Holly

I’m way overdue on introducing another one of my characters, and I’ve long promised to give Holly her long-awaited write-up, so I’ll take care of both of those issues today! Meet Holly, the hip, star-schmoozing, self-proclaimed Valley Skank with a possum problem on the side. The coolest coonette this side of the Hollywood sign, you know you’ve won her affection if she refers to you as”Doll”. She loves people, and people love her…

Thank you, thank you! You're all too kind!

One thing she doesn’t love, however, are those voracious creatures of the night. Especially one in particular who likes to rummage through the trash cans and cat food.

I'm going back to Cali...

Buster, a rare male character who has found his way into ES’s inner circle, was completely inspired by Holly’s run in with a possum four years ago. Through the miracle that is message board posts never being erased, here is Holly’s account:

July 15, 2008, 7:42 AM:

To round out a lousy day, late last night i hear some clinking among the cat food bowls – odd. Go to check and see an enormous rat (possum) eating out of the bowls. Took me about about an hour, 1 broom, 1 mop, and a hand-vac (for sound effects) to get him out. Meanwhile, what I thought were a bunch of dirty dust bunnies in the corner dropped from the broom, to my horror turned out to be stinky blops of crap- i literally scared the shit out of him. It wasn’t pretty.

Pupu platter, anyone?

9:37 AM:

ok, the kids are already terrified of the spiders so knew they’d be useless with a hissing marsupial. Hubby is distinctly unpleasant without his full 8 hours. Just relieved the neighbors didn’t hear the shrieks of “get ouuut” and call 911 (hmmm, maybe not…). It did play possum, several times, hence the hour it took. At one point it tried to blend in by hiding behind the fake black lab puppy- I knew we should have gotten a real one. The cats just layed around laughing at me. Went through a whole roll of Brawny and 1/2 a bottle of rug spray. Just bought a bag of latex gloves that morning. Serendipity!

Possums don't give you a second chance...

July 16, 2:07 AM:

Have added a rake to the arsenal and am on tactical alert. So far, so good. Fighting off paranoia after nearly clubbing the tabby. Oops.

I recommend you guy not piss off Holly. She'll even wack her own kind...

And that was all she wrote. But I got Holly’s image as The Possum Hunter out of it, and over the course of another 3 years, it eventually gave birth to ES’s twin troublemaker Buster, who I invited her to name after I included this cute little pic of him in a birthday card I made for her…