The Ladder Of Oblivion

It’s lonely at the top.

OK, Peeps, it’s time to put away the hard boiled eggs and fake, non-biodegradable plastic grass.  You may want to keep the bunny ears on, however, since they may allow you to better hear this week’s non-gummy earworm.  Yep, Monday has hopped down the bunny trail yet again… and that means it’s time for The Nest to push aside all of the hollow chocolate rabbits and poisonous speckled jawbreakers so we can hunt up another forgotten rotten egg from that bottomless Easter basket we like to call the Dusty Vinyl Archive!  DJ Scratchy’s donning a pastel dyed mane and her finest Easter dress rave miniskirt for the occasion, while the Sponkies are working off their sugar high re-arranging the records.  It’s time to raise another lost hit from the dead…

Not too long ago, I stumbled upon a site that is an excellent reference for every weekly US Billboard Top 40 chart of the rock and roll era.  I haven’t quite wasted the time I normally would at such a treasure chest of fun information yet, but I’ve dug around those charts for a few of the years and made a find that inspired this week’s DVA post…

I shouldn’t have to tell you that Huey Lewis & The News were one of the biggest pop acts of the entire decade of the 1980’s.  They were truly at the heart of 80’s rock and roll, putting an almost endless string of singles into the rarified air of the charts… and despite how hard it is to get a #1 single, the sheer volume of gold records they spun allowed them to pull it off three times.  Can you name Huey Lewis’ three US #1 hits?

No, this one doesn’t count.

“The Power of Love” is pretty easy, as it rode the mega-blockbuster movie Back to the Future to the top of the charts in 1955 1985.  “Stuck With You” may come as a surprise, but it was a huge success in 1986… which may be the only reason it hasn’t been completely forgotten about in a mainstream radio culture seems more fascinated with early Huey than late Huey.

Early Huey.

So what was that third #1 hit for the band?  “Heart & Soul?”  “I Want A New Drug?”  “If This Is It?”  “The Heart of Rock and Roll?”  “Do You Believe In Love?”  “Hip To Be Square?”  Damn, these guys were a hitmaking machine.  But nope, none of those Huey hits that still get played to death today ever made it up to #1.

But this one did….

“Jacob’s Ladder,” the lost child of the Huey Lewis Greatest Hits collection, was a #1 fucking hit!  Can you believe that?  I couldn’t, but here’s the chart to prove it….

Six songs better than Bruce Willis.  Yes, Bruce Willis!!!!

In what was a crazy year for number ones on the Billboard Charts, “Jacob’s Ladder” unseated Bon Jovi’s “Livin’ On a Prayer” for the top spot on March 14, 1987, only to get dethroned the very next week by Club Nouveau’s “Lean On Me.”  Not only is this song way down on the list of Huey Lewis songs you’d probably be able to rattle off the top of your head, but it didn’t even have a real music video in an era when MTV was such a force in the music industry that you HAD to have exposure there to get a hit.  While I’m sure I’d find a few more head-scratchers with enough time to pore over the list of weekly charts, “Jacob’s Ladder” seems like an early candidate for the most unlikely #1 song of the 80’s…

Almost as unlikely as me showing you a Jacob’s Ladder piercing (which you’ll have to look up for yourself, if you dare)…

But hey, “Jacob’s Ladder” was already on the DVA waiting list since I love it and it never gets played anymore.  Unlikely or not, good music is good music… and I’ll have more of it for your tender ears next Monday!

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The Backyard Battle

Get lost, featherbrain!

For many years, birds have had the hearts of suburban animal lovers around the world for reasons that still baffle this noted sciurophile.  Despite squirrels having cornered the market on cute, people always seem to enjoy bird watching rather than squirrel watching.  Birdseed outsells squirrel feed about a trillion to one, and you never see any birdproof squirrel feeders on the shelf of your local pet supply store.  Hungry squirrels who want in on a little of this backyard feeding action constantly get cursed at, chased with brooms and plinked by pellet guns for daring to set an uninvited furry paw inside of some old housewife’s sacred birdfeeder.  Despite being pests in their own right, birds have always been the golden critters of everyday wildlife… and you couldn’t blame the squirrels is they perhaps looked upon their fine feathered friends of favoritism with a tinge of jealousy and disdain.  Oh to be able to read the thoughts of that squirrel pictured above as his eyes shoot laser beams at his winged arboreal companion.

Take heart, oh much maligned rodent, because at The Nest we do not set aside a day to honor the birds who like to decorate our cars with their unhealthy abstract splatter art.  No, it is your fine species who we like to sing the praises of with a Saturday Squirrel write up… and this week, it’s all about you!  Tell birdbrain there to go take a hike…

Have a great weekend everyone!

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Going Nuts

I’m coming for your nuts!

Hey, we’ve made it to the end of your week and the beginning of mine.  The calendar says this is going to be a Good Friday, as if all Fridays that feature another reader suggested topic aren’t already worth the generic modifier “good.”  It’s time for the latest installment of Prompt the Squirrel Fridays, Series Three!  That means its also time for me to get down on my knees and beg and plead with everyone who hasn’t done so already to send in an idea for me to turn into a PTS3 post!  There are currently 12 people on the good list, while the rest of you are all being very naughty!  Go here and use the contact form  (which will hopefully work) to get your prompt in right now, or you can forget about getting a visit from the Easter Bunny this weekend…

See how much better life is when you play along.

This week’s prompt comes from franhunne, who got right to the point about what she wanted to see me try to write about…

NUTS

Well, that seems like a gift prompt for a squirrel…

Got mine!

I love having a nut in my mouth!

Show off…

Look at me, I’ve got three nuts!

Hmmmmmm…. wait a minute.  Are acorns even nuts?  They’re the most common foodstuff you’ll see a squirrel gnawing on, but I honestly can’t say that I’ve ever heard an acorn referred to as a nut outside of sciurine imagery.  Well, it turns out that they are indeed a nut, the nut of the oak tree to be precise, and perhaps the reason acorns rarely get referred to as nuts is due to the fact that people rarely eat them for a number of reasons.  The tannin content found in acorns will not only have your delicate insides for breakfast, but your taste buds will be the first part of your body to revolt.  If you thought drinking beer that wasn’t Keystone Light would give you bitter beer face, try chomping down a few acorns…

Those were acorns, not beer nuts!

Yep, better leave these nuts to the squirrels…

grab life by the nuts!

I think I once sold something with this design on it… probably not a pair of boxer shorts.

Did you know that a part of the male anatomy was named for a nut?

Well yeah…. everyone knows about the nuts!

No, I mean an actual medical term.  You know that……… um, shape at the end of the……. er, penis that makes it, you know, look like a penis.  That’s called the glans, and it directly translates into “acorn” in Latin!  How they came to name that after an acorn, gee, I can’t imagine….

Sorry, mushroom, you lose out again…

“Nuts” is also one of the many terms we have long used to describe people who are just a little cray cray.  And while all such non scientific words to describe people with a screw loose tend to be looked down upon by our pussified society of today, I think there are a lot worse things to be called than nuts.  I consider “nuts” to be a compliment because I find normal and expected to be boring…

quiet riot

I’d shake your hand if I could get out of this straitjacket.

American General Anthony McAuliffe knows a thing or two about nuts.  He found himself in command of the 101st Airborne during World War II’s Battle of the Bulge in December 1944 attempting to hold on to the town of Bastogne in Belgium.  The German forces vastly outnumbered McAuliffe’s squad and were kind enough to offer the General a chance to surrender before they stuck das boot up das behinds.  Upon reading the note imploring the US forces to surrender or be annihilated, McAuliffe reportedly crumpled the final notice into a ball and chucked it into the wastebasket… but not before he muttered “Aw, nuts!”  And that became the US’s official reply to the Germans

To the German Commander.

NUTS!

The American Commander

And you can sit on this grenade while you’re at it!

General McAuliffe may have been nuts to reply “NUTS!” to what seemed like certain death, but the threatened attack by the Germans never materialized and McAuliffe was recognized as a hero for refusing to cede the town.  All’s fair in love, war and nuts…

Salty nuts!

When it comes to famous nuts, it’s hard to top Mr. Peanut.  No, not former President Jimmy Carter, the Planters mascot who has been adorning peanut packaging and advertising for 100 years now.  Schoolboy Antonio Gentile first drew Mr. Peanut in 1916 and submitted the iconic legume to the Planters company for a whole five dollars (Hey, in 1916 that was, like, a fortune).  Corporate artists gave Mr. Peanut his trademark top hat, monocle, cane, gloves and spats (but no fucking pants) and lo and behold… a century later Mr. Peanut is one of the most recognized commercial mascots in pop culture history.

Oh dear. Mr. Blue Nuts.

Of course, I can’t very well do a post about nuts without devoting part of it to………. well, the nuts.

What do you mean by nuts?

Nobody likes to be kicked in the nuts, or have their nuts handed to them.  Here’s hoping you never get nut cancer or ever have to go through life with only one nut.  Hey, pirate!  Why do you have that ship’s wheel attached to your crotch?  “It’s driving me nuts!”  Don’t get your nuts in a bunch and please don’t scratch your nuts in public.  This isn’t the 1980’s, so please leave the nut huggers at home.  Remember that only squirrels bury their nuts, and that goes for whether your nuts hang to the left or the right.  And thanks to our love of turning nouns into verbs, nut is now a recognized euphemism for ejaculate.  Where were all these fun verbs to conjugate when I was a little nutjob in school?

A nutting squirrel is a happy squirrel.

Well, that post was certainly nuts, and I hope those of you with nut allergies didn’t develop a rash or expire from reading it.  Thanks to franhunne for the wonderfully nutty suggestion, and I hope to see you all back Friday for yet another reader planted nut that will likely germinate into something quite awful…

Anyone want their nuts cracked?

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Evil Squirrel’s Nest Comic #259 — 4/13/17

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Cat On A Hot Car Roof

Let’s go for a ride!

I have nothing too special for this week’s installment of Picture Day Wednesday at The Nest, so I figured it’d be a nice time to dump a couple photos I got of my famous neighborhood prowler Pretty Kitty on top of the car a couple houses down sometime earlier this year.  I can’t tell you exactly when this happened since whatever keeps track of the date and time in my camera went kaput sometime last Fall… so unless I want to stop and reset it every time I hit the power button, all of my pictures are now digitally timestamped as having been taken on January 1, 1980.  I’m pretty sure automobiles did not look like this during the Carter Administration…

I think I look better than that stupid Jaguar hood ornament.

And I had a massive V-8 moment at work last night when I was stocking Sporting Goods and put up a case of bean bag toss game sets.  It reminded me that the one picture I ABSOLUTELY WANTED to put in yesterday’s C-photo post managed to completely slip my mind.  And since I can’t just sweep aside this epic brain fart, I went back and edited the post so that the letter C can now be completely accounted for…

Since I’m being ignored, I’ll just go on my merry little way…

Sorry, Pretty Kitty.  I’ll have more mess ups of my own making next Wednesday…

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