Everything’s A-OK, punk!

We were all young once, even those of you out there who actually grew up.  Most people alive today grew up in the era of television, and undoubtedly have memories of the children’s shows that were all the rage at that time.  One of the kiddie shows that has stood the test of time and been there for many a generation of youngsters is Sesame Street.  Created in 1969, it is still on the air and as commercially $ucce$$ful popular as ever today.  Of course, I only really recall the show from the 80’s, where thanks to having a seemingly endless parade of younger sisters, I got to know the furry monsters of The Street throughout most of the decade.  If you can remember when Mr. Hooper was still alive, Mr. Snuffleuppagus was still a “figment” of Big Bird’s imagination, and there wasn’t any evil, red, annoying as fuck, snotnosed punk of an Elmo around to ruin everything… then you came from my generation of Sesame Street children!

We all know the main denizens of PBS’s most famous avenue…. Bert and Ernie, Oscar the Grouch, Cookie Monster, Count von Count, and Elmo’s mentor Grover.  But for this week’s Flashback Friday, I’d like to reminisce a bit about some of my favorite not-so-famous Sesame Street characters from back in the day.  While I had a working list of B and C list muppets already lined out for this post, doing some research I came across a few more I had totally forgotten about… so hopefully you too will find a lot of pleasant memories in today’s post!

I have no idea what is wrong with that bear, but I think he needs emergency medical attention…

Telly Monster!  He was kind of a hot mess, but I found out where he got his name from.  His original purpose was to be obsessed with television.  I guess someone decided that wouldn’t make him a good influence on young children, so someone picked up the T encyclopedia and decided he would now be obsessed with triangles.  Hey, we know you didn’t choose that life for yourself, Telly, so we forgive you!

This child was never seen again…

Herry Monster!  Wait… “Herry”!?!?  really?  What kind of stupid spelling is that?  Were Herry’s parents merely ahead of their time in the fucked up baby name craze, or was there just a typo on his birth certificate?  Either way, we kids loved his badassedness, and if he were still a big star on the show today, our children would be much better off than they are now learning pussified lessons from a discarded red sock…

The wild girls of Sesame Street.

Prairie Dawn (left) and Betty Lou (right) were just the same muppet with a different wig.  Come on, girl, just because you were entertaining a group of 5 year olds, did you really think we were that stupid not to see through your charade?  I guess it’s a good thing your viewers were all well before the age of puberty, because we all know how hot noseless pink chicks can be.  You little tease…

Mr. Perkitude!

Guy Smiley was Sesame Street’s favorite game show host back when game shows were actually cool.  In googling up a picture of ol’ Guy, I see that he apparently got a resurgence in popularity last year because a lot of people thought Mitt Romney resembled him.  Ohhhhkay, maybe a little, but I’m pretty sure Guy didn’t carry around a binder full of muppettes…

I’ll never get my hair right!!! Never!!!

I remembered the character Don Music, but had no idea what his name was!  Given his appearance and tendency for overreaction, he has to be some kin to Guy Smiley, but unlike the bubbly Guy, Don had some of the shittiest self esteem on the show.  He never got the lyrics right to his songs and used to take it out on his piano with his forehead.  The Sex Pistols may get the credit for starting the punk rage, but Don Music was the one who had everyone banging their heads long before Quiet Riot ever hit the charts…

And I will wait, I will wait for you!

Long before the name Mumford became associated with terrible music, The Amazing Mumford was wowing us kids with his incredible ability to fuck up a simple magic trick.  But at least he had the greatest magic words in the business with “a la peanut butter sandwiches!”  He really should be doing commercials for State Farm and not David Copperfield…

A-HA!!! I have deduced that it was the evil Bert who put a hocker in your sandwich!

Sherlock Hemlock, a clueless detective whose dog solved all the crimes.  Sound familiar?  Yeah, Inspector Gadget wasn’t just copying off of Maxwell Smart…

What blog am I on again?

I was going to do a little paragraph on the dementia-plagued cowboy Forgetful Jones….. but, well, I forgot what I was going to say about him.

This is where purple people come from!

Long before In Living Color came along, Sesame Street had its own character that was as black as he wanted to be.  Roosevelt Franklin was a mainstay of the show in the 70’s and 80’s, but eventually became a victim of the PC police who thought he was a purveyor of negative racial stereotypes.  Perhaps had he made his album “My Name Is Roosevelt Franklin” a hip hop piece and not been all educational, he’d be viewed as a role model and not as the pariah he became.  Sorry Rosie, but The Man really was out to get you…

Walking, talking noise complaints.

The Honkers were essentially a one note act, but they amused our early childhood brains without making us want to choke the life out of them like the newer ADHD muppets.

And to finally wrap up this walk down the memory lane of Sesame Street, the absolute most awesomest creatures to ever land at the Children’s Television Workshop…..

Yip Yip Yip Yip Yip Yip Yip Yip Yip Yip Yip Yip Yip Yip Yip!!!!!!