No Child Of Mine!



random rantToday is my cat Biskit’s third birthday.  I’ve never heard of a cat who was born in the wintertime, but the vet tech who was on duty when I adopted him said January 15th was his birthday, and that’s what I’m going by.

But I’m not typing up this post to celebrate Biz’s birthday because, well, I’m not actually celebrating his birthday.  I rarely recognize humans’ birthdays, let alone the birth anniversary of a cat.  The pet people I know seem to be absolutely HORRIFIED when I tell them that I don’t get my cats gifts for their birthday, or for Christmas, or for any other special occasion.  How can I be so mean?

No presents!?!?  Well, kiss THIS!

No presents!?!? Well, kiss THIS!

I guess I’m just an overly practical person who sees absolutely no reason to celebrate something that the honoree will never understand anyway.  I don’t care how smart you think your pet is, it has no concept of what a birthday is, or a holiday.  A cat knows of only two times…. feeding time and nappy time.  If it gets fed and gets to sleep, it will get all that it ever wants any particular day of the year.

cats in candy

But I want CANDEEEEE!!!!!

Pet owners celebrate birthdays and holidays with pets for one reason… to satisfy themselves.  And I’m not necessarily knocking that…. if that’s what makes you happy, by all means, spoil the hell out of your pet!  Just don’t look at me like some Satan worshiper because I choose not to buy things for my cat’s birthday that I could just as easily buy them any other time of year when they actually need it.

And now the discussion gets into a topic that really gets my bushy tail in a frizzy uproar….

Just euthanize me.... now.

Just euthanize me…. now.

I have two cats, and I absolutely adore them.  I feed them, and provide them a roof over their heads, and take them to the vet regularly (and that’s money I’d rather not spend), and even spend what time I can pull myself away from the computer with them.  They may tear up my furniture, gak all over my carpet, and dig their claws into my tender skin… but they’re nice to have around when you live by yourself.  I love my cats.

But they are not….. I repeat….. they are NOT MY KIDS!!!!!!

Oh my God, I fucking hate it when people make that reference….


I’m not fit to be a parent.

If I hear the word furbaby one more time, I will go find a puppy and kick it.  I am no creature’s father.

My Dad is quite guilty of calling my cats his “grandkids” when he comes over.  Sorry Dad, it’s not my fault you had five kids and only have two teenage grandchildren to show for it.  You may not borrow my cats to fulfill your strange grandparental needs.

At least he doesn’t bring over gifts for them.  The girl I got Ody and Spilly from several years ago brought over one of those silly cat stockings we sell at my store the first Christmas I had the cats.  I think I finally opened it a few years later, and only because the 37128933 plastic balls my cats had to play with were all under the chair, or the couch, or the icebox, or the bed, or the computer desk, or under my feet as I tried to walk through the house.

There's got to be SOMETHING in here for me....

There’s got to be SOMETHING in here for me….

But if you think I am being mean to my cats in favor of the squirrels, think again.  Right now it is about 20 degrees outside, and I’m sure all of the bushy rodents out there are a tad chilly.  Well, I know they are because MBRS just knocked on my door to ask if she could borrow some Chapstick for her teats.  Meanwhile, my kitty cats are curled up together on the comfy chair with a blanket I let them use in the living room where it is a much toastier 67 degrees.  That’s one of the benefits of not running away from me when I try to take silly pictures of you…

So, when is the Saturday Cat of the Week?

So, when is the Saturday Cat of the Week?

So in closing, keep this in mind.  I have cats, not kids.  They have birthdays that are fun to note, but do not require any shopping.  And despite all that supposed harshness, I still take pretty good care of them and they have it a lot better than some of their other feline cousins who walk the streets for catnip or are locked up in the penitentiary.  And if that isn’t good enough for all of the holier than thou cat lovers out there who think I am a cruel pet owner, well then you are more than free to come pick Ody and Biskit up if you can do a better job than me…..

Yes!!! Please take us.... pleasepleasepleaseplease!!!!  Get us away from this stupid squirrel!

Yes!!! Please take us…. pleasepleasepleaseplease!!!! Get us away from this stupid squirrel!

About evilsquirrel13

Bored former 30-something who has nothing better to do with his life than draw cartoon squirrels.
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24 Responses to No Child Of Mine!

  1. merbear74 says:

    Just a wittle catnip maybe? 😉

  2. psquirrel says:

    LOL! I used to have a cat named Biscuit – he was black as well! =) Pretty kitties!

  3. Pingback: No Child Of Mine! « West Coast Review

  4. Juliette says:

    Beautiful cats!
    Way back before there were human children in my house, friend once called my ancient cat Lilly “your daughter”. WTF? I told her that my cat was my companion but NOT my daughter. Nooooooooooooo my cats (and the odd dog) are NOT MY CHILDREN. Like my husband and I say (and this may offend some people): When cats turn 21 they peacefully go to the litter box in the sky. When your child turns 21 they can legally buy alcohol.” I can’t think of anyone who had to deal with giving their cat driving lessons or having their cat cry because it didn’t get the part in the school play. I can’t imagine helping my cat fill out a college application. Well, my cat does yell if I don’t let her walk out to the mail box with me, but it’s not the same. No, cats (and dogs) aren’t children. They are strange alien creatures who live in your house, drive you nuts, entertain you in order to get more food/attention/let outside, and they have no shame. I love my cats. Great cat post. I passed it on.

    • I absolutely love this comment, Juliette! It points out the differences between real parenting and caring for a pet. And if anyone should know, it is you because it is obvious from your blog that you are a wonderful parent. It’s real responsibility that I haven’t and don’t think I could ever take on, which is why I’ll always have just my cats…. and that’s good enough for me!

  5. I have the same issues. I’m not allowed to claim The Chosen One on my taxes nor am I allowed to feed my nieces catfood from the can (well, I could but someone would call Children’s Services!) so be damned if I’m gonna treat or call my ratty, loveable furball as anything but a CAT.

  6. vengeance4 says:

    If cats were children, life would be ruled by animals. And that would suck, they’re more bipolar than all of my family put together into one body. Cute furbabies though!!! 🙂

  7. gentlestitches says:

    I have had pets my whole life and never treated them any different whether there were children around or not. Kittehs and puppies are love on four legs (when they are not throwing up on the carpet or destroying the house) 🙂

    • dogfordavid says:

      I have to say I agree with you on this one Gentle Stitches. 🙂 No offense E.S. : )

      • If this is the most disapproving comment this post received, then I think I can live with that! 🙂 When I first made this post, I half expected to come back and find the angry village mob had torched my blog!

      • dogfordavid says:

        lol I would sure hope that would never happen. To many of us would have to fight back to protect our favorite squirrel and his cats : ) The attackers wouldn’t know what hit them lol

  8. normalfornorfolkblog says:

    I am afraid I am guilty of buying my boys birthday/christmas presents and I refer to myself as ‘mummy’ when I am talking to them and I can laugh at myself for it. But one thing I do object to most strongly is when people tell me they are ‘surrogate children’. Are they b*!!ocks. They are cats. If I wanted children, I would have them. I wouldn’t use animals as a substitute. As it is I can’t stand kids!! (sorry parents out there! please don’t hate me!) So I choose to have pets instead. Great post by the way. 🙂

  9. pishnguyen says:

    Your cats are gorgeous!!! I am certain you give them the best present a cat could ever wish for on a daily basis — lots of quality squirrel-watching time. What more could a cat want?

    I always buy at least one Christmas gift for each of my dogs — and wrap it, too. But this is just because I love watching them tear the paper off as they open it. It cracks me up. I know … this is weird. I do have a habit of calling them my “furry kids”, but it’s all in good fun. Not that I think they really ARE kids, which some people really do. (And that’s a bit frightening.)

  10. dogfordavid says:

    I grew up with pets and had a dog by by side up until the time I was married (didn’t get a new one after he died, because I married a soldier and was due for traveling). I don’t look at dogs as being the same as kids, but I have to admit there are some similarities (potty training (though it admittedly looks a lot different with a dog lol), balancing discipline and play time, needing to care for them and feed them because they can’t do it for themselves, provide protection and a home, things like that) and I love them as part of the family for sure. 🙂 I didn’t tend to buy presents though for them for holidays or birthdays because I couldn’t afford it. I just bought them little treats or gifts when I could and made sure to love them and take care of them all year round. : ) When we get David’s service dog, he/she will definitely be considered a part of our family and, in a sense/to a degree, like one of the kids when that service vest comes off during breaks lol. But that’s me. 🙂

    Your cats are obviously very well loved and cared for. No matter how one looks at the “extra stuff”, the love and care is always what matters most and Ody and Biskit definitely get plenty of that from you. 🙂 You are a wonderful owner for them. : )

    • You just pretty much described why I chose to get a couple of cats rather than a couple of dogs. I’m more of a dog lover than a cat lover, but dogs are a much greater responsibility, and require more personal care than cats do… and I knew I’d never be able to go through with that. I also think it might ruin my computer productivity if I had a dog sprawled out on my computer desk instead of a cat… 🙂

      • dogfordavid says:

        lol Cats definitely tend to be a lot easier and more self sufficient. And you definitely have a point about the part of a dog being spraweld out on the desk instead of a cat. lol : )

  11. HA HA HA HA!! Point taken… you hate the word furbaby! GOT IT! I don’t really consider my pets my children, but I sure do love them like they are sometimes and I grieve when I lose one. My first Springer passed away in the summer of 2013 and I still miss him. He was a special dog. We have had kitties too, but they were mostly for my daughter and my husband was very allergic. After the last one passed away (after living just shy of 20 years) we decided no more cats…EVER! I despise litter boxes and fur everywhere. My dogs don’t shed… After the last cat passed, I was living with a different man! He was coughing up a lung every morning!
    Anyway… I totally agree with the whole birthday thing. I think that is silly but “To each his own, eh?” Have a great day Oh Evil One!! LOL! 😉

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