A few months ago, I speculated on the potential contents of the Spam folder in my email account, in my own allegedly hilarious way, of course.  It never really occurred to me that this blog had its own built in humor material in the form of the spam comments that get filtered out.  I used to just read, laugh, and delete.  However, I saw a couple other bloggers do a nice send up on their blocked spam comments, and figured I should give it a stab myself.

I need better material than this!

I let the spam comment folder for this blog build up for the past few weeks, and hand paw selected some of my favorites.  These are actual comments sent to this blog by bad mens and womens wanting to sell us stuff.  If you enjoyed reading those old manuals that came with Nintendo games from the late 80’s that were written in English by Japanese programmers who didn’t speak our language, you will love some of the eloquent statements below….

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sacs longshamp pilage wrote:  I come to an understanding! For Ferrari imprinted headphones, they check great. I could possibly never inside life accomplish that check, but I think there are people to choose from that could possibly.

Well, that makes one of us who have come to an understanding.  Good luck choosing someone who could possibly check better than Ferrari imprinted headphones….

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sexdate123 wrote:  Hi you have a good weblog over here! Thanks for sharing this interesting stuff for us! If you keep up this good work I’ll visit your blog again. Thanks!

The official spokesquirrel for sexdate123

If ever there was an incentive to slack off on the quality of my blog, there it is.  Of course, I’m not sure the quality of my blog content could get any lower than it already is, not when I have a ready image of a slutty squirrel in a hot tub…

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home pc repair wrote:  I appreciate, cause I found just what I was having a look for. You have ended my four day lengthy hunt! God Bless you man. Have a nice day. Bye

Dude!  You can get up from the computer every once in a while to get a sandwich or go potty.  I’m glad you found what you were looking for, but could I recommend using a better search engine?  Having a look for four lengthy days is an awful long time, and I’m sure my blog isn’t so unpopular that I’m on Page 471230894733 of the search results… especially since I’m pretty sure you were looking for Spongebob and Sandy porn….

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dedektif wrote:  Hey there, You have done a great job. I will definitely digg it and in my opinion suggest to my friends. I’m confident they’ll be benefited from this web site.

Everyone can be benefited from a website dedicated to squirrels!  Your friends are quite lucky to have a cyber buddy like you and in my opinion they will digg it just as much as you did!

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Official Spokesquirrels for Ugg boots

ugg boots wrote:  My wife and i have been very contented Michael managed to finish up his web research through your precious recommendations he grabbed through the blog. It’s not at all simplistic to simply always be making a gift of secrets and techniques that a number of people may have been selling. We really figure out we have the website owner to be grateful to for this. The type of explanations you have made, the straightforward blog navigation, the relationships your site assist to instill – it is most fabulous, and it’s really assisting our son in addition to us reason why that subject is exciting, and that’s especially vital. Thank you for all the pieces!

I am extremely happy that your son Michael was able to complete his research project thanks to my blog!  No wonder I was nominated for a Liebster!  To think that without my intellectual discourse I have here at The Nest, this 38 year old career student wouldn’t have been able to finish his dissertation on the common types of mange found on animals in your mother’s basement.  I hope I live long enough to attend Michael’s graduation….

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michael kors handbags wrote:  Me too, thanks for sharing this..

Whooooa, wait a minute Mr. Kors!  You posted this to my Liebster Award acceptance speech, and I’ll be damned if I’m sharing my pretty award with you!  Now take your manpurses, and get the hell out…. hey, wait a minute!  Do your parents by chance sell Ugg boots in their spare time?

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celine bags wrote:  Extremely helpful information specially the last part I care for such info a lot. I was seeking this particular info for a long time. Thank you and best of luck.

Specially!?!?!?  What are you, nine years old?

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Cheap Moncler Jackets wrote:  A lot of thanks for all your valuable efforts on this web page. My mother takes pleasure in carrying out investigation and it’s really easy to understand why. Most of us know all relating to the powerful tactic you create reliable solutions on the blog and improve participation from the others on this situation so our own simple princess is always becoming educated a great deal. Have fun with the rest of the year. You’re the one carrying out a superb job.

To hell with simple princesses. I know the damn Queen!

Sure, it’s easy for you to understand why your mother likes to carry out investigation, but could you explain that to us total dumbasses out there?  And this time, please don’t use one of those internet translation sites.  I tried to translate your comment back into Russian since I’d probably have a better chance of knowing what the hell you were saying, but within minutes had a very irate Vladimir Putin on the phone wanting to know what I called Mother Russia a skanky ho.  I was only able to calm him down by agreeing to buy some black market handbags and boots.  It’s a good thing I have four sisters…

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longchamp pas cher wrote:  Hey bless you! I employ earbuds overseas because with their portability, even though I favor over the particular ear. These seem great.

Thank you, but I didn’t sneeze….

Sure, your earbuds may think they’re great because with their portability, but have you tried a set of Ferrari imprinted earphones yet?  I’ve heard they check quite well, thank you.  Stick that in your cochlea and drum it….

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payday loans wrote:  I just added this blog to my google reader, great stuff. Cannot determine enough!

I’m glad to have determined people like you reading my blog, Mr. Loans!  BTW, the best way to determine what critters are what is to check the tails and ears.  It’s true that all of my characters have the same basic design…

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100% bioavailablilty!?!?!?  Say no more, I’m fucking sold!!!  I’ll take a hundred of your nano-sized wonder drugs!!!

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ian penge hurtigt wrote:  As I web site possessor I believe the content material here is rattling excellent , appreciate it for your efforts. You should keep it up forever! Best of luck.

Wow, I don’t think I have ever had my content referred to as rattling excellent before!  Maybe insufferably awful or batshit crazy…. but never rattling excellent!  Bless you, and just to make you happy, I will keep this content up forever rather than delete it all next week…

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North Face Down Men’s wrote:  It’s a shame you don’t have a donate button! I’d most certainly donate to this excellent blog! I guess for now i’ll settle for book-marking and adding your RSS feed to my Google account. I look forward to fresh updates and will talk about this site with my Facebook group. Talk soon!

Give until it hurts, dude!

Well, there is a button linking to my lame-ass CafePress store if you really wanted to support my graduate student/investigating mother approved squirrel blog.  Make sure you share that with your Facebook group as well.  I’ll work on the fresh updates just as soon as you all buy a handful of Buster buttons….