Don’t Suffer In Silence

Hey!  What are you going to do with that glove?

Hey! What are you going to do with that glove?

This will be my first attempt at “scheduling” a post… I hope it works!

I will spend much of tomorrow today on the road and watching baseball, so as I did with my last trip…. you’ll get your weekly dose of Retro TV Ad Tuesday, but you’ll have to make do with just a quickie!

i kissed a squirrel

Just enough to get the blood pumping!

Actually, today’s featured ad isn’t retro.  And it’s also a commercial for a regional entity, so most of you have probably never seen this commercial before.  But that’s OK, because we’re going to play a little game in today’s post!  I want you to watch the commercial below, and then try to figure out exactly what it is about this ad that is so totally fucked up, I just had to bend the rules to give it The Nest’s infamous Tuesday treatment…

tuesday tvHemorrhoids have been the butt of jokes (see what I did there?) for a long time, so that alone is no reason for me to showcase this ad and poke fun of it.

The juxtaposition of a friendly backyard barbecue in a multicultural neighborhood with a medical facility that specializes in treating asteroids is rather odd… but there really isn’t any activity you could pair up with a rectal clinic and not have it seem snickerworthy…

The term “infrared coagulation” does sound rather queer odd, kind of like something you’d expect Ripley to be talking about in a bad sequel to “Alien”.  But much like “objective bibliography“, it alone is no reason roast this backdoor backyard barbecue.

Infrared coagulation at work.

Infrared coagulation at work.

If your probe into this thirty second bit of surrealism excreted the the fact that the most insane part of this ad was the entire last 10 seconds, congratulations!  You get a big celebratory slap on the ass!

angel squirrel goose


It’s OK to be a facility that only treats hemorrhoids.  It’s perfectly fine and dandy to name yourself Midwest Hemorrhoid Treatment Centers… so long as you are actually in the plains states.  And regardless of the nature of your business… you have every right to advertise your services to the public at large….

But for the love of proctology, if you are such a company…. DO NOT WRITE A FUCKING JINGLE TO SING IN YOUR AD!!!!!!

♪ Midwest Hemorrhoid Treatment Centers! ♪

♪ Midwest Hemorrhoid Treatment Centers! ♪

Jingles should be catchy… and nobody wants to find themselves humming a little melody about a place to get your roids blasted.  But for having the gall to take a crack at turning a rectal hospital into a creepy little ditty, The Nest gives a rear admiral salute to the Midwest Hemorrhoid Treatment Centers for trying to come up with an earworm, and instead unleashing an assworm that can make the angels sing… and our sphincters pucker…

The End

The End


About evilsquirrel13

Bored former 30-something who has nothing better to do with his life than draw cartoon squirrels.
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21 Responses to Don’t Suffer In Silence

  1. merbear74 says:


  2. crimsonowl63 says:

    Wow, the song really makes it. Plus after the video, YT recommended some realted video. One was, um, pretty revealing from the look of the cover photo for it. lol

  3. Twindaddy says:

    Doesn’t everyone sing about asshole maladies?

  4. the burning BBQ grill describes it best lol… thanks, this post makes my day:o)

  5. PigLove says:

    Oh wow – most be a popular topic this week. Pull my hoof – snorts. XOXO – Bacon

  6. Mental Mama says:


  7. The Cutter says:

    I would have just used “Asshole” by Dennis Leary.

  8. gentlestitches says:

    Nice ends at the end.

  9. I remember hearing that a well-known brand of hemorrhoid cream here in the UK wished to use “Ring of Fire” in an advert. The family of the late Johnny Cash, for some reason, objected to this, and so it never went ahead.

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