This Bud’s For You

If only it were a month later, he wouldn’t be able to see me!

Yesterday was the first day of Spring, and what better way to celebrate the changing of the season than with a photo of a cute squirrel in a budding tree!  This is one of the photos from the set I got at the park two weeks ago (Which seems like two months ago now), and as you can see, the warmer early March weather had the trees ready to debut their newest foliage.  The inspiration for featuring this photo goes to Barb (ghost), who featured tree buds as her flower of the day earlier this week!

I hope you enjoy this first Saturday Squirrel of the Spring, and have a great weekend everyone!

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Share Your World – Week 63

The world has finally come to the end of The Shit Paper Road

Nobody is in much of a sharing mood these days… and for that matter, neither is the weekly Share Your World feature.  Melanie went a bit off the beaten path this week with some St. Paddy’s Day trivia that we at The Nest are going to do our best to turn into your daily suppository of laughter.  Don’t clench your cheeks together like that!  Trust me, this is the best medicine…

Sanitized for your protection!

1.  Saint Patrick’s actual color was not green. Was it red, orange or blue?

St. Patrick actually wore pink, long before most men would be caught dead wearing that color.  And if any dudes dared laugh at his metrosexual outfits, Pat would use his magic to turn their family jewels into a pot of mold…

Want me to drive the snake out of your pants, asshole?

2. Was Saint Patrick born in Ireland, Britain or France?

Like Bruce Springsteen, St. Patrick was born in the USA.  Bar owners invented him to drive up patronage in March…

3. How old was Saint Patrick when he was taken as a slave? 10, 13, or 16?

It had to be 10.  Nobody can tell a 13 or 16 year old what to do…

4. Why is Saint Patrick’s Day celebrated on the 17th? Was it the day he was born, the day he died, or the day he got the title “Saint”? 

It was the day that green beer was invented in 1769.

Yay for old school comics!

5. Is Saint Patrick’s Day always, usually or never held on the same date? 

All of the above.  Like Squirrel Appreciation Day, every day is St. Patrick’s Day.

6. What did Saint Patrick use to symbolize something for Christianity?
Was it a stick, a shamrock, or a bird?

No way.  St. Patrick was a Scientologist before it was cool.  Read Dianetics, it’s in there…

7. What city turns a river green every year to celebrate? Is it Detroit, Chicago, or Green Bay, U.S.A.?

It’s actually Chicago, and they only do that to cover up the red stain from all of the dead bodies floating in the river.

This will stop murderers from breaking the law!

8. Which year was the first St. Patrick’s Day parade (in America) held?

In 420 by the Chickapee tribe I introduced in yesterday’s post.

9. Which US president was of Irish descent and forgot it was Saint Patrick’s Day?

Warren G. Harding.  And he only forgot because Woodrow Wilson still had America on Daylight Savings Time so he could play golf in the evenings from his wheelchair.  That’s when Harding stepped up to the plate and abolished the stupid clock games, so nobody would forget what time it was again…

Fuck Teapot Dome. Warren G. Harding is a real American hero.

10. Is corned beef and cabbage a traditional Saint Patrick’s Day dish?

Nobody would want to eat that shit any day of the year.  I’m pretty sure St. Pat disowned it…

11. True or False:  The shamrock is the national flower of Ireland.

False.  They have the same national flower as every other country…

Easy to grow, and oh so pretty!

12. Where was Saint Patrick buried after he died? Britain, Ireland, or France?

He was buried in a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow…

Right alongside this guy…

13. Two of the three colors on the Irish flag are green and white.  What is the third one?

Glitter

Yes, it’s a color.

14. True or False:  Saint Patrick was not actually a Saint.

Mitzi knows the answer to this question. And she’s not telling…

15.  What do leprechauns use their sticks, called “shillelagh” for? Accessing their rainbow, turning invisible, or making their magic pot of gold appear?

None of the above….

16. Which is not true?
-Lent restrictions are dropped on Saint Patrick’s Day. – False.  Enjoying yourself is strictly verboten by the virus nazis.
-Irish soap was invented in Ireland. – False.  It was invented in a secret Procter & Gamble laboratory in Cincinnati.
-Saint Patrick’s real name was Maewyn Succat. – True.  St. Patrick’s parents wanted him to get teased and bullied in middle school.

17.   What’s the traditional occupation of a leprechaun?
Thief, shoemaker, or banker?

Unemployed.  That’s why they have so much time to cause mischief, because they’re too lazy to get a fucking job.  And when they do find a job, well…..

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America Repossessed

a box full of junk

The world may be crazy right now, but here at The Nest, we’ve been doing that crazy thing each and every Wednesday.  It’s time to spin the dials on the Randomator and find another image to stir our sick creativity for Random Image Inspiration!  Here are some numbers that actually mean something…

46, 20, 73, 17

The 46th post in my Reader was this one by Marilyn

The 20th word in that post is “absence”

The 73rd word in that post is “and”

Putting “absence and” into Google Images brought this up as the 17th result…

A handful of Native American men in full tribal gear perform a ritual dance around a bonfire as Chief Bearpaw and his young adult son look on.

“So, what do you think of our native victory dance, son?”

The chief waits for an answer that never arrives…

“Hey, wait… PA!!!!” young Screaming Squirrel complained as his father grabbed the smartphone out of his hand and chucked it into the fire.

“We finally take back our lands from white man, and you continue to use their evil magic devices?  Some Chickapee you are!”

“Aw, Pa!  Some of the Americans’ gizmos were really fun….”

“They NOT Americans!  We FIRST Americans!  Now we ONLY Americans!  This is all Chickapee land now, from sea to shining sea!  No more reservations!  No more refugee camps!  No more living in squalor!”

“No more Facebook and Twitter….”

“This land will be great again now with white man gone!  Stupid race.  Done in by own ego and stupidity!”

“Say Pa, I thought that disease did them in… that cupid virus or whatever…”

“White man did not die from virus.  White man died from own selfishness.  They used a special paper to clean their behinds… and when it was all gone, white man was too scared to take shit.  Mass genocide by constipation!”

“Man, that sucks.  Hey Pa, think we could find some of that special paper now that the civilized folks won’t be needing it?”

“Son, proud Chickapee uses foliage to clean bum!  The old ways of our tribe are reborn today!”

“The old ways suck!” Screaming Squirrel muttered as he tried to dig his charred phone out of the fire…

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Tic Tac Oh

Pity the poor siren and her horde of courters…

Don’t want to leave the house and are stuck with using fig leaves and twigs for toilet tissue?  That’s no way to start a Monday!  The Nest is ready to put you in the full throes of an earworm pandemic, and what better way to keep the infectious music going than with the next song in our Top 30 Songs We Just Feel Like Playing countdown!  Oh, and who says music from the past decade sucks?  We’re gonna put that myth to bed right now…

#7. “Ex’s And Oh’s” – Elle King

When you think of comedian Rob Schneider’s best work, you probably…….. well, will be thinking for a long time.  However, Deuce Bigalow created one thing that has made the world a more entertaining place, and that was in being the father of singer Elle King.  King’s early interest in rock, country, blues and even bluegrass all come together along with her loud and soulful voice in one of the most epic songs that was ever recorded in the 21st Century.  And if like Snuggle, you prefer your music videos to have lots of hunky dudes rather than covens of video vixens, well, Elle has a treat for you….

This song, which became a huge hit in 2015, was an insta-fave from the first time I heard it.  It’s kind of a forehead slapping story of the woman who used men like Kleenex, and those creepy ass wieners who kept trying to get their lost love back… but it’s too fun not to sing along and gyrate to.  And boy did I have my mental image of Elle shattered when I first watched this video a few months ago…

What were you expecting, fucking Enya?

I love this little sentence from the Wiki page of the song itself

Featuring many scantily clad male characters and scenes with clear sexual innuendos, the video inverts the objectification of women common in contemporary music videos, and has been praised by critics for this role reversal.

I don’t know if that’s progress or the height of hypocrisy.  Critics… who the hell are these people anyway?

MITZI: Mitzi, like, totally got all moisturized and tingly from watching all the kyoooot doods in this video!  Like, Mitzi would totally give this four hoofies up!  Mitzi would also like to totally share that yummy hot dog with Ellie Wellie!!!

SNUGGLE: Dafuq!?!?  Who shows a gay porn video for Muzak Monday?  I gotta send this to Big Scrat, maybe it’ll keep him busy for a while…

FUZZYWIG: Now I remember why I decided to move out of the trailer park.  People like this.  Oh, and the fact that the reefer supply was about as low class as the tramp stamps and confederate flags…

Come back next Monday for another great song from another awesome rock chick…

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Uninvited Guests

Hey! Can’t I eat in peace?

This poor squirrel was trying to take advantage of a nice corn buffet I threw out for him and his pals.  Only a bunch of migrating birds were passing by and decided they would help themselves to the spread as well…

Now I know how Tippi Hedren felt…

Really, how many of you mangy birds are there anyway!?!?

OK, I’m afraid now I’ve pissed them off. Better shut up while I’m ahead…

This week’s Saturday Squirrel is for the birds…

Have a great weekend everyone!

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