I’ll Scratch Your Back…

You look verrrrry itchy!

As an arboreal species that has the amazing ability to climb, run and leap through trees as easily as we might walk on a sidewalk, a squirrel needs some pretty good claws that are good at both clinging to rough surfaces, but that will also release their grip at a moment’s notice.  It takes a pretty special set of nails to accomplish tree climbing with the greatest of ease… but this squirrel’s set of claws!  Holy crap, he looks like he just wandered off the set of some cheesy slasher flick where squirrels dive bomb unsuspecting people from above and scratch them to death!  Those daggers on his right paw would make even Freddy Krueger envious!  Those might come in handy for slicing and dicing acorns… but I’d also fear for my life if this guy were around!  Come on, Mr. Squirrel… would a pedicure every once in a while be totally out of the question?

Oh boy! Here comes my next victim now!

Uhhh, I better get out of here before this week’s Saturday Squirrel turns this scene into Friday the 13th!

Have a great weekend everyone!

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Riding In Style

a box full of junk

It’s time to grab a boat oar and stir up the raw sewage of the internet to find another picture to make a post from in this Wednesday’s edition of Random Image Inspiration.  Time to draw the numbers that will win you nothing in tonight’s lottery…

41, 96, 4, 89

The 41st post in my Reader was this one by….. River Girl!  YAY, the Randomator likes you again…

The 96th word in that post is “bizarre”

The 4th word in that post is “class”

This should be a good one…… but…… meh.

Putting “bizarre class” into Google Images brought this up as the 89th result…

And all I can think of are the good old days of riding in the back of Dad’s pickup truck!

When this wouldn’t be considered child endangerment.

Me and my four sisters fighting over who’d get to sit on one of the two humps over the wheels.  As the oldest and only boy, I pretty much never lost this fight.  Back in the days when the big honkin’ SUV’s were all big honkin’ vans with that sliding door that took several hundred pounds of pressure to close… the pickup truck was the fashionable way for kids to be seen riding around town.  The boys on my Little League team loved hopping in the back to ride to the game…. except for the time my littlest sister had a rogue poopy diaper and with about eight people in the bed, someone had to sit by her.

The alternative was this…. so, yeah, we’ll take riding with the poopy diaper.

You can keep your convertibles and motorcycles… the air running through your hair from the back of the pickup truck was the best feeling while rolling down the highway at 55 miles per hour back in the 80’s…

This guy knows what I’m talking about.  And yes, I took this picture…. while driving.

And what’s the worst thing that ever happened?  While riding in my Grandpa’s truck once, he had to make a sudden stop and one of my sisters went headfirst into the tailgate.  Kids get banged and bruised up all of the time and most of them still manage to live.  Why let a few stitches and a little blood ruin the joy of letting kids ride unrestrained in the open?  The Safety Nazis can go get bent with a bicycle helmet for putting the kibosh on this former joy of childhood…

You tell ’em, Uncle Sam!

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Share Your World – Week 31

I’m the gust of honor for this post? I feel incredibly honored!

Melanie’s Share Your World questions for this week are notably grim and morbid in response to the tragic events that have played out in the past few days.  She even invited regular participants to abstain this week if they weren’t feeling it.  I am going to accept the challenge this week as I always do…. and since wacked humor is the only way I know how to roll, I’m not going to change the tone of my answer post from how I normally respond.  So for those of you who are not up for an irreverent take on the darker side of mankind, you have my permission (not that you ever need it) to not continue reading this…

Alright Buster, let’s do this!

OJ Simpson has some Isotoners you can borrow.

Does life have a reason (meaning)?

“Reason” in this case usually means we were put here by some Higher Power to do…. well, whatever the Higher Power wanted us to do.  I’m personally not a big believer in that, though don’t claim to be the font of knowledge in this field.  I do know that I’ve heard it expressed before, by people of faith, that they can’t understand why anyone would want to believe that life has no purpose.  I’m just the opposite in not seeing why life HAS to have some vast meaning in our eyes.  I think it’s just as cool, if not cooler, that we might be here from millions and billions of years of random churning of the primordial soup and countless strings of evolutional oopsies.

What do you think about the whether life has a purpose or not, Buster?

Oh, that’s right. Your purpose in life is to die.

Will the world come to an end by human hands (man’s actions)?

The world as in civilization, or the world as in the planet itself?  Man will almost certainly be the cause of its own demise (Unless that giant asteroid gets us first).  The means and methods of that demise just may not be what we think it will be (Or could even possibly know of yet)…

As for the planet itself….. well, I’ll let the late, great George Carlin answer that one for me…

Yeah, the planet will be fine… even with billions of our corpses rotting on it.

So, Buster.  Do you think the world will end at our hands?

It’s the FINAL COUNTDOWN! (keyboard riff)

Will stricter laws make a better world?  Would less strict law make it better?

To answer the question that this query seems to be beating around the bush of…. for all of the strong views on both sides, I don’t think either way would make much of an actual difference at all.

Your thoughts Buster?

You’re right, we should totally ban assault dragons.

If death is inevitable, why bother doing anything?

Because why would anyone want to just wait around for the reaper to grab them by the collar?  Or for that matter, even think about the inevitable.  Life should be all about distracting yourself from your imminent demise…

Don’t you agree Buster?

Good idea, Buster! Kitty cats are a great distraction! And I hear they’ll lower your blood pressure…

Are thoughts and prayers useful or a sop for people who wish to pay respect but interact through a virtual venue?   Yea or nay – please explain your viewpoint (without rancor) if you would.

I’m generally not a thoughts and prayers person, and only wander into that arena if I feel I absolutely have to because I think that person would expect it of me.  I can feel great emotion for those who are within my little world, but outside of it I’ve discovered I’m a pretty unfeeling person.  We can’t all be empaths.  Sending thoughts and prayers to random people for random reasons would seem like a forced and insincere thing for me… though I’d never discourage those who truly wish to share their hopes and sympathy by ragging on the idea itself.

Please direct any thoughts and prayers you may have towards Buster as he copes with this trying time.

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Breakfast Hours

Mr. Rogers says I can’t put the “Toilet Cereal” picture in this post… and I have to do what he says.

You should always start your day with a nutritious breakfast…. unless you wake up at 8 PM like I do and nobody wants to serve bacon at that ungodly hour.  The Nest wants to help your ears build strong bones (hammer, anvil and stirrup!) on this early Monday morning.  That means it’s time for us to dig out another cheesy prize out of that giant box full of truly outrageous licensed cereal we like to call the Dusty Vinyl Archive!  DJ Scratchy is ready to pour some sugar all over your bowl of Crispy Critters, while the Sponkies are made to drink both a glass of milk AND a glass of orange juice, which always appeared in EVERY CEREAL AD in the 80’s.  Today’s song is part of a balanced breakfast…

When someone mentions the Breakfast Club these days, no doubt your thoughts go back to those crappy Brat Pack movies that the mid 80’s was rife with.  And maybe even this shitty song that everyone, including the band that performed it, absolutely fucking hates…. but that radio stations still play the hell out of these days because, well, everyone that lived through the 80’s loved that song and movie, right?

Won’t you PLEASE forget about me.

Pity a poor band from the Big Apple who just happened to be named….. oh, Breakfast Club, seeing their name become famous for something other than their music thanks to that 1985 movie.  The musical Breakfast Club had been around since the late 70’s, but it took until 1987 before they finally were able to shout over the brats in detention and get a little name recognition of their own.  And that came via this awesome dance track that went all the way up to #7 for the group’s only hit, “Right on Track”…

Just as the group got buried for being the “other” Breakfast Club, this jamming 80’s groove also got lost in the shuffle of so many other great late 80’s dance songs that oldies radio seems to have forgotten about.  It was the Club’s only hit, but it’s a song even ten-hit wonders would be proud to own up to creating.

Like me…. hmmmm, wait. Those guys look familiar!

Breakfast Club not only is a forgotten OHW of the 80’s, but they pulled off the feat despite having had two other very famous musicians in the group at certain times in their decade of existence!  Madonna was the drummer for Breakfast Club in the early 80’s back when she may have actually still been like a virgin.  And just like he tagged along with Journey after they made it big, the man who would later become famous as “that other judge” on American Idol came by to jam with Breakfast Club after their success with “Right on Track.”  You know who I’m talking about, dawg…

Who’s more annoying…. Randy Jackson or Steve Perry? Who cares, shut off both of their mics.

Breakfast Club does have one other small claim to “fame.”  Their final single before disbanding was a cover of the Beatles “Drive My Car,” which you may remember was featured in the 1988 movie License to Drive.  Or maybe not since that film is pretty much only remembered for the coffee on the dashboard scene…

If my breakfast spills on my shirt, you FAIL this post!

I’ll be right on track with another lost song for you early risers next Monday…

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Bite Worse Than Its Bark

Nom nom.

Is this what happens when nuts are in short supply?  Do squirrels really resort to eating tree bark?  Come on, man, that can’t possibly be that tasty.  And just think what it’ll do to your teeth… do you even have a toothpick?  How many of the dogs who get walked in the park every morning have peed there?  For that matter, how many of the local pigeons have pooed there?  I find your taste in…. well, taste to be rather disgusting.  There’s gotta be some treat lying around that is more fitting for a squirrel of your stature…

Hey, don’t judge me! I’m on a high fiber diet.

My apologies.  How about I make it up to you with the honor of being this week’s Saturday Squirrel?  Chew on that for a bit, buddy…

Have a great weekend everyone!

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