Love and Hate

This is gonna be so much fun!

This is gonna be so much fun!

You may have seen the latest bloggy STD going around WordPress lately, The Love-Hate Challenge.  Several of the bloggers I follow have already shown off their lists, so it was inevitable that I would get tagged by someone.  That SOB lucky person wound up being Mark Bialczak, who writes his daily musings on his self-titled blog, and who forever left an indelible mark on The Nest during my Millionaire Journey last summer when he pondered Regis Philbin’s bathroom habits.

I'm not sure whether to love or hate that I drew this...

I’m not sure whether to love or hate that I drew this…

The rules of the challenge are to simply write about ten things that you love, and ten things that you hate… then list ten nominees to infect carry the love/hate torch.  I may or may not follow these rules since I’m such a rebel.

I didn’t spend a whole lot of time on this, and just jotted down the first ten things that came to mind for each.  I also didn’t include my bloggy friends in the love list, because that should be a self-evident thing for everyone who has a blog.  If you don’t love and appreciate the people who interact with you, you’re probably not a very good blogger to begin with…

Only the little people acknowledge their fans.

Only the little people acknowledge their fans.

Let’s start off by showing the love…

love unicorn

1. Critters – Yeah, you know I love squirrels… but through squirrels I have also learned to love many of the rest of the wild animals we humans tend to take for granted or just write off as pests.  Raccoons, skunks, and possums already get plenty of loving from me… but let’s not forget foxes, wolves, badgers, beavers, chipmunks, groundhogs, coyotes and many more.  Chances are if it’s furry, wild and reasonably sized, I adore it.

That goes for piebald foxes as well.  Maybe especially...

That goes for piebald foxes as well. Maybe especially…

2. Batting Practice – Baseball is unique from just about every other major sport due to this one fun way to interact with your favorite players.  Not many fans have had the chance to block a shot by LeBron James, or catch a deflated pass from Tom Brady, but I’ve caught numerous baseballs that were hit by star Major Leaguers.  Anyone who says the thrill of getting a souvenir at the old ballpark should be reserved for the kids just doesn’t get it…

Here's a ball that Travis Hafner once hit sitting next to a hailstone.  Which is more valuable to me?

Here’s a ball that Travis Hafner once hit sitting next to a hailstone. Which is more valuable to me?

3. Bowling – When I started working at Mecca, I quit bowling for 13 years.  That was stupid, but I’m glad my aunt got me involved again and on the lanes 36 weeks out of the year for the past 5 seasons.  I look forward to when our league begins again this September.

4. My car – I’m not sure where I’d be without my faithful metallic blue companion for the past 15 years, but it probably wouldn’t be in my own little home surrounded by squirrels.  Sure it’s old and outdated, but it’s been reliable as hell and I can’t even fathom how much money it’s saved me in car payments and added insurance since I paid that sucker off just over ten years ago.

Here's my pride and joy chilling out at the park while I was taking squirrel pictures.

Here’s my pride and joy chilling out at the park while I was taking squirrel pictures.

5. Pretty and shiny things – I am such a hoarder it isn’t funny, and I collect the stupidest and most insignificant of trinkets that have zero value except being fun to look at.  Along with that squirrel blood, I’m apparently also part pack rat.

6. Cynicism – Most people look down on born cynics, but the world is so full of utter bullshit that there’s really no other way to roll.  There is nothing magical or special about taking everything at face value… it just makes you a gullible fool.

I'm totally not just trying to get attention!  Believe me!

I’m totally not just trying to get attention! Believe me!

7. Nostalgia – This is pretty obvious from my old series of Flashback Friday posts, as well as the Retro Ad Tuesday tributes I still occasionally dish out.  The 80’s and 90’s may not have been the best of times, but there sure were a lot of fun things to remember about them…

Like this, for instance...

Like this, for instance…

8. Cherry sno cones – 12 years ago I bought a little Rival shaved ice maker from my Mecca, and I’ve never had to pay retail price for a sno cone again.  I have about a 32 oz. cup I use for my treats, and they are one of the things that get me through those long, hot summers.  The only thing that sucks is I now have to order my cherry syrup online since Mecca made the boneheaded switch to selling Hawaiian Punch flavored syrup a few years ago.

Mecca delivered me a nice Hawaiian punch to the gut...

Mecca delivered me a nice Hawaiian punch to the gut…

9. Mohawk Rainbow Donkey – Jennifer from Squirrel Picnic recently posted a collection of photos from people who have used one of her crochet patterns to make something… and Linh Do Khanh came away the easy winner in my eyes with this amazing interpretation on the one and only Rainbow Donkey!

That is just too freaking cute!

That is just too freaking cute!

10. Mouse drawing – No, not drawing mice.  Using my mouse to draw ES and the gang.  As archaic as it might sound to those who create digital art, it’s the way I learned my craft, and I can’t imagine doing it any other way.  Sometimes, I can use the mouse better than I can a pencil…

If you've ever seen my handwriting, you already know this.

If you’ve ever seen my handwriting, you already know this.

And now… equal time for the hate!  Warning: Lots of salty and just plain fucking vulgar language to follow.

rainbow unicorn hate

1. Smartphones – I’m about as subtle in my dislike of modern cellphones as my cats are at letting me know they’re hungry in the morning.  I can assure you this feeling is entirely mutual, since every time someone has made the mistake of handing me their jeniusphone to look at something stupid, the demonic little device goes haywire and usually goes off or freezes up.  I could have listed those many annoying social media sites on my hate list as well, but I think much of my venom towards them comes down to the fact that smartphones have turned otherwise intelligent, normal people into depraved, isolated technology slaves…

At least I am anti-social by nature... not because I have a smartphone screen glued to my nose.

At least I am anti-social by nature… not because I have a smartphone screen glued to my nose.

2. The news – This goes hand in hand with my cynicism, but I can assure you I am a much happier person because I choose to be “uninformed.”  Don Henley’s song “Dirty Laundry” was waaaaaaaaay ahead of its time…

3. Righteousness – You’ve heard the saying about opinions being like assholes before… and everyone seems to enjoy wiping their opinions in front of everyone else.  It galls me how people can be so sure their view is the only correct one, like they are some omniscient superbeing who knows the answer to all of the world’s problems, and that their experience in this life must be the same as everyone else’s.  I don’t care if your views come from some thousands year old religion, some newfangled social norm, or you just pulled them out of your opinionhole… they are no more right or wrong than anyone else’s view.  Get over yourself.

Nobody cares what you think, dear.

Nobody cares what you think, dear.

4. Corporate Micromanagement – The hot buzzword in education these days is how teachers are forced to “teach to the test”… The Test being those standardized monstrosities that exist solely to give education administrators who make entirely too much of my gambling losses an easy, no-wiggle room way to see if students are actually “learning” or not and hold teachers “accountable”.  This kind of BS is rampant all over corporate America these days… including my dear old Mecca, where the suits in the The Natural State use “scorecards” to tell how well all six billion stores across the world are doing without having to leave the plantation.  These scorecards generally measure things that have dip diddly squat to do with how well run and productive the store is actually being… and it’s frustrating to not be able to get necessary things done because we are pandering to this fucking scorecard that isn’t even worth wiping my opinion with…

Duck everyone!

Duck everyone!

5. Hot weather – Summer is the most overrated season of the year.  How people can despise winter, yet love summer boggles my acorn-sized brain.  I don’t like being hot anymore than I like being cold, and I sure as hell don’t want to see a bunch of people out and about in their sandals showing off their ugly ass feet.  Hey, I could go out shirtless if I wanted to, but I have a sense of decency.  My hairy moobs look about as appealing as your hideously deformed bare tootsies do.  Put on some damn shoes!

6. Kids – Yeah, I debated putting this here since it makes me seem like such a monster, but I just can not fricking stand kids.  I don’t have the patience to put up with their restless, undisciplined, loud asses,.. and keep them as far away as possible from me and my lawn, please.  Thank you.

Time to unleash the rabid squirrels....

Time to unleash the rabid squirrels….

7. Mowing the grass – Maybe I’d like the kids a little more if they’d cut my grass while they’re riding their bikes through my yard.  I love wasting an hour every other week during the warm days cutting my gigantic, overgrown backyard just so the city can’t declare it an illegal eyesore…

8. Soccer – There seems to be an uprising brewing in the US about how we should be just as batshit crazy about soccer as the rest of the world is.  Just stop it already.  Watching the paint dry on a ceramic possum is much more exciting, and will probably take less time than it will take a bunch of athletes with only one name to ever score a fucking goal.  But do take heart all you fans of the nil-nil tie, if this were an Olympic year, I would have probably bitched about my apathy towards those shitty sports in this spot instead.

No.... just turn the damn TV off already.

No…. just turn the damn TV off already.

9. Stop Sign Stupidity – Of the many ways dumbass drivers can piss me off on the road, I don’t think there’s one that gets on my nerves quite like people who seem to have no idea how a stop sign works.  I’m not just talking about the people who think “STOP” means slow down a little, then blow through the intersection if it doesn’t look like anyone’s coming.  My main issue is with the pussies who are so timid at four-way stops that they will let everyone within their eyesight go through the crossing before proceeding.  All this does is tie up traffic even longer since everyone else knows IF YOU GET TO THE INTERSECTION FIRST, YOU GO FIRST, DAMMIT!  And for God’s sake, don’t blink your fucking brights at me as a “courtesy sign” to tell me to go before you if YOU WERE THERE FIRST ANYWAY!  Damn, they need adult driver’s ed refresher courses…

These same people probably don't yield to possums.

These same people probably don’t yield to possums.

10. Chain mails – You know how it goes, you get a letter or an email saying you need to forward the message to some insane number of other people, or your genitals will fall off and the dog will bite you.  Homey don’t play that…. so in that vein, I am not going to “tag” ten others to keep this challenge going.  You wanna play?  Go for it, and be sure and tell them The Nest sentcha!  If not, hey, it’s a free world!  You’re all entitled to your own asshole…

The assholes expressed here at Evil Squirrel's Nest are not necessarily those of any real squirrel living or deceased.

The assholes expressed here at Evil Squirrel’s Nest are not necessarily those of any real squirrel living or deceased.

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About evilsquirrel13

Bored former 30-something who has nothing better to do with his life than draw cartoon squirrels.
This entry was posted in Squirrel Droppings and tagged , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

42 Responses to Love and Hate

  1. markbialczak says:

    Feet are not good to look at, Bill. You got that right. Great lists. Thanks for participating in the chain gang. It wouldn’t have been the same without your batting practice love and smart phone hate.

    • So who’s on the chain gang with us? Sam Cooke? Chrissy Hynde? The boys from Devo? No wonder I felt so tired after doing this post…

      • markbialczak says:

        I like Chrissy’s take, for sure. Sam’s ain’t too shabby! How about Paul Newman in ‘Cool Hand Luke,’ Bill? What we have here is failure to communicate! Shakin’ it here, boss? Now that will get you three days in the box. If you haven’t seen that move, dig it up and watch!

      • I have actually seen Cool Hand Luke before… one time about four or five years ago when I got bored enough to actually turn on the TV, and there it was. To the box with me for not thinking of it…

  2. janemwoodman says:

    “Bloggy STD”! Amen to that.

    • That’s about all things like this are. The pointless “awards” are the worst. I would like to see The Academy make Oscar winners nominate 15 other actors upon receiving their statuette (and still keep their speech under two minutes)…

  3. That’s awesome! Thanks for sharing Linh’s Rainbow Donkey with everyone. I’m so glad that you got to see it. Isn’t he impressive? She did a great job!

  4. Merbear74 says:

    I own a smartphone but also dislike it. I think I spend less time on it than most people do. I am no zombie!

  5. pishnguyen says:

    Love you, ES, and love your list, too! I had a little bit of a “sqweel” moment when I saw you had mentioned Don Henly’s “Dirty Laundry”. LOVE that song. I’m also not a fan of kids, in general. I quite like my own child — so happy that all worked out for me, ha, ha! — but feel very uncomfortable around most children. Yesterday, we went to a favorite restaurant, and the server (who had waited on us before) mentioned that she remembered us because she remembered our daughter. She went through the whole “I love kids, so I always remember them” speech. And my response was, “Oh yeah, I totally understand that. I always remember dogs.” She looked at me like I had three heads. Oh well. 😛

  6. draliman says:

    You could force some reluctant kids to mow the grass. It’s a win win! (Don’t do that, you might get angry parents round.)

  7. goldfish says:

    Love: #5 and #10. I use my mouse to draw, too. I have a wacom tablet with a pen, but I mostly use that for drawing realistic things for work, but when it comes to drawing critters, it’s the mouse.

    And I agree with most of your hate, although I’ve never had a yard I had to mow.

    • I’ve never had the chance to draw on any kind of tablet before, but if it’d look like my pen drawings, I’m probably better off just moving the mouse around.

  8. We seem to be scarily close on both lists, though I have to admit that bowling would not make any list of mine, love OR hate.

    You do all this with a mouse? It give me hope because I tried the Wacom tablet and I totally screwed the pooch. Could not get the hang of it. Couldn’t do ANYTHING with it. But I can to some stuff with a mouse.

    I think I learned that person to your right has right of way at a four-way — or is that at a rotary?

    I don’t love summer, but I hate winter more. At least heat doesn’t turn your driveway into a sliding pond for vehicles. Last winter, a plow got stuck in our driveway. The driver might pass out from heat exhaustion in the summer (but why would a plow be in our driveway in the summer anyhow?), but I could revive him/her with lemonade.

    • Yep, just me and my mouse create all this wonderful artwork that would look good on the fridge in the breakroom of the Museum of Bad Art.

      The driver on the right has the right of way if both cars arrive at the intersection at the same time. My complaint was with drivers who clearly get to the intersection ahead of you, yet want to let you, the truck on the left, and the van coming up the street all go through first. A four way stop is the wrong place for unnecessary courtesy…

  9. Ally Bean says:

    I’ve begun to see this meme around the blogosphere, but I do believe that I’ve enjoyed your take on it the most. Wonderful. Also, “watching the paint dry on a ceramic possum” is a delightful turn of phrase. You do make me laugh. Thank you.

  10. Mental Mama says:

    Kids seem to suck more in the summer…

  11. The Cutter says:

    Do people still send those chain mails? I thought they went away with Prodigy and CompuServe.

  12. Trisha says:

    I’m with you on hating hot weather! It’s hot here today and I’m very bitchy about it. I don’t get why people love summer. What’s fun about being miserable and sweaty? I’m a calm, reasonable person for nine months out of the year. Not so in the summer! Hot weather makes me yell at people and throw things. (Two sprinklers, just today.)

    I love that your #1 love is critters. They are my #1 love too. I saw groundhogs for the first time last summer and fell hopelessly in love. They are so freakin’ adorable! And I’m so jealous of that Alaska reality show woman who has a fox friend. I want one! I even think rats are cute, although I don’t appreciate my cats releasing live ones in my house.

    Even though I have kids, I understand about the kid hating. Some days I hate them too.

    • The love of hot weather seems to come with the beach thing, and that is just not my lifestyle at all. Heck, I’ve never even been on a real beach before. Graveyard shifters like myself would get cooked to a crisp on a damn beach…

      I should consider fencing in the backyard and starting my own wildlife sanctuary. I already have the squirrels… I just need to add some foxes, raccoons, possums… OK, the possums would probably all get eaten, but it’d be fun to watch them!

      • Trisha says:

        If you find out how to attract foxes to your backyard, let me know! Although, they probably wouldn’t mingle too well with my cats. 😦

  13. hah hah hah! Opinion hole! Get off my lawn! (when you have finished mowing it!) and take your opinion hole with you.
    Never tell people your dreams. Just show them. Otherwise you have to listen to the 87 reasons why your dreams are gunna fail. All expressed via the opinion hole. hah hah hah! 😀

  14. I don’t like being cold but I also don’t like being too hot! Summer is only bareable if you have cool rooms (not airconditioned, they’re too cold) to hang out in. Fortunately, I live in a castle. 😉

  15. Rhio says:

    I really dislike summer. I despise myself sweating. Thankfully though I live in Britain so it doesn’t get too bad, doesn’t stop people not wearing tops in grocery stores. WHY? It’s Britain for goodness sake! Put some clothes on.
    I have a kid, and she’s awesome, but I’ve always hated kids. If anything, having my little awesome one has made me hate other kids even more, especially the bratty screamy snotty ones.

    • LOL! For some reason, I can’t imagine people in the UK going shirtless in stores! Even here, that’s generally considered to be redneck behavior. I haven’t gone out shirtless since I was a kid…

      My disliking of kids is the main reason I don’t have any… but I wholly support parents loving their own!

      • Rhio says:

        Yeah we call our rednecks “chavs”, they’re mixed in with the rest of the population though so we have to deal with their hairy manboobs if the sun has been out for 5 mins, even if the weather still hasnt hit 20C hahaha.

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