Ready for some more short blurbs that dribble out of my mouth and miss the bib? It’s time for another trio of tantalizing tidbits from the past week and beyond on The Nest’s Weekend Threesome! Grab your partners and let’s do-si-do…
My adventures in ordering double quarter pounders with without cheese and only pickles at McDonald’s are legendary and date back a good quarter of a century. Cheese, which I can’t stand outside of a box of burnt Cheez Its or a pizza loaded with sauce to cover up the taste, is part and parcel of the DQP, and even having the grill slip say in big bold letters “NO AMERICAN CHEESE” still results in curdled cow milk being added to my burger on average about one out of five orders. I guess if I made burgers by the default recipe all day long, I’d probably screw up special orders like that every once in a while too…
I’m sorry we fucked up, sir. We’ll make sure to add plenty of “special sauce” for your unique ass this time.
As much as I think fast food is a waste of money if you can’t sit inside and guzzle unlimited free refills of soda, I’ve grudgingly re-added Mickey Dee’s to my weekly fast food routine via the drive thru. Friday’s McDonald’s run resulted in them making a different mistake that is much rarer, but just as annoying… they only put one beef patty (assuming McDonald’s meat can be legally called that) on my DOUBLE quarter pounder. I got the lady who brought out my order’s attention before she waltzed away and showed her the mistake. After waiting an extra five minutes, I got what I actually asked for and went on my merry way home…
But this mistake allowed me to get back at McDonald’s for all those past fuck ups with some free food. Normally, they take back any misorders and pitch them… but they can’t do that in this day and age. So I got to keep the SINGLE quarter pounder and got a whole extra load of fat and calories on Mickey Dee’s dime!
And it wasn’t just a counting mistake on the part of the “chef”…
I was a bit miffed when I got home and realized that the mistake burger was packaged with the intent of making it a regular quarter pounder, as you can tell by the packaging. Remember folks, even if you end up with a rewarding career as a burger flipper, reading really is fundamental!
My area I usually work in is near the fitting room, which is where the main phone will generally ring off the hook all evening since nobody will answer it (I think millennials are traumatized by phones they can’t hold in the palm of their hand). I won’t answer it myself while the store is open, because I’m overnights and I’m not fucking customer service. Once the store is closed, and I can deflect any customer calls, I will sometimes answer it since we (for some ignorant reason) get deliveries in the middle of the night and the drivers are supposed to call before they get out of their trucks.
Hey there good buddy, wanna come to the back door for this delivery of dead possums for the deli?
Most of the time, a middle of the night call is a truck driver. Occasionally, like this past Monday night (or early Tuesday morning, technically), it’s someone who confuses a Mecca store with fucking tech support. The lady on the other end was having issues with her “Amazon TV” (I’ll assume that’s a thing with ten zillion streaming services out there now), in particular a red light kept coming on something, and she was wanting to know if I knew how to fix the problem….
Is this bitch fuckin’ serious?
What on earth possesses someone to call a retail store in the middle of the night for a tech issue? We’re far enough into the computer age by now for even naive people to know that companies have trained children chained to desks in Pakistan who handle these problems with their products. The same thing happened before with someone who was having trouble placing and order on Mecca’s website at 1:30 in the AM. TECH SUPPORT, people… find the people who actually might be able to do something about your issue and not those who are busy trying to put shit paper on the shelves!!!
I think I found the perfect candidate to answer our phones at night…
When I pick Ody up off the table next to me and into my lap, he’ll immediately hop up onto the computer desk to try and reclaim his old spot which he’s entirely too big for anymore. That still doesn’t stop him from awkwardly trying to sprawl himself out in front of me….
It’s hard to take photos left handed while you have a furry 20+ pound paperweight on your right arm…
Evil Squirrel's Nest 
I’m sorry, I had to stop reading after you said you don’t like cheese. How is this possible!
It may force me to call you late at night and ask why my printer isn’t formatting properly….
😉
Go right ahead! I’ll treat you to all of the Mecca hold muzak you can tolerate!
Special orders just about anywhere seem to cause a problem for the staff – they’re trained to do things a CERTAIN WAY so if someone orders a variation – well – anything goes! I’m currently hooked on KFC’s extra crispy chicken sandwich with mayo and sour pickles. They will stick a bunch of packets of special sauces like BBQ or Spicy in the bag with your order. I mistakenly thought I’d save them wasting those packets of sauce which I throw away and said “NO SAUCE THANKS”. Someone thought “SAUCE” meant mayo. Duh. Oh well, could have been worse I’m sure. Ody is a cutie – he needs his very own post as a weekly feature. You know something like “NUTSO THINGS MY CARETAKER DOES”……oh the stories that boy could tell would curl your hair (or de-curl it as the case may be).
Pam
That reminds me of the one time, I think it was about 15 or 20 years ago, when one of the cooks learned my order from my weekly visits, and he’d actually throw it together sometimes before I was even able to order just by spotting me in the lobby! I miss the personal service I got from my habitual visiting of certain restaurants. That five pound bag full of condiments…. I hate that, and it’s always everything BUT what you want! I’m picking up Steak N Shake now for me and Mom’s weekly lunches, and they put everything in the bag except salt for my fries and sometimes a spoon for her chili!!!
That’s cool that you and your Mom have weekly lunches…I didn’t know Steak N Shake was still around – they disappeared from around here years ago!! You’d think even with poor training or sheer boredom, people would automatically dump condiments (especially salt) and utensils and the prerequisite greasy handful of napkins in EVERY bag that goes out of these places!
A few years ago, the rumor was all over the place that Steak N Shake was going out of business… and they did close a few locations around here. But the closest one to me is still open, and the whole SnS closing down business seems to have been forgotten.
The words of Joe Pesci’s character from Lethal Weapon regarding the ‘drive-up’ ring ever so true.
You were going to share those with those of us who are ‘dialogue challenged’ weren’t you? I’d remember, but it’s been roughly four decades since I saw a Lethal Weapon anything.
That dialogue is not exactly G-rated. 😉 In the charming HBO words of Joe’s character, Leo Getz when he realizes he got a tuna sandwich instead of what he wanted:
“They $%&# you at the drive-thru, okay? They $%&# you at the drive-thru! They know you’re gonna be miles away before you find out you got $%&#ed!”
Joe needs to learn to check that stuff before leaving the drive thru. I’ll hold up the line if I have to to make sure mine is right… and I’m really glad Mickey Dee’s parks most of the drive thru customers now so I get that extra time to make sure someone didn’t fu…. I mean, screw up!
😆
Thanks! I knew obscenity would be included. It’s Joe Pesci. I don’t think he can stop himself from swearing…it’s like his vocabulary! Thanks again! Raised a smile!
😁
I sometimes think I’ve turned into Joe Pesci. I didn’t even start cussing until I was in my mid 20’s… and now, every third word is…… well, my SCT dialogues are often drawn from my inner voice.
If you ever happen to read Paula Light’s “The Monday Peeve”, you’ll find that I frequently crab about fast food FUBARs. The worst was a breakfast sandwich (supposed to be bacon, egg, and that dreaded cheese that curls your toenails) slathered with enough mayonnaise to choke Trigger. If cheese is nasty, cheese covered with a vile tasting white substance that belongs only on lunchtime sandwiches, and which I loathe whatever time of day it is, is inedible. That one cost the manageress a shattered eardrum. I’d driven home before discovering the FUBAR and called her to scream at her. I know those jobs are only minimum wage or less, but geezus. Reading should be a mandatory qualification. The phone thing? Amuse yourself (at night when management is asleep and can’t prove anything) by answering the phone in fun and interesting ways. I worked the graveyard shift for a few years, my job was to answer the phone, but at 2 a.m.? Only weirdos are calling funeral parlors (for the most part) or accounting services. You can be obscene too unless you’re worried about them taping you saying words that belong in the gutter. 😉 The pet phenomenon. Ziggy has taken to doing what Ody does. He has recently also begun to do the lap time with head-on arm so mommy can’t type nor move for fear of disturbing him thing. He sighs deeply and frequently, but at least he can’t knead my lap (to get more comfortable) with razor-sharp claws…I guess there are small blessings.
When I have a red light coming on, I find it can be easily fixed by stabbing the little bulb with a screwdriver.
Why didn’t I think of that! I could have helped that poor lady…
People don’t listen. I was working and got a call. The person at the other end wanted to know if his 14 foot high tractor trailer would fit under the nearby bridge’s toll station. I told the caller that I had nothing to do with the road system five times but he was persistent I finally told him to use the bridge. He just wouldn’t listen. I don’t know what happened to him.
Well, if he didn’t make the news, then I guess your advice was good.