Bend Me, Shape Me

I apologize to those with a paw fetish.

I apologize for riling up those of you with a paw fetish.

Anyone who has seen squirrels at play knows they are incredible athletes with graceful sqturday squirrel logobodies capable of death defying scrambles and leaps from heights that would give you vertigo.  Their little furry sciurine packages are also quite flexible, as you can see above with this guy.  He has an itch in a place he can only scratch with his teeth, and since they don’t make Cruex for squirrels, he has to lift his leg high up to get his muzzle down there.  I captured him in this pretzel form with arm over leg, and foot at the same level as his hand.  He looks like a cute little contortionist!

This is also the same squirrel I featured last week with the prehensile tail!  Not many critters can get the honor of being the Saturday Squirrel two weeks in a row!

On the seventh anniversary of the day Evil Squirrel was created, I wish you all a great weekend!

 

Posted in Saturday Squirrel | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , | 15 Comments

Statue Of Limitations

Over the past few days, Marilyn has been participating in a photo challenge on her Serendipity blog… “Five Photos, Five Stories,” which she was asked to participate in by the first name in photo prompts, Cee’s Photography Blog.  I decided to give it a shot this week as an excuse to show off a few of my non-squirrel photos that might otherwise not end up on my blog.  The rules are simple…

1) Post a photo (or more!)  each day for five consecutive days.

2) Attach a story to the photo. It can be fiction, non-fiction, poetry, or nothing more than a short paragraph. It’s entirely up to you.

3) Nominate another blogger to carry on the challenge. Your nominee is free to accept or decline the invitation. This is supposed to be fun. It is not a command performance!

Don’t worry…. I’m not going to put the guilt trip on anyone by nominating them… you are perfectly free to latch on to this idea or not.

For the final day of the challenge, I thought long and hard about what I wanted to make my last topic about, and it occurred to me that I’d considered doing a post before on the photos I’ve taken of statues…

carl barger

This is a photo I took back in September 2010 of a bust on display at PNC Park in Pittsburgh of former Pirates team president Carl Barger.  I get the idea of impressionist art, but that doesn’t always play out very well when we’re talking about sculptures of real people.  This is one of the saddest busts I have ever seen.  Poor Carl.  He left Pittsburgh to take over the same job with the expansion Florida Marlins in 1992, and promptly dropped dead of a heart attack…. no doubt because he saw this awful likeness of himself.

willie stargell

Now that’s better… Pirates Hall of Fame outfielder Willie “Pops” Stargell, preparing to take out that father and son who are posing in the path of his mighty swing.  Any real baseball fan would know that lefties love the ball low and inside…

carl pohlad

Here’s a curious statue outside of Target Field of former Minnesota Twins owner Carl Pohlad and his wife Eloise.  Carl made his fortune by foreclosing family farms during the Great Depression.  As owner of the Twins, Pohlad first tried to sell the team to a North Carolina businessman who would have moved the team to Charlotte… then was first in line to accept a proposed $150,000,000 contraction payment from Major League Baseball that would have eliminated the franchise had MLB gone through with the plan.  That was the best idea Bud Selig had to restore competitive balance to the league at the time… axe all of the small market teams.  So why did they build a statue of Pohlad outside of a ballpark that wouldn’t even exist had he had his way?  Hey, to paraphrase Reggie Jackson, they don’t build statues of nobodies!

calvin griffith

Minnesotans sure love their owners!  Not far from the Pohlads is this monument to Calvin Griffith, who brought the Washington Senators to Minnesota in 1961… becoming the first of many baseball owners to bail the hell out of the nation’s capital.  First in war, first in peace, and now last in the American League Central.

tiger statue

There are a lot of tiger statues around the perimeter of Comerica Park in Detroit.  Given the neighborhood the ballpark is in, I’m pretty sure they’re there for protection.

There are also a number of bizarre statues inside the ballpark….

hank greenberg

There is really no other description for what is going on with Hank Greenberg’s bat than it is obviously ejaculating baseballs.

al kaline

Al Kaline Krazy Glued to the wall.  Seriously, WTF?

Ever wondered what Willie Horton’s ass looked like?  Now you know…

And finally, to wrap up this five part photo prompt series, here is former Kansas City Royals owner Ewing Kauffman and his lovely wife Muriel bidding adieu to everyone who put up with my pictures and long-winded storytelling all week!

kauffmans

Either they are saying goodbye to you all, or they are welcoming the alien ships to our planet…

Posted in Squirrel Droppings | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 27 Comments

Mama Wants To Know

Possum motherships are so cute!

Possum motherships are so cute!

prompt logoIt’s another freaky Friday at The Nest, and it’s time for our third installment of Prompt the Squirrel!  Slowly but surely, I’m getting more ideas for Friday posts from you all…. two more this week to bring the total number of prompts up to a lucky thirteen, meaning I can now stretch this series all the way through July 3rd!  But I’m greedy, and I want more!  I know more than thirteen people/critters read this blog… so if you haven’t submitted your PTS inspiration yet, please please PLEASE go to this post and do so immediately if not sooner!!!

larry blackmon

YAY Fanny!

To show I am doing these in no particular order, for this week’s prompt, I’m going to select one of those two I just received since last week’s post.  Mental Mama has followed me for a couple years now, and writes a cool blog about all the random shit in her life.  Apparently inspired by that Share Your World prompt a lot of other bloggers participate in, she sent me a list of five questions to answer… and of course pontificate about, as you all know I am more than capable of doing!

Aren't you glad The Nest shows up in your Reader?

Aren’t you glad The Nest shows up in your Reader?

So, without further “I do”, here is Mama’s first question:

1. If you could have dinner with anyone (living or dead) who would it be and why?

Why, hello ES!

Why, hello ES!

This is a prompt question so classic, that they’ve been asking it since long before the internet was a gleam in Al Gore’s eye.  I’m not much for having dinner with company… generally when there are others eating with me, it’s family.  My Dad, and sometimes my Mom and one of my sisters, eat lunch together every Thursday and Friday.  They don’t mind having dinner with me, because they’ve known me all my life.  They don’t care that I chew like a squirrel attacking a walnut or make a mess like a two year old in a high chair.  At least, they have yet to disown me for it…

Hello out there, all of my gentle readers!

Hello out there, all of my gentle readers!

So I’ll officially answer this question by saying I would like to have dinner with Miss Manners.  Wouldn’t it be a hoot to see the expression on her face as she watched me eat like a possum munching on a dead possum that itself was munching on another dead possum in the middle of the road?  Manners get in the way of properly enjoying a meal… which is to say, they don’t allow us to dig in like the plate might be taken away from us at any moment, and that takes away the joy of eating.  I am what I am and won’t be changing anytime soon.  Now you know to never, ever invite me out for a bite to eat should the opportunity ever present itself…

Lucky for me, MBRS is unrefined as well.

Lucky for me, MBRS is unrefined as well.

2. How did you decide on the names for your cats?

There is a post waaaay back in the early days of this blog that answers this question, but rather than link to it (oops!), I’ll just go over it all again for the amusement value of my random and stupid naming process…

Still maybe the cutest cat picture I've ever taken.

Still maybe the cutest cat picture I’ve ever taken.

First off, let’s start with my original pair of kitties, Spilly and Ody.  They’re blood brothers who I adopted almost 6 years ago, and my Millionaire message board (Which you see on the computer screen behind the kitties) had a lot of influence over the names they wound up getting.

Ody if the black and white cat, and got named first… and that’s pronounced “AH-dee”, not “OH-dee” like everyone at the vet’s office calls him.  Ody is short for Odyssey, and if you are a fan of my comic, you may already know where the inspiration for his name came from…

I HAD THE NAME FIRST!!!!

I HAD THE NAME FIRST!!!!

My feline character Odyssey’s marking are almost identical to Ody’s… and the first time I saw the kitten’s pink paw pads under his white paws, the name was cinched.  Since “Odyssey” was a bit of a mouthful, I shortened it to Ody.

The black cat Spilly was named by Fanny (A longtime friend from my board before she got her own blog) after her (then) favorite Colorado Rockies outfielder Ryan Spilborghs.

Spilly the ballplayer, before he washed up...

Spilly the ballplayer, before he washed up…

And then there’s Biskit…

Yeah, don't forget about me like you always do anyway...

Yeah, don’t forget about me like you always do anyway…

After Spilly passed four years ago, Biskit became Ody’s new sidekick.  The name was a combination of his “making biscuits” habit that he had his first week or so with me (That he has since never done again), as well as the simplistic spelling of Spilly’s alter ego on my message board (Just go with it… a lot of us had pet alter egos over there… and if we didn’t, this entire blog wouldn’t exist!)

3. Why the hell do you still work at Mecca?

The great muzak, of course!

For the great muzak, of course!

This is a question that always makes me laugh and grit my teeth at the same time.  A lot of people ask it, and it’s borne out of two not necessarily correct assumptions… first, that the job sucks, and second that it’s not a career you can make a living at.  I’ve proven both of these to be false.

For the uninitiated, Mecca is my codename for that big box store you love to hate, and I have been employed as an overnight stocker there for coming up on seventeen years now.  I knew as soon as I hired in that the only way I’d ever leave is if they canned me, because I’m extremely unambitious and prefer to leave well enough alone.  Heck, the whole notion of even applying for a job makes me want to hide under my bed.  And after all this time, what I have is a job I like (If you love your job, then it’s not really a job… a job should be something you wouldn’t do if you didn’t get paid for it), pay and benefits that would blow the mind of those who only listen to the Mecca naysayers who think we’re all basically slave laborers, and most of all… consistency and routine, which I need in my life since I’m the ultimate creature of habit.

No Barney, not that kind of habit!

No Barney, not that kind of habit!

And I’m three years away from the lifetime discount card, which would be nice if anyone in my generation is ever actually able to retire…

4. What do you want to be if someone ever forces you to grow up?

ES has the squirrels at his feet!

A sex symbol, of course

I’m not sure how many “grown up” jobs I’d actually like.  I went to college for meteorology, though the heavy math and physics nearly killed me and I became quite disillusioned with a career where a job never really materialized anyway (Thanks Newt Gingrich!).  If I had the patience and the desire, I might be able to turn my artistic hobby I’ve developed over the past seven years into something, but that would still likely involve actual formal art training (of which, if it isn’t apparent, I have had none), and I am totally done with schooling of any kind on any level.  Hell, I can’t even force myself to try harder to make art that people would actually want to buy for my Cafepress Shop

Fine Art For Sale!

I’m condemned to selling just a few bumper stickers every year.

5. Where do you see The Nest going in the next 5 years? (artistically, content-wise, etc)

Five years is a long time in the internet world…. let’s see where WordPress itself is in five years.  It’s already taking steps to stir up the anger of its customer base, so who knows what the future holds for any of us right now.

Well, other than those flying cars that should be coming any.... day..... now....

Well, other than those flying cars that should be coming any…. day….. now….

I’m never good at predicting my own future, and I’m sure there are ways my blog will evolve over the years that would surprise me now.  But I think I’ve settled into a nice format here… kind of a variety show of blogs, only with recurrent features and a gang of cartoon characters to tie everything together.  A lot of people have used the word “unique” to describe my blog, and I like that!  I’ve never been much of a planner… I usually just go with the flow, and that is what will guide my The Nest through the latter half of this decade, and for however long this fun lasts!

I should have used this old image with my ditch post yesterday, since that's what inspired it!

I should have used this old image with my ditch post yesterday, since that’s what inspired this scene!

Thanks Mama for the providing the seeds of yet another fun Friday post!  I’ll see you all again next week for another exciting prompt from one of my readers…. maybe yours!

Posted in Friday Prompts | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , | 16 Comments

Evil Squirrel’s Nest Comic #156 — 4/23/15

comic42315

Image | Posted on by | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 27 Comments

Life’s A Ditch

Over the past few days, Marilyn has been participating in a photo challenge on her Serendipity blog… “Five Photos, Five Stories,” which she was asked to participate in by the first name in photo prompts, Cee’s Photography Blog.  I decided to give it a shot this week as an excuse to show off a few of my non-squirrel photos that might otherwise not end up on my blog.  The rules are simple…

1) Post a photo (or more!)  each day for five consecutive days.

2) Attach a story to the photo. It can be fiction, non-fiction, poetry, or nothing more than a short paragraph. It’s entirely up to you.

3) Nominate another blogger to carry on the challenge. Your nominee is free to accept or decline the invitation. This is supposed to be fun. It is not a command performance!

Don’t worry…. I’m not going to put the guilt trip on anyone by nominating them… you are perfectly free to latch on to this idea or not.

For Day 4, let’s set the WABAC machine to April 8, 2010… and this was the view from my bedroom window as I woke up a little before 8:00 AM:

Not a sight you generally see in your backyard every day....

Not a sight you generally see in your backyard every day….

The man in the T-shirt on the right is one of my neighbors from the next cul-de-sac down from me.  The other two people are a reporter and a cameraman for one of the local news channels.  Yes, they are standing in my backyard looking down at the ditch that borders the back of my property.

Anytime the TV news shows up, it obviously requires some backstory…

flooded ditch

I moved into my house back in May 2009, and for the first year I lived here, this was a common sight whenever we got a good, soaking rain.  The ditch runs right through the middle of my half of the “subdivision” (I hate that elitist term, but I technically do live in a subdivision even if it doesn’t have a fancy entrance or an evil homeowners association), and catches all the drainage from my end.  The water is supposed to flow into a culvert near the top of that photo, which you can’t see in this picture because it’s underwater.  Needless to say, the ditch was usually clogged up and was rarely cleaned.

A bunch of the homeowners, led by the old guy in the first photo, teamed up to raise hell to City Hall about the state of our ditch.  My neighbors claimed it was the city’s duty to maintain the ditch since it was city property.  The city claimed it was our responsibility to keep the ditch clean.  I had absolutely no idea I had just moved into Ground Zero of the war between my subdivision and City Hall until I was suddenly caught in the middle of the headache!

city crew

In late March, the city finally backed down and agreed to clean the badly neglected mess of a ditch.  Since I was at the end of the ditch where the culvert was located, and I did not have a fenced in yard, the city workers use my property as their “easement” to access the ditch.  As you can see in the photo I took above, they brought out the heavy equipment to do the job…

They also left a huge fucking mess….

And to think, I've taken many of my Saturday Squirrel pictures in this corner of the yard.

And to think, I’ve taken many of my Saturday Squirrel pictures in this corner of the yard.

That’s the same nasty ass toxic sludge the neighbors were wanting removed from the ditch… which it was, and much of it wound up left in my yard.  The ruts from the tires on their heavy equipment made the ground look more like the surface of Mars.

ruts

There are STILL scars from the wheel ruts you see above five years later.  About the only good thing about this situation was that my back lawn was so torn up, it would only take half the time to cut the grass now!

I had more important fish to fry at the time…. like twin lithotripsy surgeries I had that March and April to break up a nearly 1 inch diameter kidney stone.  But the old man down the road used his voice that speaks in riddles to raise all kinds of holy hell about the apocalyptic job they did on my yard… and that’s when he brought in the news crew.

ditch news

Not even three minutes after I took that picture, the three of them came up to knock on my front door.  Here I was, still bleary eyed and looking like a mess after getting my short Wednesday night nap, and I have a news camera stuck in my face and a reporter asking rhetorical questions about how I feel about what the city did to my yard.

I wish I could say my Millionaire appearance was my most recent moment of TV fame, but alas… this news story was.  I did not watch it.  I told NOBODY when it was going to air.  Only those who happened to be watching that channel’s news the night it was shown saw me looking like a fucking drunk hillbilly, with the old man’s hat covering my bedhead, acting like I was all lathered up about a yard I rarely even venture out into… and unfortunately, that viewing audience seemed to be just about everyone who came in to work the morning after and asked if that was me they saw on the news last night…

But….. it did get action, and a return appearance by the city the following week.

resodding

They re-sodded the part of my yard that had previously looked like a battle scene from some sci-fi movie.  That’s the only part of my backyard that gets sufficient sun exposure to grow tall grass…. and the weeds grass that grows in that patch sprouts up like fricking wildfire, usually clogging up my mower.  They were also kind enough to run their riding mower through my yard to spare me one hour long mowing session… and I even got this bonus:

driveway

They brought in a truck full of rock to make my driveway actually look like a driveway again!  Well… at least for the year or two the rocks stayed above ground.  My driveway looks more earthy than rocky again… which is nice for fooling people into thinking it’s safe to park in front of it…

Well, that was quite a strange but true story involving numerous pictures!  I have no idea what I’m going to do for the finale of this prompt series…. but like each entry in this series so far, I’ll try to find something different than before!

Posted in Squirrel Droppings | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 22 Comments