SCRATCHY: So how is this stupid countdown you’re disturbing my groove with going to work, el jefe?

EVIL SQUIRREL: I’ve compiled all of the songs the chosen critters requested and put them on that list over there…

SCRATCHY: Isn’t that the same list my niece Tina tries to give to Santa every year?

EVIL: Oh no, I’m recycling another prop for Shelf Critter Theatre!  Civilization might collapse before our eyes…

SCRATCHY: Cut the lame sarcasm, dude!  I have to put up with enough clowns at the club.

EVIL: Alright, Sponkies!  Who’s first up on the list?

SPONKIE 1: Holy crap, Sis!  Look!

SPONKIE 2: How cool!!!!

BOTH SPONKIES: It’s MOMMY!!!!!!!!

SPARKLEPONY: YAY!

FUZZYWIG: Lovely.  I’ll bet it’s a disco song.  The 70’s may have had weed, but it also had polyester…

SNUGGLE: With all that sparkly shit in her hair, I’ll bet it’s a crappy Gary Glitter song!  There’s only room for one pedo on this blog!

TROLL: With how trashy she looks, maybe it’s Garbage!  She does look like a Stupid Girl…

SPARKLEPONY: Grrrrrrrrrrr……

SPARKLEPONY: Rainbow Donkey!!!  Why aren’t you defending your beloved spouse from these ignorant hecklers!?!?

RAINBOW DONKEY: Oh, sorry dear.  I was just wondering if you’d picked “Mother In Law” for your song…

SPARKLEPONY: You’re lucky my mom already went to that giant glue factory in the sky, or you’d be in BOTH of our doghouses, mister!!!

SPARKLEPONY: It’s good to see I’m finally being appreciated around here by getting to go first!

SCRATCHY: All that means is your song was the worst of the thirty in the countdown, toots!

SPARKLEPONY: It’s a LOVELY song!  That recognizes women of…… well….. distinction like me!!!

SCRATCHY: (Taking the mystery disc out of the envelope) Oh, for fuck’s sake.  Do I really have to play this shit…..?

While I was growing up in my hoosier town back in the day, the small town of Pocahontas, Illinois just thirty miles east of me was raising a future music star by the name of Gretchen Wilson.  Despite how backwoods my suburban town may have seemed, things were much more rural one county removed from the big city, and Gretchen chose to pay tribute to that lifestyle in her 2004 debut single…

“Redneck Woman” not only dominated the country charts (where it became her first and only #1), but even crossed over to the pop charts to hit #22… manifested in the fact that the song could be heard all over the radio dial in the summer of 2004.  It’s become her signature song, and the only song non-country music fans will probably even remember her for.  And because the redneck lifestyle is not one that is typically celebrated by the more (cough, hack) civilized city folks, which would include much of the liberal music industry not located in Nashville, this song was almost instantly branded as a musical laughingstock… with many writing off both the song and Gretchen herself as novelty.  This perhaps was most apparent during the 2004 baseball World Series between the Boston Red Sox and St. Louis Cardinals, where MLB tabbed vocalists like Steven Tyler and James Taylor to sing the National Anthem at Fenway Park, while here in The Lou, it was Martina McBride and, yep….

Rich Pilling wants you to know this is his photograph. It’s not like I was at the game…

It was bad enough that at the time many people thought Gretchen would be a flash in the pan (which wasn’t entirely true), but that St. Louis got branded as a town full of yokels with the selection of all country artists was an embarrassment to a city that embraced a lot of rock musicians like Styx, Sammy Hagar and even Journey before they became big names across the country.  Just because we have some rednecks doesn’t mean we’re all country lovin’ bumpkins…

Yeah, rock on, man!

Come back next Monday and see what one of our critters selected for song #29…….. hell yes!!!