As many of you know, I’m not the biggest fan of social media. I don’t do Facebook, Tweeter, Instagram, Pinterest, Reddit and any of that other sharing crap that you’ll find buttons for at the bottom of each of these totally unsharable posts. Among the many reasons to avoid those sites like the plague are some of the insipid internet garbage that gets shown off by people who could probably better spend their time using the internet for what it was intended for… looking at porn. I don’t care how many puppies will die if I don’t share your uninteresting and uninspiring meme. I could care less what my birthdate and mother’s maiden name initial say my drag queen name would be. And no, I don’t want to accept your invitation to play Trump the Game on Facebook…
Something else that gets entirely too much publicity on the social wastelands of smartphone screens everywhere are those stupid internet quizzes that will tell you what character in a specific series you are based on a handful of personally invasive questions that you wouldn’t even answer in the privacy of a shrink’s office. The methodology behind these cyber-psychology tests is just slightly more questionable than a North Korean election… but that still doesn’t keep the masses from showing off they rated Sweetchuck in the “Which Police Academy Recruit Are You Quiz.” Hey, these scientifically backed analyses can’t be wrong, right?
Well, for the delight of all of my readers who love to hang out their flaws along with the dirty undies, I decided to create my very own Evil Squirrel’s Nest version of this time-tested personality shell game! Yes, you can now answer that question that’s been burning in the back of your head since…… well, never, “Which ESN character do I most resemble?”
Unfortunately, I have no idea what kind of questions to ask, nor do I have access to a random number generator to ignore all of your input and just throw up whichever badge the fates feel like handing you. So just like your favorite teacher from high school, I’m going to make this a totally open book quiz! I’ll give you the badges, and you can pick whichever one you think fits your own dysfunctions best…. or the cutest one, or whatever. Yeah, this is gonna be the best internet quiz ever!
So, which Evil Squirrel’s Nest character are you…………?????