Shelf Netiquette

a box full of junk

Welcome to the weekly feature that is as random as the weather, and as inspiring as a kid dressed up as a sheet ghost… it’s none other than Random Image Inspiration!  We’re gonna draw some numbers from the Randomator and let one of my readers do all the work…

34, 45, 91, 10

The 34th post in my Reader was this one by Melanie

The 45th word in that post is “after”

The 91st word in that post is “write”

Putting “after write” into Google Images brought this up as the 10th result…

EVIL SQUIRREL: (Minimizing the Olaf porn site) Oh, hi everyone!  You know, this week’s Random Image Inspiration photo reminds me of way back in the day when I hired the cast of critters you jeer and throw garbage at on this blog!  They were all pretty gracious for the opportunity to join my cast of idiots, and sent me some very touching emails that I still have in a folder here somewhere along with all those Alyans earworms Draliman used to send me.  Let’s take a look, shall we?

ES: Ah yes, Snuggle Bear sure had a lot of spunk when he first hired on.  At least he did before I paired him up with Big Scrat as his mentor…

ES: Nothing a little restroom duty can’t fix.  And every time he fucks up, I can dock his pay.  After three years, he’s in the red to me $5,392.35.

ES: Good old Rainy, saves me a fortune on having to buy rainwear for the cast since it’s always dry outside.  And she’s very useful as a bug fogger during those muggy summer shoots…

ES: Yeah, good luck with that, sucker.  You know how hard it is to hire a straight critter for a troupe full of nutjobs?

ES: I doubt Buster’s next of kin will miss the cost of new carpeting I charged his estate.  After all, they’re probably dead by now as well…

ES: Big mistake, dude.  Your test results came back as positive for rabies, and…. well, I’m sorry you had to get all those painful shots in your stomach.  But at least they didn’t chop off your head and dissect the brain…

ES: Never was catching the clap ever so worth it!  Well, that’s all…. no wait!  How did I miss this one after all these years?  That’s odd…..

About evilsquirrel13

Bored former 30-something who has nothing better to do with his life than draw cartoon squirrels.
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18 Responses to Shelf Netiquette

  1. A classic case of millennial critters if I ever heard of one!

  2. oh I guessed it you will make the best of the mail after an interview. If I ever have to write such a thing can I borrow one from you please?

  3. Aaannndddd where is Shadow in all of this? Did he not get a chance to interview? if so why not? That’s Shadow prejudice man, total prejudice and it will not be tolerated…I will be contacting you as his attorney…..YOU WILL GET AN EMAIL FROM ME!
    -The Huntress
    Attorney for Shadow

    • LOL!!!! I actually thought about including Shadow since his arrogant, condescending tone would make for a great “thank you” email, but I didn’t get far enough down the pecking order before I ran out of patience making fake emails! Your complaint on Shadow’s behalf has been duly noted and filed in the appropriate folder, the green one with the three arrows on it…

  4. BWAHAHAHAHHA!!! Oh dear. I had the illusion that people deleted old emails, thereby diminishing the possibility of future embarrassment. I’m humbled to be the muse this week by the way! From Dragons to Actors…E.S. has it ALL.

    • There are times that I hate my random feature, and there are times like this when I love where the inspiration goes. Thanks to you and the fates of randomness, the world now has even more shelf critter humor…

  5. crimsonowl63 says:

    Wait. These are fake emails? WTF? Haven’t you learned anything from all the recent email intrigue and plots? 😅

    Having cleared that up (?), I laughed at everyone of them!

  6. Job hunting – just in time for Halloween nightmares. Holy cats, the scariest thing I can think of is an HR Manager.

  7. ES, Brilliant! Will go down as one of my fav ES blog posts! Mona

  8. What? No Zeeba Blood-o-gram? Well, you can’t include ALL the Shelf in a post like this or it would be 7,230 pages long. This was very cool and crazy!

    Pam

    • Zeeba didn’t have to interview for the part anyway since she was…. well, hatched into the clan. Good thing, since killing the interviewer is not one of the best ways to land the job…

  9. draliman says:

    Ha, lots of fun! I can’t believe Mr Fox got flagged as spam. And on the subject of spam, here’s a snippet of a never-before-heard Alyans song I recently unearthed in a garden shed in Epping. Enjoy!

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