The Request Line

SCRATCHY: Yo, boss dude!  You wanted to see me?

Evil Squirrel does not respond, perhaps possessed by Mr. Fox….

SCRATCHY: HEY!  Earth to Squirrel Dude!  Should I send you up a drink, Major Tom?

EVIL SQUIRREL: Oh, sorry, I didn’t hear you come in because….

SCRATCHY: Seriously?  You’re listening to that Kevin Paige shit again?  I can’t believe you got me to waste a DVA playing those two loser songs….

EVIL: Like Kevin Paige, I can do anything I want!

SCRATCHY: Well, feel free to shut me out then.  I’ve got important mixes to make for my gig at da club tonight, so if you don’t mind….

EVIL: Hold it!  I summoned you to my office for a very important announcement!

SCRATCHY: Lovely, now you sound like Shadow shilling the Contest of Whatever every February.

EVIL: This will be even bigger than the Contest of Whatever!

SCRATCHY: Buster in a cage match with Zeeba and Ninja on a Skateboard?  Hey, seriously, dude, make that happen!

EVIL: I’m pre-empting your Dusty Vinyl Archive feature on Mondays for my latest Top 30 countdown!

SCRATCHY: Are you shitting me?  Man, I was forced to play enough of your tone deaf selection in last year’s countdown!  Sorry, dude, but….

EVIL: This is going to be my best countdown ever, because I’m letting the slaves…. er, shelf critters pick all of the songs for me!  What do you think of that, Miss Deejay?

SCRATCHY: I think you should get your hand off of my back before I start some drama.  You ain’t my man, boy!

EVIL: It will be a huge hit!  Each critter picking a song to go with their vibrant and engaging personalities I infuse in them!

SCRATCHY: Most of them wouldn’t know good music if I stuffed it down their throats and it tooted out of their asses!  Nobody is going to want to listen to a bunch of songs picked by critters made out of recycled briefs and toilets!

SPONKIE 1: Aunt Scratchy!  Is everything OK?

SPONKIE 2: We heard the big boss wanted to see you.

SPONKIE 1: Yeah, and usually Troll has to limp after he’s paid a visit to the head honcho!

SCRATCHY: You know what this bozo wants to do?  He wants to replace our super cool DVA with some lame Top 30 countdown of songs picked by the shelf critters!

SPONKIE 2: That sounds SO AWESOME!!!

SPONKIE 1: Come on, Sis!  Let’s start asking everyone what they want to hear!!!!

SCRATCHY: Grrrrrrr….. betrayed by my own apprentices!

EVIL: There, there, Scratchy…. you’ll learn to like your new role.  You’ll even get to pick your own song!

SCRATCHY: How about Cee Lo Green’s “Fuck You?”

EVIL: Not bad…. it might even make the middle tier!

SCRATCHY: I was being sarcastic, you….

Pat! Pat!

SCRATCHY: Don’t hand me no lines, and keep your hands to yourself!!!!

Yes, DJ Scratchy will have to put the lock back on the Dusty Vinyl Archive for seven months while The Nest rolls out its newest and most unique countdown yet… The Top 30 Shelf Critter Request Songs!

So how will this work?  It’s all not-so simple!

First, no song I’ve ever played in any Monday Muzak feature or countdown will be eligible…

Sorry, Fuzzy, you’ll have to take back your “Because I Got High” cassette…

I chose 30 of my prominent and somewhat prominent members of the SCT cast, and picked a song that in some way relates to their personas.

Alas, I’ve already used Jim Carroll’s “People Who Died”…

All of the chosen songs have to be songs I at least somewhat like…

Too bad I’m not a fan of Radiohead, because you’re a “Creep”…

And I did my best to add some variety to the countdown!  Although there will be plenty of 70’s and 80’s songs, I managed to secure at least one from every decade from the 1950’s through the 2010’s!

Everyone loves muzak from the new millennium!

The 30 songs I settled on (Yeah right, I already made one huge change within hours after finalizing the list yesterday morning) were then ranked by how much I like them, with a few tweaks to break up any decade blocks, and will be presented every Monday beginning with #30 on August 2, and ending with the #1 SCT Request Song on February 21, 2022!

That’s gonna be a loooooong wait…

But The Nest will make the ride through the countdown as entertaining as possible!  I’m sure you’ll find some songs to cheer, songs to jeer, and songs maybe even some you’ve never heard of before.  And there may even be a treat for you each week…

Not my kind of treat, dude!

Join The Nest beginning this coming Monday for the Top 30 Shelf Critter Request Countdown!!!!


About evilsquirrel13

Bored former 30-something who has nothing better to do with his life than draw cartoon squirrels.
This entry was posted in Squirrel Droppings and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

11 Responses to The Request Line

  1. cage match with buster? two tickets please… but second row if possible, because of blood splatters ;O)
    love the song contest idea… the mama hope there is something from modern talking too…. but the nest plays only muzak and no good taste derailements, right?

    • I think the blood spatters would reach the upper deck in that match. But free ponchos will be distributed to all in attendance…

      I play a lot of muzak with questionable taste, so you never know what you’ll hear over the next 30 weeks….

  2. Alriiiiiiight! A reason to live! The Monday Top 30 Shelf Critter Request Countdown is an awfully long THING. How about shortening it to 30 Sh-itter Questdown….no wait….that’s no good….how about……..never mind – we’ll just look forward to it every Monday!


  3. Awesome dude!! I just have to get the low-rent speakers on my laptop tuned up and ready for music of the quality I’m sure you’re going to provide! Let’s party like it’s 1999 ♪♫♪♫♪

  4. With this rule (“All of the chosen songs have to be songs I at least somewhat like…”), I’m guessing there’ll be no Journey in the Countdown.

  5. draliman says:

    Mr Fox’s song is gonna be interesting. Isn’t there that song which is all just silent?
    I’d like a front row seat to the afore-mentioned cage match, please. Blood-resistant sou’wester on standby…

    • Yes! That’s the song that let Mr. Fox beat Shadow at the trivia show in an episode of SCT. But that’s not what I picked for him…

      One front row ticket and VIP backstage pass will be sent your way! All fans in attendance may keep any possum guts that land in their laps as well….

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