It’s the most hideously awful Christmas tradition since the ugly sweater. The time has come to peel back another layer of utter stupidity and as we count down to the holiday with another unpaid appearance by a Shelf critter in this year’s Advent calendar. Let’s see what awaits us behind number nine, number nine, number nine….
FLEABAG: BARK! BARK! BARK! BARK! BARK! BARK! BARK! DOGGY DOOR! BARK! BARK! BARK! BARK! BARK! BARK!
Wow, this thing must be soundproof. OK Fleabag, hurry up and tell us what Christmas means to you so we can bolt your cage shut again and save all of our sensitive ears…
FLEABAG: BARK! BARK! BARK! BARK! BARK! BARK! BARK! INDOOR TREES! BARK! BARK! BARK! BARK! BARK! BARK!
Huh? What’s the big deal about indoor trees?
FLEABAG: BARK! BARK! BARK! BARK! BARK! BARK! BARK! OH WHAT A RELIEF IT IS! BARK! BARK! BARK! BARK! BARK! BARK!
FUZZYWIG: You disgusting mutt! I swear, if you got my special gift from Colorado wet, I swear you’ll be someone’s holiday feast down at the Chinese buffet this year! Good thing they’re open on Christmas…
Evil Squirrel's Nest 
I’ve often wondered how many Christmas trees get the pleasure of being watered courtesy of the family pup at Christmas – I’m sure there are quite a few which would mean there’s no shortage of “beef” items on the Chinese buffets ’round the world at Christmas.
Pam
Some of that tree watering may come from party guests who drink just a little too much of the spiked eggnog as well. I wonder how Uncle Lou tastes basted in wonton sauce?
oh we agree… indoor trees are just fabulous and we should have them for the whole year…
Even better if you bring in a tree with a squirrel. You will have a pal for life, and another mouth drooling at the kitchen counter every time the Mama cooks something…
“A tree in any storm…” You’ve listed the primary reason I don’t have a tree up this year. I didn’t know how good I had it with Hunydog…SHE never hoisted her leg and squatting on a tree? Doesn’t work. You’ll get pee on your shoes (paws) every time..
Not to mention it couldn’t be any fun squatting around all of those pine needles…
Poor Fleabag, peeing out bright yellow frogspawn…
That’s what happens when you drink out of the toilet all your life…
Never fear, Flea Bag…I can hook you up to more Colorado ‘stuff.’
He’d probably like some of those “special” treats….
That’s what goes down in the 303.
It doesn’t surprise me that indoor trees are Fleabag’s favorite thing about Christmas! Thankfully, Gary copies Fleabag’s behavior in barking only and has, so far, just used the tree as a scratching post for his face.
Ha! Our Christmas tree when I was growing up was always put on the end table near the big recliner I’d sit at in the living room… and I hated having the prickly tree limbs scratch across my face! I guess if you had itchy fur, though, it would actually feel good…