Two’s A Crowd

evil's angels

Thirteen long years ago, I was playing the phone-in qualifying game for the then megahit prime time game show “Who Wants To Be A Millionaire”, which featured three questions random rantwith choices you had to put in some kind of order, when this question popped up:

Put these bands in order by the number of primary members they have, starting with the fewest:

  1. Guns N Roses
  2. The Stray Cats
  3. Madness
  4. Tears For Fears

Let’s see… I know there are three Stray Cats, and a shitload of people in Madness.  I think there’s four in Tears For Fears… maybe there’s a fifth guy in Guns N Roses.  OK, 2-4-1-3.

squirrels

I’m sorry…

OK, maybe the mysterious fifth guy was in Tears For Fears.  As we all did on the WWTBAM message board back in the olden days, I posted my question and thoughts for all to critique, and was completely surprised when I was told where I went wrong.

“Ummmm, ES, you do know that Tears For Fears is only a duo, don’t you?”

Yeah, there's only two of us, dumbass!

Yeah, there’s only two of us, dumbass!

Wait a minute!!!  Then who were those two guys who played with Roland Orzabal and Curt Smith in all of the “Songs from the Big Chair” videos?

These guys!

These guys!

Were they just two random homeless guys wandering around the set asked to come in and pretend to play some instruments?  Not according to the Wikipedia page for the band Tears For Fears.  Keyboardist Ian Stanley and drummer Manny Elias were considered to be full band members for this album!  So as my friend Buster would say….

wtf

Imagine my utter shock and surprise when I later learned that one of the other huge “bands” of the 80’s technically only had two members…

Two's company, three's an orgy.

Two’s company, three’s an orgy.

Seriously!?!?  Every Wham music video from the 80’s was essentially the band pretending to jam to one of its songs, and there’s a shitload of guys on stage with them who are omnipresent in every one of their videos!  Are you honestly trying to tell me only two of those guys were actually band members, and the rest of them were just there to make music for these two pretty boys?

Alright… it’s time to set the record straight here….

One’s a solo artist:

rim shot

Two’s a duo:

90s es (2)

Three or more is a band:

gladys knight

The Pips are more important than the dreadlocked bassist from Wham!?!? Are you fucking kidding me?

Simon and Garfunkel never went around pretending to be a band.  Hall and Oates played with all the same guys as well, but they let it be known who the big shots were.  Buckner and Garcia weren’t trying to fool anybody when they recorded Pac Man Fever.  The Eurythmics, Roxette, and the Pet Shop Boys didn’t try to pull the wool over our eyes with phony band nonmembers, but they are still duos in my book, not bands.

And don’t get me started on Five For Fighting….

Where's the band?  I am the band, bunghole!

Where’s the band? I am the band, bunghole!

So in the interest of musical clarity, let’s stop referring to these one and two man acts who surround themselves with a lot of cheap musical labor as “bands”.  There was no dispute over how many people were in the Beatles, and likewise there should be no confusion over the number of spazzes in Wang Chung.

Everybody can pretend to Wang Chung tonight, but only two of people officially can...

Everybody can pretend to Wang Chung tonight, but only two people officially can…

About evilsquirrel13

Bored former 30-something who has nothing better to do with his life than draw cartoon squirrels.
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22 Responses to Two’s A Crowd

  1. Now that was a funny walk down memory lane!

  2. Duh: how many were in Peter, Paul and Mary?

  3. merbear74 says:

    “One is the loneliest number that you’ll ever do..two can be as sad as one, it’s the loneliest number since the number one…..”
    I had no idea Wham was only a duo…

    • I’ll bet a lot of people who were raised on music videos didn’t either! Wake Me Up Before You Go Go would’ve been a pretty stupid video with only two people on stage…

  4. Dare I ask what you would call vanilla willy, I mean Milli Vanilli? 🙂 Obviously not a band but what?

    • Ha! At least there was one thing they were honest about, the fact that there were only two lip synchers in the band! BTW, I heard the Milli Vanilli boys later tried to release an album of their own singing under their names Rob & Fab, and it was so awful that it was plain to see why they had to hire real voices….

      • Thats funny! Crikey! What a bloody kerfuffle that was! Quite shocking really, for an industry that isn’t easily shocked. Yes, they definitely weren’t singers. HaHa “wake me up before you go go” with only two people on stage. HaHa again. 🙂

  5. The Cutter says:

    Yeah, I sometimes get confused between what the difference is between a band and a solo artist’s backing musicians. It seems to come down to how “important” the singers are.

  6. PigLove says:

    Oh dear pig! Dad looked over at my computer about the time Buster with WTF came up on the screen. He spewed coffee over *my* laptop. He’s cleaning my laptop now as I am using his i-pad. You are so funny Evil. I never knew that about these bands. XOXO – Bacon

  7. Loved this…what a great way to start the morning! The only thing missing was a little Rick and/or Pigladillo! 😉

  8. reocochran says:

    I love the way you combine your comments, bands and then, funny pics of silly things interspersed… You are so creative! I cannot imagine why you don’t get bored with my posts, no pictures, no little drawings, and usually no sarcasm! Thanks so much for coming anyway!

    • Thank you for the kind words! I believe in returning the favor for anyone who takes the time to read my blog, and while I don’t have time to read everything my followers submit, I do look for posts that pique my interest like your essay on classic detective shows.

  9. So what happened to the other half of Wham! when George went off on his own to shake his booty and sing romantic ballads like “I want your sex”? Poor guy. Maybe he became one of the mysterious backup guys.

    • Methinks George was propping up the less talented Andrew Ridgeley (literally, as well as figuratively, probably), so when George kicked him to the curb, he probably had to get a real job. He’s probably been selling fish and chips on Baker Street for the last 25 years…

  10. Tom says:

    I forgot what the post was all about and laughed myself to the ground when I saw the Ginger Spice squirrel!

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