How Does Your Garden Grow?

I’ll bet there’s some good seeds buried in here!

I’ll bet you’re ready to chase away those Monday blahs with another auditory artifact that will have Friday on your mind.  We aim to please at The Nest, so it’s time to get out our shovels and dig up another gopher eaten lost hit out of that garden of ancient variety we like to call The Dusty Vinyl Archive!  DJ Scratchy’s got her overalls on and is more than ready to get a little dirty playing this week’s lost hit, while the Sponkies fetch the Miracle Gro.  It’s time to reap what we’ve sown…

The third part of our trilogy of funky looking late 80’s music videos/lost hits brings us to a band duo who was quite popular during the MTV decade, Tears For Fears.  Riding the coattails of the Duran Duran led second British Invasion, Roland Orzabal and Curt Smith hit it huge in the US with their 1985 album Songs From The Big Chair.  That album alone spawned a pair of #1 hits in the States, “Shout” and “Everybody Wants To Rule the World,” and also gave us another corporate radio staple “Head Over Heels.”  That trio has become the duo’s lasting legacy in the US…

Let it all out!

Tears For Fears’ 1989 follow up album The Seeds Of Love was also well received and led to a #2 Billboard hit in its own right….. which has largely been flushed down the toilet of our memories.  That sucks, because it’s my absolute favorite TFF song… “Sowing The Seeds Of Love.”

The lyrics, which I’d never paid much attention to since Orzabal rattles them off like an MC in a rap-off competition, are about as overtly political as you can get… and according to the song’s Wiki page, he wrote this song in the immediate aftermath of British Prime Minister Margaret Thatcher’s election to a third term.  It’s also very ironic title since Olazabal and Smith had a very acrimonious falling out shortly afterwards that led to the band’s breakup in 1991…

Sowing the Seeds of Fuck You.

If you watched the video, and have read my past two DVA posts, you’ll understand why this video is being featured today.  It shares a lot of the same gimmicky visuals that the Michael Jackson and Paul Simon videos from the last two weeks do.  I grouped these three songs together based on that commonality in their videos and the time period in which they were released, and wondered if there was one person behind all three of them.  Lo and behold, this line from the same link to the Wiki article for “Sowing the Seeds Of Love” that I linked above…

The music video was directed by Jim Blashfield, who had already made acclaimed videos for Joni Mitchell (“Good Friends”), Paul Simon (“The Boy in the Bubble”) and Michael Jackson (“Leave Me Alone”).

Well how about that?  I was right!  And just to finish off the Jim Blashfield experience, here’s the video for Joni Mitchell’s “Good Friends.”  Will it look like the other three Blashfield videos I just featured?

Yep!

Come back next Monday for another lost hit that may or may not have had an associated music video…

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Posted in Dusty Vinyl Archive | Tagged , , , , , , , , | 23 Comments

High Alert

Uh oh…

Hey there pretty squirrel!  Hold still while I take your picture for my blog!  I do hope you don’t mind if….

Hey!  Where are you going?  You’re not afraid of a little worldwide exposure, are you?  Come on, you look absolutely petrified of the camera!  Please come back where I can get a better shot of your cuteness!  Sigh…

Gee, I wonder what could have him so terrified?

Curses! Foiled again…

Oh.

This Saturday Squirrel wildlife documentary is based on actual photos of an actual situation…

Have a great weekend everyone!

Posted in Saturday Squirrel | Tagged , , , , , , , | 17 Comments

Lowering The Bar

SCRATCHY: …so the crowd at the club wanted me to play some 80’s dance music, and I flipped on this Alyans record I picked up at a rummage sale for chump change last week thinking it was some cool shit.  Man, I got run off the ones and twos by the angry mob and they nearly burned the place to the ground!

TWILIGHT & APPLEJACK: Smoooooooooooke on the waaaaaater!

SCRATCHY: Hey, you bitches are pretty cool!  What’s got you so silent, Looney?

LUNA: You mean besides insipid stories of your incompetence?  Maybe that red light in my face over there.

SCRATCHY: Red light?  You sure your horn isn’t growing the wrong way?

TWILIGHT: Oh look!  We’re ON!!!

AJ: Howdy y’all Sugarcubes!

LUNA: Why are you turning around, Scratchy?  Camera shy?

SCRATCHY: Nah, I’ve always wanted to moon everyone!  Kiss it, peeps!

TWILIGHT: If we’re actually being recorded for an episode of Shelf Critter Theatre, then that must mean…

SCRATCHY: Wait for it…..

SHADOW: Greetings, ponies!

LUNA: What could possibly have brought our least favorite Pokemon out of his pocket dimension in the month of February?

SHADOW: I have an important announcement, of course!

TWILIGHT: Could it possibly be the Contest of Whatever?

AJ: I’ll bet it’s the Contest of Whatever!

LUNA: Another completely irrelevant Contest of Whatever plug…

SCRATCHY: Survey says….

LUNA: Exactly how hard would it be for you to at least make a new card?

SHADOW: I believe in going green and recycling props!

TWILIGHT: The only thing you’re recycling is this stupid gag of yours!

SHADOW: It is NOT a stupid gag!  The Contest of Whatever is a very important part of The Nest’s culture.  It helps nurture and cultivate the creativity of our followers.  And I must help to promote it every chance I get to ensure it remains a success.

SCRATCHY: Success.  I don’t believe that word means what you think it does.

SHADOW: As always, I want to show the audience of this fine blog out there just how easy it is to create your own entry for the contest.  This year’s theme is “A squirrel walks into a bar.”

LUNA: Well, there happens to be no bar on this stage, so I guess this episode’s over… and not a moment too soon!

SHADOW: You ponies have such little imagination.  Just watch as I conjure up my Umbreon magic…

AJ: That was so cool!  It’s too bad the viewers out there can’t see what goes on between these pictures.

TWILIGHT: Alright, so there’s a bar.  It doesn’t look like anything’s going on in there.

SCRATCHY: There isn’t even a jukebox to play some old cryin’ country song.

LUNA: Or you know…. any patrons.

SHADOW: Patience, fillies.  Patience…

SNUGGLE: Dafuq!?!?  How did I get here?  I feel like Howard the Duck getting sucked out of his living room by some bad science project!  Oh well, I see booze and that’s making me thirsty.  Bartender!  What’s the house special today?

BARTENDER FOX: …………………………..

SNUGGLE: Whatever, just give me a shot of your strongest shit!

SNUGGLE: (Picking up the shot glass) Down the hatch!

And right back up the hatch….

SNUGGLE: That was some fucking nasty shit!  An expired bottle of Old Crow doesn’t taste that bad!  What in the hell was that!?!?

FUZZYWIG: Looks like straight water to me.  It ain’t tasted the same since that dead possum fell in the water tower last week.  I’ve got just the medicine to get that bad taste out of your mouth. though…

SNUGGLE: Is it good stuff?

FUZZYWIG: You could say that.  Pretty potent too.  420 proof.

SNUGGLE: I’ll think about it.  Hey, where are the chicks in this bar anyway?

SNUGGLE: Ah, there’s the babes!  Any of you fine little ponies want to help me handle my dryer balls?

LUNA: I’m afraid we’re not your type.

SCRATCHY: Yeah, as in desperate.

AJ: I dunno, girls, I’m looking for a male friend.

TWILIGHT: Don’t do it, AJ!  They don’t give penicillin shots to horses, they just take us out behind the barn and shoot us!

SNUGGLE: Aw, there’s plenty of room for all four of you in the back of my windowless van!

LUNA: Alright, Mr. Imagination…. do something to get this creepy ursine off of us!

Yooooooooooooooohoooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

MITZI: Is, like, this barspool taken?

SNUGGLE: It sure isn’t!  Have a seat toots and let me buy you a drink!  Bartender!  Something sweet for the babe here!  And none of that shitty tap water!

SNUGGLE: Dafuq!?!?  Stag beer?  Really?  Does it look like we’re shooting this scene in a trailer park?

MITZI: (Pops the top) Mitzi, like, totally doesn’t care!

Mitzi chugs the can like a champ and then crushes it on her forehead.

SNUGGLE: Holy shit, girl!  Marry me!!!!

MITZI: Are you gonna, like, put a ring on it?

SNUGGLE: Put a what on what?  Uhhhh, maybe I was a little hasty…

LUNA: I have a feeling this scene’s about to turn NC-17.

SCRATCHY: Or Rated X for EXtra fucked up…

TWILIGHT: Wait a minute!  The theme was “A SQUIRREL walks into a bar!”  We’ve got a bear, a unicorn, a fox, and a raccoon.  Where’s the squirrel!?!?

AJ: Yeah, Sugarcube!  No squirrel, no valid entry!

SHADOW:  Tsk, you have absolutely no sense of dramatic build-up.  I’m getting to that part right…… about……… now!

BIG SCRAT: I finally got past Level six billion in Acorn Crush, and I feel like celebrating!  Drinks for the house!

SNUGGLE: Goddammit!!!  Why?  WHY!?!?!?!?

BIG SCRAT: Hey there, cowboy! (Slaps Snuggle on the back with the force of a piledriver)  How’d you like to help me whoop it up tonight?

SNUGGLE: Noooooo!  I mean, I can’t!  I’m with… this…

BIG SCRAT: Ma’am, is this bear with you?

Snuggle fiercely nods his head at Mitzi to signal that he needs help…

MITZI: Oh, he totally isn’t!  He, like, doesn’t want to commit to ol’ Mitzi…

BIG SCRAT: Wonderful!  Then that means you’re free for me to pick up!

SNUGGLE: Mitzi!!!  Look, I’ll buy you a huge rock!  I’ll go through a hundred Cracker Jack boxes to find one if I gotta…

BIG SCRAT: (Pulling Snuggle away from the bar) Come on, dude!  Let’s go ride the mechanical bull together!!!

SNUGGLE: Wait!!! NOOOOOO!!!!  I didn’t think this was THAT kind of a bar!!!!

BIG SCRAT: YEEEEEEHAWWWW!!!!  Isn’t this fun?

SCRATCHY: I gotta hand it to you, Umbro.  You’ve got a pretty wicked imagination in that radioactive noggin of yours.

LUNA: I do love seeing a fresh dose of karma handed out.

TWILIGHT: For the second year in a row!!!

AJ: Aw man!  I wanna ride the mechanical bull too!  I can last eight seconds!

SCRATCHY: I’ll bet Big Scrat can make Snuggle last a lot longer than that…

SHADOW: See how easy it is, folks!  Play this year’s Contest of Whatever before the end of the month, and show off your creative juices to the world!

TWILIGHT: (Looking towards the bar) Speaking of juices…

MITZI: (A little tipsy…. er, tipsier than usual) I’m gonna, like, totally do some Coyote Ugly on top of the bar!  Is that okey dokie with you mister foxy woxy bartender?

BARTENDER FOX: ……………………..

SNUGGLE: HEEEEEEEEEEEEELLLLLLLLLLP MEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!

Posted in Shelf Critter Theatre | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 14 Comments

Year Of The Raccoon

Pictured above is the newest edition to The Shelf.  I scooped him up out of the claw machine at the Mecca entrance while picking up prescriptions literally one hour ago, joining Big Scrat in the very small group of critters I’ve won via the world’s biggest vending ripoff.  This Valentine’s Day themed raccoon says in multiple places that he was made in China, thus fitting in with the fake Chinese zodiac theme of my title.  His expression is a bit weird, and he looks like he has one of the worst cases of critter cameltoe in existence (perhaps he’s a she?)… plus he can’t sit up without support, making it unlikely he’ll be appearing in many episodes of Shelf Critter Theatre (should I actually start making SCT stories again).

Oh well, he’s certainly another unique addition to The Nest’s fine collection of crazy critters…

FUZZYWIG: Well well, look what the squirrel dragged in… another raccoon.  Lovely.  You know, only Snuggle Bear can get away with the fruity ear tag fashion statement.  I guess it’s going to be up to me to show you the ropes around here… I don’t want you giving us cute little coons a bad reputation.  But first…

FUZZYWIG: …Good stuff!  It’s our little 4:20 ritual around these parts.  Go ahead and take a nice big puff and hold it in, you know you want to…

RICKY: Nooooooo!!!  Don’t do it, brother raccoon!  The wacky weed is truly evil, and it is up to I, the most pious critter on the Shelf, to keep all new members from succumbing to such sinful temptations!

FUZZYWIG: Gee, I forgot not all of us raccoons at The Nest are actually cool.  Don’t listen to this square Jesus freak.  Have yourself a toke… it’s God’s plant after all.

RICKY: I will pray for your soul, O Nameless One…

Uh oh.  Looks like our new critter’s already found himself at the center of one of The Shelf’s fucked up good vs. evil tug of wars.  Whatever will he do?

FUZZYWIG: Dude!  That was either one hell of a hallucination, or The Flash just swooped by and carried off our newbie.

RICKY: It was probably lightning from Above that missed it’s intended target raccoon.

FUZZYWIG: Whatever.  I wonder what happened to him….?

MITZI: OMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMG!!!!!!!!!  You are so KYOOOOOOOOT!!!!  And you totally have pwetty heart tramp stamps all over just like Mitzi does!!!  I like you!  Wanna do it?

So, Nameless Newbie Raccoon… what do you think of your new home, The Shelf?

I think he likes it….

Posted in Picture Day | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , | 18 Comments

Not Excellent Drivers

It’s time for The Nest to use its secret recipe to dredge up another awful image from Google that will guide today’s post.  But before we get into this week’s edition of Random Image Inspiration, I’d like to talk about the weird issues some of my posts have been having lately…

Last Wednesday’s RII was apparently inaccessible for people to click on until the next morning despite the fact that I had no issues bringing it up and it did get a couple token views that day.  Well, the same thing happened to my Share Your World post yesterday… with only a couple views, no likes, and no comments until at least 12 hours after it was posted.  I’ve received word that once again the link to the post in both notifications and on my blog itself didn’t work for some reason.  It may happen to this post as well, who knows?  But if you attempted to view yesterday’s post and were unable to do so, please let me know either in the comments or via email what happened on your end in as much detail as possible.  In case I need to refer this issue to one of WordPress’ helper monkeys Happiness Engineers, I’d like to be armed with as much information as I can get so they can maybe, kinda, sorta address the problem because I really hate posting to nobody in particular…

Biskit and his cheerful, exuberant expression would make a great Happiness Engineer.

OK, so with that out of the way……. the random numbers that will work the usual RII magic!

9, 67, 34, 85

The 9th post in my Reader was this one by River Girl.

The 67th word in that post is “really”

The 34th word in that post is “who”

Entering “really who” into Google Images turned up this as the 85th result…

It’s some big shot with Uber, who over the course of this decade has cornered the market on Dial A Stranger rides.  So I’ll pay tribute to this random image by giving you an off-the-top-of-my-head Top 10 list…

From the Home Office in Hell, Michigan…

The Top 10 Worst Drivers Uber Might Send To Pick You Up!

#10: Fred Flintstone

I’m here! Wanna help me pedal?

#9. Jason Vorhees

Please pay in advance.

#8. A Shriner

It’s not your imagination, we really are going around in circles! Weeeeee!!!

#7. Stevie Wonder

Don’t worry, the front of my car is equipped with a cane!

#6. Snuggle Bear

On second thought, I think I’ll ride with Jason…

#5. Captain Joe Hazelwood

I also conduct ocean cruises in my spare time if you’re interested.

#4. Dr. Emmitt Brown

You know, Jenn… I think we should maybe walk to the mall instead.

#3. The limo driver from my Millionaire Journey

Speed limits? You mean stupid speed suggestions…

#2. Vince and Larry

Have a seat! And don’t forget to buckle your safety belt!

And the #1 worst driver Uber might send to pick you up…..

Bill Murray

This’ll be fun! And I’ll be back to pick you up tomorrow, and the day after tomorrow, and the day after the day after tomorrow, and….

I’ll have more Random Image Wednesday fun next week, if the server hosting my blog doesn’t melt down…

Posted in Random Image Inspiration | Tagged , , , , , , | 27 Comments