If you thought your office Secret Santa exchange was fucked up, then you’ve never participated in one on the Shelf yet. Remember, it’s not the gift that matters, it’s the thoughtlessness of the gift that counts…
BIG SCRAT: Oh boy! It’s my turn to draw a name! I sure hope I draw my buddy ol’ friend ol’ pal Snuggie Wuggie Teddy Bear!
Gee, what would be the odds of that happening….?
Oh. Well, that was anticlimactic.
BIG SCRAT: I really need to think hard! I don’t want to disappoint everyone’s favorite critter…
RAINBOW DONKEY: You really don’t need to give me anything, Mr. Scrat. I’m quite content with the material possessions already in my life.
BIG SCRAT: Nonsense! What would Emily Post say if I neglected to give a mandatory gift?
RD: Emily who?
BIG SCRAT: So, I’m guessing you like rainbow colored things!
RD: Actually, I prefer neutral tones in plaid…
BIG SCRAT: And since you love rainbows, I’m sure you’ve always wanted a Pride flag!
RD: Wait, what?
RD: No no no, this is wrong. I can’t let anyone see me with this! I’m not even gay….. I think.
BIG SCRAT: The pride flag represents critters of all gender and sexual preferences, and you’ll be showing everyone your support for critters of all stripes with your new flag! You’ll become even more beloved than before!
RD: I don’t think that’s what will happen….
SNUGGLE: “Sup, Donkey Donk? Wanna join me at the titty bar tonigh….. whoa!!! When the hell did you turn queer!?!? Nevermind, dude! I see you’ve got a rendezvous at the leather bar instead. I’m outta here, loser!
RICKY: I hope you know you’ll burn in hell for your horrible sin of homosexuality! Repent while there’s still hope for your deviant soul!
SPARKLEPONY: Rainbow Donkey!!!! What has come over you? I have a hard enough time keeping all you out of the beds of all the women on this Shelf! Am I going to have to keep you away from all of the men too!?!? We’re going to talk about this when you get home, mister!!!
RD: See, Mr. Scrat. I’ll never be looked at the same way on the Shelf now.
BIG SCRAT: I’m terribly sorry for ruining your reputation like that. But you know what they say….
BIG SCRAT: Don’t knock it till you try it!!! Let Big Scrat put a little pride in you!
RD: Sigh! Why couldn’t I have been a brunette like my sister?