Tasty Treet

It'll still maintain that shape, even after digestion...

It’ll still maintain that shape, even after digestion…

A couple years ago, back when only a handful of people bothered to read the crap I post on this blog, I whipped up a post celebrating some of the best of the spam comments that akismet doesn’t think anyone should read.  It seemed like a good excuse to post something and keep my sarcastic sense of humor sharp by wielding it on people who weren’t around to fight back.  Since I’ve been in something of a late Summer posting funk, I figured I’d turn to that treasure trove of nonsense once again and share some of the comments that otherwise would have never seen the light of day on this blog.  However, since I always pull for the underdog, I like to call my unwanted comments Treet, after the copycat snotty meat in a can made by Armour, since I always thought it had a cooler name than the real McCoy…

The real McCoy.

The real McCoy.

Enjoy your special Treet on this wonderful Sunday!

————————

Cheap Jimmy Choo Purses wrote:

The ritual of the Daily Brief has been the catalyst for a lot of my work in marketing, blogging and innovation. Most executives I know are information rich, but time poor. So, I often recommend the daily brief as a 20 minute dose of psychological oxygen.

Take a moment from your busy life and breathe in the psychological oxygen.

Take a moment from your busy life and breathe in the psychological oxygen.

I’m not sure what the “Daily Brief” has to do with manpurses, but as one who often finds himself time rich, but information poor, I’m definitely going to take 20 minutes I’d just waste looking at porn other people’s blogs to check it out.  A little psychological oxygen is always good for the brain…

——————-

Find out more about the United Kingdom on Wikipedia wrote:

If you are going for most excellent contents like I do, simply pay a quick visit this site daily siince it presents quality contents, thanks

Well, you’ve totally convinced me to check out that siite!  I’d walk a mile along the Information Superhighway to find most excellent contents.  Of course, I already read several sites from bloggers in the UK, and am plenty aware they indeed provide quality contents.  And sorry, but I learned everything I need to know about the UK from National Lampoon’s European Vacation…

——————–

Personal finance company hours wrote:

Just wish to say your article is as amazing. The clarity in your post is just spectacular and i can assume you are an expert on this subject.
Fine with your permission allow me to grab your feed to keep
updated with forthcoming post. Thanks a million and please keep up the enjoyable work.

Like you, I always get a warm, fuzzy feeling when someone compliments me on my writing… especially when they attach their comment to a post like this.  I’m not sure if the clarity is quite as great as you say it is, since there was some concern over how Rainbow Donkey was pulling that sign.  But yes, I do consider myself to be an expert of possum squishing, thank you!  By all means, you have my permission to follow my blog!  Even though I know you’d never stop by here again since you never even read the “article” you commented on in the first place, but it’s all about getting to 1,000 followers baby!

ES has the squirrels at his feet!

Chicks dig guys with large numbers!

————————

Willard wrote:

I constantly emailed this webpage post page to all mmy contacts,
for the reason tht if like to ead it next mmy contacts will
too.

Thank you for sending my webpage to all of your 100 year old friends, Willard!

Thank you for sending my webpage to all of your 100 year old friends, Willard!

You, my dear Willard, are a legend among the Treeting community.  Not only do you take the time to send nonsensical messages to every blog on earth, but you even make sure to constantly send links for the same blog to all of your contacts as well!  You mmust be one popular guy!

————————

Christian Louboutin Leather Lady Peep Sling 150mm Sandals Rose wrote:

Then you definately can come back at your leisure, at which stage you are going to find that the planes are grounded for lack of fuel and substitute components and military personnel are both occupied controlling riots while in the streets as a result of the collapse of your economy or are off fighting considered one of a great number of raging wars more than no matter what remaining drops of oil are left while in the supply lines. Hell, you may find that the Statue of Liberty has already been destroyed, taking a single item correct off your checklist.six Awesome Martial Arts for Killing a Guy Along with your Bare Hands.

OK, OK, OK!!!  I’ll buy whatever it is you’re trying to sell me, then!  I wouldn’t want to be responsible for all that bad news just because I wasn’t interested in learning how to kill a man with my bare hands…

It's the end of the world as we know it.

It’s the end of the world as we know it.

———————

Read up about the Chinese mainland on Wikipedia wrote:

The other day, while I was at work, my cousin stole my iphone and tested to see if it can survive a 40
foot drop, just so she can be a youtube sensation.
My iPad is now broken and she has 83 views. I
know this is completely off topic but I had to share
it with someone!

smashing smartphone

Good for your cousin!

So which was it, your iPhone, or your iPad?  Is 83 views really that bad?  I know I’d love to watch a video of someone’s smartphone getting destroyed, and might even share it on a totally unrelated post on someone else’s blog.  Thank you for sharing your completely off topic story with me, though.  Speaking of which, that tale also has nothing to do with learning about the Chinese mainland.  Why is it my Treeters seem to want me to learn about geography, anyway?

——————-

Botanical slimming soft gel strong version wrote:

Exactly how much botanical slimming soft gel strong version do you need to reduce? A location of the weekly loss purpose of 1lb for each 7 days is nice… moreover eating your exercising calories.

I believe you have just discovered the hottest new weight loss trend!  Eating your own calories!  Nothing like a tasty bowl of piping hot belly fat to melt those pounds away!

Self-cannibalism is no different than eating your own boogers.

Self-cannibalism is no different than eating your own boogers.

——————-

Win powerball lottery guaranteed wrote:

Terrifoc work! That is the type of info that are meant to be shuared across the internet.
Disgrace on Google forr no longer positioning this post higher!
Come on over and talk over with my web site .
Thanks =)

Wow, thanks a lot!  You seem like a really terrifoc person, and I’d much rather talk with you than with your web site, so let me shuare a tip with you.  Since you’ve obviously got money coming out the wazoo since you’ve somehow unlocked the secret to winning the lottery, you might want to spend a few bucks on someone who can teach you real English!

Engrish never wins the day in the world of Treet.

Engrish never wins the day in the world of Treet.

——————

Alejandro wrote:

Asking questions are truly fastidious thing if you
are not understanding something completely,
except this article provides nice understanding even.

I have a fastidious question, Mr. Alejandro!

I have a fastidious question, Mr. Alejandro!

Since I have absolutely no understanding of what you are writing about, I’d take the time to ask you a few questions, but since you were complimenting me on this fine article, I’ll just let it go…

———————-

One more before I hit the sack this morning…….

Glutathione peroxidase activity determination wrote:

An oily liver is usually a liver under stress from numerous factors
such as for example misuse of liquor, triglycerides too much,
experience of some drug or toxin. It doesn’t always have that chalky
major aftertaste that nearly every powder does, that makes it delightful for smoothies, and certainly will work well as a food complement
should you choosen’t have time for you to eat breakfast before function or
perhaps too tired to cook. It has many anti-aging gains that are incredibly crucial in getting rid of senile freckles.

OK, that’s good to know.  I would never want to have an oily liver, so I’ll be sure to avoid the liquor and toxins.  And it’s good to know that an oily liver doesn’t always have a chalky aftertaste and that they make a delightful smoothie…

Why, hello, Clarice!  Care for a smoothie?

Why, hello, Clarice! Care for a smoothie?

Wait a minute!!!  Exactly what are you trying to suggest here?  Human livers as a food compliment?  Sorry, but I choosen’t to want anything that came out of someone’s body on my breakfast plate!  Even if an oily liver is the miracle cure for those annoying senile freckles we’ve been waiting al our lives for, I’ll pass on your creepy recipe, thankyouverymuch!

Get that girl an oily liver smoothie!!!

Get that girl an oily liver smoothie!!!

 

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About evilsquirrel13

Bored former 30-something who has nothing better to do with his life than draw cartoon squirrels.
This entry was posted in Squirrel Droppings and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

24 Responses to Tasty Treet

  1. I think we all get the same stupid spam, but your responses to them are hilarious. And some of those pictures are just perfect. Do you get the ones where they post pieces of poetry out of context? Very zen. You gave me a lot of good laughs and I will spam you back at the earliest opportunity.

  2. maybe the ipad was broken from the 83 views? or someone stepped with a 150mm christian louboutin heel on the display?

  3. NotAPunkRocker says:

    I can get rid of my freckles! Why didn’t I get this spam treat, er, Treet, before now?

  4. draliman says:

    Very funny responses!
    At the moment most of my “Treeters” want me to have plastic surgery and retire to “Boca Raton”, whatever that is.

  5. 1jaded1 says:

    Fucking funny. I’m going to carve myself with a knife and eat myself with a straw, now…then puke it up. Maybe I will weigh 0 lbs at the end.

  6. I choosn’t to make dinner often. My oily liver is almost surely due to pub dinners, which are terrifoc! Yes, ES… my Treeters are almost as brightly amusing. My replies, on the other hand, are simple marks to the Treet folder. I clearly lack originaloty.

  7. Twindaddy says:

    I always wonder why people waste their times writing programs with are going to stalk websites and leave idiotic comments like this in an effort to get folks to click on links to site that are more than likely loaded with viruses. I mean, what kinda moron clicks on those?

    Then, after further thought, I figure that SOMEONE must be visiting those sites otherwise this comments wouldn’t keep coming in. Then my faith in humanity sinks even lower.

  8. terrifoc nay, hilarious post. he’s a doctor not a spammer! 😀

  9. merbear74 says:

    I lovee your blog, please taken the time to viisit mine.

  10. markbialczak says:

    Yes, exactly, and I know this is off usual but my site I think looks bad mobil could you help me maybe with tips or comments re your tarifik site!

  11. Ally Bean says:

    Your Treets trump my Spam. I bow to your superior ability to garner such comments. Delightful.

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