A Salute To Slutatorians

Here i go again!

It’s been big news lately that human blimp Rush Limbaugh created a stir when he referred to a law student who wanted free contraception as a “slut”.  Now while I’m not going to debate the specifics of that story, since for the most part I have no idea what’s even going on there in the first place since I generally prefer to be blissfully ignorant, it did bring to mind that there is one place where you can call a slut a slut and not lose the support of all the people who are paying for your Oxycontin.  That is, of course, the wonderful world of Evil Squirrel, where most of the women seem to be of somewhat tainted virtue…

So for today’s blog post, let’s have the gals duke it out for the title of Slutatorian of the ES Universe!  We’ll need some judges for our contest, and I know just who to call!

We're looking to get spanked after this contest!

Meet the Michigan Bar Association*!  When this trio isn’t monkeying around in the courtroom, they’ve got their eyes (at least two of them do anyway) on some of the finest law school babes around!  They seem more than qualified to judge our contest to find the biggest slut in the ES universe, and with any luck, I won’t even have to pay them…

*Note, the Michigan Bar Association is merely a term used on our forum, and isn’t meant to be derogatory towards the many fine, upstanding, legal professionals in the fine, upstanding state of Michigan.  In other words, please don’t sue the nuts off of ES!

OK, Polish up those tramp stamps ladies, and may the biggest ho win!

First up, the patron saint of slutdom in the animal kingdom, MBRS!

wet and wild

How does she afford all of that Mane 'n Tail?

When it comes to being a squirrel slut, MBRS wrote the book on the subject, and filmed the movie on it you’ll find in the back room of your local rental store.  After all, as I mentioned in her intro post, she was inspired by this article.  Newspaper articles generally have to be so many words long because either the paper doesn’t have enough advertisements or not enough people died the previous day, but given the content of that article, that writer for the Edmonton Journal could have saved himself a lot of trouble and just submitted “Red Squirrels are Sluts” to his editor and spent the rest of the day trying to hit on the new mailroom clerk.  And ES has made sure MBRS has lived up to her real-life counterparts.  The above picture is the avatar that appears with MBRS’s own account on my forum… and it was deemed Too Hot For Photobucket when I uploaded it to my account there with all of the rest of my images and they promptly deleted it.  It looks like the judges are wiping sweat off of their brows as we speak…

But before there was MBRS, there was the lovely Sandy…

Not a dirty word to be found in this picture, nosireebob!

There aren’t really a lot of pictures from Sandy’s slutty phase that I can actually post here and still maintain some semblance of a family website (insert rolling eyes here), and most of them are so poorly drawn, the only thing that is going to get turned on is your gag reflex.  But needless to say, before there was MBRS, Sandy was setting the foundation for the girls of ill repute who would follow her.  The picture I posted above isn’t even really a “slutty” picture of Sandy, but it’s one I found while digging through my archive that I had completely forgotten about!  You gotta love ES’s desperate measures to skirt the lines of common decency, but we’re not sure our judges get the humor.  Apparently law students don’t wear dickeys…

Next up, the latest terror to hit the ES scene, Miss Skanki Skankova!

lizbit and skanki

This never really happens in the women's correctional facility.

As you may recall, Skanki was only generated via a chat discussion a little more than 5 weeks ago, and I questioned whether she’d actually stick around… since after all, there were already plenty of skanky girls around already.  Well, the Skankster’s already appeared in three additional pictures since then, and now even has her own design in my shop, so I think it’s safe to say she has made it as a permanent character.  But perhaps with her multiple piercings, bonafide backside tramp stamp, and gaudy colors she so overblows her slutty role as to actually work against her.  Even a slut draws the line somewhere.. whereas a full blown skank will pretty much try to attract themselves to anything with a pulse.  Sorry Skanki, but you’re just way too out there for this competition, though the judges do invite you backstage once the contest is over…

And speaking of that other girl in the above picture….


If attention whores can be sluts, then Lizbit is more than qualified for this contest.  Her overflowing personality and extra large tongue are always waiting to greet whoever happens to share the same room with her.  She is also a selfish slut, as she goes to great lengths to keep her sisters away from the latest object of her affection.  It’s going to be hard for the judges to resist voting for Lizzie when she showers them with slobbery affection…

i kissed a squirrel

It felt so wrong...

I submitted Angel for the contest just for laughs, but you have to wonder about her.  No squirrel can possibly be that innocent now, can they?  There have to be secret Polaroids, XXX tapes, maybe even a pay website out there somewhere featuring Angel’s freaky side, you’d think.  But if there is, we haven’t found it, and our judges were getting bored and tired of waiting for their backstage date with Skanki, so they went ahead and ended the contest early and declared a winner.

And that winner is……

love in an elevator

Going down, Ms. Sprotsie Baby?

The judges threw out all of the girls’ credentials, and in the end decided that the biggest slut of the ES universe was none other than Evil Squirrel himself!  His never-ending search for scritches and affection, particularly by those who think he’s nothing other than a mangy rodent, put him head and shoulders above all the beyotches and skanks and tramps out there.  I’m not sure if maybe the MBA was bribed by a certain mountain lion from Colorado to ensure ES would be recognized for what he is, but I don’t have time to do an investigation into my stupid ideas for contests.



About evilsquirrel13

Bored former 30-something who has nothing better to do with his life than draw cartoon squirrels.
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