Selfie Destruction

Can you spot the dumbass in this picture?

Can you spot the dumbass in this picture?

One of this weekend’s biggest stories gone viral (You know, they do have immunizations squirrelsinnewsfor that) has been brought to my attention by just about everybody on both of my internet communities… which can only mean it features a squirrel.  A squirrel who, as you are about to see, is not only a fine representative of its noble species, but a true American hero, and a crusader for common decency and against the digital retardedness that has plagued our society in the second decade of the 21st century.

ES has the squirrels at his feet!

A true squirrel of the people!

Here is a link to the story as reported by NBC’s The Today Show.  Apparently, 17 year old Brian Genest and his mother were on a college touring trip to Tampa, Florida from their home in beautiful downtown Auburn, Maine.  While strolling through a local park, Brian came across a squirrel sitting on the handrail of a wooden walkway, and the squirrel didn’t have the good sense to head for the hills.  Most people would have thought, “Aw!  What a perfect opportunity to capture a cute Saturday Squirrel picture!”

Smile, you bushy tailed fleabag!

Smile, you bushy tailed fleabag!

Unfortunately, Brian was just like most other 17 year olds, and thought this would be the perfect opportunity to get a selfie with the squirrel so that he could be the talk of Evilbook Facebook.  However, no sooner had Brian snapped the shot heard round the internet, that the squirrel decided this human needed to be taught a lesson on how to properly appreciate nature.  The squirrel jumped in the poor kid’s shirt and then clung on to his back as he ran away like a little girl.  To add insult to injury, Brian’s mother didn’t even bother to come to her baby’s rescue…. no, she just had to get out her own phone to get this great shot:

Mom!  Help!  He's after my nuts!  Mom!!!  Mom????  AAAAAAA!!!!!

Mom! Help! He’s after my nuts! Mom!!! Mom???? AAAAAAA!!!!!

So, you are probably chalking this up to another case of the Steve Irwin syndrome… a wild animal attacking someone stupid enough to get too close to it.  But not me.  No, I like to think squirrels have some self respect… and this squirrel was just taking a stand against the ridiculous selfie craze out there.  You will never see a squirrel stooping so low as to taking a selfie…

Like OMG!  STFU!  LOL!

Like OMG! STFU! LOL!

Selfies are one of the most ignorant byproducts of the two absolute worst inventions of the new millennium…. camera phones and Facebook.  Back in the good old days, if you wanted to show off to the world how vain you were, you had to fly your Lear jet up to Nova Scotia to see the total eclipse of the sun.  Now, kids and immature adults alike can whip out the ol’ smartphone, hold it out at arm’s length, and aim it at their ugly face to get a snapshot that can almost instantly be shared with their “friends” on Facebook so they can pretend to Like it, just as they also were forced to enjoy your dinner you had at Burger King the night before.  Or then there are the mirror selfies, where amateur sluts of all ages and genders can let all of cyberspace know how hot they seem to think they are… probably before they’ve even washed their hands after using the restroom.

I'm too sexy for Instagram!

I’m too sexy for Instagram!

Let us hope that not only did Brian learn his lesson that maybe college might not be such a great idea at this point in his life, but that all of us have gained the important knowledge that this sciurine warrior has taught us…. selfies are stupid.  Put away the phone, back away from the social media, and just enjoy nature for what it is… beautiful, free, wild, and of course, hungry for your nuts should you get all up in their grill.

Let’s sum it up, shall we?

good idea squirrel

bad idea squirrel

Good night, everybody!

Good night, everybody!

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About evilsquirrel13

Bored former 30-something who has nothing better to do with his life than draw cartoon squirrels.
This entry was posted in Squirrels In The News and tagged , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

38 Responses to Selfie Destruction

  1. NotAPunkRocker says:

    There is not enough cute squirrel here to make up for reminding the world about that Geraldo pic. :-\

  2. I thought of you when I saw that one!

  3. 1jaded1 says:

    Squirrel – 1 Human – 0. The Apple doesn’t fall far from the tree, with regards to stupid, in that family. Selfies are so obnoxious. I have a coworker who wants to take a selfie with me. Maybe I will share this article with her…yeah. Thanks for sharing!

  4. I wonder where that guy has his nuts… :o)

  5. Twindaddy says:

    I love good idea, bad idea. I miss Animaniacs….sigh.

  6. markbialczak says:

    The squirrel may not have attacked if he’d have known how much better he looked in the selfie than the goofy kid, ESN.

  7. A friend said I would get more hits if I joined facebook but I said “nah” “my little shop seems to be doing fine without it”. Also who needs more time suck? Your summary was both elegant and succinct. 😀

  8. merbear74 says:

    I have a new picture of Nutty! I will email it to you, and mayhaps he can be a Saturday squirrel sometime in the future, woot!

  9. Mental Mama says:

    Please pass the eye bleach…

  10. djmatticus says:

    Hooray for silly!

  11. That squirrel is my hero.

  12. El Guapo says:

    On the other hand, selfies are even better than mugshots for highlighting the pezheads!

  13. Ha! Your first day on my blog, and already making me look up new words! I hadn’t heard the term pezhead before (though obviously had some visuals before I looked it up), so thanks for expanding my education!

  14. I wonder if the kid learned anything from this? Probably not. Poor squirrel, having his day upset like that.

  15. C.K. Hope says:

    That’ll be the next warning added to the signs before you head into parks and whatnot- “Please do not selfie with the animals”

  16. reocochran says:

    I loved the selfie and the way that squirrel grabbed onto the shirt of someone! This made me chuckle! Smiles, Robin

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