How To Save A Life

cpr

If there is an occupation out there that gets very little recognition for the hard work squirrelsinnewsinvolved in the job, it is that of the poolboy.  These anonymous masters of the net and Clorox toil tirelessly to ensure that those privileged enough to own a pool that didn’t just come off of the shelf at Mecca will be able to safely go out for a swim without the fear that they might accidentally inhale a Baby Ruth.  If it weren’t for the world of pornography, nobody would probably even know that poolboys exist.

Poolboy + MILF + cheesy music = Quality family entertainment.

Poolboy + MILF + cheesy music = Quality family entertainment.

However, professional backyard aquatic caretaker Rick Gruber from Phoenix, AZ recently performed a heroic act of kindness that showed poolboys are capable of more than just skimming algae from the shallow end steps where Aunt Bertha sat in her whale sized one piece during the entire Memorial Day cookout.  While on the job, he noticed a poor little ground squirrel drowning in the pool he was cleaning.

Glubbidy glub glub!  Help me!

Glubbidy glub glub! Help me!

Showing that pool boys have more than just one large organ, Gruber’s big heart compelled him to fish the hapless creature out of the water.  Seeing that the squirrel was lifeless, Gruber did what any other rational human being would have done in that situation… started CPR on the critter.  He began squeezing the squirrel’s sides in an attempt to clear the its lungs of the pool water.

Now we all know how artificial respiration is supposed to be given to a victim.  Did our daring poolboy provide this near death squirrel a little secondhand breath?

Oh yeah, handsome!  Slip me some tongue!

Oh yeah, handsome! Slip me some tongue!

Alas, Mr. Gruber was afraid the squirrel might give him a disease, or even worse, bite him.  Oh come on, Rick!  MBRS will vouch for the fact that most squirrels are up on their shots, including the ones for communicable diseases that require penicillin.  And a squirrel may bite you on the lip during foreplay, but she bets you’ll like it!

Oh, help me, poolboy!  I'm drowning in here!

Oh, help me, poolboy! I’m drowning in here!

Despite the unwillingness to do a little mouth to mouth on the rodent, this story nevertheless has a happy ending.  The squirrel snapped out of its lifeless statement, hacked up a lung, and before long was off and scampering throughout the neighborhood again.  Thanks to the incredible efforts of Mr. Gruber, our featured ground squirrel did not meet his end in the deep end, and will live to do his evil work another day.  We at The Nest just hope this rescue squirrel is smart enough to pony up for some swimming lessons at the YMCA.

Sorry!  Can't join you all now, it hasn't been an hour since I last ate some nuts.

Sorry! Can’t join you all now, it hasn’t been an hour since I last ate some nuts.

What would you do if you came across a squirrel who was on the verge of expiring?  Would you spring into action and save its life, get out your phone and record its fail to put on YouTube, or would you go call this guy?  Rick Gruber made his choice, and for saving the life of a fellow sciurine, we would like to recognize this poolboy for going above and beyond the call of duty.  Thank you for making the world just a little safer for squirrels, sir!  But next time, don’t be afraid to channel your inner Katy Perry and show a dying squirrel some love!

And you liked it!

And you liked it!

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About evilsquirrel13

Bored former 30-something who has nothing better to do with his life than draw cartoon squirrels.
This entry was posted in Squirrels In The News and tagged , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

24 Responses to How To Save A Life

  1. Mental Mama says:

    Rick is a good man. 🙂

  2. Kay Harris says:

    Hey, what about the chipmunk saved at my house??

  3. NotAPunkRocker says:

    For some random reason, the biting during foreplay killed me laughing.

    Good going, Rick!

  4. Mr. Gruber is a hero! I hope I’m brave enough to do the same when I see a squirrel in need.

  5. crimsonowl63 says:

    I think I would try to help save a squirrel. I know my daughter most certainly would. I just saw this story on the news this morning and naturally thought of the Nest. Glad Mr. Poolboy saved the life of a possibly innocent squirrel.

  6. 1jaded1 says:

    Wins all the way around. Rick should celebrate with a Baby Ruth. Cheers.

  7. We actually got rid of our pool because of all the small animals drowning in it. It was horrible.

  8. HaHa!! great story and hooray for the fearless pool guy! 😀

  9. tmitsss says:

    LOL

  10. PigLove says:

    WOW… I asked mommy if she saw this happened to me (cause you know I’m fighting for a pool here), would she give me mouth to mouth. She said yes and daddy said no at the same time. Daddy said she couldn’t do that to a pig. I told daddy why not? She kisses him every night! Snorts. XOXO – Bacon

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