Winners And Wieners

Sorry Amy, you didn't get a submission in on time...

Sorry Amy, you didn’t get a submission in on time…

The time has come to reveal the winners in my Second Annual Contest of Whatever!  The discussion has ended, the voting has concluded, and the bribes have stopped being accepted.

It's a bitch, squirrel.

Well, MBRS is always accepting tokens of your appreciation.

Even with a narrower field than last year, the decision was still extremely tough for me to make.  There were three or four entries that I could have declared the winner and felt alright with my choice.  But there can only be one… and the blogger who I’ve chosen as the winner of this year’s contest is none other than………..

drum roll

Drum roll please, Hottie…

Draliman!!!!!

Draliman’s combination of art and storytelling was brilliant, along with his trademark deviously black humo(u)r.  I have to admit, the fate of Team Possum won him more points in my book than even having Team Squirrel be the winners…

The possums must always die.

If you do not follow Drali and read his wickedly clever and often morbid takes on the Friday Fictioneers and Finish the Story Mondays prompts, you are truly missing out on the greatest master of horror who does not hang out at Fenway Pahk.

So, that takes care of this year’s winner of my choosing!  But we still have the random winner to choose from the eight remaining entries!  Once again, like last year, I numbered each participant by the order they got their entry in:

  1. Merby
  2. JackieP
  3. Gentlestitches
  4. Easy
  5. Juliette
  6. Grandma Lin
  7. Draliman
  8. Ally Bean
  9. Jenn

I also retained the services of the most prestigious accounting firm in the feline world, Ody & Biskit, LLC,  to supervise the drawing to ensure everything was on the up and up…

Let's put to rest any notion I'm OCD about the condition of my computer desk right here and now.

Let’s put to rest any notion I’m OCD about the condition of my computer desk right here and now.

Ody has 29 years on the job (Those are either cat years, or he’s fudging his resume a bit), and his ethics are absolutely impeachable… unless you rub his belly, then he’s willing to turn a blind eye to anything.  But he’s handsome enough to get away with any imperfections in his character…

Yo!  Down here, dumbass!

Yo! Down here, dumbass!

Biskit is the quiet partner of the firm.  Some say he’s merely a “yes cat” for Ody… but don’t let his diminutive nature fool you.  Biskit has an eagle eye for fraudulent activities, and is not afraid to use his claws to cut through wastefulness…. or the couch, whichever’s closer.

OK, we’ve got the cards numbered Ace through nine, and removed the seven for Draliman…

These cards aren't in order.  Biskit, would you please rearrange the cards before I have a catnip fit?

These cards aren’t in order. Biskit, would you please rearrange the cards before I have a catnip fit?

I shuffled and shuffled and shuffled the cards in front of my two witnesses until I was sure I had no idea what card was on top.  I then placed the deck face down in front of the cats, and turned the top one over.  And the winner of the second chance random drawing is…..

I saw the sign, and it opened up my eyes.

I saw the sign, and it opened up my eyes.

Congratulations to Merby!!!

She wins the pot… no pun intended!

And like last year, the random winner’s entry was definitely one of my final contenders for the top prize, so two of the best entries wound up victorious!  You may both feel free to browse my shop and find an item for $20 USD or less that you would like to claim as your prize.  And since all items are the same price regardless of the design, if there’s a drawing of mine you’d like on an item that you don’t see there, feel free to let me know!  I know you’ve both emailed me before, so you know where to contact me!

You winned!

You winned!

The winners also get this cool badge to display on their blogs!

badge2won

And for the runners up….

badge2lost

And for everyone else who entered the contest but just got the loser badge…. well, there’s always next year!  I enjoy all of the wonderful creations you all come up with to my simple, open-ended prompts, and can’t wait to do this again next February!

Hopefully under somewhat better conditions.

Hopefully under somewhat better conditions.

Thanks to everyone who played along, or even just watched from the audience!

Posted in Squirrel Droppings | Tagged , , , | 23 Comments

Bad Behavior

Do you think this Cracker Jack  tattoo makes me look sexy?

Do you think this Cracker Jack tattoo makes me look sexy?

meccamuzakmondaysMarch has come in like a polar bear, and will probably go out like a penguin.  At least it’s Monday, so for a brief moment you can come in from the cold and enjoy a hot platter of musical chileh served up by DJ Scratchy for this week’s edition of Mecca Muzak Monday!  The Igloo Nest has pulled another gem from the shopper’s soundtrack, and this song is nearly a decade old!

That lady in the flower dress is Courtney Jaye.  She doesn’t have much of a Wiki page, and most of it is dedicated to chronicling the places she’s lived in her however long she’s been alive life… and we have to guess because it doesn’t even list the fucking birthday of a supposedly popular musician.

Never tell them how old you are, and everyone is just going to assume the worst...

Never tell them how old you are, and everyone is just going to assume the worst…

Anyway, Courtney was born in Pittsburgh

Breath in that fresh, Iron City air!

Breath in that fresh, Iron City air!

Moved to Georgia

Y'all come back now, y'hear!

Y’all come back now, y’hear!

Then Arizona…

Hisssssssssssssss

Hisssssssssssssss

When the dry heat wasn’t good enough, it was on to Hawaii…

The mean streets of Hawaii...

The mean streets of Hawaii…

LA… Austin.. Nashville…. geez, she puts Hank Snow to shame in the I’ve Been Everywhere game.  One place she isn’t credited with living is Mecca, where her one noteworthy song got the coveted sixth spot on the 2014 Winter CD.  Here is Courtney Jaye’s 2005 single “Can’t Behave”:

Jaye is just the latest of many artists I’ve featured on MMM whose Indie credentials keep them from being a household name, but who have nevertheless found a portal to popularity through the Mecca CD.  As you may have guessed from the graphic on that YouTube video, the song also appeared in the 2006 movie “Aquamarine”…

Looks like you caught some jailbait in your tuna net...

Looks like you caught some jailbait in your tuna net…

And yes, I like the song, or else I wouldn’t have bothered to feature it here!  Tune in next week for another Mecca classic that tickles my fancy, and warms my cold, snowy heart….

Posted in Mecca Muzak | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | 11 Comments

The Magnificent Nine

Oh look, I made an entry!  Now if only I had a possum to duel with...

Oh look, I made an entry! Now if only I had a possum to duel with…

The timer has sounded and the four weeks everyone had to submit a creation for my Second Annual Contest of Whatever has officially come to a close.  Only nine brave souls were bored enough able to get in under the wire this year, down from last year’s field of 13.  But that’s OK… better odds for those of you did get to play along, right?

Is check kiting considered an activity?

Is check kiting considered an activity?

The rules asked for a creation of some form that included at least two species of animals, and there had to be some form of gaming activity going on.  Using the same deck of cards I called upon to determine last year’s order and random winner, I will now draw the order this year’s nine entries will be listed in…..

JackieP:

Jackie submitted a comic featuring Sam the dog being challenged to a game of hide and seek by the evil cats Notwen and Pouncer.  Everyone thinks they’ve won as the game approaches a stalemate, but perhaps the real winner was the little mousie…

A game of wits…. or witlessness!

 

Easy Rider:

Easy challenged a few of his mousy friends to a friendly game of poker.  There may have been a little cheatin’ going on though.  Be sure to click on the link at the bottom to see the full story since it was a reblog…

If cowboys had tails, there’d have been more cheating in the Wild West…

Grandma Lin:

Grandma Lin introduced us to the fascinating winter game of Fox and Geese… ironically without any actual fox or geese playing along.  The rules are totally absurd, but the drawing is totally cute!

Jungle animals in the snow… you gotta love it!

Ally Bean:

Ally gave us the adventure of Fred the monkey and Sandrine the bear as they partook of a fun afternoon of games while Grandpa Aloha watched in the background.  A fun tale with live action stuffies!

The selfie with the Buddha totally made my day!

Juliette:

The Nest’s favorite Vampire Maman came up with one of her fantastic tales involving a young man who stumbles upon a strange dice/drinking game being played in the forest by a menagerie of creatures.

This is Vlad’s cat. What, you would expect Dracula to have a tabby?

Jenn:

Jenn and her Little Guy teamed up at the last minute to present us with a photo display of “Behind the Scenes of Angry Birds”:

Penguins and piggies!

Merby:

Poker night with the critters!  Make sure to read Merb’s story that goes along with the picture!

The horse is bluffing.

Gentlestitches:

Aunt Sharon pitted Croc vs. Rainbow Donkey in a fun game of Super Mario All Stars!  Many other cute critters from her collection can be seen watching the action, with dibs on taking on the winner!

It’s on like Donkey Kong!

Draliman:

Finally, we have Drali’s entry featuring some of his world famous Dralidoodles depicting the Worldwide Woodland Games!  The teams are all ready to compete!  Guess which one never makes it to the medal stand…

No spoilers here! Go check it out yourself!

And there you have it, this year’s nine challengers in the Second Annual Contest of Whatever.  The only thing you can be guaranteed of is that there will not be a repeat winner since neither of last year’s victors entered.  Which two of these nine will win a prize from my Cafepress shop?

Find out Tuesday when I reveal the results!!!

Posted in Squirrel Droppings | Tagged , , , , | 14 Comments

The Winter Of Our Discontent

Hang in there, little buddy.  It's almost over.

Hang in there, little buddy. It’s almost over.

It’s the winter that just doesn’t seem to want to go away.  I actually like winter, don’t get me wrong, but enough is enough!sqturday squirrel logo

This week’s Saturday Squirrel shares the same sentiment we all do.  Frozen in a frigid trance, wondering if this mini ice age will ever end.  He’s quite tired of freezing his nuts off!

Tomorrow, the calendar flips to March.  March is usually associated with Spring, even though the Vernal Equinox is still three weeks away.  Still, surely it means the weather will turn around soon, right?

Right!?!?!?

Have a wonderful, and hopefully warm weekend everyone!

Posted in Saturday Squirrel | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , | 16 Comments

Sagittarius

sagittarius hottie

Sundays used to be the day for keeping your feet on the ground and reaching for the es zodiacstars… but now that Casey Kasum’s gone up to that great big jukebox in the sky, The Nest has hijacked that activity for Fridays.  It’s time for another fantastically awful edition of Evil Squirrel’s Zodiac, and for edition number nine (number nine, number nine…), the arrow is pointing to Sagittarius.

Many of my characters are concentrated in the last four signs of the zodiac, three of them in Sagittarius.  The very infrequently used flying squirrel Winnie (December 7), whose finest moment was in this very early comic.  My vibrant young kitten Erin (December 21) falls at Sagittarius’ cusp.  And then there is Hottie…

Let the sun shine!

That’s me!

Hottie (December 6) is one of my characters based on a real person from my other internet home, and someone who’s always been one of my dearest friends there.  The stoner astrologers blurb on “Sagittarius and Friendship” fits Hottie to a tee… every word of it.  Thus there is no contest who will be my whipping girl representative for Sag in my series.  And of course, she was also Miss Sagittarius in my 2010 zodiac project:

Be happy, or I'll shoot!

Sagittarius occurs each year during that allegedly most wonderful time of the year, the holiday shopping season.  Falling roughly from November 22nd to December 21st, Sagittarius is all about family gatherings, dashing through the sleet in one horse open SUV’s, and fighting over Furbys…

Or Rainbow Donkeys.  Cleanup on Aisle 13!

Or Rainbow Donkeys. Cleanup on Aisle 42!

Sagittarius is represented by the archer… but not just any moron who can somehow hold a bow and arrow without killing everything nearby.  Chiron the centaur was the original Sagittarius.  Centaurs are half human, half horse… and because of the way that biology experiment worked out, if you know someone who’s a horse’s ass, they probably have a little centaur in their family history…

Or a horses's ass.  My proofreading skills have always been baad...

Or a horses’s ass. My proofreading skills have always been baad…

Sagittarius’ symbol is probably the most straightforward one in the entire zodiac… an arrow, usually pointed up and to the right.  Sagittarius must be the sign who rules over the math nerds, however, because of that pesky line through the middle of the arrow that doesn’t exist in the real world, and reminds me of those slashes that get put through zeroes and sevens and goddamn Z’s in equations.  Knock it off, already, you’re wasting precious ink!  Save an octopus!

Now look what you get when you turn Sagittarius upside down...

Now look what you get when you turn Sagittarius upside down…

Sagittarius will never be offended if you tell them they have thunder thighs.  That’s where they’re represented on the body, and they’re dang proud of their femural packages…

Sagittarius is the original Thighmaster.  Sorry, Suzanne.

Sagittarius is the original Thighmaster. Sorry, Suzanne.

This is my last run through the four elements, so for my last four zodiac posts, I want to pay homage to one of my favorite games from the NES, the original Final Fantasy.  Sagittarius is a fire sign, so let’s all meet the FIEND of fire, live from Gurgu Volcano, give it up for the lovely Kary!

Oooooh, she looks like she could cut a bitch, or maybe six.

Oooooh, she looks like she could cut a bitch, or maybe six.

Let’s take a hit of what our favorite Stoner Astrologists have to offer about the fun filled personality of Sagittarius!

Sagittarius loves adventure!  Like Steve Fossett, Sagittarius is never satisfied with the mundane, and will seek out fantastic new experiences that may or may not end up killing them.

Never go on a nature walk with Sagittarius unless you enjoy being eaten alive.

Never go on a nature walk with Sagittarius unless you enjoy being eaten alive.

Sagittarius is undauntingly and hopelessly optimistic about everything.  While everyone in town is being turned into brain chileh by a zombie apocalypse, Sagittarius is happily greeting long lost relatives who’ve returned from the dead and planning a family reunion.  The perpetual sunny side of Sagittarius will burn you to a crisp that even SPF5000 can’t stop.

Isn't this winter just so much fun, everbody!!!

Isn’t this winter just so much fun, everybody!!!

Nothing pleases Sagittarius more than pleasing others.  If you are happy, Sagittarius is happy.  And since Sagittarius is always happy, you should always be happy too.  Sagittarius will go out of their way to bring joy into your gloomy life, even if it annoys the everloving fuck out of you…

Cheer up, Angel!  This is a great song!

Cheer up, Angel! This is a great song!

Because these previous traits pretty much flip the middle finger to reality as we know it, Sagittarius can often seem like they are emotionally detached from the world.  Sagittarius will be the one to interrupt an important business meeting by showing off the latest viral possum video, or tell knock knock jokes at your beloved Aunt Bertha’s funeral.

Have a great adventure, boys!  I wish I could come along with you!

Have a great adventure, boys! I wish I could come along with you!

Ready for a little adventurous excitement and eternal sunshine in your life?  Well, I’ve got good news!  Our stoner astrologers say that Sagittarius is quite easy to seduce into your loving arms.  In fact, Sagittarius is so easy, you can pretty much forget about much more than a one night stand… assuming your encounter lasts even that long, since Sagittarius might already be embarking on their next conquest before you can even hit up the rubber machine in the restroom.

Have bow and arrow, will travel.

Have bow and arrow, will travel.

Oh, you sexy Sagittarians…

Sex With Sagittarius:

Sagittarius like to explore, same with their sexual encounters. They are the people most likely to have outdoor sex, or risque sex encounters. They are champions of one-night-stands because it feels good and you don’t have to worry about the other person being clingy afterwards! With Sagittarius, anything goes, squeamish and conservative need not apply!

This doesn't look like the great outdoors to me, furball!  Get up, because Sagittarius is moving on!

This doesn’t look like the great outdoors to me, furball! Get up, because Sagittarius is moving on!

Well, it seems like we just can’t manage to piss off those ever-cheery Sagittarii out there with our sarcasm!  Let’s take a break and see where we can find Sagittarius in the world around us!

Sagittarius can be found in the latest popular book and movie series…

I have absolutely no idea what this story is about... but I'm suddenly starving to death.

I have absolutely no idea what this story is about… but I’m suddenly starving to death.

Capitalizing on the popularity of the previous example, Nerf has turned little girls into Sagittarius death machines Rebelles…

Take a boys toy and repaint in punk and purple, and suddenly it's a girls toy.  Funny how that works...

Take a boys toy and repaint in punk and purple, and suddenly it’s a girls toy. Funny how that works…

Sagittarius could be found in the early 80’s wearing gold lamé suits…

Sagittarius can be found in tights…

Tight tights.

Tight tights.

Sagittarius can be seen closing out games for the Seattle Mariners…

Who doesn't love showboating closers?

Who doesn’t love overpaid showboating closers?

Heck, any moron with a bow and arrow can be Sagittarius!

It'll be funnier when he shoots himself with it.

It’ll be funnier when he shoots himself with it.

Well, before we wrap up another edition of here’s your sign… let’s see what The Nest’s patented forecasting abilities have put together in Sagitarrius’ very own personal horoscope!

The stars do not foresee today’s being a very stellar day, but don’t let that wipe that Enzyte grin off your face, Sagittarius.  You will go out to your driveway to find that Aries stole your car in the middle of the night.  No worries, a 15 mile walk to work will do wonders burning off calories!  In fact, why not just hop a random bus and let unknown adventure be your guide today!  Do not let the blight of the ghetto you end up in get you down.  Be aware that Capricorn on the corner will try to proposition you.  While others might run in this situation, your optimistic nature instead sees the ideal circumstance for Sagittarius!  You get to make someone happy with a little money for drugs, have a lover you can forget about in half an hour, and you can even have outdoor sex!  Capricorn may be thrown by the exhibitionist adventure, but it’s all in a day’s work for you, Sagittarius!  Oh, work… yeah, you’re gonna get fired for no-showing yet again, but why should you care?  Work is so expected and unexciting, and money to pay the bills is so overrated.  You just keep moving along to the beat of your own Sagittarius drum!  Your lucky numbers: 1, 21, 31, 48, seven with a line through it, and 1.21 gigawatts…

bad hair day!

Suddenly Sagittarius is not looking so hopeful…

Make sure you come back next Friday, for yet more astrological insight that promises to be baaaaaaaaad…

Posted in The Zodiac | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 18 Comments