Canadian Cutie

Posted on May 16, 2020 by

Warning: This week’s Saturday Squirrel is well over the legal limit of toxic cuteness.

As much as I love sharing my own photos of squirrels on this blog every Saturday, I also get a kick out of featuring other people’s sciurines from time to time…. especially when they are so much cuter than anything I have ever seen before!  This photo was taken by Suzanne of My Dang Blog, and when she included it in her post last Sunday, I just had to ask if I could give this adorable little baby the even wider audience it deserves by making it my Saturday Squirrel!

The black furred mutation of the common grey squirrel is typically found in Canada and the northern parts of the US…. but sadly, I live too far south to see these pretty ebony variants. So I always enjoy when someone can post a few photos of one…. but to get not only a black squirrel, but an adorable little pup to boot!  This little guy instantly became one of my favorite squirrels ever!

A big thanks to Suzanne for giving me permission to share this photo!  And I’d love to see more of this guy in the future if possible!

Have a great weekend everyone!

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Share Your World – Week 71

Posted on May 14, 2020 by

This week’s Share Your World answers promise to be just as exciting as watching a Soviet pop concert…

It’s that time each week The Nest tackles Melanie’s weekly Share Your World questions.  While I try to inject my “special” sense of humor into this post every week for your personal amusement… none of the questions this week seemed to lend themselves to any Shelf critter shenanigans or other assorted tomfoolery.  Let’s see what happens when I attempt to play SYW straight…. and don’t blame me if it rips open the space-time continuum.

May as well go with the old, boring logo.

Do you have a favorite kind of tree?

Trees are trees to me.  Even now, after taking so many pictures of squirrel in trees, I rarely pay attention to their different characteristics.  If anything, about all I can differentiate trees by is whatever type of annoying tree sperm it pollutes the air and ground with…

Who really wants to walk in the afterglow of tree sex?

What bridges are you happy you burned?

Burning bridges kinda lends itself to meaning you’ve not only cut ties with someone/something, but have eliminated any hope that you might be able to renew that previous relationship.  I don’t think I’ve ever done that.

Well, there was that one time I was playing with matches…. but it was an accident.  And it didn’t make me happy.

Would you sacrifice yourself (die) for a stranger?

I wouldn’t sacrifice myself for a loved one.  My life is my most valued possession.  I’m really THAT type of person…

Sorry, dude. You’re on your own!

How have your priorities changed since the C-19 virus took over?

Not one damned bit.  I’m just trying to cope in a world that is obsessed with something I don’t give a shit about…

What do you mean they said I can’t eat at this restaurant because of a virus? Who are THEY?

Please feel free to share your gratitude!

After my garbage disposal quit working Sunday, I figured I’d get to spend my four day “weekend” this week trying to figure out how to get and install a new one since there was no way I was going to go through a debacle with “professional” plumbers again anytime soon.  A quit look at Professor Google Monday morning, however, turned up a YouTube video of how to fix a disposal that was acting just like mine did.  A few minutes of sticking a plunger handle down there did the trick and had me back in business!  Sometimes, this 21st Century technology actually is a good thing…

I guess I won’t be getting plumbers to dig me another hole to bury a body…

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Democracy In Traction

Posted on May 13, 2020 by

a box full of junk

Welcome to another fun Wednesday where The Nest has no idea what it’s going to have to write!  What, you mean every day is already like that?  Oh, well, once a week we really don’t have a clue what’s going to go to press until we consult the Randomator and see what it barfs up.  This is the feature we call Random Image Inspiration, and it works a little something like this…

7, 8, 75, 44

The 7th post in my Reader was this one by Marilyn

The 8th word in that post is “issue”

The 75th word in that post is “these”

Putting “issue these” into Google Images brought this up as the 44th result…

It’s time for another titillating mini edition of SCT!

UNCLE SAM: Good morning, citizen!

CHIP: Hey!  No cutting in line!

SLIDER: Mr. President?  What brings you to our humble polling place on this election day?

SAM: I wanted to see our glorious democracy in action!  Don’t mind me, I’ll just be impartially supervising the proceedings…

Sam walks towards the voting booths.

SLIDER: Sir, I don’t think this is within regulations….

SAM: Nonsense!  It gives me a warm feeling in my cold heart to see the critters of the Shelf proudly exercising their franchise!

TROLL: There!  A write in vote for Goldie “Progress” Wilson for President!  He’ll make this Shelf great again!

ZAC: OMGOMGOMG!  This is so cool!  Voting is fun fun fun!  Check check check check!!!  I’m gonna vote for everybody!  Everyone’s a winner!  Check check check!!!

MR. FOX: ……………………………….

SLIDER: Sir, I don’t think you should be peering over…

SAM: Excuse me, son, but you filled in the incorrect name for President!

FUZZYWIG: Huh?  Oh, I’m not voting for anybody.  I don’t even know who the candidates are.  I’m just filling out the circles in the shape of a cannabis leaf like I used to do on the Scan Trons for our tests in school.

SAM: Election judge!  I want this critter removed from the polling place for being under the influence!

SLIDER: But I can’t…

SAM: That’s a direct order!  Unless you’d like to be hand-shredding impeachment documents for the rest of your working life.

Slider reluctantly escorts Fuzzywig off the premises while Sam rips up his “artwork”…

SAM: Did you check this voter’s green card?

SLIDER: Yes sir, and it was perfectly in order…

SAM: Bullshit!  I know a foreigner when I see one!

HUNG LO: Hung Lo proud Asian-American citizen…

SAM: You’re either Asian or American!  You can’t be both, son!  (Gesturing back with his thumb) He goes too!

SLIDER: Sigh, let me get the backhoe…

SAM: (Peeking over Buster’s shoulder) Another vote for my opponent!?!?

BUSTER: Oh, sorry Mr. President!  I didn’t see you peeking at my secret ballot.  I’m afraid I had to vote for change since you cut off funding to underprivileged possums like myself…

SAM: The Shelf’s tired of supporting deadbeat possums like you!  Judge!  This critter can not vote in this election because he’s DEAD!

SLIDER: But sir…

BUSTER: I don’t know what you’re talking about, Mr. President!

SAM: I’m pretty sure I’ve seen your dead carcass before.  This ain’t Chicago, son, dead critters can’t vote!

BUSTER: Sir, I assure you that I am 100% alive and kicking at this moment.

SAM: This sounds like a job for the Men in Black!

NINJA ON A SKATEBOARD: Awaiting orders until your opponent is sworn in, SIR!

SAM: Make sure this possum is ineligible to vote!

SLIDER: This is most unusual for an election day process.

SAM: Nonsense!  Another fraudulent voter has been dealt with, and now we can serve barbecue to those waiting in line!

SAM: I should’ve known a chick like you would vote for the broad running against me!

RAINY: I’m not voting against you because you’re a sexist asshole.  I’m voting against you because your environmental policies are why it hasn’t rained on this Shelf since the Bronze Age!

SAM: I want this voter ejected from the polls because I have issues with the 19th Amendment!

RAINY: Some leader you are disrespecting majority demographics like us females!

SAM: Don’t you have something to do in the kitchen right now?

RAINY: The only thing I’m going to be cooking up is this toxic display of…

SAM: Well you better go outside and do it then!  Skunk spray counts as a political statement, and by law, all electioneering must be done at least 100 feet away from a polling place!

RAINY: But… you can’t… I have the right to….

SLIDER: Sorry ma’am, you’ll have to come with me…

SAM: Finally!  Someone around here who’s voting for the right candidate for President!

MITZI: Oh, Mitzi, like, just filled in your circle jerk because it was first.  Mitzi totally can’t figure out how these elections work anyway!

SLIDER: If you don’t know what you’re voting for, then why did you take the time to come down here?

MITZI: Mitzi, like, totally votes just for the stickers!!!  Like, check this out!!!

MITZI: They totally make great pasties!!!

SAM: I see you like to vote early and often.

MITZI: Yeppers!  Mitzi, like, totally uses her pouty face to get in enough times to cover all of Mitzi’s fun parts!

SAM: You know… I think you’d look even better completely covered in stickers.

MITZI: Like, OMG!  You totally have a kinky fetish Mr. Pwezzy Wezzy!  Mitzi will, like, totally keep getting back in line all day long!!!

SAM: Ha!  Let all the delusional critters keep voting for my opponent.  I’ll win this election just on the votes my new running mate here will give me!

MITZI: Did you, like, totally say “mate?”  Now Mitzi’s bottom sticker is totally moisturized and ruined, and Mitzi will have to get in line one more time!

SAM: Don’t worry, dear, the polls will be staying open late tonight.

SLIDER: They will?

SAM: (Leering at Slider) They will!

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The Walls Have Earworms

Posted on May 11, 2020 by

I drew on the walls too. Before there were Magic Erasers…

Ready for some nifty rhymes to help put your Monday morning back together again?  Well, of course you are… so grab your pail and let’s head up that hill!  It’s time for The Nest to stick in its thumb and pull out a plum that’s slightly past its freshness date from that pot pie full of mystery meat we like to call the Dusty Vinyl Archive!  DJ Scratchy’s sitting on her tuffet, ready to spin the next platter full of curds and whey, while the Sponkies are busy chasing the dish and the spoon.  It’s time to prove that the DVA’s cupboard is never bare…

The late 80’s saw a surge in popularity of the club dance song that lasted right on into the new millennium, as you need only turn on your radio to hear the latest deejay mix that was hot to trot down at the local discotheque.  One of the singers who was able to briefly capitalize on this fad was a British diva by the name of Cathy Dennis.  Dennis gained a reasonable amount of short-lived fame on both sides of The Pond, with a handful of hits that featured that unmistakable club beat.  Today, she is probably best remembered for the 1991 #2 hit “Touch Me (All Night Long)“….

Uhhhh, no, not this version.

Never confuse club music with its predecessor disco.  I love a lot of disco songs, but most club music is just…. meh.  And don’t get me started with those abominable remixes those meddling ass deejays come up with that murders my favorite songs.  The music was just fine how it was, OK?

What, you don’t like it when I loop the chorus of “Summer of ’69” over and over again? Too bad!

So it’s not particularly odd that the one song of Dennis’ that I actually like is also the only one of her hits that is definitely NOT going to be playing on a dancefloor near you anytime soon.  In fact, short of maybe catching it as the background music in a store or restaurant, you probably won’t hear it playing at all anymore.  Except, of course, for on the Dusty Vinyl Archive, where we give airplay to great lost songs like Cathy Dennis’ smooth but spunky hit “Too Many Walls”…

That song is practically the definition of Adult Contemporary, and I love it!  “Too Many Walls” peaked at #8 on the US Hot 100 in the summer of 1991, and was a decidedly non-bouncy entry from the queen of the club beat.  That it wound up becoming muzak and was played often in my early years at Mecca two decades ago is what kept this song on my radar while it dropped from the playlists of pretty much any station fairly quickly.

While Dennis’ singing career fizzled out shortly after her early 90’s burst of success, she found her niche as a songwriter… penning 21st Century songs you know such as Kylie Minogue’s “Can’t Get You Out of My Head,” Britney Spears’ “Toxic,” and even the iconic Katy Perry career launcher “I Kissed A Squirrel Girl!”

You’re doing it wrong….

I’ll smuggle another lost hit over the wall next Monday…

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Hide And Seek

Posted on May 9, 2020 by

Ummmmm….. did anyone lose a tail?

OK, this is a little weird.  That definitely seems to be a squirrel tail sticking up out of the ground.  But apparently the squirrel that went with that tail is somehow missing!  Where the heck can he be hiding?  That grass isn’t that tall that he could be obscured by it!  I mean… look at the base of the fence.  Did someone lose their squirrelskin cap?

Ugh, what a terrible thought!

I better go out there and check on this little guy, and make sure he’s really….

Here I am!!!

Oh, you little rascal!  How did you hide yourself like that?

Well, actually, I know how he did it.  There’s a very low to the ground drainage pipe there that comes out from the back of my neighbor’s fence…. which you can just barely make out just a bit southeast of his nose.  And you can see that same darkened spot where the tail disappears into the ground in the top shot.

That is one well hidden Saturday Squirrel.  But I’m glad he resurfaced to give my readers a good shot of his cute little face…

Have a great weekend everyone!

Posted in Saturday Squirrel | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , | 20 Comments