If you play Christmas gift giving like it’s a zero sum game, then you’ll enjoy the overwhelming unbalance that is the Shelf Critter Secret Santa exchange. Let’s see who’s about to experience then dark side of the holidays today….
SPARKLEPONY: As a hard working mother of two, three if you count my husband, I shouldn’t have to be buying anyone gifts at Christmas. I should be the one receiving everything!
Oh, grow up you old nag and pick a name already!
SPARKLEPONY: Well, I’m certainly NOT going out of my way to shop for some nasty old Troll! I’ll just get him the same thing I’m getting everyone else on my list….
TROLL: So yeah, I got this gift card for Christmas and I was wondering…. where’s the booze aisle?
TWILIGHT: Sir, this is a spa, and there’s only five dollars loaded on that card. That’s not enough to purchase any of our services.
APPLEJACK: (from the backroom) What about our other spa services?
TWILIGHT: You’re right, AJ, he does have enough money for that! And he certainly looks like he could use it. Just follow my assistant, sir, and she’ll take great care of you!
AJ: Right this way, Sugarcube!
TROLL: So, what is this other service I’m getting?
AJ: You gotta strip down, first!
TROLL: Wow, that’s kinda kinky! Is this one of “those” kind of spas? (Starts removing his clothes) Oh boy, I hope I get a happy ending like I did the last time I visited the petting zoo!
TROLL: I hope we’re in a private place right now!
AJ: Don’t worry, nobody in this neck of the woods has a telescope to see anything you got. Now, just go through that door there…
TROLL: OK, now what?
AJ: Now the fun starts, Sugarcube!!!
Applejack flips on the switch…
AJ: So, how would you rate our spa service?
TROLL: Well, I think I lost several wads of hair in the machinery, and some of the soap got in my eyes… but the brushes did tickle my jewels and I’m pretty sure my buttcrack hasn’t been this clean since that time I confused a pressure washer for a bidet! I’ll definitely be coming back when I get another gift card next Christmas!