Your Best Friend’s Nest

Welcome to Mecca Muzak Band Survivor.

Welcome to Mecca Muzak Band Survivor.

meccamuzakmondaysCome Monday it’ll be alright… that’s because it’s the day The Nest’s unicorn behind the turntables spins another groovy 45 from the Mecca Muzak soundtrack!  For two years and seven extra long play CD’s, the Arkansas mixmasters have reinvented what in-store muzak can be… including not only popular hits from the past, but a lot of lesser known songs from indie and eclectic bands that most people don’t even know exist.  I’m discovering pretty interesting new music, and even getting paid for it!

Sometimes, it's even hazard pay.

Sometimes, it’s even hazard pay.

This week’s featured song was performed by the quintet Grouplove, who managed to come together at an artist’s retreat each was attending on the Mediterranean island of Crete.

Some of Crete's beautiful scenery.  If you look very closely, you'll see there's a beach.

Some of Crete’s beautiful scenery. If you look very closely, you’ll see there’s a beach.

While Grouplove’s bread and butter has been playing just about every music festival known to man the last few years on the touring scene, they have taken some time to actually release a couple of albums.  Their first full album was 2011’s “Never Trust a Happy Song”, which spawned a few modest hits on the Modern Rock charts.  But one of those songs easily rose above the rest to not only top the MR charts… but appear in TV commercials, on the hit Fox show “Glee”, and of course, the ultimate honor… earning a coveted spot on the Mecca CD…

Here is the penultimate song from the Fall 2013 CD, Grouplove’s “Tongue Tied”…

It took a loooooooong time for me to get the “Take me to your best friend’s house” earworm out of my brain and realize that this is actually a really cool song.  For some reason, it even strikes me as a good song to end on… which of course, it didn’t since I said it was the second-to-last song on the CD.  No, that particular Mecca soundtrack had to end with one of the worst pieces of dreck to come out of an artist’s mouth in the last decade….

I'm thirty-three for a moment.... FUCK YOU, Mr. I Think I'm A Band All By Myself!

“I’m thirty-three for a moment….”  FUCK YOU, Mr. I Think I’m A Band All By Myself!

Well, that’s about all I have for this week.  I hope today’s MMM selection didn’t leave you tongue tied…

xxx

Or like this…

That cat always cracked me up!  As a bonus… enjoy one of the best classic cartoon shorts ever… Tex Avery’s “Symphony in Slang“!

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Feel Free To Squee!

Is this how you pose for a Saturday Squirrel pic?

Is this how you pose for a Saturday Squirrel pic?

As you may have noticed, the squirrels are back at The Nest!  The only thing that isn’t back to normal on my blog now is the awesome Rainbow Donkey header I’ve decided to keep up until I sqturday squirrel logofinish creating a new permanent one… but the Evil Squirrel’s Nest name will return to the banner soon with a fresh new look!

In the meantime, I just finished processing my latest batch of squirrel photos, and there was little doubt what I was going to use for this week’s Saturday Squirrel feature.  Remember over the summer when I featured photos of a squirrel that was obviously nursing?  It kept me on the lookout for some little ones!  Well, as I’ve mentioned before… baby squirrels rarely leave the nest are not normally seen in the open.  But if you’re lucky, you can catch some kidlets shortly after they begin venturing from home… usually around their third month of life.

I think this handsome li’l pup may be one of them…

I'll never get to eat in privacy again!

I’ll never get to eat in privacy again!

He’s an absolutely adorable little sucker!  Whether it’s in the classic sciurine pose above, or just hanging out on the tree trunk….

I don't know what Gary Puckett didn't see in young squirrels.

I don’t know what Gary Puckett didn’t see in young squirrels.

Saturday Squirrel’s newest child star has emerged!

Enjoy the cuteness, and have a wonderful weekend!

Posted in Saturday Squirrel | Tagged , , , , , , , | 19 Comments

The Final Countdown

Time's almost up, my pretty!!!!  HAHAHAHAHAhahahaha!!!!!

Time’s almost up, my pretty!!!! HAHAHAHAHAhahahaha!!!!!

Well, here we are on another fabulous Friday!  The sun is out!  The squirrels are back!  Travis Ishikawa will never have to pay for another meal if I’m ever in the same restaurant as he is.  And of course, it’s also time for the next tragicomic installment in my Millionaire Journey series!  After getting two thumbs down from Siskel and Ebert last week, I’m left still sitting in Seat 9, wondering if maybe I blew my last chance to get into that Hot Seat that seems so close, yet so far away…

It's my seat now.... MINE!!!!

It’s my seat now…. MINE!!!!

That’s Kevin O’Neill from Strongsville, Ohio… who knew way more about movies than I did.  Here’s another movie Kevin knows a lot about…

Have fun taking care of Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice, and Beetlejuice, dear!

Have fun taking care of Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice, and Beetlejuice, dear!

Kevin is a stay at home dad to three kids.  When Regis asks how this unusual “career choice” came about, Kevin says that he used to work in restaurants, probably on this kind of duty…

Any excuse to show the dishwashing dog picture again!

Any excuse to show the dishwashing dog picture again!

His wife has a slightly more prestigious job title… she’s a gynecologist.

This was in such poor taste, that I couldn't resist posting it!

This was in such poor taste, that I couldn’t resist posting it!

Kevin has even brought his lovely wife Joanna along with him…

That's Dr. Joanna to you, filthy squirrel!

That’s Dr. Joanna to you, filthy squirrel!

Kevin’s adventures in housekeeping are apparently not as interesting as Amy’s life in the fast lane… so without much more chitter chatter, Regis goes directly to the game!  Good!  Let’s get this started and hope for a quick exit…

Exit... bendy side out!

Exit… bendy side out!

$100 – Fresh cow’s milk from a carton is typically which of these colors?

A. Brown
B. White
C. Pink
D. 2% mauve

Skip the carton and go directly to the source.

Skip the carton and go directly to the source.

I hate non-basic color words because very few of them sound like the color they represent.  Chartreuse sounds like some shade of blue, and it’s actually a light green.  Mauve brings to mind a deep reddish tint… but no, it’s a lighter variant of purple.  Since I find milk to be disgusting, I could care less what color it is… but Kevin probably serves this to the kids every day and knows that regular milk is B. White.

$200 – Which of the following phrases means “to suffer a disgrace?”

A. Lose face
B. Gain ground
C. Shift gears
D. Rent “Ishtar”

Did someone out there request another Dustin Hoffman movie?

Did someone out there request another Dustin Hoffman movie?

Yes, the 1987 blockbuster bomb “Ishtar” was apparently such a shitty movie, that even as late as 2001 it was still the butt of jokes.  Kevin loves his movies, so he’s probably suffered the disgrace of renting “Ishtar” before and knows what it’s like to A. Lose face

$300 – A person who drives a car very slowly and overcautiously is commonly called what?

A. Shooting star
B. Schoolteacher
C. Sunday driver
D. New York cabbie

Snake Eyes has been slowly and overcautiously driving his school bus off of cliffs since the 1980's.

Snake Eyes has been slowly and overcautiously driving his school bus off of cliffs since the 1980’s.

No doubt, the Cabbies Union took exception to this question’s gag answer, and muttered a number of choice swear words that would have made people blush at the UN… but fortunately not us in a day before Google translators.  I generally have some unsavory terms myself for these types of motorists, but the family friendly term the show is looking for is C. Sunday driver.

$500 – Which of these phrases means “one’s native language”?

A. Brother tongue
B. Father tongue
C. Mother tongue
D. Sister tongue

I'd answer this question, but the cat has my.... well...

I’d answer this question, but the cat has my…. well…

If you’re into Rule 34 and the creepy parts of the internets, I’d recommend these four as excellent character names for a short story of incest and peppermints.  Outside of that, I can see this question tripping up a number of frazzled contestants I’d seen pass through this show in the past.  Alas, for my sake, Kevin in quite in control and aware that mama knows best… C. Mother tongue.

Final answer!!!

Final answer!!!

$1,000 – In the Old West, a chuck wagon was the vehicle known for carrying what?

A, Weapons
B. Food
C. Tools
D. Toys

Wait, I don't see dog kibble as an answer here!

Wait, I don’t see dog kibble as an answer here!

Kevin hasn’t wasted any time at all answering any of these five questions… he answers B. Food, and in less time than it took Amy to decide what to do on a single fucking question, Kevin has just knocked down the first five and has earned himself a cool grand…

But despite how fast Kevin has played, this segment of the show doesn’t even make it to the three minute mark before Regis is sending everyone in TV land off to watch the next batch of commercials that I’d be mocking 13 years later.  Cue the forboding music…

DANGER, Will Robinson!  DANGER!!!

DANGER, Will Robinson! DANGER!!!

We have now reached Who Wants To Be A Millionaire’s version of the two minute warning.  As if those of us still in waiting didn’t already realize that our seven figure dreams were mere minutes from disintegrating for good, the associate producers were kind enough to make the rounds of the ring to let us know that there was only one segment left to go… and unless Kevin flubbed one of his next few questions, the curtain was going to come crashing down on all of us… and we weren’t even going to get any Lee Press On Nails out of the deal…

Now lunula free!

Now lunula free!

As expected coming back from break, Regis chats up Kevin a bit more since time isn’t of the essence to him.  Regis asks Joanna how much of the housework Kevin actually does while he’s staying at home all day watching his stories the kids.  She reveals that Superdad apparently isn’t even qualified to wield a bottle of Windex.  After spending all day cleaning out coochies in her office, Joanna also has to come home and clean the piss stains off the bathroom floor as well…

Nothing a little Lysol and Massengill combination can't clean...

Nothing a little Lysol and Massengill combination can’t freshen up…

Not wasting anywhere near as much time as he did with Amy, Regis delves right back into Kevin’s set of questions.  The mid-tier isn’t always a cakewalk for Hot Seat contestants, and as I saw right off the bat with Ed Toutant, a rough question can emerge from nowhere at this level to bite an unsuspecting player in their Hot Buns.  I’m going to need that kind of miracle here again with Kevin… come on, bro!  Help a squirrel out!

Come on... how can you root against this smiling face?

Come on… how can you root against this smiling face?

$2,000 – Which of the following is a trademarked name for refrigerants used in household appliances?

A. Nitrous oxide
B. Butane
C. Ozone
D. Freon

You mean like this appliance?  Or at least, before some creep hauled off with it?

You mean like in this appliance? Or at least, before some creep hauled off with it?

Regis liked to tell contestants that a question was “right up their alley” if it had even a tangential connection to something on one of their blue card bits that was discussed.  You don’t have to be a stay at home dad to know about D. Freon, or that it’s what all the cool kids are huffing these days…

Ooooh, I think I'm having a cold flash!

Ooooh, I think I’m having a cold flash!

$4,000 – The legendary “Bermuda Triangle” lies off the coast of which of these U.S. States?

A. California
B. Louisiana
C. Florida
D. Maine

The Bermuda Triangle... home to the Kraken, and Seat 9.

The Bermuda Triangle… home to the Kraken, and Seat 9.

Kevin is just too damn good at this game.  He hasn’t hesitated on a single question yet.  He knows that this ridiculous geographical black hole is off the coast of C. Florida

And Ben Randall thought he was the only one who knew about Mysteries of the Unknown.

And Ben Randall thought he was the only one who knew about Mysteries of the Unknown.

$8,000 – In the 2000 movie “What Women Want,” Mel Gibson’s character has the power to do what?

A. Read women’s minds
B. Predict women’s futures
C. Appear in women’s dreams
D. Heal relationships

E. Touch women's beavers.

E. Touch women’s beavers.

Holy crap, another movie question!  And this one even more recently released than “Men of Honor!”  “What Women Want” debuted in theaters on December 15, 2000… just five weeks prior to this taping.  Unlike “Men of Honor” however, “What Women Want” had a much bigger promotional campaign… or at least one I was able to remember better.  While this movie itself has since sunk into the dustbin of Hollywood like “Honor” did, in January 2001 I was quite well aware of its existence, and its gimmick that was totally played up in the trailers.

Of course, Kevin has seen the ads as well, and even mentions that this is the only reason he knows that Mel can A. Read women’s minds

Fortunately, I am not a woman and Kevin is not Mel Gibson... or else he'd be getting a mindful from me right about now...

Fortunately, I am not a woman and Kevin is not Mel Gibson… or else he’d be getting a mindful from me right about now…

$16,000 – The twosome known as Torvill and Dean are famous for their work in what field?

A, Surf music
B. Pop psychology
C. Fashion design
D. Ice dancing

For the record, I am sailing right along with Kevin.  I knew all eight of his questions right off the bat… but this one gave me pause.  I was familiar with the pairing of Torvill and Dean… but couldn’t quite pull up why I knew them… until that choice D finally came up.  Yep, they were skaters…

Has anyone ever ice danced to cheesy porn music before?

Has anyone ever ice danced to cheesy porn music before?

Kevin seems to be audibly breathing a sigh of relief, so it’s quite possible he couldn’t make the connection either until the correct choice came up.  He “thinks he knows this one”, and makes D. Ice dancing his final answer…

Regis happily announces that Kevin has now won $16,000…. and then it happened….

HORN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

HONK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

If you were a fan of Millionaire back in the day, you may remember that play always ended on the sound of “the horn.”  It blared out its mocking cry of pity, and officially shattered any chance I had at hoisting my fat ass up into the precious Hot Seat.

I came.  I saw.  I crapped out.

squirrels

Today’s post is brought to you by the letter L.

After almost two hours of in-studio drama, three uniquely interesting contestants, two headbanging fuck ups on fastest finger questions, and eight action packed posts in this series… I was surprisingly more relieved than disappointed once the horn tolled for thee.  It was pretty obvious that due to the pacing of the show and the quality of players who made their way into the Chair, that it just wasn’t going to work out me… and I was going to be OK with that.  What great fun it was to get to watch and play along with one of my favorite television game shows from one of the best seats in the house!

Hey Regis!  Down in front!!!

Hey Regis! Down in front!!!

Those of you who had read my Flashback Friday post a year ago that inspired me to tell this story already knew that I had emerged from the show without anything more than a three second spin in the Hot Seat, one practice Fastest Finger win, and a most excellent Big Apple adventure.  Those of you who did not see any previous spoilers, or did your best to block them out… well, sorry I let you all down!  I did my best, and that’s all that counts, right?

Security, will you please escort these losers from the premises...

Security, will you please escort these losers from the premises…

But just because the taping is now over doesn’t mean the Journey has come to an end!  Oh no… don’t give up on me yet!  There are still tales to tell, adventures to be had, and digressions to be milked for all they’re worth!  Join me again next Friday for life after being declared Who Wants To Be A Millionaire’s biggest loser…

Or at least what I can see of it through the eye holes...

Or at least what I can see of it through the eye holes…

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Evil Squirrel’s Nest Comic #129 — 10/16/14

comic101614

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Bringing Sexy Back, Jack

buster sexy

tuesday tvIf there is one maxim in advertising that has been tried and true since the very first caveman went through puberty, it’s that sex sells.  Companies that sell beer know that the best way to cater to their desired young male demographic is to feature commercials with as much cleavage as is legally allowed by FCC laws.  I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter knows more women will buy their product if they feature Fabio licking his lips for the artery clogging delight.  And Taster’s Choice coffee realized that it would sell more grounds if it featured serial ads with the longest build-up of sexual tension outside of a male/female partnership in a primetime drama…

Um, you came over to borrow some coffee... not my vagina.

Um, you came over to borrow some coffee… not my vagina.

In 1993, Mennen wanted to tap into the erogenous G spot of using sex appeal in its ads to sell Skin Bracer aftershave.  Unfortunately, every Hollywood stud was apparently unavailable at the time, or possibly allergic to aftershave.  So Mennon made the curious choice of hiring screen legend Jack Palance to be the smooth talking, sexy voice for Skin Bracer’s aphrodesiatic powers… and being the trooper that he is, he managed to milk it for all it was worth!

I’ll give the women out there a few minutes to wash their fingers after viewing that 15 seconds of overly stimulating, arousing sensuality that was almost too hot for Retro TV Ad Tuesday…

SWOON!

SWOON!

Jack Palance had just won a Best Supporting Actor Oscar for “City Slickers”, which made him a hot commodity at the time and ripe for the opportunity to be some product’s pitchman.  But is a 74 year old man really the best choice to use in a commercial where you want your hired gun to talk all sexy and seductive and appeal to the young adult set with lots of disposable debt income?

What would your great grandkids think, jack?

What would your great grandkids think, jack?

I realize that older men can often hold massive sexual appeal to most women, and Jack’s still got the Romeo charm even if his six-shooter’s probably out of bullets.  But exactly who is Mennen trying to win over by having a 74 year old senior citizen talk about how sexy their aftershave makes them appear to the feminine nostrils?

Hottie, did you smell that dude's aftershave?

Hottie, did you smell that dude’s aftershave?

And that makes this whole ad even more bizarre since the product is for men, and presumably bought by men.  I’m not sure where Jack Palance rates on the ultimate guy list of Hollywood heroes, but he’s certainly not in the same echelon as John Wayne and Clint Eastwood, or even Steven Seagal and Jean Claude Van Damme.  He’s probably a few notches below Joe Pesci…

Does my aftershave amuse you?

Does my aftershave amuse you?

…but slightly ahead of Rick Moranis.

Your confidence is very sexy, sir.

Your confidence is very sexy, sir.

And definitely miles behind my sister

Of course, guys only put up with smelly cologne, aftershave, and body spray because female human beings are the only animal on the planet not attracted by their opposite sex’s natural musk.  Women want a man who smells like a perfume counter, not their brother’s armpit.  Having Jack Palance apply some Skin Bracer and talk about how confident and sexy it makes him feel is not going to encourage guys to run out and buy some in hopes of getting laid.  If anything, this ad probably makes guys feel pretty damn uneasy since it’s comparable to borrowing a condom off of their grandfather…

Protection, it's the right thing to do, Timmy!

Protection, it’s the right thing to do, Timmy!

No, Skin Bracer’s attempt to get the male population out there lathered up over the idea of smelling like a French whore to feel sexy was as full of epic fail as Gillette’s attempt to get guys to mutilate their manfur.  If only they would have had the vision that Axe did when it went on the market last decade… knowing that the best way to convince men to buy their smelly products was through the visual that if they used Axe’s overly scented toiletries, they just might end up in the middle of some softcore porn scene.

Heck, Axe's creative team does porn better than those who make the real thing!

Heck, Axe’s creative team does porn better than those who make the real thing!

Can simply applying a little aftershave really give you the same sex appeal as a man who starred in his first film during the Truman Administration?  I highly doubt it, though I’m not about to risk contracting a saggy nutsack to find out.  Anyway, we here at The Nest salute Skin Bracer and the confidently sexy Jack Palance for showing us how to properly smell like a man, even if our nose is so clogged up with old man hair that we couldn’t tell it  ourselves.  We may have to beat the babes off of us with our walking cane now… but at least we’re a clean, mean, artificially scented machine thanks to the men’s hygiene company that had one of the best commercial signoffs evah!

Take that, Beatrice!

Take that, Beatrice!

Posted in TV Commercials | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , | 19 Comments