles music, the ill-fated “Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Heart’s Club Band.”  While the film flopped, it featured a number of covers of Beatles songs performed by artists of the 70’s.  Probably the biggest hit of them all is the one I am featuring today in the countdown… Aerosmith’s take on “Come Together”…

This cover by the bad boys from Boston made it to #23 on the pop charts, and was also the last Top 40 song the band would have for another 10 years.  Aerosmith hit the skids for the next decade, and may have gone down in history as just another blip on the radar of the wild and wacky 70’s had it, ironically enough, not been for another group coming along and covering one of their songs…

Go for yours, Steven!

Go for yours, Steven!

In 1986, Run DMC invited Steven Tyler and Joe Perry to accompany them in a hip hop cover of Aerosmith’s 1976 Top 10 hit “Walk This Way.”  Despite my exclusion of this cover from my countdown, it may have been one of the most history changing redo’s ever.  It not only made stars out of the rap trio Run DMC, it was also one of the first hip hop songs to become a pop hit and pave the way for the genre’s explosion in the late 80’s.

Oh, and it also made Aerosmith relevant again… and yeah, they may have just milked that for all it was worth…

Thanks for making me a rock star again, boyz!

This is the same man who sang “Dude Looks Like a Lady?”

From 1988 right on through the 90’s, Aerosmith took advantage of their second wind, becoming even bigger stars than they were during their first go round…. even if all of their songs now sounded the same kind of lame.  Steven Tyler capitalized by suddenly becoming the ugliest rock legend since Keith Richards.  Only in America, folks…

Come back next Monday as the countdown rolls on with one of the more bizarre entries in my entire 30 song compilation…

Posted in Cover Song Countdown | Tagged , , , , , , , , | 40 Comments

The Hopping Dead

Hey!  How's it goin'?

Hey! How’s it goin’?

This week’s Saturday Squirrel photos were kindly submitted to me by Emily, who writes a blog called Nerd in the Brain!  She took a few photos of a cute little sciurine while on a field trip, and sqturday squirrel logowhen she mentioned that to me, I just had to ask to feature them on The Nest.  The first two images she sent me were very normal looking shots of an adorable grey scavenging for food near a tree.  Awwww!

But what caught my eye in the email wasn’t just the pictures, but her mention of a third shot that was so out of focus she chose not to include it…. but it kinda looked like a zombie squirrel.  There was no way I could let that go… my curiosity was totally piqued.  I had to see this freak of nature for myself… so Emily included it in her next response.

Yep…. that was definitely Zombie Squirrel!!!

You should check out his stash of buried brains.

You should check out his stash of buried brains.

Yes, that’s the same squirrel from the first photo!  I absolutely adore photographic “accidents” like this, and have taken advantage of many of my own in past Saturday Squirrel editions.  The almost impossible combination of the photo’s lack of focus, the squirrel’s pre-jumping pose, its gaping maw, and those infamous “tabby stripes” you’ll often see on grey squirrels come together to create this epically awesome picture!  Thanks again Emily for allowing me to share this freaky fun photo with all of my sciurine fans here at The Nest!

Have a great first weekend of Spring, everyone!

Posted in Saturday Squirrel | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | 15 Comments

Pisces

pisces sandy

Spring will be sprung today, but not before The Nest finishes off its award winning messed up look into our beloved zodiac that has helped wile away your Winter blues.  For the es zodiac12th and final installment of Evil Squirrel’s Zodiac, we’re going to honor two lost souls swimming in a fishbowl and delve into the rather unique sign of Pisces.  So just sit back and enjoy today’s fish fry that is certified kosher for Lent.

Among our lovable critters who reside here at The Nest, we have no fewer than four Pisceans.  The adorable little Pigladillo (February 22), the squirrel pup twins Blaze and Sulphur (March 17, though I fittingly used them to represent Gemini), and the original character of mine that can trace her origins back further than any other… Sandy (March 12), who I first drew just a little over seven years ago.  She will guide us through the murky waters of Pisces today.

Sandy was also my cover model for the final poster I made for my 2010 zodiac series…

pisces

Pisces falls at Winter’s end, from about February 19th to March 20th each year… a time when people seem to expect the weather to thaw out because wishful thinking makes them forget how our seasons work…

Happy fucking Easter.

Happy fucking Easter.

Pisces is represented by a pair of fish… and is currently on sale as a combo meal down at Long John Silver’s.

Mmmmmm!!!  Tastes better than Scorpio!

Mmmmmm!!! Tastes better than Scorpio!

The symbol for Pisces is a hyperbola with the x axis running through it.  When describing what your zodiac mark looks like brings back painful memories of college algebra, you know you have a shitty sign.

Real graffiti some punks spray painted on my fence shortly before I moved in six years ago.  Pisces is the bomb!

Real graffiti some punks spray painted on my fence shortly before I moved in six years ago. Pisces is the bomb!

Being last in line, Pisces got what was left over on the body after all the other signs were done picking the good parts.  That means Pisces got the stinky feet.  Not that there’s anything wrong with having a foot fetish…

This little piggy got sued for sexual harrassment.

This little piggy got sued for sexual harrassment.

And of course, Pisces is one of the zodiac’s water signs.  If you’ve been paying attention to this part of my astrology posts the past few weeks, and you too have fond memories of the NES’s original Final Fantasy game, then you know that I’m showcasing the Water FIEND.  So it is finally time for us to release the Kraken!

So... are any of you kinky foot fetish Pisces also into tentacles?

So… are any of you kinky foot fetish Pisces also into tentacles?

For the first eleven signs of the zodiac, the Stoner Astrologers did a reasonable job of trying to make even the lamest of signs look somewhat cool.  But they obviously gave up on trying to play nice by the time they wrote their page for Pisces.  Let’s see what interesting tidbits we can mock about the Pisces personality…

Pisces is always in need of a virtual hug.  As a Cancer, I can tell you there’s nothing wrong with being born in a fucked up sign, but Pisces takes their astrological bad luck personally.  Pisces has the self esteem of a cattle skull bleaching out in the middle of the desert.

It might help out Pisces if I didn't have a more famous doppelganger.

Pisces might be happier if she didn’t have a more famous doppelganger.

Feel free to reach out and touch Pisces, as they are always more than willing to be your own personal Jesus.  Despite having numerous issues of its own, Pisces feels the need to feel the pain and suffering of others as well.  Get off the cross, Pisces, and go find a doctor instead!

One of my few gems from the days before anyone was following me.

One of my few comic gems from the days before anyone was following me.  And yes, Sandy has a Pisces tramp stamp.

While you may believe that astrology is a bunch of bunk, Pisces doesn’t.  Pisces is all about the spiritual world and the occult.  If you’ve noticed any pets or small children go missing from your neighborhood during new moons, chances are you live near a Pisces.

This unicorn will be perfect for tonight's sacrifice!

This unicorn will be perfect for tonight’s sacrifice!

Pisces’ ability to tap into the spiritual world also gives them natural psychic abilities.  Before your next visit to the fortune teller, ask to see their ID and make sure they’re a certified Pisces before you part with your life savings.

sandy

You may also want to research the birthday of your local weatherman.

Pisces are too busy licking their emotional wounds and playing tarot solitaire to be bothered with doing much of anything useful.  You can lead a Pisces to their desk, but you can’t make them work… unless you can convince them that their work will help ease the suffering of stray possums in Pangea.  Pisces will do anything to make someone they don’t even know happy…

Pisces are such pushovers for heartache.

Pisces are such pushovers for heartache.

Seeking out a sensitive, self-pitying Pisces for your very own?

Fuck yeah!!!

Fuck yeah!!!

If you are the kind of person who has serious issues, then you need not worry about attracting Pisces.  They will come beating down your door so they can make your problems their problem.  Then, while Pisces is valiantly serving as your human shield… you can find yourself a real lover who’s more interested in carnal desires instead of emotional drama…

sandy squirrel

Oh, don’t be so cruel to me and I might even uncover my self pitying parts!

What can you expect if Pisces realizes the only way to make you feel better is with a little sexual healing?

Sex With Pisces:

Sex with Pisces is an emotional and physical experience, and if you allow it, it will be a spiritual experience as well. Pisces are very good at, and love role play. Acting fully in their roles. They like to seduce. Role play that you are in an old fashioned brothel and get them to seduce you, they love erotic games for they are able to get completely involved and lose themselves in the erotic play. Pisces likes risque encounters and offbeat activities. A very fun partner for those who like different encounters and physical sex.

Please note, that is copied word for word from the Stoner Astrologers’ website.  I could never come up with anything more kinky than that on my own.  You can dress up Pisces in leather and high heel boots, but they’re only going to end up using that whip to flagellate themselves…

Don't act like Pisces doesn't turn you on, Honey!

Don’t act like Pisces doesn’t turn you on, Honey!

Well, now that we’ve managed to make Pisces summon a demon to destroy my blog, let’s take a look at where we can find Pisces in the world around us!

You can find stompable versions of Pisces in the Mushroom Kingdom…

Mario needs a mushroom to make him feel better about himself.

Mario needs a power-up to make him feel better about himself.

Pisces can be found working at the 12th Precinct.

Yep, Pisces loves to role play...

Yep, Pisces loves to role play…

Sure, I could go for the obvious… but I’ll use a more subtle musical tribute to Pisces instead.

Pisces here, Pisces there, Pisces can be found everywhere in the land of Dr. Seuss.

Look what we found in the tuna net.

Look what we found in the tuna net.

And if you dig in the attic, you just may find a singing version of Pisces

The perfect gift for anyone who you don't think hates their life enough already.

Even a non-Pisces will instantly hate their life if you give them the gift of Billy Bass.

And now Pisces, put down the razor blades for a few minutes so you can read your very own life changing horoscope from The Nest’s certified team of stargazers!

Today will prove to be a difficult and trying day for Pisces, though that’s actually an improvement over how things usually go for you.  Libra and Leo next door are having domestic issues, take it upon yourself to get involved in their affairs and help heal their relationship.  Take them to your BDSM basement to rekindle their romantic desires if necessary.  Get away from the worries of the world by planning an exotic vacation.  Taurus will fill in for you at work, like they usually do when you’re not in the mood to accept reality.  Beware of the cunning ways of Gemini as they try to lure you into volunteering for their church’s possum dinner fundraiser.  You will teach them it’s impossible to pull the wool over Pisces eyes by showing them your place of worship and tying them down onto the pentagram.  Draw upon your intense suffering to create art this evening.  Make sure to properly feel shitty about the fact that your artistic gift doesn’t extend beyond making animal figurines out of your toejam collection.  Poor Pisces, you need lots of support for your self-loathing.  Cancer will drop by to give you a hug.  Scorpio will follow soon after the smack the ever loving shit out of you.  Your lucky numbers: 5, 13, 22, 38, boo hoo, and wah wah…. get over yourself, Pisces!

This certainly isn't going to make Pisces feel any better about themselves.

This certainly isn’t going to make Pisces feel any better about themselves.

And thus concludes The Nest’s informative and irreverent look into the twelve signs of the zodiac.  Whether or not you think there’s anything to astrology, it’s hard to deny that many people do identify with, and often live by their zodiac sign.  I hope you all gained some astrological insight, and got more than a few laughs out of the trip as well.  I’d like to thank the Stoner Astrologers at this website for providing me with all the background information I needed to complete this series…. even if the Engrish made it a bit hard to understand at times.  Well, gotta keep this whole astrological business a bit mysterious, I guess!

Fortune smiles upon thee!

Fortune smiles upon thee!

I will hopefully have a new project to keep you looking forward to Fridays in the near future!

Posted in The Zodiac | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , | 19 Comments