Share Your World – Week 53

Posted on January 9, 2020 by

Pictured above: The $12,000 patch up job.

It’s time to share my world, so I may as well share the aftermath of the trench that was dug in my kitchen floor two weeks ago.  This was the resulting concreting Quikreting job that will become a permanent part of my kitchen decor.  Before you ask, yes, they did clean up the resulting mess after it set the next day (New Years Eve)… and the stove is now back in place covering up a little over half of my new burial vault.  But you know what it feels like to walk barefoot on a concrete floor and a concrete sidewalk?  This feels like a sidewalk.  It’s a good thing I don’t care if I’ll ever make it into Better Nests and Gardens…

So with that out of the way…. here’s Melanie’s SYW questions for the first full week of 2020.  Now let’s have that logo….

No, no, no…. wait!!!  That’s not it!!!  Someone in the graphics room isn’t doing their job…

Dammit, Troll!!!  Quit playing Tetris and get with the program!!!

And the beat goes on…

Is ‘hello” enough for you these days?

“Hello” is sometimes too much.  A head nod as a greeting would suffice for me…

Creepily stalking blind ladies since 1984.

Do you believe in Murphy?   For those who aren’t familiar with Murphy, here’s a wee explanation:  Murphy’s law is an adage or epigram that is typically stated as: “Anything that can go wrong will go wrong”.

Murphy’s done enough shit to me lately.  Yes, he’s real, and he’s one of those little evil leprechaun/goblin/gremlin impish kind of creatures that is a pain in the ass and seems to be awfully resistant to Raid…

Die, you bitch Murphy!!!

Does evil come from within?  If so, why?

Like, I totally hope not! Mitzi, like, doesn’t want to become preggers again!!!

That may be our most tasteless SYW answer yet.  I don’t know about evil, but my prevertedness definitely comes from within…

Are intelligent people more or less happy than others?   What defines intelligence?

EVIL: I’d say this define intelligence right here.  I mean, who’s more intelligent than a genius?

SHADOW: Oh, please.  What does a brain damaged critter like yourself know about intelligence?  I, Shadow the Umbreon, am easily the most intelligent critter on this entire shelf.  I have more knowledge crammed in the tips of my pointy ears than the whole lot of you subspecies do put together!

EVIL: You’re not a genius, Shadow, you’re a know-it-all.  A genius is clever and knows how to use both the creative and analytical sides of their brain to make an impact in this world.  Know-it-alls aren’t intelligent, they just have a dumbass answer for everything… including shit they know nothing about.

SHADOW: Are you daring to challenge my mental faculties, you common crochet project!?!?

EVIL: Well, if you’re so smart, then answer the question!  Are intelligent critters more or less happy than others?

SHADOW: Intelligent critters are unhappy because we know how trite and boring the rest of the world is who’s not in the 99.9999 percentile of IQ.

EVIL: You’re too stupid to even know why you have an attitude problem!  You know why you’re such an asshole, Shadow?

EVIL: It’s because you can’t get yourself laid!  Look at me, surrounded by babes!  You keep all of your inhibitions locked up inside of those useless Pokeballs of yours and aren’t even intelligent enough to realize that you should be enjoying life!  Not being a condescending prick like you are…

SHADOW: I will overlook your childish insults and your pathetic attempts to try and unnerve me with the wiles of the female gender.

EVIL: So you have an issue with banging chicks?

SHADOW: That’s a very crude was to put it…. but I don’t need female companionship to be….

EVIL: Dude, if it’s females you have an issue with, I can still help you unwind that spring you have stuck up your ass…

SHADOW: This is not humorous at all!!!  I do not need any sexual stimulation from either gend…. (GASP!)

BIG SCRAT: (Grabbing down) Damn, these Pokeballs are pretty small!  Looks like I need to take you to the Pokegym for a little “hard” training.  Then we’ll hit the showers for a little game called Pokebunghole!!!

SHADOW: (Being dragged away by the Pokeballs) Mommy!!!!!

Please feel free to share a quote, photo or thought about gratitude.

Happy and healthy….

Well, other than me bothering him with my camera…

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The Best Of The Nest 2019

Posted on January 8, 2020 by

If ever a year deserved to be buried six feet under…

It’s a week too late to be reminiscing about the past year…. or a month too late if you’re one of those media outlets that jumps the gun and does their year end retrospective before Santa has even come.  But given the way my year ended, I was unable to to properly send out the year on New Years Eve as I always do… so I’ll set out to rectify that today and see if there was anything at all in 2019 that was worth salvaging at The Nest…

Nice pumpkin. I’m gonna eat it…

After declaring my blog to be a bit stale after 2018, I started out the new year by adding two new features to my blog.  The first was a wildcard series every Wednesday called Random Image Inspiration (Which, ironically, this post is preempting.  It will hopefully be back next week)… where via a few numbers from the Randomator and a super unsecret formula, I came up with an image that was supposed to inspire some kind of post.  Most of these turned into flash fiction stories or mini episodes of Shelf Critter Theatre… with the occasional topical post.  Some of my best RII entries in its inaugural year included karma for the teacher’s pet, crafting with the Shelf Critters, why your wife knows you were out drinking again, air ukelele, tapping the keg, and the answer to the eternal question… how many critters does it take to change a light bulb?

Sexual energy… less pollution, and more fun than a windmill.

Also new in 2019, The Nest entered the WordPress cult that does the Share Your World challenge.  Using our disturbed and warped sense of humor, The Nest semi-seriously answered the SYW questions every week… to the approval of current CEO of Share Your World, Inc., Melanie.  While my intent was to fill in Tuesdays with my answers… I occasionally waited until Thursday, and just whenever once the plumbing project from hell started Christmas week.  I’m consistently inconsistent…

Next time you fuck up, I’m shivving your ass!!!

A couple of special series popped up in the last half of the year… the most popular of which was my attempt top create a monthly squirrel calendar out of my best sciurine photos I took during each month.  Every Thursday from August until November, I posted my best pics for each month, with the winner decided by a poll of my readers.  The result turned out quite well, and I had a blast seeing where I differed with my audience on the qualities of squirrel photos…

Oh boy! Look ma! I got 31 days!!!

And then there was my Shelf Critter Advent Calendar, where I gave each of my 24 most popular critters their own scene before Christmas.  These guys have become the flagship characters for The Nest now, and it’s a good thing I got them in the Advent calendar and some RII shorts… because there were only 18 full length episodes of SCT in 2019.  While it couldn’t live up to its best year in 2018, the Theatre still put out some quality work.  If you missed them, be sure to check out the SCT news, Val the misanthrope unicorn’s thoroughly pissy debut, Mitzi’s adventures on “the moon,” and a normal day in The Nest’s mailroom…

Special delivery!

Monday Muzak continued on like clockwork, never missing a beat in ’19.  The Dusty Vinyl Archive returned after 2018’s novelty song countdown ended… and eventually went on hiatus again to start my Countdown of Whatever, featuring my favorite songs that don’t fit my DVA lost hit mold.  That countdown isn’t even halfway over yet, and will continue on into late April of this year…

It’s a good bet these guys won’t be in the number one spot…

And then there’s The Nest’s longest running regular feature… the Saturday Squirrel, which was once again there fifty-two times to usher in your weekend with a smile.

I’m all about hitting the beach on the weekend, dude!

What else happened on my virtual playground in 2019?  Well, there was the Sixth Annual Contest of Whatever… themed around “a squirrel walks into a bar,” which as always, produced many awesome and clever entries from my readers!  Melanie took home the 2019 top prize, while Juliette won the random draw.  The annual tradition that is the CoW will return again around the end of the month!  Get those thinking caps on!

That’ll keep everyone from stealing your ideas…

And in the odds and ends department of our 2019 retrospective… there was our look at all of the spam a person named “Gob” left on my blog, the over-commercialization of unicorns, a contest inspired by my hoarding change (Which I could really use now!), and last but certainly least… Olaf the snowman’s misadventures in a Florida Target.

He can’t even hide that he didn’t like it…

So what will 2020 bring to The Nest?  Well, hopefully anything but more expensive and thoroughly annoying home repairs.  I think I’ll just take that and hope that the blog stuff takes care of itself…

Maybe you could try not to kill me, too?

Posted in Squirrel Droppings | Tagged , , , | 27 Comments

Dancing In The Moonlight

Posted on January 6, 2020 by

Hey, the moon makes the day about 0.000000069% brighter!

If there’s one resolution I can keep no matter what catastrophe might plague The Nest, it’s bringing you great earworms every Monday morning!  Just because 2019 has ended doesn’t mean we’re stopping this runaway train called The Top 30 Songs We Just Feel Like Playing!  2020 only means the songs will be getting bigger and better…. well, from my perspective anyway.  After all, this isn’t the Top 30 Songs You Just Feel Like Playing.  That would be a hard list to put together…

#17. “Moonlight Feels Right” – Starbuck

Long before the name came to be associated with overpriced hipster coffee, Starbuck was used by a 70’s band from Atlanta… the one without a rhythm section.  While they technically had two “hits,” they’re really only remembered for their 1976 debut that became one of the biggest songs of the Bicentennial summer.  And an absolutely joyful song it is.  This one always makes me happy when I hear it…

Not too soft, but not too hard.  Not too fast, but not too slow.  “Moonlight Feels Right” is just perfect, and sounds like almost the quintessential late 70’s radio hit (It reached #3 in the US).  It’s also notable for its marimba solo (performed by Bo Wagner) that kicks off the intermezzo.  One of the more common misconceptions people have about music is that they often mistake the sound of the marimba, which pops up in a handful of pop songs, for the xylophone… which is rarely if ever used in pop music.  Probably the only reason most people even know what a xylophone is is because it is one of the rare English words that starts with the letter X… and they need something visual to put on those phonics flashcards for children…

Fun fact: Kids’ xylophones are rainbow colored because they’re made from the horns of unicorns!

Come back next Monday for the next song in our countdown that just feels right…

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Classic Squirrel

Posted on January 4, 2020 by

Such beauty and elegance.

Photobucket apparently had an issue that’s kept me from accessing my archive for over a week now (Maybe they had a “plumbing issue too?)… so I had to choose this week’s Saturday Squirrel photo from what I had available on the computer, which is only back to October.  Here’s one I would have eventually featured anyway… is that not THE classic squirrel pose?  I love the perfect question mark shape his tail makes while he hunches forward and enjoys a tasty treat he found.  The perfect cutie to start off what will hopefully be another great year of squirrel photos here at The Nest…

Have a great weekend everyone!

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Share Your World – Week 52

Posted on January 3, 2020 by

Mr. Fox is building an army of soul stealing eyed critters who will take over the world…

If I don’t get this done within the next hour, I probably won’t be sharing my world with you this week… and I know it would create an unfillable void in your life that will send you crying into the streets of despair.  OK, you’d probably not even notice… but I don’t want to take that chance and have your sanity on my conscience.  I’m going to fly by the seat of my pants in this post and quickly go over Melanie’s final SYW questions for 2019…

The world is my stress ball right now…

What was the single best thing that happened in your life this past year?

I’m sure there were a lot of really good things that happened to me this year… but not a single one of them sticks out as something that can even attempt to counterbalance all of the crappy stuff…

Fuzzywig being able to legally purchase The Good Stuff in my state would probably make his list…

The most challenging?

I’d have never guessed I wouldn’t answer this question with anything other than the massive headache that ensued for over a month at Mecca after our fire in June, but…..

I never dreamed I’d have this in my kitchen before the end of the year…

One thing you learned in 2019?

Being a homeowner sucks.  I thought 2014 was bad after having to replace both my central air conditioner and furnace… as well as have a burst pipe to the water heater repaired.  2019 totally kicked the shit out of my homeowner blues from five years ago…

I could have bought six new AC’s for the price of this recent nightmare…

Given all your experiences, insights, and lessons learned in 2019, what’s the best advice you could give yourself for 2020?

Keep trying to save up money…. because there are always going to be years like 2019 that mug you on a dark corner.

What’s the best meal/food you ate in 2019?

Probably something with french fries…

Everyone loves fries…

What are three activities you plan to use in the coming year to relieve stress?

Maybe I’ll try yoga…

If they make yoga pants my size…

Reading…

I’ll kick that stress old school!

And keep killing Buster more often…

Maybe this is how Ody got sick…

P.S. – I got back from the vet an hour ago… and after a couple antibiotic and steroid injections, hopefully he’ll feel better…

What brought you the most joy and are you going to do more of that?

I still get a kick out of running an entertainment first, personal second blog… and I hope I’ll at least be doing the same amount of it this year.

Joyous and stress relieving!

Lastly – Any resolutions you’d care to share?

I don’t make them.  And if you want to change yourself, you can do that anytime…. not just after you’ve gone up six pants sizes over a couple of eating holidays.

I’ll lose weight when the winter’s over…

Posted in Share Your World | Tagged , , , | 26 Comments