Seasons In The Snow

winter1

SPONKIE BOY: Oh look, Sis!  It snowed last night!

SPONKIE GIRL: This is awesome!  I’ve never seen snow before!  Do you think it’s dangerous?

SPONKIE BOY: Probably….

SPONKIE GIRL: Let’s go out and play in it then!!!

SPONKIE BOY: Hey, why are we being referred to as “SPONKIE BOY” and “SPONKIE GIRL” now?

SPONKIE GIRL: I dunno… isn’t SPONKIE 1 and SPONKIE 2 easier to type?

Duly noted…

SPONKIE 1: Yeah…. that’s better!

Sponkie Boy and Gir…. er… Sponkie 1 and 2 venture outside into the virgin snow…

winter2

TINA: SCHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL’S OUT…. FOR… WINTER!!!!

SPONKIE 2: What are you so happy about Tina?

TINA: It’s a SNOW DAY!!!  We don’t hafta go to school!  My Aunt Scratchy says they had to hoof it to school 10 miles in this stuff, uphill, both ways back in her day!

SPONKIE 1: Are you kidding?  This stuff’s already making my legs numb.

TINA: Yeah, she’s probably full of poopoo!  Gotta go!  I’m gonna build me a snowicorn and I’ll take the world’s coolest selfie with it!

SPONKIE 2: I’m surprised so many critters are out enjoying this rather strange weather…

winter3

SPONKIE 1: Hey, mister!  Whatcha doin’?

The Sponkies get no response.  Just the faint sound of…… um, what is that sound?

winter4

FUZZYWIG: Dammit!  Sometimes I wish my mother didn’t give me such a long name!  I had to get (HIC!) shitfaced drunk to pull this off!

SPONKIE 2: I think we better move on, brother…

SPONKIE 1: Yeah, let’s…

It wasn’t long before the Sponkies ran into….

winter5

SANTA: HO HO HO!!!!

SPONKIE 1: Boy, I’ll bet you’re really enjoying this weather, Santa!

SANTA: Are you fucking out of your mind?  I’m about tired of frozen fucking wastelands like this!  After this Christmas, I’m cashing out my 401(k) and retiring some place where the only thing frosty is the beer, and the girls all look better than Mrs. Claus does in a string bikini…

SPONKIE 2: But who will deliver presents to all of the good little critters every Christmas?

SANTA: Let the U.N. worry about my replacement… this jolly old fat man is trading in his fur suit for a speedo!

SPONKIE 1: You can’t be Santa Claus!  Santa would never talk like that….

SANTA: Very well……….

winter6

SPONKIE 2: Shame on you for trying to ruin Christmas for everyone you naughty old Pokemon!

SHADOW: At least I was maintaining a normal body temperature while taking on the form of Father Christmas…. as opposed to freezing my fracking Umbreon tail off in this deplorable accumulation of frozen precipitation…

SPONKIE 1: Have you ever considered evolving into a Glaceon?

SHADOW: Please….. one of those uncouth little ice monsters.  I have given serious thought to laying out on some tropical beach far away from where they’ve ever heard of Pokecritter NO!  Beam me up, Captain Morgan!

With another POOF, Shadow was gone and the Sponkies trudged along until they came across…

winter7

MITZI: (Sprawled out on her back in the snow flailing around) Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!  This is so much FUN!!!!

SPONKIE 2: Wow, ma’am!  Are you making a snow angel?

MITZI: A snow angel?  Lulz!  No, I just love lying on my back all spread out like this!  It’s, like, totally a bimbocorn thing!

SPONKIE 2: Isn’t that…… cold?

MITZI: Nahhhh… I’m about 50% silicone now, so what real flesh is left is, like, totally insulated from freezing solid!  The nips are getting a little blue, though….

SPONKIE 2: I think we better… (notices her brother is staring intently at the inviting bimbocorn)  Ahem!  I was saying…. I THINK WE BETTER BE GOING!!!

MITZI: (Turns to the Sponkie colt)  Oooooooh… is that an icicle in your pants, or are you….

SPONKIE 2: (Grabbing her twin’s hand) NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The Sponkies, one determined and the other reluctant, continue to make hoof prints in the snow away from the brain-frozen bimbocorn…

winter8

SPONKIE 1: Well, hello there Mr. Fox!

SPONKIE 2: Lovely weather we’re having today, isn’t it?

winter9

MR. FOX: ……………………

SPONKIE 2: Well…… nice talking with you as always, Mr. Fox.

SPONKIE 1: See ya when you thaw out in the Spring!

SPONKIE 2: This snow really is pretty cool!

SPONKIE 1: Yeah… seems like everyone loves it!

RAINY: Not…… quite!

winter10

RAINY: Here I was, dreaming of a Wet Christmas….. and we get THIS instead!

SPONKIE 1: Well, ma’am…. frozen rain is better than…..

RAINY: Frozen rain is NOT RAIN!!!! Look at it…. clogging up my precious rain gauge!

SPONKIE 2: Just think though…. it’ll melt into real rain eventually, and then….

RAINY: Styrofoam peanuts do NOT melt!!!  They aren’t even biodegradable!

SPONKIE 1: But this is snow!

RAINY: It’s styrofoam peanuts!  Are you two children that naive?  Let me show you what Rainy Skunk thinks of being buried under a pile of toxic, man-made packing materials….

winter11

Rainy, as only Rainy can, douses the mountain of packing pea….. er, snow with her foul, all-natural defense mechanism… and then shuffles off through the sea of white in a huff.

And then along waddled Buster Possum…

winter12

BUSTER: Howdy, kids!  (Looks down) Oh boy!  I’ve heard lot’s of good things about eating green snow! (Scoops a pawful of the Rainy-treated snow up to his mouth) Mmmmmmm, this stuff’s delicious!

SPONKIE 2: I think I’m going to be sick…

BUSTER: Man, it’s a great day to be outside, isn’t it?  I always love playing in the snow!  I love how it covers everything up in a beautiful blanket of white…..

Buster’s ode to winter is cut short by….

winter13

SNUGGLE BEAR: Snowplow coming through!!!!!

SPONKIE 1: You mean like how you couldn’t tell you were standing in the middle of the street?

BUSTER: Ummmmmm, a little help here, please?

winter14

BUSTER: Oh dear….

winter15

SNUGGLE: Road’s clear!  Now you little brats can go back to school tomorrow!

BUSTER: my…………… spleen………….

SPONKIE 2: Well, shoot, bro!  I guess our wintertime fun is over…

SPARKLEPONY: You better believe it is, young lady!!!

winter16

SPONKIE 1: Uh oh…. Mom’s not happy!

SPARKLEPONY: You got that right, mister!  I have been out in this mess looking for you two troublemakers for hours!!!  Who said you could go outside in the snow without your hats, scarves, mittens, boots and coats!?!?

SPONKIE 2: Mom…. we just….

SPARKLEPONY: Don’t backtalk me, little filly!  You and your brother are GROUNDED until June!  And just wait until your father gets home!!!

SPONKIE 1: (Whispering to his sister) Yeah, he’ll just let us go back outside!

And so the Sponkies make the long walk of shame home with their mother, thus ending another exciting episode of Shelf Critter Theatre….

winter17

TROLL: (from his park bench) Crazy drunk drivers!

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About evilsquirrel13

Bored former 30-something who has nothing better to do with his life than draw cartoon squirrels.
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25 Responses to Seasons In The Snow

  1. Oh dear. Better get Mr Fox inside quick!

  2. ody & biskit…N we thinked yellow snow waz bad…grate storee guyz !! ♥♥♥☺☺☺ happee week oh end two all ~~~~

  3. chattykerry says:

    LOL! Do you have groupies who knit the critters?

  4. Quirky Girl says:

    I can’t decide whether packing peanuts are a good or bad alternative to real snow. On one hand, it makes for snow on demand, which is pretty cool. On the other hand, it’s a pain to clean up, especially if the ever-annoy static electricity kicks in…

    • Thankfully, I was able to make this a controlled mess. It was a lot easier to clean up than….. say…. my cats’ litter box! And I didn’t even use half of the peanuts I had on hand…. I could’ve made my gang endure the storm of the century!

  5. that’s THE christmas story we should have in tv every year:o) …and yes if it is dangerous, go out and play with it…

    • I would hate to have the TV stations constantly beeping out my clever dialogue as not being suitable for all audiences. But yes, this would be better than most of the Christmas specials they show…

  6. draliman says:

    Poor Mr Fox 😦 And poor Buster (I suppose, it was kinda expected!)
    It must take you ages to put together your Shelf Critter Theatres (your efforts are much enjoyed).

    • You might be surprised… I think it takes longer to write them up (about an hour and a half on average) once I take the pictures than it does to actually set them up. I’m glad my labor putting these together is mostly enjoyed (I’m sure a few of my followers roll their eyes and move on). It’s certainly not the effort that annoys me more than the storage space the pictures take up. Every SCT post takes up about 0.1% of my allowed space for images…. which will add up over time! And I’d been doing so well at conserving what WP gave me…

      • draliman says:

        Do you compress the images before you upload them? My photos start off over 4MB but I squish them to a few hundred KB before uploading (unless I want massive resolution for a landscape or something).

      • Yes… I shrink the raw photos to 20% size first. Depending on whether I add text or graphics into them, they can range from about 80 KB to as much as 150 KB each…. but that still adds up at about 15-20 pictures a post!

  7. Snow is fun till you have to shovel it. Repeatedly. 😉

  8. Trisha says:

    Snow would be dangerous with Snuggle Bear operating the snow plow! A horny unicorn rooting around in the snow doesn’t seem like the safest thing either. The sponkies are lucky they made it home unscathed!

    • Yeah…. all that cool, dreamy stuff they talk about in “winter wonderlands”…. screw that stuff! It’s dangerous in the cold and snow! Especially if you can’t see the street while some hack is out there with an oversized snow shovel tied on to their pickup truck!

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