The Blow Monkeys

Hey baby!  Are you digging my scene?

Hey baby! Are you digging my scene?

picture dayIt’s time to pick the broccoli out of our teeth and say “Cheese!” for another midweek photo op we like to call Picture Day here at The Nest!  Those of you with really long memories (or those who still have nightmares about that hideous Carl Barger bust) may recall my tribute to shitty statues I did during the very early days of this feature last Spring.  Well, to continue the zoo mode I’ve been in for the past three weeks, I captured some real dandies during visiting hours at our local animal penitentiary back in May.  And you are about to find out why I picked an obscure one hit wonder from the 80’s to name this post after…. but first, a few warm up shots…

Pardon me, good sir.  But we are on a search for our missing tallywackers!  Have you perchance come across them?

Pardon me, good sir. But we are on a search for our missing tallywackers! Have you perchance come across them?

I didn’t bother to read the plaque that explained what these strange, upright walking creatures are supposed to be, but they’re awful damn creepy looking.  If they tried to follow me home, I would very likely have to contact the authorities

I told you one more peep out of you, and I was dropping you off this cliff, young man!

I told you… one more peep out of your yap and I was dropping you off this cliff, young man!

Here we have a starving cow carrying a lion cub in its mouth, probably offering it to the farmer as an alternative to the steak he planned on grilling for Memorial Day.  Or, “Eat Mor Lyon!” as they’d say in the South…

This statue has been stiff for well over four hours.

This statue has been stiff for well over four hours.

Of the very few select animals to garner immortality in sculpture form  outside the zoo, it is just a complete and total coincidence that the giggleworthy, but otherwise unknown dik-dik happened to be one of the lucky ones.  Yes Virginia, there really is a dik-dik… it’s a small antelope that can only be found in Eastern and Southern Africa where it can not be repeatedly made fun of by immature Americans who just love saying its name.  Curiously absent were the companion statues for the blue footed booby, the titmouse and the domesticated pussycat…

Oh yeah, the wild asses got robbed as well.

Oh yeah, the wild asses got robbed as well.

And for the finale…. let’s see how the St. Louis Zoo decided to honor its very first director, Mr. George Vierheller.  Having him interact with a playful chimp surely preserved his love of animals and desire to make the wild creatures of the world accessible to all.  But for the love of Bubbles, couldn’t anyone have seen how completely wrong this everlasting monument to the zoo’s founding father looks!?!?!?

The alternative to spanking the monkey...

You and me baby ain’t nothing but mammals…

Please come back next Wednesday for something containing slightly less bestiality…

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About evilsquirrel13

Bored former 30-something who has nothing better to do with his life than draw cartoon squirrels.
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38 Responses to The Blow Monkeys

  1. amazing.. a calf carries a lion cub :o)

  2. Holly says:

    Ha, same thought…why is a cow carrying Simba? 😀

  3. draliman says:

    Ha, that last one is the best ever! The laughably-named dik diks pale in comparison to such ill-advised statuary.

  4. draliman says:

    Hey, I just got your title! Ha ha ha 🙂

  5. ody & biskit…..we agreez….sum oh theeze….R….just…..knot…..rite 🙂

  6. Trisha says:

    That last one…. Wow. Like you said, how could they not see how wrong that looks? Or, maybe they did it on purpose because the guy was a real dik!

    • You never know… I remember seeing the statue as a kid and obviously not being preverted at the time didn’t notice anything wrong about it. But who knows what a curious kid may ask their parents about that scene!

  7. Dik, ass and sexless meerkats…all in one post. You are the master!

  8. Green Embers says:

    Wow, your zoo seems like a terrifying place. 😆

    Thanks for the laugh this morning! 🙂

  9. That final picture is a real honey. I’m surprised the righteous league of people who want all of us to be just like them hasn’t stormed the place and removed the statue by force. How could they have MISSED it?

  10. Merbear74 says:

    Great post…dirty minds think alike, that last one would have cracked me up too!

  11. Betsy Norman says:

    WTF monkey butt? Dayumm.

  12. Aww!! What cute Dik Diks. American immaturity is nothin compared to aussie immaturity. Just ask the good folk of Tittybong! 😀

  13. gigglesnort! True! Designing the T-shirts would be yuge fun! 😀

  14. crimsonowl63 says:

    Wow you are lucky, big red ass monkey AND a blow monkey! That sure would make me want to visit my zoo more often.

  15. Piglove says:

    Shaking my piggy head – MY EYES! MY EYES! That first picture about made me blow up from spontaneous combustion. Oh dear mercy me! XOXO – Bacon

  16. Those strange standing creatures are meerkats, I think. Say, most people go to a zoo to see the animals not the statues. Has this zoo decided to save money on feeding live animals?

    • That would be an excellent budget cut idea… just have a whole zoo full of statues. Or, if you want it more lifelike, animatronic critters. You wouldn’t have to murder one of them if a kid fell in its cage…

  17. I’m appreciating my recent trip to Chester Zoo even more now!

  18. neosurf says:

    So is that guy and the monkey dancing or doing something else…perspective lol

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