All Those Years Ago

Just chillin’ with some of my classmates back in the day.

There are certain milestones that come up in a person’s life that unexpectedly whack you over the head with a walking cane to make you realize you’ve officially become a fucking ancient person.  One of those geriatric reminders passed me by on Monday as I realized it marked the 25th anniversary of my high school graduation.  Yes, I actually did graduate from a prestigious public school… 27th out of 428 in my class even.  I was successfully able to bamboozle my teachers into thinking I was smart the same way I can run a blog and make my readers believe I actually know what in the hell I’m talking about…

This is what happens when you use The Nest for research purposes.

My God, has it really been a whole quarter of a century since those school days I never thought would end actually did?  Was 1993 really THAT long ago?  Most people still had no idea what the internet was that year.  Cell phones were mainly restricted to cars, and they weighed three tons and required you to put a funny looking antenna on your wood paneled station wagon.  Twenty-five years ago, you’d get looked at with the evil eye if you even let on that you thought MARIHUANA should made legal.  And if you wanted to watch the latest viral video, you had to tune in to America’s Funniest Home Videos on Sunday nights and put up with Bob Saget to even see what America would be talking about…

1993’s version of the iPhone.

There’s nothing to say about my social life in my high school days, because it didn’t exist.  I was a loner’s loner.  No friends.  Not even any real enemies.  Just 426 people I haven’t kept in contact with and could care less if I ever see again.  But despite basically blowing off the entire American teenage experience, my mother saw to it I still bought one of those stupid yearbooks at the end of each school year.  Unfortunately, I still have them all… a little taste of the early 90’s in four moth eaten, dingy volumes…

I’ll bet they smell like Teen Spirit, man!

For the occasion, I opened up the yearbook from my senior year and turned to the nostalgia pages near the front.  There’s a section titled “BIG” which has nothing to do with silly Tom Hanks movies, but which contains 29 “things” that the editorial staff of the yearbook in early 1993 thought were trending at the time, two decades before the hashtag was invented.  A bunch of them are boring… like “Jeans.”  When, exactly, during the past century have jeans not been in fashion?  Even the yoga pants craze of the 2010’s hasn’t entirely killed off the almighty denim deity.  I guess even our 1993 selves bought into that nutty idea that in the 21st Century, we’d all look like this…

The Reynolds Wrap suit must be stuck in the same alternate universe as the flying car.

Other “BIG” things in the list are just WTF inducing…. like Mickey Mouse.  What on earth was big about Mickey Mouse 25 years ago?  For that matter, why is Mickey Mouse still relevant in the first place?  What, exactly, has Mickey Mouse done… other than appear in crowded theme parks nobody in their right mind would want to visit… in the past half century to even stay in the limelight?  Hell, you can’t even watch Mickey Mouse cartoons without paying a Disney Channel premium.  Mickey Mouse has been a nobody for years, and yet he refuses to go away…

The cartoon version of Kim Kardashian.

Here are some of the more interesting things that my fellow idiots from the Class of ’93 thought should be memorialized as BIG in 1993….

Plaid Flannel Shirts:

The iconic look of the grunge era that cast a dismal gray light on the first half of the 200th decade.  The only plaid flannel shirts I ever wore were as a grade school kid in the 80’s.  And I always had a nasty habit of chewing the plastic tab out of the collars of them…

A plaid flannel shirt. When you think of grunge music, you naturally think of Johnny Mathis.

Ren And Stimpy:

I discovered and fell in love with the humor of Beavis & Butthead, but I never watched the “Snick”toons of the 90’s.  No matter how much I get beaten down by the Rugrats and Spongebob fans out there, I will go to my grave believing that the 80’s were Nickelodeon’s golden age

Cute koalas or an ugly chihuahua with an attitude problem? As if it were a contest.

Tattoos:

Once upon a time not all that very long ago, people with visible ink on their body were still looked upon by the common folk like they were the Wicked Witch of the West.  You had either been in the military or were some badass rebel one did not want to mess with if you voluntarily chose to mutilate your skin pigment.  A true outcast of society, that’s the only person who would have the devil’s ink written into their skin.  Boy, those days sure seem like forever ago, don’t they?  1993 was still a tad too early… as I know simply from the timeline of my younger sisters coming of age that this the hipster tattoo trend didn’t kick into high gear until around the turn of the millennium.  But the idea of Ink for the Everyman and Everywoman was clearly getting off the ground at the time…

It still looks as good in 2018 as it did in 1993, dude!

Condoms:

One of the hot button topics of 1993 that would have been lighting up social media had it existed at the time was the radical concept of having schools give out condoms to kids who requested them in an effort to encourage safe sex.  Adults who like to live in denial of what things were like in their day were abhorred at the very idea of teenagers even doing the wild thing without their say-so… let alone school nurses “encouraging” their children to do the boom boom back in their room room.

Don’t judge those kids… maybe they’re just interested in the fascinating world of condom photography.

Lollapalooza:

The ubiquitous concert shirts from the original alternative music fest.  And the only reason my 17 year old self who had quit listening to new music even knew that bands like Pearl Jam, Red Hot Chili Peppers and Soundgarden even existed at the time…

The shirt every teen was wearing once the Bart Simpson shirts got stale…

Dying Your Hair Auburn:

Yes… the early 90’s were such a rebellious time for the youth of my day.  Why, we were so incorrigible, we dyed our hair a natural color, dagnabbit!  And then we walked to school in a foot of snow uphill both ways with our fake reddish hair…

OMG, the 90’s sounded #SoFuckingLame

Bottled Water:

Oh, if only we knew in those long ago days of the early Clinton Administration that there would soon come a day when you were viewed as some kind of freak if you didn’t get your daily H2O out of anything other than a plastic bottle.  What was a novelty 25 years ago has become so entrenched in the reality of 2018 that we honestly have a hard time even keeping bottled water in stock at Mecca… an item we didn’t even sell in its current form when I started at the store 20 years ago.  The bottled water industry continues to be the biggest con artist in America outside of Washington, DC.  And to think, it all started a quarter of a century ago when I was still drinking out of those nasty school water fountains…

OK, they weren’t this nasty. But only because my high school couldn’t afford a bidet.

Oh 1993, where have you gone?  Along with the last 25 years of my life.  Pardon me while I bask in the utter realization of my old age…

Yes, Art Linkletter, I’ll take that contour chair now…

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About evilsquirrel13

Bored former 30-something who has nothing better to do with his life than draw cartoon squirrels.
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41 Responses to All Those Years Ago

  1. Merbear74 says:

    It’s been 26 years since I graduated…I feel your confusion, where the fuck did the time go?
    I had a few flannel shirts, smoked pot (such a rebel) and got a tattoo in ’96. I had a friend who was obsessed over Mickey Mouse. I never had the need for a condom in high school, Clearly Canadian was my drink-o-choice.
    I hated Ren and Stimpy, but loved Beavis and Butthead. “I am the great cornholio…I must be in Ohio.”

  2. ody N biskit……bee jezuz…if we say de food servizz gurl grad ewe waited in 75…….sure it was 1975 ….. sew we cut her sum slack frum 1875… but still ~~~~~~~~~~~~

    oh, N we haz de entire seazonz oh Lost in Space on dee vee dee……watch em all de time !!!!! thatz classic tee vee 🙂 ♥♥

  3. Memories, memories! I remember all those things, tattoos had only hookers, sailors and in prisons. I had heard of pot, never seen. My brother had a phone in his car on the floor and almost break the bones in my foot when falling down. Is it better now, we still have flannel shirts.

    • Flannel shirts seem to have gone out of style in America… I rarely notice them anymore. And nobody would ever wear one here outside of winter… they’re way too hot in our summers!

  4. You know, today I got notice from MY university — UNIVERSITY — of my 50th anniversary of my college graduation.

    Fiftieth? Was it an invitation to join the party? Sort of. But mostly, it was an invitation to donate money to the school. Some stuff never changes.

    • Oh yes, I still get those too! Not 50th reunion notices, but donation packets… which are attached to EVERYTHING my alma mater still sends me. Or actually, it gets sent to my Mom since I no longer live there, and forwarded to me so I can laugh at it.

  5. 1jaded1 says:

    If I make it to your birthday, I will be at my job for 26 years and I was in my 20s when I started. Time to break out my walker.

    Thank you for the memory of 1993! 🙂

    • It was also my 20th anniversary at Mecca this month. Lasting that long at any job is commendable. So many of the new adults these days don’t want to stay in one place for any period of time… then want to know why they’re never getting anywhere.

      • 1jaded1 says:

        True. Sometimes it comes to luck though, with downsizing and other hoops. I’ve had 12 positions in my company. A coworker calls me the poster child for career mobility. I guess that’s what they call it when you don’t leave the company, not so much when you work for 12 different companies. Congrats on your 20 years.

        I will be thinking of your post as my nephew graduates on Sunday. Time does fly.

      • You are right that luck is a factor. No manager in my store would dream of getting rid of me, but the higher ups that make the big emotionless calls could not care less about my reputation…

  6. Time keeps on slippin’, slippin’, slippin’
    Into the future
    Time keeps on slippin’, slippin’, slippin’
    Into the future……….

    In 1993 I was 30 years old. Good Lord… I can’t imagine. If I could go back in time to any age, it would be 21 (1984) because back then, I wasn’t married, didn’t have any kids and I had a job I liked with real potential. I was also single and livin’ it up with my friends. *sigh* If only… 20/20 hind vision! :-/

    • franhunne4u says:

      Shh – it is frowned upon to not join in the holy choir of parenthood that the kids were the best things in your life! … (Not that I ever had some. Nor wanted some. If only more mothers would be honest that this is lie for a lot of women!)

    • I don’t know if I’d want to go back to any particular point in my life… there’s pros and cons I had to deal with at pretty much every age. And if we were given the chance to relive our lives, I seriously wonder if we wouldn’t just make the same mistakes all over again…

  7. Eh! Quit ya whining (said in my best old codger voice). I had my kid in ’93 and I’m staring my 33rd high school reunion in the face. Why, if I had had it as good as you kids, I’d be rich by now… (lol)

    • I knew this post would fetch those who have a few more years than me (I’d do the same if a younger whippersnapper were writing this post!). The kids graduating this year were born in the Year 2000. That should make everyone in my generation and before feel really, really old…

      • I already feel old.. I’m in college with these youngsters. I’m old enough to be the TEACHER’S parent!!! Put THAT in your pipe and smoke it!! 😂😂😂

  8. franhunne4u says:

    You ended high school in 1993? You baby! I started university in 1987! And failed later … I started to work for public administration in 1996, kiddo. And when it comes to bands from the 90s – well – there is a reason why I do not remember them. They were just not good enough.

  9. If I were your classmate, we would be friends that’s for sure… and we would have a big folder with big red F’s… F is for fabulous, right?

  10. draliman says:

    I don’t seem to have utilised any of those trending items. Apart from the jeans.

  11. crimsonowl63 says:

    Loved reading about 1993. I was 30 and my youngest was born in 89. I graduated 37 years ago in 1981 if I got the math right.

    I’ve been to 2 or 3 of my reunions. Shocking story. There were three tiers of tables with a few steps between each level. Now, what’s funny is the top tier, by the food & most attendants, was filled with the “beautiful people”. Jocks & cheerleaders.

    The second tier was the “beautiful people’s” friends.

    Of course we were all in the lowest tier. People I knew, but the same people I did not know.

    Some things never change. I stopped going. You are a genius to ignore them from the start.

    • LOL! Really? They had cool and uncool tables at your reunion!?!? Wow, the organizers must have been the kids that never grew up…

      The best thing about me not being on Facebook is that it’s unlikely I’ll ever be tracked down for a stupid reunion (I assume my class has actually had them…. I don’t even know).

  12. Ladybuggz says:

    I graduated in 1982, wow, I can’t remember what I was doing in 1993…oh ya, working my butt off! I haven’t gone to any of my reunions (except my grade 9) but I think the next one I will…I might even dance! Get ready for it to rain! lol.

  13. Oh…you sweet young thing. Life in the 90’s…I was old then…so you see where this is going. 🤣

    • Yes I know…. there will always be lots of people older than me until I’m the oldest person alive. But I’m far enough up that mountain that there’s still plenty of whippersnappers to yell at…

  14. It’s 20 years since I left high school this summer.

    I agree that the time does rather seem to disappear. And that not going back is a very good thing!

  15. Trisha says:

    I graduated in 1988 and left my little mountain town in the boonies to join the fringes of civilization soon after, so the 1990’s seemed so modern to me. It’s always shocking for me to look back on how lame and antiquated the 90s seem looking back.

    • I remember being introduced to email in college, and then before I graduated, the internet itself (On Netscape…. Netscape!!!) It seemed so novel. Speaking of novel, it’s funny how cell phones were novelties for such a long time that it seemed like they’d always be one of those fancy rich people’s toys. That’s probably why AT&T ran those commercials about the future in 1993 and thought we’d still be using payphones in the 21st century…

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