The 2014 Annual Report

Looks like I'm gonna have to repeat this year...

Looks like I’m gonna have to repeat this year…

WordPress seems to have jumped the gun even more than usual this year, dishing out our blog’s annual report on the 29th rather than wait for New Years Eve as I believe they did the past two years.  I’ve said many times before that it is one of my pet peeves how everyone seems to want to put together year-end review specials before the year has even ended, which seems to defeat the whole purpose by leaving potential fodder on the table.  Ten years in the future, someone is going to thumb through People’s special edition of celebrities who died in 2014 that they released in early December, and have no idea that Joe Cocker is no longer feelin’ alright…

No... but we will forget about you if you die in December.

No… but we will forget about you if you die in December.

But anyway, in the interest of sharing whether you want me to or not, let’s see what kind of nuggets the Annual Report contains about The Nest’s humble little slice of cyberheaven…

Possums are quite crunchy... especially when directly underneath an 18-wheeler.

Possums are quite crunchy… especially when directly underneath an 18-wheeler.

Unlike the past two years, where my “busiest” day always came about due to some random person taking the time to actually enjoy some of the tasty morsels buried in my blog’s past, my 278 views I received on December 18th this year was actually due to a lot of different people checking out my blog that day.  Four of my holiday card contest players announced their results on the 18th, and one of them did so by reblogging the comic you see there that I posted the same day.  That brought a lot of visitors over to see just what kind of fucked up blog was giving away free marker drawings.  Most of them probably swore off the internet for good once they saw I enjoy kicking possums out into traffic…

People will read anything when they're bored...

People will read anything when they’re bored…

Oh WordPress… if it weren’t for the fact that your constant meddling with your already sufficient interfaces shows it, I’d swear there was no way you could really be that naive about how the internet works.  Most of those posts are up there only because there are images in them that for some reason rank unusually high in Google’s search results for certain terms.  Several of the possum pics I “borrowed” for my number one post come up in image searches for “possum”… same with my Russian squirrels I featured in the #2 post.  Most of the people who look for these pictures on image search engines click on them long enough to get a url, generating a hit for your stats, and never even notice the name of the site they lifted the image from… let alone ever see the page with the actual post on it…

Now pay attention, because I’ll bet they don’t teach you this in those blogging classes WordPress likes to recommend.  #4 on that list is by far my most blatant example of the “highly ranked image leading to a ‘popular’ post phenomenon.”  You know why this post has been “viewed” so many times this year?  It’s because of this image:

I'm a chick magnet for your blog, what can I say?

I’m a chick magnet for your blog, what can I say?

The caption I put for this picture on that post was, “You’re just in time for our workout!  Nice XXXXXXXXXXXL yoga pants!”  Guess what?  Almost every day since I made that post last Spring, I get one or two searches for “xxxxxxxxxxxl”, and apparently search engines seed this image as hosted on my blog very high for that bizarre term.  So a mindless caption I threw onto a mindless image I inserted in between paragraphs of a post to keep readers from falling asleep has managed to make the post I inserted it in one of the most “read” posts on my blog.  This, folks, is how the stats you get on your blog really work… and why for all intents and purposes, they are nice to look at, but utterly useless for any kind of practical evaluation!

Sniff!  You've dashed my dreams of becoming a successful, moneymaking blogger, ES!  How could you!?!?

Sniff! You’ve dashed my dreams of becoming a successful, moneymaking blogger, ES! How could you!?!?

OK, now that you see why I’ve never been Freshly Pressed before… let’s continue on with the report, shall we?

Evil Squirrel's Nest, the preferred site of sports bars (and pubs) across the world.

Evil Squirrel’s Nest, the preferred site of sports bars (and pubs) across the world.

My Millionaire board, the WP Reader (duh!)  You can ignore that middle one… I explained the story of how a troll thought it would be funny to spam some random message board with links to my Lego squirrel post.  I love how I still get about 15-20 hits a month from Jennifer’s post giving the crochet pattern of the Rainbow Donkey she made me in August of 2013.  Apparently people sometimes share my stuff on Evilbook as well.  Hey, I’m not complaining… just because I don’t use it, please, share away!  I welcome people of all kinds and persuasions…

Even those hopelessly hooked to the one thing that is even more dangerously addictive than nicotine.

Even those hopelessly hooked to the one thing that is even more dangerously addictive than nicotine.

It looks like the periodic table of stupidity.

It looks like the periodic table of stupidity.

This is something new that’s been added to the Annual report, and is actually a graphic I find most fascinating!  The days of the week start from the top with Sunday, and the months go left to right beginning with January.  The light green squares are days in which I made one post, and the green squares days with two posts.  Obviously, every Thursday and Saturday are lit up, since my comic and Saturday Squirrel features are the two weekly events on my blog I never miss.  Fridays have a nice long run from April to November thanks to my Millionaire Journey.  And you can clearly see how my Retro TV Ad Tuesday series has largely been on life support the last half of the year.  But you can also make out where Mecca Muzak Monday started, bringing life to a day I usually left for dead.  It looks like the only time this past year I went three straight days without a post was May 18-20… the Sunday through Tuesday of my first week back to work from a vacation week when I am usually too zonked out to do much of anything besides going to work and sleeping…

I wish I could sleep on the job like this squirrel...

I wish I could sleep on the job like this squirrel…

I’m skipping the world map, because despite the fact that it’s not a stat I find all that interesting, it’s also nearly impossible to make anything useful out of it due to shitty shading decisions by WP’s team of color blind possums.  So let’s look at the last list instead… my Top Commenters for 2014!

I made 260 posts, and Sheena left 313 comments.  Take from that what you will...

I made 260 posts, and Sheena left 313 comments. Take from that what you will…

I knew Sheena would end up on top (YAY!), making this the third straight year I’ve had a new top commenter (Merby and this year’s runner up Gentlestitches held the ’13 and ’12 honors).   Draliman and Marilyn also aren’t particularly surprising to see on this list, as both have had something to say after most of what I’ve posted this year.  Color me surprised though that TD managed to pull down the #5 spot despite coming and going much of the last half of the year.

Never underestimate the power of chileh...

Never underestimate the power of chileh…

Well, that’s all the Annual Report has to tell me about my blog for the first 363 days of 2014.  I’ll wrap the year up tomorrow when I post my more traditional recap of The Best of The Nest in 2014….

So, what kind of interesting stuff did you find in your WordPress annual reports?


About evilsquirrel13

Bored former 30-something who has nothing better to do with his life than draw cartoon squirrels.
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51 Responses to The 2014 Annual Report

  1. Hey, you are still HERE, right? We made it. You actually took the report apart and used separate panels. Wow. Artistic, huh. I feel I should go back and redo the post but nah, too lazy 🙂

  2. NotAPunkRocker says:

    I would comment, but I am trying to cut back as one of my non-resolutions.

  3. JackieP says:

    I’m pretty new, so that’s why I’m not listed in the comment thingy. LOL Sheena is one of my top commenters also. Love that kiddo. 🙂

  4. Is it bad that I’m all “Challenge Accepted” to become the new top commenter for 2015?

    • Not at all. It’s good to have a goal, and strive to achieve it. The competition may get fierce, though…

      • I’m a stay at home mom with near crippling depression who copes by running & spending the day on the Internet…I think I can handle the competition 😉

      • Well, if you want a leg up, I have about 680 or so posts on this blog from before you came aboard that you haven’t commented on…… if you need any ideas! 😉

      • Lol this is true…but going back and commenting on old posts is kinda stalkerish, anything over a week or two old is kinda creepy without a REALLY good reason for the comment. I prefer to just make conversation in recent posts.

      • Hmmmm, I never thought of it that way before. I had someone go back and read a lot of my old comics before and leave a long trail of Likes, but no comments. Maybe that was why…

        If you ever need a longer diversion though, I’ve got a lot of nutty laughs in my past. It’s a well known fact that Rainbow Donkey has appeared in some form in every one of my comics dating back to January 2013. A “find the donkicorn” marathon would be a fitting activity for you! 🙂

      • Lol! Well now you’ve given me a new challenge! I will find Rainbow Donkey! It also gives me a good excuse to go back through all the old comics. I’ve read a few random ones, but I really should start from the beginning

  5. fanrosa says:

    You got compared to the Sydney Opera House, I got a San Francisco cable car….. However I did need a half dozen more cable cars than you needed sold out shows….ha!

    Meanwhile, I see a three day gap in March as well. You’re such a slacker…..

    • WordPress should spring for a complimentary box of Rice a Roni for you….

      Damn, how did I miss that in March? Funny thing is that the same theory applies to my slacking during that stretch… it was my first week back to work after my Gridiron vacay.

  6. markbialczak says:

    I would have thought your big and glorious Millionaire viewing party would have made your top comments list, ESN. Too bad Mr. Slim’s photo screwed up your skew.

    As for mine, I’ve been ignorantly steering my ship thinking I’ve posted every day this year. The monkeys told me I somehow missed Sept. 3. So I go back to look, and it seems the post I scheduled to publish on Sept. 3 to keep THE STREAK alive (puny compared to your Millionaire board record but still all I’ve got) must have cyber-monkey-published a minute early or something. Or I screwed up. Ah, well, the pressure is off.

    Happy New Year, good Squirrel.

    • Apparently, Millionaire and Regis didn’t interest the masses. I wrote the Saga for nothing…. WAHHHH!!!!!

      I think I can explain your Sept. 3rd anomaly. The coming and going of Daylight Savings Time messes with the way WP displays your stats. For example, the most hits I ever got in one day (which was waaaaay back on 11/30/12) varies from 403 when DST is in effect, to 399 under winter hours. This is because WP adjusts ALL times based on the current clock we are using.

      Your 9/3 post was probably published just after midnight in the early morning hours of that day… only to get pushed back into late evening 9/2 when we moved the clocks back in November. I say your streak is still alive…

  7. Mental Mama says:

    Sweet Jesus, pass the fucking eye bleach!!!

  8. 1jaded1 says:

    Yay? To being some random person….lol. Happy New Year…looking forward to reading in 2015.

  9. You are totally right about WordPress jumping the gun & releasing the “year in review” before the end of the year. I just checked my report, it says my best day was November with 85 views, when in fact Dec 30 is my best day with 95 views. Way to screw the pooch WordPress

  10. gentlestitches says:

    Excellent stats. Love me a stats blog and I love that the wordpress monkeys do this for us. 😀
    I am working on a big Rainbow Donkey post for 2015. My son’s girlfriend has become enamoured with him and I plan to do a linking post exploring the history etcetera. I will also show my latest Rainbow Donkey (courtesy Squirrel Picnics pattern) It won’t be for a while as I am supposed to be teaching and making things but DEFINITELY on it’s way! 😀

  11. draliman says:

    I found my map interesting! I never knew Angola was in Africa, I thought it was a country in Europe. Turns out I was mixing it up with Angora, which is a rabbit (also not a country in Europe).
    Confused? Me too.
    My geography teacher is turning in his grave.

    After much Googling, turns out I was thinking of Andorra 🙂 Boy, am I dumb or what?

    • I recall good old Andorra! Believe it or not, I was so enamored with geography in grade school, that I could not only draw a pretty accurate map of the USA without copying, but also Europe! That was Cold War era Europe, though… now Eastern Europe’s changed so much, I honestly can’t even name all of the countries anymore!

  12. merbear74 says:

    Hmm, I’ve been quiet this year. Oh well…now to go spend some special time with that hot picture….

  13. PigLove says:

    Awesome job my evil friend!! XOXO – Bacon

  14. TC Conner says:

    Is that report supposed to interest me? What am I missing?

  15. My report said that a zillion people would fit into the Sidney Opera house to read my blog. Sidney Opera House? Really? I wonder how many of my readers I can fit into the Orangevale Park and Recreation Community Center. Since I’m a stats junkie I didn’t learn anything new. My busiest day was the day before Halloween. Duh. Of course it was. I write about vampires and werewolves and ghosts.

    They reminded me that my most popular posts were written in 2013. I feel like a failure (not really.) That means I should write more about love letters, taking your teens to Black Veil Brides concerts and hanging spoons off of noses. The robots from WordPress suggested I write more on those subjects. Yes, I am the go-to source for parents wondering “why do my kids listen to these freaks and are their little lives in danger?” Sigh.

    My best and favorite posts (including the one from your first contest) were not even mentioned. The good news is that people are still reading that one. Go Possums.

    WordPress didn’t even mention my top ten favorites. But the good news is that my traffic doubled in 2014 and so did the number of WordPress followers. I’ll be in the big leagues soon (just about the time I run out of stuff to write about.)

    And YOU my squirrel are one of my top visitors/commenters. A squirrel and a vampire decided to write blogs… or go into a bar. Whatever works.

    Happy New Year! Wait… can I just copy this long winded comment and use it for my next blog post?

    • The stats are so full of it! It’s all about what happens to get hung up in the search engine filters, and nothing else. My most read posts are nowhere near my best work (Well, with the exception to my tribute to possums, which is still my most popular post ever.. YAY!).

      Stats and followers are always great, even if the hits are robots and the followers are spammers! Heck, I’ll bet you have a lot Nigel’s ghostly friends reading your blog! He’d never admit he recommended you to them, though… 🙂

      Happy new year, my dear Juliette!

  16. Wow! I am so excited that I have been able to send some future ES fans your way. I don’t think there’s a person on the planet who wouldn’t love Rainbow Donkey. 😀 Best wishes for another fabulous year of blogging in 2015.

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