Hedge Fund

a box full of junk

It’s time for our midweek journey into the strange and unknown…. well, stranger and more unknown than you’ll usually find at The Nest.  Let’s give it up for Random Image Inspiration!  Time to fire up the Randomator and hope for the best…

42, 15, 94, 31

The 42nd post in my Reader was this one by…. you’ll never guess…. River Girl.  The Randomator always manages to find her…

The 15th word in that post is “the”

The 94th word in that post is “I”

Today I learned that there is apparently a British newspaper called “I.”  And I got a picture from I

Putting “the I” into Google Images brought this up as the 31st result…

Harry the Hedgehog was heading home after a hectic hump day of putting customers on hold as a Happiness Engineer.  Alas, poor Harry took a wrong turn at Albuquerque and wandered into a strange land he had never seen before… and would later never be able to unsee…

FUZZYWIG: Either the flashbacks are kicking in before 4:20, or you must be new in town.

HARRY: Hello, good sir, I do believe I am lost.  Can you point me in the general direction of Adorbs Avenue?

FUZZYWIG: Can’t help you there, Sonic.  But I do have the magic carpet ride that can help you get wherever you want to go…

HARRY: Oh dear.  What do I do with….?

Fuzzy lights the pipe and shoves it in Harry’s mouth.

HARRY: Now I’m not even sure what time it is, let alone where home is.  And I’m practically ravenous!

FUZZYWIG: Can’t help you there, dude.  Adios, amigo, and stay mellow, fellow…

HARRY: Well, possum snot!  I’m no better off than I was before.  I’m still lost, and…

Yooooooooooooooooooooohoooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!

MITZI: OMGOMGOMG!!!  You are so kyoooooooooooot!!!  Wanna do it?

HARRY: Errrrrrrrr…. Um……

MITZI: Oooooh!  I’ll bet those spiny pricklies on your back will, like, totally tickle Mitzi’s coochie when we get the fiction on!

HARRY: What are you doing?  No, please don’t touch me…. I’m……

HARRY: Oh my, I sure hope the missus doesn’t find out about this.

MITZI: You were, like, a total aminal mister pwickly wickly porkypine!  Here’s my number, like, call me maybe!  Buh bye!!!

HARRY: I’m afraid I enjoyed that entirely too much.  I must get out of this beastly environment at once…

RAINY: Who are you?  And what are you doing standing on my prized dandelions?

HARRY: Prized dande…???  (Looks down)  Oh, I’m sorry…. errr…. I….

RAINY: You should really watch where you’re stepping, stranger!

HARRY: I was unaware there were critters who actually liked dandelions.  You don’t think they’re nasty weeds that…

RAINY: Dandelions are pretty!!!  You know what isn’t pretty?  Weirdos who stomp on my flowers and then call them ugly!  Maybe you need to wake up and smell the roses, mister…

HARRY: (Coughing and gagging) Great golden groundhogs, that is a nasty, rotten stench and is definitely no rose!  Has she been eating at Taco Bell, I wonder?  I must turn around immediately and leave this crazy situation posthaste!

As Harry turns tail, he merely runs into yet another unfamiliar face….

HARRY: Ah, rat biscuits!  And you would be?

MR. FOX: ………………………….

HARRY: I’m sorry, I didn’t quite catch that.  Speak up, boy!

MR. FOX: ……………………………..

HARRY: Ha- HA!!!!  Nobody can’t take down Harry the Hedgehog in a staring contest.  Now begone and let me go on my way!  I’ll survive this little misadventure yet!  Just a little bit further and I’ll be back in familiar territory.  Oh no, not another of these bizarre creatures to get in my way!  Eh, nothing to fear after all.  It’s only a little girl…

ZEEBA: BLOOD!BLOOD!BLOOD!BLOOD!BLOOD!BLOOD!BLOOD!BLOOD!BLOOD!

HARRY: Oh dear…

More horrible adventures in randomness will be on your way next Wednesday…

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About evilsquirrel13

Bored former 30-something who has nothing better to do with his life than draw cartoon squirrels.
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25 Responses to Hedge Fund

  1. never underestimate the little ones… we want a ride on that magic carpet now too, sounds like a good solution for this icy cold wet-ness day…

  2. While I’m flattered the random generator finds my posts… I wish it would find more interesting words than The and I.
    Hedgehogs rock though, so all is not lost.

  3. No doubt Harry will always remember his unplanned visit to the Nest – I wonder if he will give Mitzi a call one of these days?

    Pam

  4. I’m sensing that one should veer as far away from Albuquerque as possible, and the “good stuff”, lol. Okay maybe not the good stuff but Albuquerque for sure. Mr. Fox sure is foxy!

    • Any wrong turn that sends one near my strange critters is advisable to avoid. Mr. Fox has eyes that just won’t quit…. and if you stare into them too long, your soul gets devoured.

  5. kutukamus says:

    Seems like quite a fun way to write a post! 🙂

  6. So Mitzi has a new admirer. And dandelions are beautiful, here some people hate them so much and kill them in many different ways, so crazy. Butterflies like dandelions. Here in Finland, we are coffee drinkers, was no coffee after the war and ladies roasted dandelions roots and cooked coffee of them. Sorry, I am too talkative.

    • There is no such thing as too talkative here… I love informative comments! I did not know that you could make coffee from dandelion roots! I like them too… plus I’m too lazy to try and kill them.

  7. draliman says:

    No, tell me my hero has not been out-stared…

  8. Merbear74 says:

    Hey ES…I was feeling really sad yesterday when I opened my front door and lo and behold, there was a package from Cafe Press…
    OMG, you have no idea how I smiled and laughed when I saw Fuzzywig and his Good Stuff! Thank you so much, it means so much to me. You’re an awesome friend. I’ll cherish it, like, totally forever!!

    • YAY!!!! It said it wouldn’t be delivered until next Monday, so I’m glad they got their asses in gear and got it there in a few days. I remembered how much you wanted it, and it’s perfect for you. Enjoy your Good Stuff every morning!

  9. Trisha says:

    Oh dear, I hope Harry survived his meeting with Zeeba. He is very cute and that looked like a lot of blood for such a small creature to lose! I use to pet sit a hedgehog named Reggie but I only saw him once. As cute as he was, I was kind of afraid of him and didn’t make him come out of his little hut when I fed him. The only way I knew he was still alive is because he growled at me when I opened the door to his cage.

  10. Sometimes those left turns are killers.

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